Hi, I just read through many posts like this, but as I read many times here, every relationship is different... I've seen behemoth posts of like 3 screens and I don't want to bore you with that, I'll try to condense my relationship to like 2 - 3 paragraphs and then you tell me what you think.

First of all let me tell you that my relationship isn't a very regular relationship, to start with I met her on the internet, talked to her a lot and we became friends, then suddenly I started to care for this person... what I thought it was utter bs, was happening to me, I was actually starting to care for someone over the internet, making things short we became a couple, to make things worse, she lives in brasil, I live in mexico, after we became a 'couple' if you want to call it that, we talked to each other, every fricking single day, no exceptions, we called each other, etcetera, to my surprise she was actually pretty, as in real pretty, I liked her and decided to go meet her.

We met 4 times in 4 years, every year we met, we lived together alone for 1 month in the ap her parents rent for her and her brothers to study college, the last year she came here to meet my family and stuff since I had already met her, I know this sounds stupid but our relationship was really strong (Yes I know, I'm amazed as well). In the last 2 years we even talked about getting married (seriously) and getting together for good once I finished college, this was going to happen from the time I'm posting this to 6 months max, let me repeat that we talked to each other for an insane amount of time every day, when she didn't know about me she used to go nuts and call my cell (yes, international call).

So after 4 years, almost 5, 1 week ago she tells me she's not sure she really wants this, because we had agreed on her coming over here. So we're taking a break. I have read the threads and stuff and I know there's really a very very small chance of getting back together, but we endured this 5 years and right when we were about to get together for good this happens, I asked her if there was someone else and she said No, I sincerely believe her because I know her, so I think she's really just confused.

We have put so much into this relationship (yes, we, not only me) and would not like it to end. I'd really really like to get her back, I have read that this is very likely not to happen and I'm actually a lot better now than I was 2 days ago (almost dying from grief).

So in resume, I will put the NC operation when I feel it's really over, but for now she said she still does loves me, and she's sure about it but doesn't know for sure if she wants to be with me forever.

PS. We even had rings ffs.

I think the real question would be, what would be the best shot to get her back?

From the facts you provided, I don't see enough evidence that her feelings for you have changed. It sounds more like you don't really know why she's getting cold feet. You've been together for almost 5 years, you should have a better communication system than that.

Talk it out with her. See what's going on in her mind. Moving to your country is a huge step for her and it sounds like she wants some reassurance that she's making the best decision for her and that you're fully committed to this decision.

Remember, she's the one leaving everything behind to be with you. So she's in a much more difficult position. Communication is key.

You talked in your post about how you talked - a lot. So, talk.

This is not, to my mind, about going NC, this is about continuing to communicate and keeping the door open for her to be able to express her fears and doubts.

You've visited her 4 times. Now she's expected to come and live with you. That's a huge step. She'd be leaving her family and friends for someone that , in the scheme of things, she actually has not spent that much physical time with.

You don't know that there is only a small chance of getting back together. Every situation is individual.

Talk. Go and visit her if you can. If you really love each other you can compromise - have you considered living with her in Brazil?

Well, we talked a lot about this. She said she feels we are distant and that it's not the same thing, so she asked me for time off because he isn't sure she feels the same way she felt for the last 4 almost 5 years, I did tell her that if she wanted I could go live there and try things out and see how that works out. She said that would be fine too but she doesn't want me to go there because she wants to make sure she still wants this.

So basically the problem is not her moving, the problem is she's not sure anymore that she wants to be with me forever.

I just finished college and I'm currently unemployed, so I'll keep you guys updated everyday. What I'm doing right now is doing what I would always do even being with her, BUT not talking to her, because we talked about this for a long time like three times and she still says she needs time to make sure before going back. So I'm just going to let her talk to me and contact me.

I have never had an experience in online dating, and I'm not sure what kind of true connections are made, but seeing each other 4 times in 4 years, then talking about marriage is kind of weird to me. I am not trying to knock you in the slightest, and I know that the internet is the new blind date, but how much can you really know about a person by only seeing them 4 times in 5 years? Make sure this is what you want to. Maybe she is realizing what I'm talking about and is just getting unsure... some people are very clingy to their natural surroundings and it takes and awfully powerful force to sway them, and that includes bringing in someone from another country to liive with them.

Good idea letting her do the initiating... she told you she wants time, so don't be a dope, and give her the time! Some guys just don't get that concept. Yea its hard, but the last thing you want to do is show her you can't follow a simple request. Keep us updated. Good Luck

I don't know man, I know it's hard to believe, but we really knew each other... we had such level of confidence we told each other everything about ourselves, I really really knew her, and we didn't talk about getting married out of the blue, we talked about that for 2 years. Anyway I zipped everything I had of her in a file in my PC, changed my cell picture and took my ring off. The only communication I still have with her, is the way we always talked to each other, which is MSN. I still have her there but I ain't talking to her at all, I will just be there IF she wants to talk and see what happens.

Also I wanted to say this forum if you call it like that, is great. The first 3 days after breaking up I literally had physical pain because of this in my chest, then I found this site and read a lot of the stories here and made me feel better. So I guess I'll just stick with what I'm doing right now... which is like almost everyone else recommends to do in here.

There is a very big difference between having a pen pal/online thing going, and only meeting up occasionally, than actually committing for life.

The romance was great but will marriage be? Who knows, but she isn't willing, or able to take that risk yet, so the thing is, I would think, would be to check out the romance up close with a period of dating, but she doesn't want that either, so you have no choice but to leave her alone, and let her work it out with herself, without your influence.

While your leaving her alone you can find your dream job.

Hmmm, I wonder if your employment has any bearing on her decision? I bet it does but for now forget her and do your own thing.

You enjoyed it while it lasted, and it may well be over.

So the summary, after the time off day, we talked to each other for some days but I still felt bad, I found these stickies and made me feel a lot better and initiated a semi NC, which means the only way for me to communicate is MSN, but I ain't talking to her at all, I will just let her talk to me if she wants.

After 1 day and a half of NC, she talked to me yesterday at night and said hi, we talked to each other about what we did those days and such.

I know her and I know that if she doesn't feels 'that' again in 2 weeks - 1 (or maybe 2 months) it's probably very over. So my new plan is this, keep going like this and give her 1 month, if the month comes and no change, I'm going full NC.

Actually how do you guys think I should do this? Should I do what I'm saying or just go full NC?

And if I do go full NC how should I do it, should I just disappear one day, or should I tell her why I'm doing it and that she can contact me only if she's sure she wants to get back?

Sorry for the many questions :p

Half nc is not nc... its contact!

My advice is simple.

Go full no contact,explain to her what you are doing,and the only reason you need to hear from her is she is ready... you don't want a conversation about how her cat is or the weather..

While you are doing no contact,get out into the world, start looking for work, do something with your time..

Get healthy and get to the gym.

And last but not least... its your life,its your heart and your mental health,rely on no one to protect them,only you.

Approach no contact with a view to full recovery from the relationship,she may never choose you,or a life with you...

During the 5 years you have been in contact its been like a fairy tale relationship, the reality of a relationship in real time ,every day,is possibly scary for her...

The only way she will come to a conclusion is if you leave her alone to digest the information and the seriousness of the situation... its her life too.

Fine... I guess I'll go full NC, it will be very hard but I'll try, I'll start Monday, I swear. I'm just going to wait the weekend to pass to ready myself.

Can I just ask,what you are getting out of the semi conversations your having with her?

Are you gaining anything?

Are you happy with that?

Its your decision if or when to start,but the sooner you do,the sooner she will realise,you won't wait forever for a decision.

If the relationship is as important to her as it is to you,don't you think that the decsion would be easier to make for her.

I wouldn't wait till Monday if I were you-the sooner the better,as you'd be doing this for you so that you can take full control of your own life.

Just talked to her and this is how it went down: I asked her for a talk with 100% honesty, I asked her if there was someone else, she said no and I believed her, because... well I just did, she's very direct and I think she would have told me if there was.

I asked her if she thought in all honesty if there was a chance we would get back, and she said yes and why, she also said that if she thought there wasn't she would have told me already so I don't lose my time, I believed her again.

Finally I told her why going NC would be OK and she agreed, the terms are, full NC and she will only contact me if she has decided on trying again or moving on, and I will do the same.

Good choice. Keep busy,come back and tell us how it goes.
Take care.

So you still are waiting for her decision? Once you go NC, then YOU better be moving on. What if she doesn't make a decision for say, 6 months? What are you doing in the meantime?

You need to realize that its your choice what you do, not hers.

While I see your point, the thing is... I do not want to move on yet, I did this because it will be easier for myself to move on later. Also I do not plan to wait forever, I didn't tell her this but I'm just going to wait at max 1 month or a month and a half and that's it, if by that time she hasn't made up her mind... well I mean, this is no stranger I know her and know that if that time passes and she hasn't mailed back it's over anyway and I'll send the email saying I will then move on.

So yea, I'm still waiting... also it's not like 1 month will kill me... I guess heh.

That's your decision to make my friend, just enjoy your freedom.

Time flies when your having fun, doing your own thing. You will love yourself for it.

This is being way harder than I thought, today was the first day of NC and I managed to do it, but oh man, it took such a great force. I was thinking... what if we get to the 24 like this, you think I should send her a little txt that says merry xmas? Nothing big, just a merry xmas heh.

If she is not willing for you to move where she is, and try to woo her, then what's the real point?

Good grief, drop this female, and get your dream job, and someone will appear, while your building a life that you enjoy, without her.

If she is unsure after 5 years, then I doubt she was that thrilled any way.

It will get easier as the days go by. Make sure you stay busy and do things that make you feel better.
NC means no contact at all so no texts for Xmas.

This is being way harder than I thought, today was the first day of NC and I managed to do it, but oh man, it took such a great force. I was thinking... what if we get to the 24 like this, you think I should send her a little txt that says merry xmas? nothing big, just a merry xmas heh.


She is not sending you any messages..

Just a little text,resets your nc at this stage,and all the pain of the last 24 hours will be in vain.

Let her think,and leave it alone.

Another day goes by of NC, today was still hard but easier I guess. I have noticed that I really go emo at nights and talking to people about it makes me feel extremely better. I don't know if it's because I'm talking about the problem, or because I'm talking about her, I think it's the latest =/

Its called venting, and it feels good when you get things off your chest.

Bayoo,

I was in an LDR for 5 years.
With someone that never really wanted to be together. As hard as I tried.

Don't waste anymore time on this.

Some people want us at a distance, but don't know how to be close or commit.

That's OK.

Stay NC & work on yourself. Stop the routine of calls, emails, etc.. Leave her alone.

Hard, believe me. I know. But so glad I did.

Vent here whenever you feel the need,that will help you stay NC-as you should.