Here is my situation, I have been off and on with this girl for 3 years now. We met through one of my old friends I lived in Kansas city and she in st louis. I would drive back and forth till we got sick of the driving and calling so we split. Then as you know we get back together, still driving and calling she gets pregnant (side note: she has been pregnant 3 or 4 other times with other guys and miscarried, the doc said I likely of %3 of ever having a kid she has that cancer or had) so I tell her I am coming to get her and all her stuff and she is going to stay in my bed all day, (which is what the doc said needed to be done) no more working for her. So I get her and sure enough is miscarries. She stays with me for about 5 or 6 months gets a job, friends and what have you. Then she tells me she needs to go back to st louis like she is missing something in her life that is out there (side note: her bosses couldn't run the business without her and wanted her back or she wanted to go back). So she went and sure enough we split up again. We both found other people. Mine was a little fling thing just dumb nothing that compares to what I had with her, and I guess hers was a fling thing too because it ended I think before mine. So we started talking again. I was getting laid off and I deiced to go on a journey I wanted to go out west find "the American dream" was my mission. I was making it as if I was going to live out of my car or tent so I needed to get rid of a bunch or stuff. I still had a bunch of her stuff (why do all you women need so much stuff? Jk). So she came out to get it and sure enough as soon as I saw her the feelings came back, I tried my hardest to ignore them I really wanted to go on my journey. She wrote me this VERY heart filled note, saying she wanted to go with me, that she would drop everything in her life to go with me or be with me. It hurt but I told her no because I thought there was something out there. So I am out on my journey TX, NM,AZ,CA,OR, CANADA! MT,CO. talking to her every once in a while I get to san deigo and just could not take it any more I wanted her there with me so bad! I called her and told her to meet me somewhere so we met in Colorado. O the greatest time we had! I took her back home to st louis. We are together again.
The end of September, I get a call from a close friend who is having some trouble and he tells me he wants to be my roommate in California. I told him only if she can come too. The lease on her house isn't up till January she tells me. So I came up with this plan to go out there and find a place to live and a job(get settled in) then when her lease is up she would come out there with me. We agree.
I am in California job hunting. Wow no jobs, a month goes by and I notice she isn't talking to me as much so I wright her a heart filled letter, telling her how much I long to be with her, miss her... she loved it. A week goes by. The roommate I guess now has to go back to Kansas city for his trouble and can't afford to live and cali. I think the same can't find a job, money is going down hill. So we decide to brake the lease. Like a day or two later I wake up for some odd reasion at 5 am and look at my phone. There is a text message from her saying the reasion she hasn't been talking to me is because she cheated on me. Wo I am pissed! Up the rest of the morning, calling her like every 30 minutes trying to wake her up. (mind you she sleeps till noon) I have most of my stuff sold and pretty much car worthy. So I decide to go back and deal with this in person. She finely calls at about 1 tells me it was a drunk mistake she loves me and will never do it again. I am on my way. Before I leave she tells me she is pregnant with his kid. WO! No sleep packed my car and drove straght 30 hours no stops. So I tell her I forgive her. I am moved in now, and questioning as one would do if they got cheated on. I am looking at her phone to see if she talks to him. She says she wants to still maintain a friendship with him. I tell her OK but I don't like it. So I say well could you at least tell me before you are going to talk to him. We fight.. she says OK. I look at her phone two days later, she sent him a message (I guess while puking) saying she hated him for getting her pregnant and didn't tell me, I was in her bed when she sent it. (mind you went we where broken up she would send me messages, not fully saying she wanted to be with me but like a flirt type of thing) we fight... another one she sends says "i miss our little chats we use to have" we fight... goes on like 2 more times then the big fight. I tell her to choose, she says she is not in love with him. And if I make her choose then that means I do love her, I tell her if she wants me to go I can. I leave not for more then an hour, come back an applogize tell her I won't look at her phone. We make up. So a week goes by, still a little tension but not as much as before, but that my be because I stopped asking or saying anything about the dude not sure and the Christmas gets everyone in an uproar. I am so curious as weather or not she has talked to him. So I didn't get much sleep today just can't get it out of my head. I did it and looked at her phone. She still talks to him! Like every day! Even when I am around. Can't see how she can do that. But maybe I am just crazy. I love her with all my heart and really wish the kid was mine. I don't know what to do. I can't get this out of my head. Some advice would be great. Thanks!

I'm sorry but your post was really hard to read.you've hardly used any punctuation nor any paragraphs
So all I can say is unless you are 100.% certain that this baby can't be yours,ask for a DNA test.

Your running head first into a brick wall, and need some time and space away from this situation to A) let the emotional dust settle, and B) evaluate this situation better.

Making big decisions under emotional duress is asking for trouble.


she finely calls at about 1 tells me it was a drunk mistake she loves me and will never do it again.

This is a glaring red flag you need to look a lot closer at and pay attention too. Maybe after your emotions are under better control, you can get all the facts and deal with them with a much clearer head.

OK let me try to make it shorter. Thanks so much for your replies. I am living with my pregnant girlfriend who's kid is not mine. I really have no where else to go. I love her with all my heart. The father works with her and she wants to still remain friends with him. She told me that he was one of her best friends, although she has never said anything for about him. I am worried that she wants to be with him. She constantly talks to him behind my back. Should I be worried? I keep thinking that she wants to be with him, although she says she will never again. I don't want to loose her she is all I have.

She appears to have had several "affairs" if she has miscarriaged several times.

But this will never be "your" child esp if the bio father wants to have visitation with the child. And it appears she still have some emotion connection to the bio father.

This only spells trouble esp if she is still seeing him or having some relationship with him beyond being the mother of his child.

She appears to have had several "affairs" if she has miscarriaged several times.

But this wil never be "your" child esp if the bio father wants to have visitation with the child. And it appears she still have some emotion connection to the bio father.

This only spells trouble esp if she is still seeing him or having some relationship with him beyond being the mother of his child.

Thanks so much for the input. She tells me the only relationship with him is as a friend. But I just can't help but think differently, the way she hides stuff from me or just doesn't tell me stuff.

So I feel as if I just killed a kid. She miscarried yesterday. Now what? What happens next? She told me she doesn't blame me, but I know I caused her stress. I kept asking about the father and it would stress her out.

Now that she is not pregnant anymore, should it still be right that she wants to stay friends with the father? Should I be worried?

You should find you a place to go so you can think without her influence. The only way you can get the facts to make a good decision is with a clear head and stable emotions. None of which you have now.

You should both see about getting some counseling. It can't be easy on her to miscarry so many times. She needs to work through that. You need to deal with her cheating and then losing a child you were beginning to see as your own.

OK first of all if she cared about how you felt she wouldn't be lying to you or doing anyting behind your back, its understandable to be friends with the biological father of the child but he is working with her and she is talking to him behind your back? Plus with all her miscarriages it seems like she can't be in a honest relationship. Put two and two together and get out of a situation that will probably screw you over

Best of luck