How would you know if your husband is lying to you?

Firstly, we need to know how you are related to tesyo741 and tesyo123. 3 usernames constitutes alias abuse and can cause you to be banned from AMHD.

Aha. I didn't know that. Yes that's my other two usernames. If you would banned my three acouunts here tesyo74, tesyo741 and tesyo123 its OK with me. Thanks anyway to everyone who shared their thoughts and advices.

Very experienced liars can have you doubting your sanity for doubting them.

Not so experienced liars usually give clues, or stories that don't add up, and they eventually hang themselves.

Can you give an example?

Aha. I didnt know that. Yes thats my other two usernames. If you would banned my three acouunts here tesyo74, tesyo741 and tesyo123 its ok with me. Thanks anyway to everyone who shared their thoughts and advices.

You can only have one username. More than that constitues alias abuse.

Ok thanks for the info. Hope you can still save my one account here the tesyo74 .

Yes, I saved this one. The others have been deleted.

Carry on now ;)

How would you know if your husband is lying to you?

Can you give us more info on your situation please?

I have lots of stressful problem here. As you can read my previous questions on my profile. It was all started when I helped a friend and live in our house. And because it was so painful I tried to divert my feelings and attention just read my first ever question. Well back to my husband. I can sense and feel that he´s hiding something and he doesn't want to share that to me after the issue brought up.

The accusations your 'friend' made against your husband were very serious.

This has become a sore thorn in your side, my advice is to get a 3rd party involved in the form of a councillor to guide you both through.

Thanks Red, I remember this situation now.

So, you still have doubts. But, as I remember, you didn't explain two very important things. What the actual situation was with your friend, what exactly she said he did. And two, when you confronted your husband, what was his reaction.

So many things are possible here. He could have resented her being there and supporting her, and said something about the money or cost involved, to which she took offense.

Maybe he was flirting with her. Maybe she was flirting with him. Maybe he came on too strong, and like some women do, put a very big spin on it to make him stop.

He could be completely innocent! When she said this is important too. If it was as she was moving out, it could have been said so that she had nothing to lose, but for some reason, wanted to nail him.

What I do know is that this accusation has been used, usually as a form of control when nothing happened. "If you won't have me, I'll tell your wife you sexually assaulted me".

But, one thing is for certain, you are not satisfied with what you have heard, and something is nagging at you.

Still need more detail to get a sense out of who is lying here, and why.

Hi Jake.
Give you some background about this friend. She was having problem with her husband that time. She told me that she was the one who made the problem. Having flings with two or three men and dated them in person. She said she was really sorry for what she did to her husband. And her husband said "I can´t live with you anymore. Let´s have a divorce". She was crying sharing these things to me. And decided to leave her husband for a while. As a friend I offered her my help and asked my husband if he can allow my friend to stay in our house just for few weeks because she had no where to go. My husband didn´t like the idea but because I forced him to say YES. So he agreed to me. When my friend stayed here in our house, she can do anything she wanted as if she was my sister living in our house for free. After she left our house, she never contacted me anymore. I was confused what happened to her. I actually helped her find a job and find a place to live in. I lend money for her to help with her finances that time. After a month she brought up this issue that my husband was trying to rape her. I asked her when did it happen? Where are we? ( me and my son). She said that when me and my son went to the store, that was the time my husband was trying to rape her and used a gun to his head. And yelling to her that he likes her very much and wants her to have sex with him. That´s my friend side. Now regarding with my husband´s side, I asked him what was his side. He told me that they were just talking. And this friend of mine asked my husband if he could be able to like her. My husband said nope, I don't like you and I will always like and love my wife. And my husband also opened these things to my friend that one day we were talking with my husband that what if he can have sex with my friend. I answered to my husband "Ok Do it but you know what will be my reaction if you gonna do that. I will leave you with no hesitations and ill bring my son with me".
So that´s it...
My friend told me that she was the victim.
My husband told me that she was trying to destroy our marriage.

I find it strange that although you treated her like a sister, that when she left, she didn't contact you for a month, and when she did, it was to tell you that your husband had 'proposed' to her.

You didn't literally mean he held a gun to his head to make her have sex, or he'd kill himself did you?

So much of this doesn't add up.

I would love to be able to offer you some concrete advice, but from what you have said of the both of them, I'm not sure either of them is innocent in this.

I think it has already been established that you should probably meet with the two of them, together, if that is possible, and hash it out. I imagine that the two of them will be knocking themselves out to prove their case, but really, it is only your husband that has the most to lose.

You might want to encourage your husband to talk about it more if you tell him that he can tell the truth, and you will not leave him and take your son, you just need the truth, in order to start to trust him again. He isn't likely to talk. If he thinks you will leave, you'll never get the truth.

As to your friend, see if you can figure out what motivates her to say what she did. She is out of the house now, on her own, and has no reason not to provide more detail. See if you can get a sense of whether she is lying.

Also, has your husband ever done anything in the past for you to question his fidelity or loyalty? Has he ever been in trouble with the law? Are you suspicious of this one event, or have other things been playing on your mind that point to him being guilty.

This one baffles me. Your friend may be a victim, but of what- being spurned? Was her threat to say she was sexually assaulted to make him have an affair with her (plus she has a history), and when he didn't, she went through with the threat to be vindictive?

Does he own a gun? Has he ever threatened you? Is all of this out of character for him? Does he have a violent personality, or have you ever been subjected to abuse or violence from him?

I wish I had more answers to make you feel better. But, if you are still in a quandry about this, I don't see how you can move forward with your marriage with being told something so serious happened, and you aren't sure where the truth lies.

You didn't literally mean he held a gun to his head to make her have sex, or he'd kill himself did you?
- Yes my friend tod me that my husband held his head to make her have sex. But for me that´s impossible because I know my husband well. He isn´t like that. For 8 yrs. Of marriage I did not see anything violent with his behaviour. The only think I knew from his background was that he was 3 times divorced but that doesn´t mean he is like that.
They have different stories but I decided to keep that aside once and for all and save my marriage. Even though this hurts me so much.
(My husband has a small gun but this gun isn´t for killing, he uses this gun to let the animals afraid)

Well, I can understand why you would need to make a decision one way or the other. To determine what exactly went wrong, may never be known.

I wish you well tesyo74

Thank you so much Jake2008 and to all who wrote and shared their thoughts and ideas even advices.

I´m really glad that I found this website because this helps me a lot and I can easily express my feelings without hesitations. And surely no one will betrayed my trust just like my other friends here in my place whom I thought they were friends to me.

Hope we all have a happy new year 2010. For me I would try to be strong and move on. I know all things happened for a reason. Thanks guysssssssssss...

Really appreciated your advices and concerns.

Hi tesyo, I responded to your other post, but I'd just like to say that because the stories are SO divergent - that is, your husband's and your friend's - there can be no way of really knowing what the truth is.

What I would suggest is that you examine how they usually behave - does your friend usually make up wild stories? Is she a person that can be trusted? How does she behave with others?

What about your husband? Is he a truthful man? Have you been able to trust him in the past? How does he usually behave towards other women?

People's past actions are often a good indication of how they might behave in certain situations, and often actions speak much louder than words.

Trust your instincts and see where that leads you.

I do hope you are able to figure this one out!