Ok. So let me let you in on the scoop. I am in college and fell in love with this girl. She was perfect, more like we were perfect. Everyone saw us as the happy couple who will eventually get married. When we first started dating she was all broken over her ex. I had to help her heal and realize that all men are not like there ex. After all the crying and emotionalness we really became in love. We did everything together. I never went a day without seeing her. Life was amazing. About 2 weeks ago she told me that she wanted to go on a break. I was scared because nothing was going wrong. She said that she was falling out of love with me. I tried to talk her out of it but she was not having it. That was on Wednesday night. She was supposed to go home Thursday for tryouts. Saturday I got a call and she told me that she wanted to break up. I could not handle it because there was no excuse. Later in the weed I soon found out the answer. The Thursday night that she said she was going home she did not. She stayed over at this guys place and stayed in his bed. She had lied and cheated on me. She was trying to keep this all behind my back and not tell me the reason. When I confronted her she told me everything. She had fallen in love with this other guy in 3 days. I can not see that possible. I had given her everything, when she wanted more attention I gave it to her. When she wanted more time with me I made time to spend with her. My goal was to make her happy and she was. I have tried to avoid contact with her but it is so damn hard. I love her so much and want her back. I have talked to all of her friends and they say that she has made a horrible mistake and that she will soon realize what she has lost. I can not get over her. I refrain from hitting the guy because that will not make me happier. I am not a violent person. It all happened all of a sudden and I just don't know what to do. She had told me that I was the one and we had plans for when we were going to get married and what we were going to do with our lives. I asked her the other day if she told him He was the one. You know what she said, she said that that is irrelevant which I know means she did. I cannot figure out why I want her back but I really do. She is my everything and I know that she is the one. Please help someone. I am in desperate need. I don't know what to do.

Man... I am in the Same boat as you minus my ex cheating on me (as far as I know). Amazing relationship for 2 1/2 years, talked about marrying one another, growing old together, and we even signed a lease together for when I graduate this week. Then one week she says things are changing, we are drifting apart, and she was falling out of love with me. It sucks really bad, but I told her I don't want to talk to her until after finals week is over because I cannot keep thinking about her and study normally at the same time.

Although I do not have any advice for you besides using the NC rule, I just want you to know that you are not alone. Please keep us updated after you receive some good advice from the great people here.

That has to be heart breaking, as I know you didn't see it coming. In any case where you take in a wounded, hurt person, and nurse them back to health, with all the TLC you have, they always leave when they mend, simply because they no longer need the doctor.

You got blindsided for sure, and this has been on her mind all along, she just didn't tell you, but worse played along so you thought things were going great.

Sorry for your loss guy, but accept she isn't the one, and put your life back together. It will be quite a while to get over her lies, and her cheating, but you did nothing wrong, but put your heart, hopes, and faith in the wrong hands.

You will recover, and be smarter for it, and in a while, you'll get your life back, and be happy, and even find another good human to share it with.

Thank you but then why is everyone telling me that she will come back and that she has made a mistake. I still love her and can not see her like this. It drives me insane. I am actually going crazy right now. Not being able to see her, talk to her, hold her. My life is screwed up right now. And I just want her back.

Thank you but then why is everyone telling me that she will come back and that she has made a mistake. I still love her and can not see her like this. It drives me insane. I am actually going crazy right now. Not being able to see her, talk to her, hold her. My life is screwed up right now. And i just want her back.

Dude I know it sucks because you shared those intimate thoughts together, just as I did, but leave her alone. She cheated on you! Obviously she isn't as wonderful as you thought.

What I would do is stop talking to her altogether for a good amount of time. If she truly still thinks you are the one for her she will contact you and let you know. Please don't waste your time and sit around for her, that will only make you feel worse.

But I can't just let her do that to herself. I want her like so bad. I can't even explain.

I guess 'tis the season for heart-break. Similar situation for me except for minus the cheating (I hope) as well, seemingly happened right out of the blue... well, in hindsight, there were tell-tale hints of it coming, but that's like working a test backwards when you already know the answer. We feel your pain, and you'll get on, we always do. Even though I fail at NC, you know and I know, it's the only way to go.

I think one of the cruelest things to do to another, is to drop an enormous emotional bomb. Whether it be a breakup, an affair, a hidden past etc.

When it happens to you, you are in shock. You hear the words, and nature does not allow you to absorb the meaning, because you are unable to absorb it. You are stunned.

Slowly, bit by bit, it sinks in, and so too does the reaction. As more and more meaning and reality sets in, the worse it feels, and the more devastating it becomes all the way around. Everything in your normal world collapses, physically and emotionally.

As time passes, it is no longer 'new' news; the shock has worn off, you have begun to accept what has happened, at least the meaning of the words, and how it has affected your life.

Time goes on. And along with that, starts the healing, once you have worked through the initial pain, and gone through the process of accepting your life has changed. But it isn't over.

You may not think so, but you will pick up the pieces of your life, and time will heal the hurt, and lessen the grief you are feeling now. Bit by bit. It will not happen overnight, and it will be a rough road for a while.

Because her friends are saying that she's making a mistake, and imply that it is not over with you, because she will return, is really adding insult to injury. You can't live your life on a third party promise; it may never happen.

Think about what would happen if it did happen to come true. You have changed because of what she has done, and your life has been turned upside down. Can you imagine your life with her being the same as it was, or do you think that it is more likely you could never trust her again.

Is it worthwile to wait and see what happens, or is it best to go through this agony, and come out the other end a stronger person.

Only you can decide what is best for you, and that decision will take some time to go through, and come up with some answers for yourself.

At this point, it is no longer about her, and it is no longer about you and her, as a couple. This is your life, and yes, you are devastated, but you will get through this, and you will survive.

I hope you will post again, and let us know how things are going.

Originally Posted by Tylerbouchard https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_imgs/buttons/viewpost.gif (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/help-ex-girlfriend-425429.html#post2132213)
Thank you but then why is everyone telling me that she will come back and that she has made a mistake.

There just trying to help in there own way, knowing your still in shock, but that will subside.

Thank you all so much. I just got off the phone with her because I needed closure. She said that I just was not the one anymore. Some new guy has taken my place. I could not stop looking in the corner of my room, where all her stuff was. So I went over there to give it all back. I could not deal with it anymore. She made me a blanket and I put it over her bed. We made dinosaurs together which I put on her desk. I saved every note she left me telling me how much she loved me. I put those all over her room. As a last hope of her return. I wanted her to face me to see what she has put me through but she cant. She was next door with the guy. She kept telling me to leave and I kept saying no. I was talking to her sweetmates and they just don't know what to tell me. The notes are in different places in drawers where she will open them later not today. I just hope she can think about the past. As of now she does not which makes me so upset. That was my last effort to get her back and if it does not work I think that she must not be the one for me. I have tried so hard to fight for her, and she has not done a thing. She does not want to remember how great our relationship was. I just want her to stop what she is doing and think. This is my last attempt. She needs to come to me in order for this to work.

Tyler, I understand that you think that you are fighting for her, but you can't fight for somebody and make them realize they want you back. It's impossible. After my ex broke up with me, I continued doing a bunch of nice things for her expecting her to realize that "oh hey, this guy is great afterall..." You know where that got me? To her saying that I was manipulating her. It's totally messed up, and I have no idea what goes through people's minds.

This girl has cheated on you! For me that is unacceptable. You need to stop talking to her all together. First of all, because you're never going to heal from the break-up. And secondly, she'll never realize what she lost if you're always there. I'm not saying to do NC to make her miss you, do it for yourself. I personally would tell her to hit the bricks if she did come crawling back. Just work on building a better life for yourself.

Hey Tyler- I went through the same thing as you with my ex- fiancé 4 months ago. I know how bad it hurts and I know you want nothing more than to get back with her.

However, the sooner you accept the relationship is over and that she has moved on the sooner you will be able to heal. She has been thinking about breaking up with you for a while and once her mind is made up its almost impossible to convince her to come back to you- you'll be wasting your time.

I'm sorry to say but I strongly believe she was seeing this other guy for a lot longer than 3 days. Possibly a month or so. Think back to the past month with her and I'm sure thres some red flags on where she was on certain nights.

Its going to take a long time to heal but eventually you'll be OK. Its been 4 months for me and I'm still in pain but the pain is a lot less than it was. Good luck to you man and were all here to help.

Take everyone's advice as the weeks go by- you'll be glad you did. Trust me. As for her just do the no contact and save your pride and dignity. She'll have a lot less respect for you if you keep trying to get her back. Would you really want a cheater anyway?

Last night I got a text from her. She had told me that she had spun out twice on the highway and that she is sorry for what she has done. She said that she felt like God was trying to tell her something. I told her to go talk to her new boyfriend that it was over between us. I think I have her thinking finally.

When we first started dating she was all broken over her ex.
Well, that's the root-cause of the break-up, you were a rebound.

This girl is a mess, she went from one relationship, and quickly into another one and is now in a third relationship. She needs to slow down and stay single.



I told her to go talk to her new boyfriend that it was over between us.

Nice

I am home now which is in DC and she is in Ohio. So there is no communication between us. Its only when she decides to talk but I usually don't let her. Last night was the first time. I still want her back but she needs to realize what she has done. Which she has not done yet.

I am home now which is in DC and she is in Ohio. So there is no communication between us. Its only when she decides to talk but i usually dont let her. Last night was the first time. I still want her back but she needs to realize what she has done. Which she has not done yet.

Hey man- good for you... you're strong and that was great sending her the text that said to go tell it to your new boyfriend. I wish I was that strong in the beginning but you live and you learn. Sounds like you're on the right path and are handling the situation really well. If she doesn't come back to you then you know it wasn't meant to be because you're doing the right thing by being cold/unavailable to her

Thanks

Well, that's the root-cause of the break-up, you were a rebound.

This girl is a mess, she went from one relationship, and quickly into another one and is now in a third relationship. She needs to slow down and stay single.


This says it all, and I don't think she is worth waiting for because, it may be a long time before she gets it.

I hope your doing your own thing and enjoying the heck out of it!

I just re read your thread and I have 2 questions... how long weere you two together? And how old are you and her?

We have been dating for about a year and a half. I am 20 and she is 19.

OK so it was a serious relationship since you were together a long time. Being that she's 19 explains a lot- she still has a lot of wild oats to sow. Don't worry man its nothing you did wrong she's just young and finding herself. I wish I was 20 again man- have fun and date as many girls as possible until you find another great one.

Yea I know I have tried but as of now I feel awkward hooking up with other women. It does not make me feel any better. I fell in love with this girl and I still am in Love with her. She has made a stupid mistake and she will realize it one day. I can not wait for her but I feel like she is the one so I kind of have to. She has to grow up and so does her new boyfriend I keep getting messages from him telling me that I have to grow up. It just keeps pissing me off, but I don't want to hurt the kid. I am not that kind of person. I love this girl and if I do that she will never come back. We were great together I just wish it could be OK for both of us.
Ps. This is the best way to let your feelings out. If anybody needs to start one of these things hearing all of you just makes me feel so much better. As of now I am doing great.
The actual conversation from the other night.
Her-Hey Tyler.. I know I did horrible things and I was just letting you know that I'm sorry for everything I have done. My car spun out twice on an off ramp today. With ditches on both sides it could have easily flipped and killed my friend and I. I truly believe God was trying to tell me something and I just want to apologize. There si no need to reply. I just wanted to say sorry and I hope you are OK.
Me- Im sorry how come your not saying that to your new boyfriend.
Her- Because I don't have to apologize to him
Me- well you don't need to
Her-huh
Me- What you did was harsh and you need to talk to him not me
Her-??
Me- You are dating him not me. We are over and there is no need for you to text me. You need to stop. I am doing great without you.

We are over and there is no need for you to text me. You need to stop. I am doing great without you.

That sounds pretty final to me, and I can't see why you would wait for her to grow up, after telling her that.

How long are you thinking to wait??

Yea I know I have tried but as of now I feel awkward hooking up with other women. It does not make me feel any better. I fell in love with this girl and I still am in Love with her. She has made a stupid mistake and she will realize it one day. I can not wait for her but I feel like she is the one so I kinda have to. She has to grow up and so does her new boyfriend I keep getting messages from him telling me that I have to grow up. It just keeps pissing me off, but I dont want to hurt the kid. i am not that kind of person. i love this girl and if i do that she will never come back. We were great together i just wish it could be ok for both of us.
Ps. This is the best way to let your feelings out. If anybody needs to start one of these things hearing all of you just makes me feel so much better. As of now I am doing great.
The actual conversation from the other night.
Her-Hey Tyler.. i know i did horrible things and I was just letting you know that im sorry for everything I have done. My car spun out twice on an off ramp today. With ditches on both sides it could have easily flipped and killed my friend and I. I truly believe God was trying to tell me something and I just want to apologize. There si no need to reply. I just wanted to say sorry and I hope you are ok.
Me- Im sorry how come your not saying that to your new boyfriend.
Her- Because I dont have to apologize to him
Me- well you dont need to
Her-huh
Me- What you did was harsh and you need to talk to him not me
Her-???
Me- You are dating him not me. We are over and there is no need for you to text me. You need to stop. I am doing great without you.

Hey man... I know exactly how you feel. I have felt the same way since I got dumped and its been 4 1/2 months now. I only hooked up with one girl since I got dumped just to see how it felt and honestly it was akward and bad. I haven't hooked up with anyone since. Last night I had a date with a girl and it was akward just kissing her so I'm still not over things so it'll take you quite a while also I'm sure.

Like you I fell in love with my girl and I do still love her- however I know that things would never be the same after what she did. Based on what you just wrote you are definitely just beginning to heal and so take your time and when you're ready to start dating again you will know.

Its good that you're not responding to her new boyfriend but why is he texting you in the 1st place? Your ex gave him your #? You're doing the right thing by ignoring him.

What you wrote to her was perfect when you guys were texting. I'm sure she wasn't expecting that. I wish I wrote my ex something like that after I got dumped but in reality it probably wouldn't have made much difference. Its funny because your ex sounds just like mine when you wrote your guys conversation.

Our ex'es just feel guilty about dumping us- reality is they don't care because if they did they wouldn't be with someone new. I know its hard but you're better off just ignoring her completely and go no contact. I know you might not be ready to but false hope is the devil and you don't want to be waiting for her while she's doing her thing with this new guy.:cool:

She has to grow up and so does her new boyfriend I keep getting messages from him telling me that I have to grow up. It just keeps pissing me off, but I dont want to hurt the kid. i am not that kind of person.
That's really low, he's a jerk for telling you that and she's a jerk for letting him. She will leave him eventually and then he'll be in your shoes, and when that happens, if you feel mean enough, give it right back to him. Revenge is a dish best served coldly.


Her: "Hey Tyler.. i know i did horrible things and I was just letting you know that im sorry for everything I have done. My car spun out twice on an off ramp today. With ditches on both sides it could have easily flipped and killed my friend and I. I truly believe God was trying to tell me something and I just want to apologize. There si no need to reply. I just wanted to say sorry and I hope you are ok."
That would piss me off too. She had to have a near death experience to realize what she did was wrong. You're right, you'll do great without her. Good riddance.

Tyler,really, you don't need the drama-NC is the way to go.

I don't want to wait very long. I want to see how this winter break goes and see if she is still dating that guy. She did not give him my number he is messaging me on Facebook. I told her that if her were to come try to kick my that I will make sure he does not play football again. That stopped him in his tracks. I know its hard to believe that I want her back with everything that she has done but I can't change how I feel. I know I could do better off without her but What we had together was perfect until she decided to throw it away for her crush. I know that if she comes back, at first I will not be there. Because she would not have learned much from it. That I feel would be the hardest part. I do not contact her she contacts me. It was only the message posted previous. She told me that she is going to wish me a merry christmas on christmas but I don't know what I should send back. Should I say "merry christmas to you too." "You too" or should I just not respond. I just do not know how to respond if I want her back. People tell me to play hard to get which I am trying. I love this girl to death and only dating for more then a year I feel like she is the one. I just get that gut feeling. And I have to go for it.

Thank you everybody you are all awesome.

Not meant to be harsh, but probably will be, warning!

I am not trying to change your mind, nor questioning your feelings, as I imagine they are rather intense, but your putting your life on hold until winter break, to see if they are still together? Straighten me out on that one, because no one is worth waiting for to see if they change their minds.

Further, playing hard to get with some one who has already lied, and cheated, and moved on is not healthy.

You found her broken and hurt, healed her (or was there) and when she got strong enough, she left. Patients that see a doctor don't go back after they heal, and neither will she, so what was so perfect to you during that time, was not so perfect for her, it merely served her purpose (to get over an ex) and thats not a basis for love my friend.

She contacts you after a near death experience with an apology for her behavior, and thats all that was, her trying to make amends for past bad behavior, which you rejected, and rightfully so.

But now your really just on hold waiting for her to "learn her lesson" and see how she made a mistake with leaving you, and come back. Not good, as its no longer her doing something to you, its you doing something to yourself.

What you feel, and what she feels are two entirely different things, and expecting her to see what you see, or feel the way you feel, is highly unrealistic, and very highly unlikely.

I think it better if you would stop waiting, and put as much time and energy as you put into her, into yourself, and healing from this situation.

At least that way you can be doing your own thing, and enjoying it, and later can make much better decisions for yourself based on real facts, and not just intense feelings as its very obvious from what you have written, she is doing her own thing without you.

Time will give you clarity, and perspective, as it does for us all, and the we can accept the facts.

What she did was wrong, and dishonest, and selfish. But what your doing to yourself now, because of feelings, fed by false hope, is truly a tragedy.

Im not putting my break on hold. I am living my life as I did without her. She was a bonus which I loved having. That's the way I look at it. Right now I have all my friends getting me out of the house everyday just so I can go out and have a good time. Then I have all you guys helping me on the computer. Right now I feel like I am living my life the way I used to without her. I do miss her and I know that I will probably always miss her. How is playing hard to get unhealthy. I still want her back and people say that the only way is if I play hard to get. I am a sweet heart and trying to do this to her kills me. Like I am so in love with this girl and want her back. And am willing to try anything. As of now I was told no contact and that is what I have been doing.

How is playing hard to get unhealthy. I still want her back and people say that the only way is if I play hard to get.
PLAYING hard to get is a game, a game of manipulation at best.

As of now I was told no contact and that is what I have been doing.
No Contact is part of a healing process for YOU. Not a strategy for her to come back.

To play the game of hard to get, there must be some contact, so how can you do both?

No Contact cannot truly work for you to heal if your not looking to heal, and get beyond this situation.

I have to say your attitude is healthy, despite you being willing to do anything to get her back. If she is not as willing though... it never works out good.

So what am I supposed to do to get her back?

That's completely up to her. Just a question though, do you actually think she got with some guy after only 3 days? Highly unlikely. She probably had been going behind your back for sometime, you just didn't know it.

Another question, even if she did come back, could you trust someone that had lied, and cheated on you already? What fact do you have that she would never do that again?

She did not go behind my back I know that. We stayed over at each others places every night. We saw each other after classes everyday. I knew she was talking to the guy. And I knew that he was hitting on her. I checked her phone every night and looked over what they had said to each other. Im not too sure if I could trust her like I used to. But I am a very loyal guy and feel that people can change and that people make mistakes. I know that I would be questioning her where ever she would go. Im not sure if I could live with it or not because I have not tried it. I just know that this girl was a great addition to my life and want her back.

Sorry Tylerbouchard, but if you have to look through her phone, your in the wrong relationship. That isn't a relationship built with trust. She cheated on you, and you accepted it. How can she be a great addition, doing that to you. Wake up, she isn't for you. She doesn't deserve that much credit. Playing hard to get isn't going to do anything, she moved on to someone else. I guess your going to setlle for seconds.. when she is sleeping with someone else.

Hey Tyler, Listen man we all know how you feel about this girl. I'm sure she's beautiful with a great body- my ex was also. Sometimes we overlook things because of the girls beauty but listen to what guys like Tal and Sully123 are saying.

I know we don't know her like you do BUT the facts are she left you for another guy. She has MOVED ON. I know its hard to accept- it took me a long time to finally accept my ex didn't want me.

It hurts like hell when you loved the person more than anything in the world and you plan on spending the rest of your life with themand they kick you to the curb as soon as the next good looking guy comes around. This shows she didn't have the same feelings towards you as you did to her. As hard as that is to accept it's the truth.

Remember actions speak loudert than words. Look I'm not trying to get you upset- I'm trying to help you. Even if down the road she dumped the new guy things will never be the same between you two- you'll always have tons of animosity towards her for what she did to you.

Think about the huge lump of shyt she left in your lap. Your picking up the pieces of your shattered heart and she's doing a new guy. Yea that hurts like hell to hear but it's the reality.

Whenever I think of my ex I picture her with her new man and it makes me hate her but its better to hate your ex than have FALSE HOPE.

Really man just disappear from her life forever and forget about her- you deserve so much better.

Don't think of this as an ending to something great- think of it as a failed relationship because your girl was mentally fu**ed up- think of it as a second chance at finding someone who is better suited for you and won't hurt you or run as soon as a new guy comes around.

Think about that- she got rid of a great guy she was with for a year and a half for someone she just met recently. That's low and heartless- good luck Tyler.

Thanks I will do that. I was thinking and what she did was horrible and I know that I would tell my friends the same thing if he were in my shoes. So I am going to search for the right one. She may not have been the one, I thought at one point she was but I wonder what its going to feel like when the true one comes around.

I know that feeling well, as I have kissed many frogs, and to be honest, some sure looked like they could be princesses, but when the real thing came along, there was little doubt, and more than 30 years later, no regrets whatsoever.

Matter of fact, I am very grateful for the exes that dumped me because, those heartbreaks just cleared the way to the happiness that followed, and the life I enjoy today.

It will happen for you, Just never feel bad for kissing a frog even if it hops away.

It will take time,but you will recover,and will find someone new. Just take it one day at a time.

Good man- I'm glad to hear you're going to try moving on. You'll ALWAYS think about her- even 1 or 2 or 3 years from now. But you'll think about her a tiny bit less every day. Unfortuneately our ex'es don't think about us- its sad but the truth. They'll just send their pity/guilt texts but that's about all. They only do that to make themselves feel better.

All right now that I have taken a step back, I have realized what she has done. I never want her back right now. I have moved on to better people. I am right now talking to this beautiful girl in my class. Hopefully this will go somewhere. Thanks for all your help, ill let you know what happens with this one.

Its good you're feeling much better!
Just take your time getting to know girls-no need to jump into a new relationship.

Yea I know. I don't want to rush into another relationship that I am unsure about.

Let me know what you all think.

YouTube - Stand Up Tall (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZ7QAI2cPYg)

Hey man this is a cool story... I like reading through all the posts and reading it like a novel... it was cool that you came to your senses and realized that chick was a freakin joke! Good luck man, keep moving forward!

So the other day she started to text me. She was trying to get me to accept her apology. Yea that is not going to happen. I have become a much better person after all that has happened. I have built myself back up and now know exactly what too look for in a girl. I also know what to stay away from. I am loving life right now. My ex does not usually cross my mind but when she does it does not bother me anymore. It kind of flys on bye.

Awesome dude! Time is taking its toll on your wound! Not only is it time its you doing a great job on your behalf and being truw to yourself and NC! Fight the good fight brother!

Why should you need an apology from her? I would say thank you for showing me your true deceitful colors! But seriously, I wouldn't even waste the time talking to her. She's history, and from what I've read you're way better off. Keep up the good work.