I cheated on my girlfriend and now she doesn't want to have sex with me but she doesn't want to break up with me either. She is a gorgeous woman and beyond sexy, just looking at her makes my body desire her in a way I can not explain. I tell her all the time that she is beautiful and that the only reason I did it was cause she was pushing me away and shutting me out emotionally. I try to do what I thought most women want, I try to communicate with her but when I do she just stares at me with a blank look in her eyes. In the last 2 weeks we only have had sex 2 times. One time she had been drinking and the other time I practically had to beg her to. I don't know what to do anymore. I tell her I can't live like this and she just tells me that telling her I'm going to leave only makes you shut me down even more. I love this woman with everything that I am and I know what I did was wrong. I am trying so hard to fix it but nothing I do works. Nothing I say matters. We work at the same place so its very hard when we are having problems. I just want her to care enough to want to work things out but after work and home life with kids she won't even stay awake longer than 10 minutes when we finally get to be alone. I feel like there is too much damage done and too much going on in her life to want to take the time to put our relationship above all else. I'm starting to think that she just doesn't care enough. It is so hard laying in bed at night wanting to make love to this woman and she won't even stay awake long enough to have a conversation with me. I don't know what to do. Please don't respond if you're going through the same thing. I'm not posting this question to hear about others situations. I'm looking for advice or maybe a woman's opinion on the matter. I apologize if that sounded rude but honestly I am at my wits end and don't know what else to do.

Women have sex with their mind. That's the best way I can explain it. If she's not happy in other aspects of the relationship then sex is the last thing she'll want.

Yes, you screwed up. She hasn't accepted your mistake yet. She didn't break up with you because she obviously loves you but that doesn't mean that she's gotten over what you did.

Let me put it to you this way. If I ask my husband to help me out by taking the trash out because I'm really busy, the kids are going crazy, work was tough and the house is a mess and then he goes and watched TV instead, you can bet that his request for sex that night won't go over very well. I may want sex physically but mentally I'm still thinking about the trash that he didn't take out.

You did something far worse. She needs time. I would really suggest couples counseling if you want to work this out.

Okay, you don't say much about what happened and when. I don't ask about this to be digging in too much, but to get a better idea of what happened.

Did it happen more than once?
Did she discover it or did you tell her about it?

(I know you don't want people in the same situation, but I can relate a little to this so)

My ex cheated on me, so I can sort of understand (I think) the situation she finds herself in now.

Even though I still loved her and wanted to be with her, I know I would've needed time before that to happen at all, and even more before things could ever be the same again.

I think you should just be happy that she hasn't left you yet, and give her the time she should need to get over this. If you really love her, I think she deserves that.

Try to put yourself in her situation. How would you feel? She probably has a hard time getting over it all, to me this happened about a month ago and I know I still haven't.

Also, I would like you to ask yourself a question.

How much do you really love her?

I can understand your sexuall drive, or how to put it, and that you want to have sex with her. I really can. But, is it really a very healthy relationship if sex is the only thing keeping you together?

Anyway, I really think you should just give her time. This is something that's really hard for her to get over, believe you me.

How long ago did she find out about the indiscretion?

If it was only two weeks ago, then you are expecting a miracle for her to have calmed down enough to want anything to do with you. I would bet that the having sex with you while drunk and then because of coercion probably has not helped.

Keep in mind that not only did you cheat but you blamed her because you strayed. She may not want to hear any more 'poor pitiful, me, I wouldn't have done it if you showed me more love' stories.

You mention children. Are they yours and hers or from previous relationships? Is she trying to keep the relationship going because of them?

As the others have said, give her time and space. Counseling sounds like a great idea.

Don't allow yourself to seek companionship elsewhere, again. Be glad you are still in the bed and not on the floor or couch.

I think she's smart to not want sex with you. You cheated on her and then didn't even take responsibility for your actions...instead you blamed her by saying that she "was pushing me away and shutting me out emotionally". You were the one that did wrong, so man up and admit it. In my mind there's never an excuse for infidelity though. If you really wanted to have sex with someone else then you needed to break up beforehand.

Another thing - have you been tested to be certain that you haven't contracted HIV or another STD? I'm sure she doesn't want to be exposed to that.

I'd like to add what I would do if I were you.

First of all, I would give her all the time she would need. If she's ever going to treat you the same way, it's going to take time.

Second of all, stop blaming her. This is your fault, and only yours. Say this to her, and apologise. Then, go test yourself for STDs, and tell her about the result. Say that you understand it might be inappropriate right now but that you want her to know that you are clean/that you're not.

Treat her well, stop blaming her and think more about her needs (time) than your needs (sex).

If this "cheating" was just two week ago, and you already had sex twice , that is lucky and great.

Consider no sex for several months normally at least if you cheat and she is forgiving,

So if it has only been two week, give it 6 months and see where it is at.

If sex just twice in two weeks is a major deal, you need to look at yourself and what you really want in a relationshp

I would do the same thing as her if I was in her situation. You got to think out of the box and see in her own eyes. You friken cheated on her. Of course she wouldn't want sex. Give her time.