I can honestly say that I made a huge mistake the other day. I've been going out with this guy for just over 4 months. We met online and the first time we met we both felt we had known each other forever. We get on really well and everything was great between us. The other week for some reason we had a little disagreement in a way it was our first argument but nothing major. Then on the Sunday when we saw each other we chatted and sorted it all out, he then started chirping on about feelings etc at which point I said, "but its too late I already love you" at which point I wanted to rewind those last 3 seconds and redo it, but it was to late. He ended up in tears and had to go the toilet to be sick :S and we ended up spending most the afternoon in tears together possibly now only crying because the other was upset.
I know that in his last relationship he got hurt badly, she went back to college said nothing would change between them then 2 weeks in said shed met someone else and that he was boring. (which he really isnt) I also know that I am going to New Zealand for 5 weeks in Feb and then uni in the September only now as a "mature student" the uni is no further away from his then where I already live, but can understand his fears on this due to his past and think he is afraid of getting hurt again.
He said that he really wanted to say that he loved be back but wasn't ready to as much as he wished he could, that I had made him so happy because he didn't think that someone could feel like that about him but that he needed some space. He felt it was best for me to not stay round anymore and that he felt it would be wrong for us to continue sleeping together whilst he was getting himself sorted, he said he needs time but doesn't know how long.
He now wants us to be friends and stay close still see each other and spend time together just not as a couple but as friends, leaving it open to revist as a relationship in the future. He says that its not an easy choice for him to make as he doesn't want to lose me but feels it is the right thing to do in the long run.
Since then I saw him the following Monday after this and we watched a film - it was great we laughed like always but inside it was hurting me and he could tell, we talked I said that it was hard because I wanted to be how it was before I said I love you. I aske dwhat I had done wrong he said "nothing and that I was 11 out of 10" when I saked him then why in that case was he walking away he said because he is scared and isn't ready for a relationship and as the week had gone on realised this more. I since tried to understand where he was coming from but in doing so have pushed him further away. I know that I have been very emotional which hasn't helped. He now says he can only offer to be friends and after this week doesn't hold out much hope for us getting back together.

There is nothing you can do, he does not want a relationship... end of,I'm afraid.

I suggest going no contact, and try and put this behind you, staying friends will only hurt you more in the long run.

4 months is really not that long to to get to know someone enough to say you love them, I'm not knocking your feelings,but perhaps it was too soon and frightened him,he burst into tears after all.

As I said,no contact,and chaulk this one up too experience.

You tried, it didn't work, because he wasn't ready like you were. He still has to heal, so leave him completely alone, to deal with his past baggage.

Then why does he say that breaking up with me isn't easy to do but he thinks it would be better for us in the long run? And that I'm everything that he wants but he is scared. He said that he doesn't want to lose me etc?? Confused :S

I'd say he's trying to let you go in a nice but rather cowardly way. Like redhed said chalk this up to experience.

Hmm that's what I thought to. Or is it just that he still needs time to heal from his last girlfriend? Like talaniman said he started going out with me 5 months after breaking up with her.

Possibly-but I wouldn't wait around for that-I'd go live my own life.

He knows he can be with you, and he obviously isn't with you. Unfortunately no matter what he says, he has the means to be with you if he wanted to, clearly he doesn't.

I think you are lucky to be rid of him. No matter how great he seems, by what you've said he has a whole load of problems he needs to sort out before he can participate in a healthy relationship. Don't look for fixer uppers, don't you know you deserve better?

What I don't understand is I don't text him... but then he texts me asking how my day was etc - is it not just plain rude to ignore him when he does this. Everyone who knows us says they know he has feeling for me.. . I think he does to. I think it maybe because he hasn't healed form his ex and now our relationship has become more serious he is afraid of getting hurt again? He does have issues to deal with.. . He said its not easy for him to let me go he doesn't want to but feels it is unfair to make me suffer whilst he sorts himself out. But if he wants space why does he text everyday?

You may well be right that I am better rid of him but we really were great together

Your not being rude when your protecting your heart and your mental health...

What he is doing is cruel...

He does not want the emotional responsibility that comes with being you're a boyfriend, and yet he has no problem doing it this way... hes still hurting you..

You can't be friends,you have feelings for him... I don't know what is game he is playing,but he is stringing you along.

If he was anyway decent he would let it go and give you a chance,instead of reeling back in for more hurt and confusion.

It's OK that you like him more than he likes you. I'm sure you can name 2-3 boys in the past who liked you more than you liked them, yes? Perfectly normal.

So this is all fine. You having hurt feelings over it is fine, too. Don't fight it, just let it feel the way it's going to feel.

But also, no need to feed it either. Don't try to put feet on your feelings. Let them be, and let him be.

It's also perfectly OK for you to deal with him honestly now. If he texts you, delete it without reading it. That's not rude, it's necessary. And don't spend even one second "wondering" what he is thinking or wants or anything... it's irrelevant now. At least it needs to be.

If he keeps it up, call a mutual acquaintance with a strong spine and ask them to intervene on your behalf... tell him to cut it out... use those words. Don't bother placating him, he's not hurting himself with his contacts to you, he's hurting you, so tell him to stop.

If he keeps it up, call his mother. You calling HIM is what he wants, so don't do that. Don't talk to him, nor read his messages, just let your feelings of sadness run their course and get ready for your next thing.

This is a good time to reorganize those closets, take that weekend away with the girls... anything.

Okay, look at it from his point of view. The point of view you're posing. So you are a guy that loves a girl but has been really hurt in the past. You have been hurt by someone you love. This girl has said she loves you. You love her. You love her so much and want only to be with her. You love her because not only does she love you but she thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread.

She can't believe her luck that she found a guy as great as you. She loves everything about you. She has been nothing but supportive. You feel the same way for her that she feels for you. You can't believe your luck.

Okay, so if this was true then his only possible action would be to be with you. You would be all his prayers answered.

But this is not the case. He is not with you , because he does not want to be, because he does not love you (except maybe as a friend). He cares for you and likes you. But he is not in love with you, he does not feel the same way.

Regarding the contact, why wouldn't he contact you? He likes talking to you, it is pleasant for him. He knows he has hurt you so he also feels guilty, so he wants to stay in touch and catch up to see how you are.

Send him a message saying that for your own preservation and for you to be able to come to terms with everything you need space. That you are implementing no contact. If he replies to that (I'm sure it will be concern + wanting to stay friends + support for you to get better) don't reply to his message (that is the whole point of the no contact message). That is no contact. Do it, start the healing process.

It is hard but try to be tough and stick with it.

OK thank you all for your advice :)

Good luck to you and take care.

Brambleyapple,

I apologise if I am being a bit rough =), I haven't had any sleep yet. So if I seem a bit abrupt, please forgive me. I hope you are happy whatever you do.