This is the second day of my break up, yes for the time being I have stopped crying but I keep asking why? And like most people over analysing!
I have been going out with my boyfriend for eleven months, everything seemed fine! We had went through the normailitys of meeting friends and parents but there was no pressurem
I'm 24 and he was 28 I just finished uni and got a job, and a new flat. I was just starting. He was working in a call centre and was applying to fire brigade/ police/ and evern considered RAF.
He was also a traveler and new before he met me he wanted to travel. At first I was reluctant however having had a year in the real world travelling sounded like
A great idea! We talked about traveling america after saving and seemed happy both relaxed and enjoy each others company. I am not looking to be married or moving in and it was not mentionedm

Then suddenly Sunday he does not want to be with me! As I understand he had went to his friends to watch his wedding videao( his friends are all married , living with a partner or have kids) then
Suddenly after this visit things between us were too serious and he left under pressure. After a indepth conversation when I asked about how I was pressuring him he could not come up with an answer.
Instead he started crying, he says he feels like a failure and it bringing me down, that he can't help with my friend who is dying with cancer and that I deserve better!
I have told him that he makes all this better althogu he can't take the pain away he makes it better!

He says he feels the relationship should be going somewhere but he has nothing to offer. I know he is down about his job and miserable that he is 28 without a decent job, but that's not how I saw things and feel
If he is so sad why makes things worse by splitting up?

But he won't budge he says his head is all over the place and he nneds time to fester alone, he says he needs a new start go travelling uni or collage and he needs to be alone to do this. He has told me that if he
Didn't feel so rubbish we would still be together. We spoke about a break but he thought that was unfair.
I am now just lost I don't want this to happen however I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that there is nothing I can do.

The reason I am posting this is I need some outside perspective. Do you think he will come roung after a few months or am I living in a fantisy world?
And why lose something due to a bad feeling? Is this an example of male pride or does he just not want me? GOD questions questions! Please help! I want to appologise from grammar and spelling its hard writing this on a phone rather than computer!

You know him, is this really it, or could there be someone new ?

But a real relationship if there was one to start with, has to have communication, and part of that is, learning that the other partner is there for you no matter what.

Did he perhaps have other plans when you graduated, of the two of you living together perhaps,

Benson,it looks like your boyfriend is balking under pressure.From what you said,he has loads on his plate and if you go by many of the posts on this forum,a lot of relationships have had to go through unhappy endings due to these kind of pressures.

Maybe it would be a good idea to just let him be at the moment.After all,if someone has gotten it into his head that he's loaded and his head is all over the place,then convincing him otherwise seldom works.He's in a different zone right now where he isn't capable of thinking of you or the relationship,let alone give you any peace or joy or love.If you want to drag your heels and carry on,you won't find much to get out of the relationship.He's already been upfront about that part.So you can't say he didn't tell you.If he's willing to let go off the special bond that you share,its only because he has a good reason.You may not find it acceptable but that's just the way it is.

Back off,let him be.Let him figure out stuff on his own and understand what he wants.In the meantime,you just think of it as an episode you enjoyed while it lasted but nothing more than that because it takes two to make a relationship work.Lead your own life,get busy in activities and Don't WAIT FOR HIM.Move on.

Thanks for getting back to me. I know he is not seeing anyone else I don't know why I just know that's not it!
I know what your saying and I know your right about leaving him be and no one want someone who does not give 100% I'm just really struggling with it all the now
I keep asking if its me? Am I not ebough which I know is not healthy. He text me there asking if I wanted concert tickets he bought me I said for him to keep them and he said he can't go he will get too upset.
I just think why do this then? Over analysing I know but its driving me mad!

The shock that comes with a break up brings to the surface all the insecurites we thought we didn't have.

Someone we loved and trusted and made plans with has thrown a spanner in the works,left us reeling and they then have all this guilt for the hurt they caused,making them ring and make contact,confusing us more.

In my own experience of breaking up with someone, it was never a spur of the moment thing,but something I considered for a while,one small row later,and its over.

This may have been something that was on his mind for a while.

As staryynights mentioned,his head is all over the place at the moment,and really there is nothing you can do about it..

Allow yourself time to play the sad songs and cry and be miserable, then,pick yourself up and get on with your life, he is making his own plans now without you, you need to do the same.

If he does contact how do you know if he genuinly wants to get back? I know I have to move on but what if thibgs change? How do I know he means it?

If he does contact how do you know if he genuinly wants to get back? I know I have to move on but what if thibgs change? How do I know he means it?


Because he will say.. I love you,I made a terrible mistake, I got scared about the commitment and ran away,forgive me... or words to that effect,anything else is just a smoke screen for his guilt.

So I should just leave him be and not contact him until he contacts me?I know this sounds silly but when someone asks for their stuff back or offers your back does that mean it's a clear sign there is no chnace? Cause that's not happened yet or am I just clinging!
I feel he is doint the wrong thing cause he talking about traveling and uni because "he is running out of ideas" not because its something he wants that's the hard thing about all this!

Sometimes the stuff does not matter,only getting out of the situation.

Don't contact him.

The thing is,as much as you feel you know him,no one can truly know why people do the things they do,it's a lifetime of experiences,education,nature,nurture that help bring about the choices and decisions we make.

You can't know what he's thinking,as far as he is concerned, he is probbaly doing the right thing for him.. who knows?

He may come back,but for now,you need to focus on you.

And no contact is a good starting point.

Ok thanks so much for the advice I know what your saying is right and I can't contact him cause it will just
Make it worse I need to give him his space. I just want to feel better now I don't
Want to feel so sad anymore which is so hard!

Try not too sink into the misery,even though there's comfort in wallowing..

Call some friends,or go home for a while,being around family,even if they drive you nuts,can be a welcome distraction.

Get busy,exercise so your tried at night.

You may feel bad now, but we all do after a break up. Don't take it personally, he is confused about himself, and not ready for the adult relationship you are, and is finding himself. Let him, and leave him alone.

You tried, but had the wrong partner, at the wrong time, is all. All break ups suck, but they open the door to better options and opportunities.

Ok so the ex just txt me he says he is taking his relationship status down on fb but he misses me, then he was going on about staying in contact!but on my terms (when 3 days ago he told me to leave him alone) His head is all over the place. He told me he feels like he is having a mid life crisis and can't shift it. I told him he is confused and when he straighten's things out to contact me and that I think we both need space to sort things out. He said he thought that's fair. Do you think that was the right thing to do? Why txt me to say he is changing fb why not just do it?is it guilt or is he missing me?

Basically your letting a confused individual confuse you. When people act wacky, it makes you wacky, so don't leave the door open for his confusion, simply close it and keep it closed until he makes rational sense.

That's what cutting contact, and being unavailable do for you.

I told him he is confused and when he straighten's things out to contact me and that I think we both need space to sort things out.

Great job there Benson... you did the right thing.Dont have any second thoughts about whether you did the right thing and go and undo it.Its always right to put across your own thoughts and opinions in a relationship.Shows that you are capable of taking mature decisions even if the other person is trying to confuse the living daylights out of you.

Now begins your real challenge of sticking to your mature step,i.e of backing off and going NC.Thats very important considering that your ex is quite clearly going to keep reaching out to you and confuse you even more.So,stick to your guns and behave like a horse:D--i.e see only the road ahead of you and nothing else that distracts you.

You can do this.We will help.

Thanks guys your advice has been great every time I feel the need to contact him I just read it!
I am starting to feel a little lonely but I know that will take a wee bit longer to pass and I need to stick to nc.
Just wish he would sort himself out now! Abd see sense! Why is he reaching it out? Does he just want it both ways? To see me but not to feel attached?

Why is he reaching it out? Does he just want it both ways? To see me but not to feel attached?

Don't even go there,questioning yourself as to what's happening inside his mind and all that.Thats dangerous because it just takes you around in circles,without giving you any answer.Just know that you tried and gave it your best shot but if the other person just isn't there,all the way,there's no point in being together,is there?

Quit analysing,replaying the whole thing over and over again in your mind.That just drags you back.Instead,focus on yourself,dig out things you want to do,hobbies you wanted to pursue and keep yourself busy.One fine day,you will realise you are happy you took a decision in moving forward.You'll have a whole new life that would be more exciting.

Thanks guys ur advice has been great everytime I feel the need to contact him I just read it!
I am starting to feel a little lonely but I know that will take a wee bit longer to pass and I need to stick to nc.
Just wish he would sort himself out now! Abd see sense! Why is he reaching it out? Does he just want it both ways? To see me but not to feel attached?


You may be onto something there, he wants the benefits that go with a girlfriend,example,the support and friendship,but,he has no responsibility for your emotions or hurting you..

Great for him,not so great for you..

Nothing but confusion comes from trying to figure out their thoughts or analyzing their behaviour.
Focus on you now-do things that make you feel good.
Get emotional support from people who care about you and keep busy.

I know I will keep busy, but from what you guys have read do you think he will get it together? And want to start a fresh? I know I can't think like that, but I feel I need a straight answer

its impossible to predict what someone will say or do, going by a few posts.

for my two pence worth,it seems like this guy is needy and looking for something he can't find in a relationship with you.

that does not reflect badly on you,only perhaps that he does not value you nor see your worth,good chance someone else will.

Will he ever see my worth?

again how can anyone say.

all you can do is look after yourself.

your situation is not uncommon, if you read the stickies at the start of the relationships thread,it gives great advice, and also you can read other peoples stories.

your not the only woman that this has happened too,in fact I can put my hand up to include me.

but,I am now with a great man,who values are relationship,if my ex was still been around,I would still be miserable! And stuck in an neverending drama.

Benson, I am in a position so similar to yours.
I was engaged until last week, when he dropped a bombshell, saying he needed some time alone because his head is messed up. He asked me not to contact him, and I didn't, and he started contacting me.

It's easier for me to give advice than to take it on board, but I can say this - stick to NC.
It's the most difficult thing ever, ignoring the man you love, but it's the only way for you tp start rebuilding yourself, your confidence and your life.
If you stay in contact, or constantly analyse why he's getting in touch, it only holds you back from moving forward.
I'm guilty of analysing every text message he sends me, and believe me, it only makes you worse - and I'm working on it.

You have to be your priority now!
Take it from someone in a similar situation.

I wish all the luck, and I hope everything works out for u.

I know I will keep busy, but from what you guys have read do you think he will get it together? And want to start a fresh? I know I can't think like that, but I feel I need a straight answer Will he ever see my worth?
Not while you don't see it for yourself.

Not while your still confused, hurt, and miserable.

Not while you haven't healed, and found your own happiness without him.

Certainly not until you have put this behind you. That takes time.

Was that straight enough for you? Not being harsh, but you have to do as he has, make a decision to put yourself first.

I honestly can't believe how helpful everyone has been! Sometime I post on here and feel a bit pathetic with the way I go on!
But it seems easier to share your insecurities with people you can't see. I went out tonight for drinks with my boyfriends from uni and I feel a lot better.

I asked them for advice, and they suggested giving him a deadline. I am not sure if it was good, or not, but I suggested taking a month apart, and that if after a month things hadn't changed, its done, if not we will see.

However I feel now that's this is what I need time to think about, myself and what I want. Do you guys think I have made a mistake?

And to jayjay, god you are so brave, and I look at you being engaged and being able to be strong after an engagement! I feel embarrassed! X

Don't be embarrassed. We all have hard times, and everyone deals with them differently. As long as you ARE coping, that's the main thing.

I am honestly not coping very well, but I'm sticking to the NC just because I want him to see what life is like without me. If he doesn't miss me, I'm going to have to suck it up.
It's the worst feeling ever. But I've been through a bad break up before and I made all the wrong decisions then - I just don't want to do that again.

I think you may have made a mistake by giving him a deadline, you should have just stuck to the NC. I think you have just put more pressure on him to make a decision.
But either way, I really hope all works out for you!

I know what you mean that's what I thought but he felt its fair and really why not? Maybe it's the anger starting! But I can't wait forever!
I don't want to feel like this anymore! I know I can do the NC for a month and I think a month is a pretty good deal! A lot can happen!

I know I'm still screwed up about the whole thing and in no place to give advice but jay jay! Go out! I really did not want to go!
I was so close to canceling and just running back to my bed with the remote!
But I'm so glad I did! Just being with friends having a drink (not too much or the NC goes out the window)
But the best people to give u a boost is your mates and a vodka and diet coke!
Get dressed up and let's face it since last week we have both lost a few pounds :) maybe I have made a mistake?x

Ps when I said to him about the month deadline he said he thought that was fair
We agreed after a month we done hear anything we both know its done so I don't know I thought maybe that was a good thing?

Well whatever works for you is your own business. If it works then I'm glad for u, if it's what you want.

I'm just trying to avoid contacting my guy because I don't think I would like what he has to say and I believe it would only hurt me more.

It's killing me though.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html

I know your situation is a whole new level uz were engaged which must be 100 times
Harder to get over than 10 months!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html
U should have a look at the advice from starrynights and taliman and redhead it sounds weird but every time I get the urge I read
What they say, or I went home to my parent for a week.
I live alone and it was hard just sitting in my flat alone
Maybe if you go home make sure you have people around u.
I've realised break ups make you feel lonely
And that's the killer.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html

Yea well I lived with him and now I'm back home with my parents and brothers.
I'd give anything to be back with him though.
I know I sound so desperate and needy but I was always so sure that he was the one for me. There was a connection between us that I can't explain, something I've never felt before.
Everything with him felt so right. It's just awful that he obviously didn't feel the same.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html)
Hate to be the bad guy, chat/text is not allowed.

I know I need to stick to nc how will I feel better and how will he know if he is missing me or not!
Maybe the month thing is a bad idea but I feel it needs a deadline.
And who knows how we will feel after that.
But in order for that to work I need to ignore him! Make him
See what its like without having me there!

Maybe I did make a mistake *sigh*
But I think I need to stick to nc for this to work

What do uz think about the month thing?

Nc is for you to start healing from the breakup,its not a magic wand to get the ex back.
When there is no contact your head will allow the confusion to recede and you will start to recover and get your life back on track.
You need to start taking care of yourself and keep busy doing things that make you feel better.
Whatever may happen in the future nobody knows.
Here and now its best that you concentrate on your healing.

I think you should start doing your own thing and see in a month how you feel. That's what your going to do any way, and if nothing has changed between you, then it will be a wasted month.

You can't put deadlines, and timetables, on peoples feelings. You can't hold your breathe and hope limbo passes. Either you honor a commitment to yourself, or you don't.

Your choice, more misery and pain, or start the healing process.

I know I don't want to hol my breath I know I need to move on!
He said he thought it was fair and to see how things are in a month. Is he just humouring me?
I need to move on and I'm trying. I'm struggling today though because we had a big night with all his friends planned tonight
So I know he is out which is bugging at me
I'm having friends over tonight to keep my mind off it.
But I really am struggling

He text today saying he is going to apply to go back to uni and that he is feeling a little btter
But still want to try nc! He is just confusing me!

Does he understand the concept of no contact!

Since you started your thread, you have gone through a gambit of emotions,but all the time going in a circle,you keep going right... and all roads right lead back to him.
Its not a perfect circle because your trying and slipping and trying and slipping.

And every time you do,you get more hurt,more tears,more confused.

The tools to turn LEFT and towards healing and a new lease of life are in this thread.

And the sign post that will lead you there says NO CONTACT.. at all! In any form!. from you or him.

Ok no contact! I just wish I really knew how he feels
God! Remind me never to get involved with a boy!

Ill only reply to him if he says what u said redhead
I love you I'm sorry I made a mistake. But right now I need to get over it!

Ok no contact! I just wish I really knew how he feels
God! Remind me never to get involved with a boy!


I can hazzard a guess,he's getting dolled up for a good night out on the town and not worring about how your feeling!

But you,and sitting wondering what is he thinking,is he sad, does he miss me?

All these questions are just making you feel worse.

Get busy planning your night,and put a ban on talk of him and what he is doing,its not your problem,nor really your business now... hes single and so are you.

Enjoy your life!

Stop wasting time worriyng over something that is done and dusted,and you have no control over.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html
I know your right he is prob just looking forward to a night out and that's it!
And that's exactly what I need to do tonight and don't think about what he is doing!
I think I just need an ego or confidence boost because it has been shot to sh*t this week!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html
Do uz think going out drinking helps or can it make things worse?

Hangovers always make things worse. How about some good clean adult fun, like bowling.

My friend is coming over for some drinks and we might go out!
I'm just scared I get upset and do something silly! Knowing he is out!

Drinking when your already upset will only make you feel worse.

A night out is OK,take it very easy on what your drinking,so you stay in control of what your doing.

I went out lastnight and had fun! Didn't get too drunk
I got my friend to hide my phone so I couldn't txt him.
I started to feel a little low and the end of the night and this morning
I just keep thinking why didn't he txt me when he was out!
So silly I know!

Good on you for having a fun night out! As time goes by you ll stop worrying about his actions-stay NC.

I went out lastnight and had fun! Didn't get too drunk
I got my friend to hide my phone so I couldn't txt him.
I started to feel a little low and the end of the night and this morning
I just keep thinking why didn't he txt me when he was out!
So silly I know!

Either 1. cause he was having a good time and never thought about you.

Or 2. if he did think about you,he didn't want to talk to you.

Its harsh,but most likely true.

You doing great by the way!

Thanks guys me and my mate have been talking and she says she thinks we will get back
But that I should just stop thinking. Stop thinking about getting over him or getting back just keep busy!
She said that there is nothing I can do for him and that I need to accept that
She thought that the month was a good thing she just hopes he thinks seriously about what he wants!
She said seeing us togther she thinks we will work it out but the now I need to keep busy

Do you think this is sound advice?

She s your mate and she wants you to be happy-its her opinion but nobody knows what the future holds.
As you said keep busy and don't worry about him.

She may be right, she may be wrong.
The best thing to do is, don't get your hopes up.
If you get your hopes up and nothing happens, you'll be back to square one. But if you start the healing process and concentrate on u, you'll be ready for anything.

Best of luck.

Thank you! How are u getting on jayjay? Feeling any better?

Not that great to be honest :(
Just confused and hurt - and I think anger is setting in.

Benson, you have to go no contact, it's the only way to go. Don't question yourself, whether it's the right thing to do, for now it is. The more you talk to him, the worse off it will be. We all have been through it sometime during our relationships. I didn't talk to my ex boyfriend for over a year, and always tried to make it right. Usually they always circle back and mine did. You know what's really funny, I have no desire to see him. He would go out with me, right now, but I don't care. You snooze you loose. I remain friends with him. You don't know the future and only time will tell. Concentrate on you as hard as it is, for now. Let him miss you and do everything possible to keep yourself busy. Remember NC.


We are all here for you. Vent to us, instead of picking up the phone..

I know nc is the only way every time I feel like I want to ill post here instead.
I know the more I text the more I will push him away.
Ur right let see if he misses me and let me see if I miss him.

I have been thro break ups before and got over it! But every time it was about to end I knew things were not right
I would either agrue with them and not see them. This time it feels different! Everything was fine!
I know what your saying when breaking up with someone is not s snap decision. But I feel like he has just hit this wall and can't think about anything other than his failures!

But I know what you are all saying I need to just leave him to get over it himself.
Sigh

Sometimes relationships break up out of the blue. You question yourself and blame yourself. It's not you, it's not him, it just happens. Guys want challenges!

So have I been too available by staying in contact?

Yes, and he knows that. You must remain NC.In his mind you are still there. You are inside of all this confusion. WE are looking in, and we have all made foolish mistakes, by chasing and just wanting to make the relationship back where it use to be. For now, its not going to be like that. He knows your available, and that's your first mistake. You are not giving him the chance to even miss you, if there was any kind of questioning in his mind that he made a mistake. He will not see that, till you disappear. That will tell you if this man really cares for you. If not, then you have your answer. Believe me, I have been down that road, and I look back, and wow was I wrong. It took me a long time to realize that. But you know something in the long run, it was his lost. Since then, I have met someone nice, who means more to me now.

You shouldn't be available at all.
He broke up with you.
You need time to heal from this.
Act as if he s not on the planet.
It doesn't matter what he thinks or feels.
Your life is about you now.

I see! Cause I was supporting him through txt about going back to uni so he is getting that support from me!
He needs to miss me and the only way that might happen is if I let him miss me!

I see! Cause I was supporting him through txt about going back to uni so he is getting that support from me!
He needs to miss me and the only way that might happen is if I let him miss me!

Eureka!

However he may not miss you at all... keep that in mind.

Exactly, every time you are available, he knows that. He thinks in his mind, I don't have to worry, she is always there for me. Also, he can have this relationship anyway he wants it. You have to be strong! Believe me, I know it's hard. Don't you think he is going to start wondering oh, why hasn't she text me back, or why haven't I heard from her? All these things will starting running through his mind. That's if he really cares about you.

Yeah all of you ar right and I have to remember he might not miss me at all.
Then I might stop missing him!
Do u think its too late to claim back that power? Ie by me texting yesterday has that all went down the drain?

Start today to do the right thing for yourself. Nothing wrong with starting over from the here and now.

Will he see that?

Will he see that?

You need to stop wondering what he will see,and if he even cares.

Your doing this for you!

No contact is not about the other person,its about you healing and moving on... he will become a distant memory, and you will be happy.

You just have to concentrate on you, and by keeping contact with him, you aren't doing that.

By not replying to his texts or contacting him, he will more than likely contact you again, but you need to focus on you, and focus on what you want. The time spent not contacting him should be put into making you feel better.

I've joined two exercise classes and bought myself a LOT of new clothes, shoes etc... basically just spoiling myself. Do anything that you enjoy that doesn't involve him.
If he wants you back, trust me, you'll know because he'll let you know. So far, he has offered you nothing but confusion and heartache.

Is it just me or is it only at night you start to feel really low.
I went to the gym to keep busy
But sitting at this time is a killer and when I really start to miss him. Must not contact!

No your right. Night is worse.

Can you phone a friend?Its tough just sitting on your own.
Must not contact is the right attitude though.

Yeah I do but I don't feel like talking to anyone.
I just keep thinking about him. Again its because I know he is out because I was
Meant to go with him! But I need to remember the guilt and self loathing I feel when I do contact him!
Just feel he has all the power as he was the one txt then reminded me we are meant to have no contact.
So I feel he has all the power

You have the power to stay away from contacting him.
You may not feel this right now but you re being strong.

Yeah! Thank god for you guys!its helped so much! Ill be running everything by you all before I make any sort of move!

You re so welcome.
Take care now.

Sorry I know I keep going on and on and on
But when he started texting me about starting uni
Then ended the conversation with 'remember no contact"
It felt like a bit of a slap in the face cause I was offering support and he txt me.
Does this show that he does not really care about me?

Yes!

He wanted your support and advice to benefit him - but if you want support and advice - "remember no contact"

Blah to him. You deserve better.

It sucks! God I wish I just ignored him! Blah indeed! You heard from your ex?

Yes actually. He was telling me today how his engine in his car has messed up and its going to cost a fortune to fix. I replied with "my heart bleeds" then he started saying how our relationship broke down because of the fights.

FYI - the fights we had were in 2 stressful weeks leading up to the breakup, they were about uncooked chicken, the oven temperature, the fish being fed once or twice a day. Stupid things. Nothing worth breaking up over.

So is his reason for the break up because of fighting?

That's what he said.

Do u still feel like you want him back? I feel like that everyday!

Yes. I would love to have him back. I miss everything about him.
Its so hard.

Sigh
This really does suck!

I'm really struggling today, I am back to work after a week off and feel like crying
Really miss him

I hope work will be a distraction for you.
Are your workmates aware of the breakup?

Hello.

Its hard going back into the real world..

But if you look around,life goes on..

Your not going to heal overnight,but it will get better.

Get stuck into work.

Yeah I know I will! Just keep wondering if he is missing me as much!

We can't know that-generally Id say both people might miss their ex after a breakup but its not a given.
You will feel better with time and where you are now its about one day at the time until you get to a place where most days you ll be fine.

I know! I just wish I had a clue if he does or doesn't I guess I should assume he doesn't! Will that make it easier!

Yes it does make it easier if you can stop worrying about their thoughts or feelings.

The last time he text asking if it was a good idea for him to go back to uni to do nursing I said yes and we were texting back and forth about it.
Then he said no contact remember does this mean he is not missing me do you think?

Benson-it could mean that -it could mean a number of things-the thing is we can't read his mind.
Only he knows what he is thinking.

:) damn it! Sorry I'm expecting everyone to provide me with answers! And its not going to happen!

We want you to get better and get over this.
As you will-give it time.

Ahhhhhh I want to txt him something ridiculous like I miss u! But I cant

Dont-stay strong-switch your phone off.
Breaking NC only adds to your confusion.

I know this sounds a bit pathetic but his flatmate who I'm good friends txt earlier in the week so see how I was. Is it a bad idea to txt him to find out how the ex is getting on?

It s not a good idea to try to get any information from anyone close to an ex.
Whatever information you d be given would just make you overanalyse what they say.
Nc s a tough path but it works.

Yeah I just feel dead upset today and I was OK yesterday!

It's a bit of a rollercoaster the first couple of weeks. Just take it one day at the time.

I'm soooo close to txting him and asking if he is finding this hard! Ah

Phone a friend instead-you ll just end up waiting for a reply that might not happen and you ll feel worse.

I'm just going to watch TV or something,I think its because I had to pass his flat today on the way to the gym and saw that he was in! He lives really close to me!

Watching telly s good-and maybe take a different route to your gym next time?

If I did txt would I just end up looking desperate?

No contact Benson-for you so that you can heal. And keep as busy as you can.

No contact! I think the urge has passed a little

I didn't text lastnight! His best mates girlfriend text me to say sorry to here what happened and she does not know what to say! Which made me assume he is telling people its over
When we agreed nc for a month is he just saying that to keep me quiet?

Good morning I hope you re ok-its confusing when other people text or get in touch with whatever information or their opinion in this kind of situation.
It s left you with questions nobody can answer.
Generally speaking taking time out or going on a break are just another way of saying breaking up.
At the top of the relationship page here are the stickies with lots of good advice-have you read them?
Stay strong.

So no one knows if he is considering the months space or not only he knows type thing!
Yeah I have read them and there really good. Maybe I'm assuming my situation is different when its not!

That's the long and short of it,we never know what's going on in somebody else s mind or what they intend to do.
So any advice given is based on general experience and statistics.
Which is why I d say you treat this as a breakup and start healing from it.
Breakups hurt like h**l but we survive them by staying no contact and getting on with our own lives.
It takes time and patience.

Oh god I caved and txt I feel bad! He said he was getting by by keeping busy that he does miss me but he needs to be alone!
Feel like I have ruined everything now!

You must respect that wish.
If someone does nt want contact we can't force them.
Respect yourself and keep no contact.

I know I need to do you think I have ruined everything by txting today?

You have ruined nothing but the thought that false hope, has changed his mind. Now do what you KNOW YOU need to be doing.

If I'm honest I knew he would not want to get back. It was more whether or not he was missing me.
I seemed to think he was get over this easily. He has been dead cold with me and he explained that it's the only way he can deal with everything.
Its kind of put my mind at ease a little is that weird?
He is still wanting to do the one month thing which I think is OK but your right I need to look at it as a break up not a break.

The final text I sent said that I miss him (a bit silly I know) but that I'm happy to do the month thing but I am going to try and not think about us and although I hope we can sort things out
I know need to get on with things and not assume anything. Do you think that was OK?

He has not text back but I think but maybe that's cause there is nothing else to say?

Sorry if I'm annoying everyone with the way I go on! But I feel a bit better today

We want you to start healing from your breakup and as best you can stop worrying about what's going on in his mind.
By staying no contact this time you don't have to wonder about him getting back to you,and you don't have to live in false hope.
Keep busy and do things that take your mind off things.

I finally got round to cleaning the muck that's accumulated in my flat,
I read the sticky and apparently that's a good step! I am happy with the idea of no contact
I think if its meant to be it will and if not there is no way for me to control it
I just won't to concentrate on myself for now!

I hope this feeling does not fade! I'm sure ill have my set backs!

Jay jay - how are u keeping?

Hi sweetie.

You will have good days where you think "man I can't believe how miserable I was yesterday" then you'll have bad days where you think "man I can't believe how miserable I am today!"
It's like riding on the crest of a wave or a rollercoaster, there's so many up's and downs, its crazy.

The stickies on this thread are good, I got a good idea from it. I got the Godfather trilogy and watched them, and it made me feel better for a bit. It's seems silly but small things that take your mind off it help.
Keep busy, tidy up, read a book, watch movies and see your friends and family as much as possible.

The no contact thing will get easier if you stick to it everyday. I know there are some points when you want nothing more than to text him or call him, but you have to fight the urge, because his response may not make you feel better.

I didn't text mine for ages, but he kept contacting me and we got back together, but taking it slow to make it work.

The best thing you can do is keep busy. Talk to people who make you feel better, and don't be afraid to talk about your feelings, people don't tire of hearing it, we just want to make you feel better and make you happier - your friends will be the same.

Aw I'm glad to hear uz have worked things out and I wish u the best! Just make sure he pays for his behaviour! :)
I know ill have bad days! Been going to the gym a lot so that's helped.
During out last txt session I told him that I missed him and cared about him but I'm going to try not think about us and get own with my own stuff.
I said I hoped we could work it out after a month but I am not hanging around or assuming anything. Do u think it was wrong for me to say all that?

He didn't txt back but I feel there was not much he could say. I just think he is really low u know and wanted him to know I care! But I'm def going for the nc I'm not going to cave cause it makes me feel rubbish when I do!

You should stop contacting him. He knows how you feel now, you have made your feelings clear, now you need to take a step back and let him come to his own decision.

When you go out, leave your mobile phone at home unless you absolutely need it.
That helped me, because I would only be checking it every 5 minutes otherwise.

Yeah you are absolutely right. I feel like a weights been lifted in a way because I now feel I have said everything I could! So if I text again it would seem rather pointless.
I now need to step back and let him come to terms with his feeling. I'm still thinking about what he is doing and feeling but I'm sure that's normal.
That a good idea about watching movies! I'm doing that this weekend with my friend! No romantic comedys though! :)

Had s hit day at work which has made me miss him so much!
But no contact!

Keep up the no contact, it does get easier.

How long did u have nc contact with your ex before you got back? And when he text you did you text back?

I kept No contact for a week, although during this time, he was texting me - I didn't reply.

The only time I replied was when he asked me back. I replied "did you just ask me out?" and he called me.

Not replying to his texts was the hardest thing I ever did, but I'm glad I did it. He said the no contact made him see how life was without me and he didn't like it. He said every argument we ever had seemed so ridiculous compared to the hurt he felt when we were apart.

But the thing is, this doesn't always happen with everyone. Most break ups are just that - I just don't want you getting your hopes up to have them shattered again because you seem like such a lovely person!

Aw thank you I know I can't get my hopes up
I need to toughen up a bit
But its so hard!

I think I'm finding it hard cause if I believe him and his friends its nothing to do with our relationship its because he is down about his lack of a career!
But I need to stick to NC. Did you only text back when he text what you wanted?

That was part of the reason for our break up - he was down about his job and some home problems, and instead of opening up to me about it, he pushed me away.

I didn't reply to him at all until he text me asking me back. I wasn't going to let him break my heart, then still be able to get my advice and support. I felt he needed to see the picture without me in it, so he could make an informed decision.
It hurt like hell, but I looked at it as a break up rather than a break, it made me deal with NC better.

Yeah that's a good idea maybe the whole month thing is unrealistic! He has not text me or anything but if he every does I
Won't reply until I hear what I want to type thing!

Ok so I read the so you want another chance and going to do my best to follow it. One thing it pointed out is that if someone is feeling rubbish about themselves they struggle to feel happy about anything else!
Is that's what maybe happened here? My ex says he feels like a failure and will only bring me down. So can he not love me because he can't love himself?

Do you think if he starts to feel better about himself he will feel better about us?

Sorry for going on guys I feel I need to post it here or ill blow and txt him

Only he would know that but the process of him feeling better and being happy with himself is a long and hard one. How he feels about his whole life after that is any ones guess. That's why waiting for that to happen is false hope, and a waste of time.

When a persons feelings about himself changes, sometimes his feelings about you will change also.

He says his feelings for me has not changed? Is that guilt talking

Do his actions match his words??

I see what your saying so his feelings have changed?

Or his actions. Sometimes when we are down, we really don't know what's changed, or how much. He needs the time to figure it out, which no one can tell how long.

We sometimes only hear what we want to, without looking deeper at the bigger picture, and that false hope is what we make a mistake with.

That's the thing I have sat down and thought really hard what happened where did it go wrong why did it change and there was nothing as far as us were concerned. Yes I knew he was unhappy with his job and prob his self images but not us!that's what driving me mad! Sigh

I feel like I'm freaking out trying to figure out the whole month thing! Why won't this feeling just go away!

It will go away when you let go of all the analysing-thats keeping you in limbo when you need for your own sake to move on. You re holding on to what Tal so aptly calls false hope- and its not doing you any favours.
If you sit around for another two weeks waiting for your ex to magically realise that you should get back together that's another fourteen days of your precious life spent on hold for something that may not happen.

I agree, you can't sit and analyse everything. You just have to move on with your own life, otherwise, you will go insane.
Like you say, you don't see where it went wrong between the two of you, so you should be happy that it wasn't you personally that was the problem, it's him, his job, his image etc. Those are things that you can't control, so there's no point in analysing things that you have no control over! I also don't think that you should sit and wait for a text from him saying he has changed his mind, it might never come.
When you told him he had a month to decide, you might have just given him a reason to get out of the relationship altogether - when the month is up, he might say "my feelings are still the same so we should go our seperate ways", and he doesn't really have to explain anything else to you, because you set a deadline.

All you can do from here is focus on yourself. You are the only thing you can control, so focus on making yourself better.
Like I said, you will only drive yourself crazy over analysing everything.

Yeah u are right so should I text saying forget about the month thing as its unrealistic to assume it will be OK or just leave it?

No don't text him at all. Just leave it.

Yeah good plan! I do need to just open up to the fact that its over!
Feel good today! Hope it sticks though! X

Ok so the ex just text me. I was managing a big event on Sunday and his flatmate was the front man for it! He text saying sorry I know we said no contact but was wondering how the event went? Do I reply? Help!

Don't reply-if he wants to know he can ask his mate!

No don't reply to him at all!
You replying only assures him that you're still speaking to him, and that's only going to make him feel better, and make you feel worse.
Don't text him!

My ex called me lastnight. It was on my house phone so I was unawre that it was him. We had a long chat about how I was feeling and how he was feeling.

He said because he is turning 30, he keeps thinking about what people think about him, That he should be settling down getting married and having kids, but that he is not sure that's what he wants and does not want to waste my time.

I explained to him that I don't know if I want those things and that I am only 25 just out of uni and got a proper job. I explained that marriage and kids has not even crossed my mind, that I'm not sure if it is something that I want or not.

Then we started talking about love, We talked about how we did not know if we were in love or not. I told him that I never felt pressured into having to say that I loved him and assumed he was happy that I was not expecting it from him.

We do this thing as a couple, where we say I appreciate you to each other and for me it was not me trying to say I love you because I think if your in love you need to say it you can't hold it in. But because we were both unsure we would say that.

He thought that maybe I was saying it because I couldn't say I love you, and I told him that sometimes I feel pressure to say it because all my friends are going on about beinging in love and only been with their boyfriends for like 5 months and we have been together 10 and not said it! But that I never felt pressure from him so was happy.

We were kind of both stumped at the end I said we should have no contact for a while and that if he feels like he NEEDS to be in love right now then it wouldn't work , but if he is happy to see where things go then it might. I explained I have no plans when it comes to marriage and kids, all I'm concentrating on is a career and hopefully seeing more of the world.

I told him that we need to decide whether we are happy to see where the ride takes us or go our separate ways as there was no between, as I would not just be his friend.

He says he is happy with that and I feel a lot more comfortable too. I just want to know what you guiys thought? Do you HAVE to be in love after 10 months? Is there set rules? Can you be happy not knowing how you feel but see where it takes you?

Please help!

Generally speaking Id say that ten months isn't a very long time.
There s no rule that says you HAVE to be in love or love after any specific period.
Taking things nice and slow is to my mind always a good idea.
I hope you re feeling better now.

Yeah feeling better now, do u think I have done the right thing by taking time out?

Yes you need it for yourself. Be your own priority.
Concentrate on your career for now and look after yourself.

Yeah I will, so from now is on it nc until someone decided what it is they want?

Good idea.
Good luck.

Is there danger that he just wants to be friends from what he was saying on the phone?

Benson we can't know what he thinks or means. You re better off not trying to secondguess him as it is a waste of time. You have your life to lead and don't put it on hold for him.

Don't make the same mistake many of us do. We base our decisions on the confusion our ex feels, and that gives us false hope. That's why we do NC, to avoid false hope, and confusion, so we can make better decisions based on facts.

His actions are clear, he wants to keep you close as a friend, but doesn't want anything beyond that, and he doesn't want you to move beyond him. Then he has what he wants, but all you will have is the false hope for more.

Its time to leave him alone to come to his own conclusions now, and end this limbo your in, stop second guessing your own decisions and ignore his attempts to keep you in his life, so he won't feel lonely. He is afraid to take a risk to work with you any longer, and won't let you go to be happy.

That's not a healthy situation for you, nor is he a good bet for a relationship. His actions says it all, so no further contact whatsoever is my advice. Misery loves company, and that's not what you want, more misery and pain.

I'm not looking at it as a break I know it's a break up and I feel a lot better than I did lastweek and I'm feel happier everything is out in the open. I'm happy to leave things as they are until I know if I'm better with or without him

But am I wrong for believing him? I mean I'm only 25 but I'm not sure how I would feel if everyone around me was getting settled maybe I would feel pressured too.

What good does it do to want what others have? When you have the right partner you will have it too.

He was honest with you, he doesn't feel the love. That's the fact you deal with. Its easy to envy what others have, and want it, but quite another thing to go through the changes of getting it. You two are just not on the same page.

OK my ex contacted me lastnight. He text saying I miss you. I had had a few drinks and told him I missed him too. Then he asked if he could come over. I told him no because I had people over. He simply said "no problem have a good night". I didn't reply

Then this morning he text saying sorry for texting you lastnight I do miss you and I'm sorry I shouldn't have text (we agreed nc for a month) hope you had a good night otherwise"

I left it for a few hours then text back saying. its a bit long winded

" I miss you too but you clearly are not able to decide if its enough to be with me and that's why you need to think hard about whether you want me in your life. These issues just don't exists (he thinks he is wasting my time because he is not sure if he wants kids, marriage etc) U know how I feel about you so you need to think about how you feel about me. Until then I'm moving on in a way because I also need to accept that you might feel so unhappy with yourself for awhile and I can't wait. I told him that I wished we could get through this together but I kind of understand he needs to sort himself out alone.

Have I done the right thing?

He text back and said he it is up to him to sort his head out and find out what I want but understands he can't just hang around waiting.

He then explained that although it has nothing to do with me he needs to figure out about going back to uni before he can make any decisions.

Sorry to harp on guys but I'm struggling a bit? Do you think he does want to get back, he is just a bit "messed up" ?

HELP!

He seems messed up to be perfectly honest.

He tells you one thing, waits a while, then tells you something different!

To be honest, that's what my boyfriend did to me before we got back together. And that's why I kept ignoring his texts - u don't speak to him for a while, and then you reply, and you're right back to square one.
If you're going to go the NC route, you have to stick to it no matter what!
My boyfriend told me he missed me too, and he said "maybe there could be a chance of us getting back together" - but until he actually asked for me back, I kept ignoring him, because replying only made me feel worse.

You can't keep setting yourself back by replying. You aren't doing yourself any favours!

Yeah I know what you mean, I think I'm scared of how he would feel which is silly!"

I told him not to text unless he had came to some sort of decision. I really do just need to ignore him which is hard.

But he will never know what he is missing if I am there. I think I just needed to tell him how I felt, now he knows balls in his court now, and imj just looking at this is a break up, it would be a bonus if that could change but I'm not counting on it

You're best just getting on with your life and living it the way you would had you not met him.
If he wants you back, he knows where you are.
Other than that, you're just holding yourself back by allowing him to screw with your head.

My ex broke up with me as he was feeling like a failure, nothing to offer, does not know if he wants kids marriage and does not want to waste my time. I explained these issues don't exists as far as I'm concerned, agreed on no contact but

He text me lastnight. He text saying I miss you. I had had a few drinks and told him I missed him too. Then he asked if he could come over. I told him no because I had people over. He simply said "no problem have a good night". I didn't reply

Then this morning he text saying sorry for texting you lastnight I do miss you and I'm sorry I shouldn't have text hope you had a good night otherwise"

I left it for a few hours then text back saying. its a bit long winded

" I miss you too but you clearly are not able to decide if its enough to be with me and that's why you need to think hard about whether you want me in your life. These issues with pressure of marriage just do not exist between us. You know how I feel about you so you need to think about how you feel about me. Until then I'm moving on in a way because I also need to accept that you might feel so unhappy with yourself for awhile and I can't wait. I told him that I wished we could get through this together but I kind of understand he needs to sort himself out alone.

Have I done the right thing?

He text back and said he knows it is up to him to sort his head out and find out what I want but understands I can't just hang around waiting.

He then explained that although it has nothing to do with me he needs to figure out about going back to uni before he can make any decisions.

Sorry to harp on guys but I'm struggling a bit? Do you think he does want to get back, is he missing me? Or just lonely ?

HELP!

He is having a hard time making decisions for his own future, let alone make one about you.

That's why you leave him alone, so he can reach his own conclusions without your influence.

Contact is confusing isn't it? Id say mostly both people in an excouple miss the other one,but the point here is that he s still confused and you ll be better off not letting him draw you back into a conversation just because he felt like texting you-against the agreement you had.
Ps this thread will probably be merged with your original one as its about the same subject. :-)

I was wondering! I know. I read a really interesting perception on heartache which helped. It said its like a war. But not between you and your ex but your head and your heart. I know I need to do nc in my head I just need to keep telling my heart that.

I am also trying to look at it as him being disrespectful for contacting me, as I asked him not to because it just confuses me and he did it anyway! He was not coming to me with a decision but because it would make him feel better!

I do really care about him and do want to be with him but the more I am away from him I know that's the last thing I want when he is like that.

But do you think that long winded text I sent

" I miss you too but you clearly are not able to decide if its enough to be with me and that's why you need to think hard about whether you want me in your life. These issues with pressure of marriage just do not exist between us. You know how I feel about you so you need to think about how you feel about me. Until then I'm moving on in a way because I also need to accept that you might feel so unhappy with yourself for awhile and I can't wait. I told him that I wished we could get through this together but I kind of understand he needs to sort himself out alone.

Was the right way to tell him this?

You did mention moving on and that you re not waiting so you ve made your point. Now stay no contact and don't reply to any such texts in the future,however tempted you are.

I think your text was OK. Typical things we all have done the first few weeks post break up. BUT... FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST... follow through now. You've made your point now show some resolve.

If you text this guy again tonight I'm so telling your mother...

:) no I PROMISE I won't text!
I have settled on the couch with some sweets!
So rather than text him ill just get grossly overweight! Ha!
I just hope that if he does txt its some decision because finding the strength to ignore his texts needs more than a bar of chocolate!
But I have noticed when he was texting me and I ignored the reply he would text again!

Treat them mean keep them keen!

I actually have something wrong with me in the head!
I just text him! WHY? I was at the airport and it reminded me of him when we went on holiday!
So I text telling him so! Am I INSANE??

There s nothing wrong with your head -you just had a weak moment.
Most of us do. Don't stare at the phone waiting for a reply-back to NC.

He did reply, but I am angrey that I had a weak moment!
I never said anything too damaging just annoyed at myself!

Benson,you need boot camp no contact!

Delete his number...

Delete his picture...

Delete ALL texts messages from him,stop reading the old ones... yes all messages,even those ones hidden in the phone...

Delete delete delete...

Pick a friend you trust, any time you get the urge to text or make contact,ring them instead.

How about you delete his number?:-)

I wish I could deleted from my head! Cause I know it by heart!
I did delte emails pics messages the lot but I know his number!
I need need need to be strong and ill txt a friend instead!

You know that way u have a memory and think awwwwwwww that's what happened!
I should be stronger!

Could it be worse?

Of course it could be worse...

The less you use the number,you will have a harder time remembering it.

Start again,that's all you can do...

We all fall,and we fall again,and some of us (my hand is up) continue to fall until we can't take the rejection any more,it just delays the healing process and makes the days longer.

I actually have something wrong with me in the head!
I just text him! WHY? I was at the airport and it reminded me of him when we went on holiday!!
So I text telling him so! Am I INSANE?!?!?!

Yes, you are. Can't say we didn't warn you. We all have to follow our own path. Here's hoping your's won't be bumpy.

My ex text me lastnight and I swear I didn't txt back after the airport fiasco!
He said he is confused about if he does not want to have kids or if he doesn't if he wants it with me and feels confused about his age
Etc!I know when someone is thinking like that I need to walk away
But is it me that's made him think this or is it his own situation?
I just keep thinking its me!

His texts are just confusing you and he is breaking the agreed nc-walking away is right-how much longer do you want to be stuck in this?

I don't! I don't want to hear anything from him and vice versa unless its constructive! But why say things like that?he says he is being honest but he says oh I don't want kids or I might just not with you! He seems mean but insure what the truth is? Doers that make sense!

Nobody else knows what he wants-maybe he doesn't either-me if someone were to break up with me then send confused and confusing texts, I d walk and not speak to them again.

This guy just keeps reeling you in,and then gives you another kick in the heart...

Instead of just ignoring him,change your number... it might be a hassel but the relief will be worth it...

No more texts or calls or taunts or confused mixed messages.

Ni more texts your right!
Is he just taunting me? Or is he just so messed up!

Do you see how this gets you confused? Nobody knows Benson. Just stop worrying about it. Don't overanalyze his behaviour or texts. Leave it be and move forward.

I cany change me no cause of work but ill def not text again! He said he would like to meet after he finds out about uni but I don't want to meet someone for them to reject me!
What if he wanted me back? Would it even be worth it!

Why do you keep doing this to yourself Benson? Seriously... I know you hurt. But you continue to swim in a toilet bowl of pain with this guy. Time to move on hun.

Do you enjoy being toyed with? Probably not.
Do you like all the false hope and empty promises? Negative.
Are you happy right now? Uh... NO.

You keep asking the same questons we keep giving the same answers. You have to want to help yourself first.

In one of the stickies, I think it's the one by friend4u, it mentions that of all the people who come here seeking advice after a breakup only about 3% get back with their ex. And of the ones whose threads I've read they have split up again causing even more heartbreak and pain. The way I see it is : you either decide that you re going to move on and not look back-heal and feel happy again,or you wait around in limbo for something that might never happen,trying to analyze and interpret his thoughts and future actions. I don't want to sound harsh but you re going around in circles.

I know to be honest I'm starting to bore myself with the whole thing!
Wish he would just leave me! If u don't want out withsomeone don't text to say u miss them and want to see them!
Its so cruel!

Then politely inform him-in no uncertain terms-that you want no more contact. That d be YOU taking charge of YOUR life.

I know to be honest I'm starting to bore myself with the whole thing!
Wish he would just leave me! If u don't want out withsomeone don't text to say u miss them and want to see them!
Its so cruel!

YOU Benson continue to feed his behavior.
YOU Benson have chosen not to put an end to this, his so called cruelity.
YOU Benson are living in hopes that he'll change.
YOU can only control YOU.

The ex just text me the following! I am going to ignore it but is thois confusion or is this a definite conclusion on his part is he buckling under pressure again please help:

Hi, I've been thinking the last few days about having the ball in my court and how honest you were about your feelings. Now it's my turn, I feel uncomfortable having the ball in my court and feel under pressure to give you an answer (which I know you deserve). I do have feelings for you but I don't love u. I'm sorry I know no one wants to hear that and it's hurtful but I want to be honest about it and the sooner you know the sooner time will pass and the sooner it will hurt less. I have realised that I want to fall in love because I've got all else going for me so the one thing I feel I can actually control I want to get right. I know I could be throwing something amazing away and I may die alone but at least I'd know I didn't waste your time. I would like to stay friends but I know you don't want that and I respect that. I also want to say there is no one else involved. I'm just really sorry, I feel like I've wasted 10 months of your life and now I've hurt you. I have enjoyed every day of it but I don't think it's love. I'm sorry. X

No confusion there benson,that's as clear as day.

Its over, and hopefully the end of all the confusion.

Its over,he said he does not love you and might even die alone,but still does not want to continue the relationship...

If you needed an answer he gave you one...

I know it still hurts,but it will get better and hopefully no contact for both of you.

What don't you understand?

HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU.

Can you let this go now? At least he s being honest. Sometimes life sucks but all we can do is pick ourselves up and move forward.
It's remember remember the fifth of November-any good bonfires near you?

How can you just tell her to "let this go" ?
Its easier said than done. 10 months may not be an awful long time, but a lot can happen in 10 months, and this is a difficult time for her, so it won't be easy for her to let it go.

Benson, after all this time, all this hurt and confusion, you finally got a definite answer. All you can do from here is respect his feelings. Delete his number, delete him off Facebook etc, you don't need any of that in your life while you're trying to get past this.
I know its difficult, it will be for a while, but at least he didn't waste 10 years then tell you this.
He was just being honest, and it's going to better for both of you in the long run.

Please come by every so often and let us know how you're keeping.
I really do wish you all the best.

How valuable is a gutt feeling?

I think that depends on your state of mind at the time of the gut feeling.

One thing I always remember is - The greatest a woman has ever been given, is her intuition.

Yeah. To be honest I don't feel hurt or upset I'm not sitting crying!
I'm munching cheese on toast!
I feel in a good place!

There is a feeling in my gutt though he is feeling a lot worse than me

Lol well that's good then.

Maybe it's just he cheese and toast your feeling in your gut.

Jayjay- I asked Benson if she could let it go- I didn't tell her.
Benson I hope you re feeling OK today.

Hi there
I need some advice, my ex broke up with me a few months ago. To cut to the chase he explained it was because he was confused about how he was feeling about me. Anyway although it was a struggle I managed to limit contact, which I think made us realise that we did miss each other so we got back together,

Everything has been grand so far, we have really enjoyed each others company and he has been great really attentive etc. However the other day he showed my an email reply from a mutual friend, just to really catch up on how she was doing.

Anyway, I don't think he relised that I could also see what he had written. She had asked about us and said she was glad we are back together etc, and his reply was that he enjoys being with me and realised that he is happier with me than without, he said he was not sure if that the best reason to be together "but there we go".

Since the break up all his friends said he was lost with out me etc, but I still have a naggling feeling, is he just with me out of routine? We have only been together for a year right enough.

Should I let this go? I fell a bit confused and concerned. Am I being a little paranoid ?Please help

This looks similar to my thread. I would be in fear too, if I were you. I don't know honesty, my bf's just dumped me and now textes me. I think we've both been strung along. I'm sorry. Do what you feel is right and take care of yourself.

Why don't you start with talking to one another? Tell him your thoughts and feeling, listen to his. Open communication is key. Try to understand what went wrong, discuss what you're, both of you, are going to do about it to avoid problems in the future. Give it a try, it just may put your mind at ease.

I know I have to say something, I just don't want him to think I am snooping around his emails, so I don't want him to feel guilty every time I bring up the break up, I feel like I'm stuck. He has given me no reason to think like this, I am the one that went snooping and found this! I don't know what to do...

How are you snooping if he showed you the email?

Cause I know he didn't know that the sent email was there, when I asked him what he said about us, he said he never said anything

Why wouldn't you just tell him you could see the reply for yourself? Wouldn't that be the more honest way to have the conversation? Now your going to wonder what he is hiding, and you're afraid to just lay the cards on the table. At least you would be talking and not assuming and presuming.

You don't seem to have learned the value of honest communications, so here we go again, trying to force a relationship between two partners that never got to evaluate their feelings for each other without influence. Of course through the "limited" contact you both reached the same conclusion, you missed each other, how? I don't know, but for sure no effort was ever made to deal with the issues that broke you up.

I suspect while one of you was talking, the other wasn't listening, so we are back to square on, trying to work on things without honest communications, and from experience, that never works out.

Hi! Tal is so right-unless you really start talking as in honest communication what has either of you learnt from the breakup? I hope it works out for you but please start talking and listening. :-)