She said she just started to feel different, like I was her best best best friend now. Over the last month or 2 we really hadn't done much together because of school and work and our sex life was hurting. She said she just didn't think things would change and that we're not right for each other. Then she cried historically and grabbed for me as I walked away. I told if that's how she feels then it's probably for the best. That I wanted her to make sure she takes care of herself and to try and remember the great times we had (we had a lot). All of this is really sudden and stupid hard to figure out what to do. I'm not even close to out of love with her, I was still willing to work to get out of the rut we were in, I guess he just wasn't. I returned some things to her that night, I said a few things about how much I cared and loved her, and she held onto me real tight before kissing me on the lips and saying she was sorry (meaning doing that would just make it harder). I think she's acted very emotionally and irrationally. I don't feel like the relationship is over and we had something so strong that it won't take long to rekindle things. We talked towards the end of that night again and I let her know not to worry about me and that I agree we were having problems. She said I was the best guy she's ever met and tried to say goodnight to me the old fashioned way, I didn't reply. I plan to NC, mostly for myself. I'm a fairly strong willed person. It's only been 24 hours but I feel like I already know that I really want what we had. What do you guys think of the possibility of us getting back together? Where's she at? By the way she's 21.

I know exactly where she is at because I am currently there. Studies show that about 2 years into a relationship, the "in love" feeling begins to fade, and love becomes more of a choice than an emotional high. You are still "in love," and you still feel romance for her, but she feels like you are best best best friends. This is an extremely confusing time, but it is where love deepens in a relationship. Love is also commitment. Your relationship could survive the awesome times, and the great feeling of being madly in love, but unfortunately it has not survived the tough test of CHOOSING to love. Many relationships end in ruins because they are based on the "feeling" of love, and the couple has failed to realize that love is a choice. I suggest not contacting her- as you said- for your own good. Right now, consider it over, and stick with NC... If she changes her mind later, great! If not, you will not die. The only thing you can do now is move upward and onward.

Wow dude I'm definitely going to help you out... I just got out of a 3 yr long dist. relationship, I have been through the tribulations of having a loving perfect relationship vs. finishing school and its tasks...

My story is very similar... I had the last kiss, tears, I'm the best guy, etc...

I broke up 3 times, OK you must realize what is a bigger goal to achieve in your life right now?

Finish school? Or Love her primarily?

I chose to finish school and my life is great! Because that was my long term goal since I was a teenager... Love will come when its ready...

Trust me I know its hard to let go but you will find an open world once you finish school...

*I nearly forgot I got a last kiss when I broke up with my ex... wow what a moment... *

You've done your part by letting her know that you still love her and willing to work things out.

The ball is on her side of the court now. It's up to her if she wants to give it another shot.

Stay in NC and keep going your thing. Whether you get back together or not in the future, you should focus on healing from the break.

It's obvious that you really love the girl, but there's really nothing you can do to force her to stay/return to the relationship. You've told her how you feel, so back away and give her the space and time to decide what she wants. You truly would do best with NC. I know it's tough to do, but helps a lot with the healing.

Thanks. She texted me today to say thanks for not trying to make her feel bad or make it worse by by making her feel more guilty. The whole thing is sickening. A friend of mine offered me a bed in his place a few states away for the winter break. She heard I was talking about it and texted me to say not to go and it would be a terrible idea. Then a few hours later she said maybe it would be good for me. For some reason I replied and told her not to be confused that this is easy for me, and I care about her but if she doesn't feel the same way I'm going to do what it takes, and if I go it's because I decided to. She replied with I know, I just didn't want you to not go because of me.

Now I'm just kind of pissed and wish I could drop my phone in a toilet and be done with it. It's absurd that a few days ago we kissing each other saying we loved each other. I guess I was a naïve kid, I honestly thought we would always have each other and that there would be very few things that would end us (especially something meager like losing the initial spark and not getting over an argument). She's not a very self-sustained person, I have no idea how she's going to handle this.

She's not a very self-sustained person, I have no idea how she's going to handle this.
The real question is how you handle it, and leaving her alone is a great start.
Talaniman Rule-When you get dumped, disappear from their lives, and do your own thing.

That means no calls, texts, emails, begging or trying to be friends until you have accepted the end of the romance, and have healed.

I really don't want to hurt her though. I've always been much stronger than she has. What am I to do about Facebook? I'm not having a terrible problem with it (as in checking her page over and over) but I don't know what to do as she's logged in a few times and not changed our status. I feel like if I do it first it will devastate her and it would feel pretty manipulative.

Give it some thought guy as I could have sworn she dumped you.



She said she just didn't think things would change and that we're not right for each other.

I did a lot of soul searching today and realized how unattentive I was and how little effort I put into our relationship over the last few months. I really let her and myself down. I just stopped doing all the little stuff and was getting to tired/lazy from everything else in my life. How can NC fix things between us if she broke up with me because she was feeling neglected?

No Contact is not to get her back as your girlfriend. Only she can do that, if she chooses to. NC is for you to get beyond this break up and heal so you can make better decisions for yourself based on facts and not just feelings.

After you have lost the love of your life, for whatever reasons, it no longer matters what you want, as her mind has changed and she no longer wants what you want, or cares to be honest. Those are the consequences you pay for neglecting your relationship, and not going what it takes to keep it going. These are lessons we all learn, and hopefully grow from.

Now you can recognize your mistakes and apologize, and swear you'll do better until the cows come home but there is no guarantee she will forgive you and take you back, nor is there a magic wand to repair a broken heart.

NC cannot fix things between you, but it can fix you so you can have a better future, with whomever.

So leave her alone, and get your own act together, and accept the fact you screwed up, and learn from your mistakes.

Read the stickies for this forum, there is a link in my signature and see how we deal with the heart break of a failed relationship. You aren't alone, we all go through this pain, some of us go through it several times.