xiqqin
Dec 18, 2009, 10:59 PM
can I ask for some support and advice? I really want to stop this.
I am very much bothered by a thing that happened on Thursday between us. My boyfriend in America took the flight 8:50 a.m. on 12/17th to go home for winter break. He won't be able to talk with me through the winter week of 3 weeks. We were supposed to talk on 12/17 night. If anyone is familiar with the time difference of America and China, my time is 13 hours ahead of his time. So it was my morning. I got up at 7:40 am to spend the night with him, while mostly I get up at near 9 am. But I waited till 10 am, he didn't show up. I went to classes from 10 am-12 pm as I told him the day before that. I had all kinds of thoughts, searched for all kinds of reasons for him. I would have been OK if he has to stay at a Christmas party or other things. But the situation I cannot stand is that he had dinner with a friend.
Then I saw his email of apology when I got back from classes at 12 pm. He sent it at 10:14 am my time. I can see that he sent me the email right after he got back. He said he was sorry, it is just that he was too busy. Then I asked him what he was busy with. He said he went to the lab, and then got Lin(his best friend there, female) and hand in his ginal test, went back to plug in his computer in his aparptment so that he can talk with me at night(his computer have problem with wifi sometimes after shutting down). Then they went to Christmas dinner.
They just went out for dinner together on Sunday. I can stand if it is just work dinner. But I cannot stand if they need to have a goodbye dinner.
Here is our chatting records. It explains it better. Should I be bothered by it? Is is just because he was too busy and there was little for dinner anyway, so he didn't spare enough time for us? Like he said, he is going out for dinner anyway, it is not a goodbye dinner. I thought too much? Is it another Jealousy issue?
me: what were you busy with?
12:24 PM
panda: many things
12:25 PM
had to go to the post office after lab, then get Lin, turn in my stats final, go to my apartment to plug my computer in so that it would not shut down and prevent us from talking tonight, take Lin for Christmas dinner, come back and start getting things ready and packing
12:27 PM
me: you spent more time with Lin today than with me.
12:29 PM
panda: perhaps very slightly, but that is not relevant
12:30 PM
it is the only time I could do it with her, as I was too busy earlier in the week
12:31 PM
me: OK. I don't know what I can say about it.
it seems justifiable
panda: say you are sympathetic about me having to rush around constantly this weekend and cherish the time we do have
12:32 PM
I have talked somewhat with you everyday since at least Friday
12:33 PM
me: yes. But that was just rush talk. It is weekend?
12:34 PM
panda: not all rush talk
mostly not
12:35 PM
besides, dear, you should acknowledge that I am losing sleep on a night during which I would already get little, so that I can spend time with you before I leave
me: yes, you should sleep early today
12:36 PM
panda: I would rather be with you a while longer
12:37 PM
me: Thank you, but I am still a little sad. Are you all packed?
12:38 PM
panda: why are you said?
12:39 PM
me: I don't know. I just feel bad that you've put our last chance to be together aside twice to be with Lin.
panda: you are referring back to the summer? :-/
12:40 PM
me: I shouldn't have said that. You should help her move.
but the two things together just make me feel bad.
12:41 PM
panda: you should know that I would have gone to dinner with or without her, because I made sure to use up most of my food before I left, so that it does not spoil
me: food?
panda: = stuff one eats :-P
me: use food in the restaurant?
12:42 PM
panda: no, I said I would have gone to the restaurant for dinner, because I used most of my food at home, so there is very little here for me to eat
me: oh
12:43 PM
panda: thus, she can be factored out of the equation, to use math terms
me: but you guys planned for the dinner, and you didn't plan enough time to say goodbye to me.
12:44 PM
panda: no, I not really planned--I first asked her late yesterday afternoon
delete "I"
12:45 PM
we are wasting a lot of time just talking about this issue
me: yes..
panda: we can continue to do so if you want, but you may regret it later
12:46 PM
me: but I am just afraid it will keep coming up to me while you are gone
Thank you for being so understanding
12:47 PM
panda: as I said before, it will only do so if you allow it to, so don't
:-)
me: did you think of me when you check the time?
12:48 PM
panda: I thought of you often and was worried you would be upset, but did not really even get a chance to text you, except maybe while driving
12:49 PM
me: OK. I'm satisfied by that.
it seemed that I was satisfied. But this thing keeps come up to me after we ended the talk.. The battle keeps running in my head. I don't want to talk to him about this now. We can only text each other occasionally now. He doesn't have wifi at his Gram's house where he is staying now. He is on vacation now anyway. I don't want to ruin his vacation. But my head is expoding...
I really want to trust him. And he is a really reliable guy... He has been friends with Lin for 1 and half years. He doesn't have a lot of friends to have dinner with there. Lin is his best friend. I think I am living with the fear that they will develop something in this long time that we can't see each other... as there is still 7 months before I can go to America.. We have been in the relationship for near 9 months and we were only together for 5 weeks from July through August. So I really shouldn't be worried about another 7 months.. It is just that I don't see that I am dealing my jealousy better. I still get tense a little when I know he do things with other girls just not so tense that I'll question or discuss with him.. Is there any efficient way to deal with it?
I am very much bothered by a thing that happened on Thursday between us. My boyfriend in America took the flight 8:50 a.m. on 12/17th to go home for winter break. He won't be able to talk with me through the winter week of 3 weeks. We were supposed to talk on 12/17 night. If anyone is familiar with the time difference of America and China, my time is 13 hours ahead of his time. So it was my morning. I got up at 7:40 am to spend the night with him, while mostly I get up at near 9 am. But I waited till 10 am, he didn't show up. I went to classes from 10 am-12 pm as I told him the day before that. I had all kinds of thoughts, searched for all kinds of reasons for him. I would have been OK if he has to stay at a Christmas party or other things. But the situation I cannot stand is that he had dinner with a friend.
Then I saw his email of apology when I got back from classes at 12 pm. He sent it at 10:14 am my time. I can see that he sent me the email right after he got back. He said he was sorry, it is just that he was too busy. Then I asked him what he was busy with. He said he went to the lab, and then got Lin(his best friend there, female) and hand in his ginal test, went back to plug in his computer in his aparptment so that he can talk with me at night(his computer have problem with wifi sometimes after shutting down). Then they went to Christmas dinner.
They just went out for dinner together on Sunday. I can stand if it is just work dinner. But I cannot stand if they need to have a goodbye dinner.
Here is our chatting records. It explains it better. Should I be bothered by it? Is is just because he was too busy and there was little for dinner anyway, so he didn't spare enough time for us? Like he said, he is going out for dinner anyway, it is not a goodbye dinner. I thought too much? Is it another Jealousy issue?
me: what were you busy with?
12:24 PM
panda: many things
12:25 PM
had to go to the post office after lab, then get Lin, turn in my stats final, go to my apartment to plug my computer in so that it would not shut down and prevent us from talking tonight, take Lin for Christmas dinner, come back and start getting things ready and packing
12:27 PM
me: you spent more time with Lin today than with me.
12:29 PM
panda: perhaps very slightly, but that is not relevant
12:30 PM
it is the only time I could do it with her, as I was too busy earlier in the week
12:31 PM
me: OK. I don't know what I can say about it.
it seems justifiable
panda: say you are sympathetic about me having to rush around constantly this weekend and cherish the time we do have
12:32 PM
I have talked somewhat with you everyday since at least Friday
12:33 PM
me: yes. But that was just rush talk. It is weekend?
12:34 PM
panda: not all rush talk
mostly not
12:35 PM
besides, dear, you should acknowledge that I am losing sleep on a night during which I would already get little, so that I can spend time with you before I leave
me: yes, you should sleep early today
12:36 PM
panda: I would rather be with you a while longer
12:37 PM
me: Thank you, but I am still a little sad. Are you all packed?
12:38 PM
panda: why are you said?
12:39 PM
me: I don't know. I just feel bad that you've put our last chance to be together aside twice to be with Lin.
panda: you are referring back to the summer? :-/
12:40 PM
me: I shouldn't have said that. You should help her move.
but the two things together just make me feel bad.
12:41 PM
panda: you should know that I would have gone to dinner with or without her, because I made sure to use up most of my food before I left, so that it does not spoil
me: food?
panda: = stuff one eats :-P
me: use food in the restaurant?
12:42 PM
panda: no, I said I would have gone to the restaurant for dinner, because I used most of my food at home, so there is very little here for me to eat
me: oh
12:43 PM
panda: thus, she can be factored out of the equation, to use math terms
me: but you guys planned for the dinner, and you didn't plan enough time to say goodbye to me.
12:44 PM
panda: no, I not really planned--I first asked her late yesterday afternoon
delete "I"
12:45 PM
we are wasting a lot of time just talking about this issue
me: yes..
panda: we can continue to do so if you want, but you may regret it later
12:46 PM
me: but I am just afraid it will keep coming up to me while you are gone
Thank you for being so understanding
12:47 PM
panda: as I said before, it will only do so if you allow it to, so don't
:-)
me: did you think of me when you check the time?
12:48 PM
panda: I thought of you often and was worried you would be upset, but did not really even get a chance to text you, except maybe while driving
12:49 PM
me: OK. I'm satisfied by that.
it seemed that I was satisfied. But this thing keeps come up to me after we ended the talk.. The battle keeps running in my head. I don't want to talk to him about this now. We can only text each other occasionally now. He doesn't have wifi at his Gram's house where he is staying now. He is on vacation now anyway. I don't want to ruin his vacation. But my head is expoding...
I really want to trust him. And he is a really reliable guy... He has been friends with Lin for 1 and half years. He doesn't have a lot of friends to have dinner with there. Lin is his best friend. I think I am living with the fear that they will develop something in this long time that we can't see each other... as there is still 7 months before I can go to America.. We have been in the relationship for near 9 months and we were only together for 5 weeks from July through August. So I really shouldn't be worried about another 7 months.. It is just that I don't see that I am dealing my jealousy better. I still get tense a little when I know he do things with other girls just not so tense that I'll question or discuss with him.. Is there any efficient way to deal with it?