Okay, this is a little bit complicated. Here goes...
I have been friends with a girl called T for threeish years. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I usually get the feeling a care about her miles more than she does me. But when I had an accident and was in a wheelchair for a while, she stuck by my side the whole way through. But as soon as I was out of it, I became part of the furniture. Sometimes, she would be her hyper crazy self, but most of the time she would be depressed and not talk to me about it. She would try to wind me up on purpose, by saying “I’m so hungry!” and “I want a fag sooo bad” and “I need vodka!” and “I need a rizla”. She knows her habits scare me, and she feels bad about it, but when she’s depressed, she goes all snappy and selfish. She has been anorexic and bulimic before, and she doesn’t eat PROPERLY but she’s hooked on weed and vodka now, and it’s like “YOU’RE 14 FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!”
The thing is she has been vaguely normal now. But our friend, her best friend G who’s also one of my best friends is bi and has been for a year or so. And everyone’s cool with that because she’s popular. But then this rumour went around that T and this girl called L were a lesbian couple, and everyone freaked because L isn’t popular. They aren’t gay at all.
Anyway, G managed to get out of me that I’m bi too. We’re just friends, so I trusted her. But I forgot that G and T were bezzies, so she naturally told her. And T was fine with it, but nobody else can know because of how people reacted with the rumour before. T even told me she was bi, but now she’s definitely not, she’s straight 100%.
Here’s the problem: I’ve like-liked T for over a year now, and her and G knew I liked a girl (we go to a girls’ school) and kept trying to guess who it is. In the meanwhile, I stupidly wore my heart on my sleeve, and they got out of me how and how much I like her. I’m a song-writer, so I even wrote a song about her for Christ’s sakes!! Anyway, a month later they both came to the conclusion that the girl was each other. I kept a tight lip though, which annoyed them. I was crestfallen to realize they didn’t REALLY care about what I was going through, they just wanted gossip. Yesterday, G worked out that it really was T, and I gave up denial. She texted: “I knew it! Haha!” and I replied “Tell her and I’ll squish you”, and she said “But she’s gonna find out sooner or later, and I want to prove her right anyway”.
Today, she almost told her In front OF ME. And then she finished telling her later. T means the world to me. I thought it was just a stupid girl crush, but when she drunkenly kissed this guy at a party in front of me, it literally felt like she might as well have ripped out my heart with her bare hands and stamped on it. G said that it doesn’t mean anything, they just pull guys for the hell of it/vodka’s fault. And I’m like: THAT’S NOT THE POINT, IS IT?? She would NEVER in a billion millenniums like me, and liking your BEST FRIEND who you have shared beds and changing rooms and complimented each other’s bras with is WRONG. I know for a fact I’m not some lesbian perve, I don’t have twisted thoughts and fantasies. I just like her so much it hurts. G ended up telling T everything. T calmed me down and told me not to get angry with G, because nothing is going to change. She said she still has the same attitude towards me, and she would never be weird ‘cos this is the 21st Century.
I can barely look at her now. I have to keep my distance, I can’t smell her or touch her or hear her laugh or even look at her properly. I can’t because it will make me like her in that way, which is WRONG. We have to sit next to each other, though. She noticed I was being “cold” and “distant” and generally solitary. She kept saying “why are you being weird? You KNOW I’m not gonna let this go.” So I said “I’m trying my best. Sorry.” In a blunt voice. It’s like, she’s my friend more than before. It’s like, I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS ANY LONGER!! And her and L keep making harmless gay insults to each other, but it still hurts. I’m really struggling trying to keep my FRIEND brain separate from my GAY side of my brain. How come I manage to separate the FRIEND part of my brain with the others with all my other friends, both guys and girls? HOW DO I COPE?!

Did you just realize that you were gay? Or did you know when you started the friendship? Is everybody gay? Your story was a little confusing.:D

One day at a time, just cope one day at a time. She still wants to be friends with you, so be friends. I think you are over thinking it.:)

Concentrate on being a good friend and get her to stop drinking and doing drugs and smoking, isn't that illegal where you are at?:confused:

No, nobody's gay :s I'm bi and G's bi. T thought she was ages ago, but she's actually straight. And yes, it is illegal. I'm the only one who sticks with the law and actually HAS morals.

In my opinion, 14 is too young to be coming up with sexual preferences. You guys haven't had enough experience in life in general, let alone sex! At your age, you shouldn't have a straight side of the brain or a gay side of the brain. Although, if you are going to a girl's school and many of your friends claim to be "bi" I can see you also being "bi" since you wouldn't want to be left out.
I would find a different crowd to hang out with and start surrounding yourself with healthier individuals who aren't addicted to breaking the law...

Plus, you are a minor!! Just because you claim to be "bi" doesn't mean you can legally have sex with young women. You have a sexual preference at such a young age, which means you have sexual experience, which means you have broken the law. So, I am questioning if your morals are so significant from theirs. Breaking the law, is breaking the law... You're doing it just like they are.

In my opinion, 14 is too young to be coming up with sexual preferences. You guys haven't had enough experience in life in general, let alone sex! At your age, you shouldn't have a straight side of the brain or a gay side of the brain. Although, if you are going to a girl's school and many of your friends claim to be "bi" I can see you also being "bi" since you wouldn't want to be left out.
I would find a different crowd to hang out with and start sorrounding yourself with healthier individuals who aren't addicted to breaking the law...

Plus, you are a minor!!! Just because you claim to be "bi" doesn't mean you can legally have sex with young women. You have a sexual preference at such a young age, which means you have sexual experience, which means you have broken the law. So, I am questioning if your morals are so significant from theirs. Breaking the law, is breaking the law...You're doing it just like they are. This is so wrong. She said nothing about having sex with the girl! In this generation, teens can tell if they are bi, straight or gay at such a young age. I have both a gay friend and a bi friend and they are both only 13. Anyway, mrswentz, this same thing happened to my friend. She liked her best friend who was also a girl. The girl told my friend she was bi too. Then my friend tried to get to the next level with her but she spread a rumor to everyone telling the school that my friend was bi. My friend cried and cried for days, she even took up cutting herself and drinking. I showed her your post and she cried again. Her exact words were" Omg. I guess im not alone in this sick world. I really wished no one had to expirence how i felt when it happened". Now she is better but she never really got over her girl crush. Whenever she sees her ex best friend she gets antsy and scared. They are now on the same sports team and its really difficult for her but she's learning to cope. Im very sorry this happened to you because I know how my friend felt and I helped her ease her pain even though she never wanted to talk about it. But what you need to do is find some really great friends who you trust. You obviously can't trust that G girl so please, just cope with it. I hope you feel better.

Being bi, straight, or gay is a sexual preference, and the only way one can know FOR SURE what they prefer sexually, is to experience it. I'm a female, and if I look at a girl and think 'wow, she's hot' that doesn't make me a lesbian, and it doesn't make me bi... Hinting at sexuality, or having sex with a woman however, would.

The op mentioned lesbian couples in her age group- what does a 14 year old mean by "lesbian couple?" That they are a couple of girls that are attracted to each other's appearance, or are they expirimenting with sexuality, and are an item? The op was upset when she saw her friend kiss a guy. This tells me that the girls are not just drawn to each other's looks... Sharing beds and changing rooms, complimenting each other's bras... if these relationships between her and her friends are not sexual already, then they are heading down that road, at only 14 years old.

It is my opinion, that a 14 year old cannot know if they are bi or gay, unless they have had sexual experience to tell them so. If they haven't had sexual experience, it is more than likely something they claim, for any number of reasons.
This is not the only issue. Not only are these girls claiming their sexual preferences, they are doing drugs and drinking underage- which is illegal, which means that this crowd is not the best influence for the op. I am not against people who are gay or bi, this is not all about the sex, but when drugs and alcohol are involved illegally, I cannot personally read this post and say it is okay.

Thank GOD sum1 is on the same planet as me. And NO I haven't broken ANY laws in my life - I haven't even had my first kiss yet!! So can you not assume I'm a whore, bcos I haven't dun anything. I have more morals than all th holy books put together thankyouverymuch. And yeah, sorry SHE went through th same thing. Luckily, my situations not as bad. T's being actually pretty cool with it all. She said it "will all blow over". I guess she's right :)

Oh, and by way of footnote jamie09 whatsit, you don't have 2 say your OK with it. Bcos if your not, that's fine by me. I have enough homophobes on my plate without you preaching sex moral to A BLIMMIN VIRGIN. And I didn't mean th changing room thing in a sexual way at all. We've been friends for AGES and I'm NOT AT ALL perverse, so there you go.

And I meant the"sharing beds" thing as in massive sleepovers with NOTHING WEIRD GOING ON. I mean, there are like 10 girls on a jumbo-sized matress, we're all JUST FRIENDS. OK, I think I'm dun now. So stop assuming we're "indulging in illegal sexual practices" bcos we're all virgins so there.

Did I call you a whore or make the assumption that you are a whore? I think not.

Oddly enough, I'm not a homophobe. I have many gay and bi friends and a few family members. I love them all to death. I'm not an old, overly-conservative, gays are condemned to hell homophobic. I'm only 19 years old. Just 5 years older than you.

I realize that sexual preferences change, like your friend that was bi then became gay. What caused the change? She like girls and guys, but then felt like she should like girls instead? Or did she experience something with both that changed her mind?

Sexual orientation is the direction of your sexual attraction- to boys, girls, or both. i.e.. If your sexual orientation is gay- you direct your sexual attraction toward the same gender.
The definition of sexual attraction is: "attractivness on the basis of sexual desire." or, who you desire to have sex with.

You have claimed, at 14 years old to have a sexual orientation, in other words, you know which gender you want to have sex with, even though you have not had a kiss, and say that you have never experienced sex in your life. You may like girls, but 14 years old is too young to have sexual desire for someone, virgin or not.

Thank GOD sum1 is on the same planet as me. and NO i havn't broken ANY laws in my life - i havnt even had my first kiss yet!!!! so can u not asume im a whore, bcos i havnt dun anything. i hav more morals than all th holy books put together thankyouverymuch. and yeh, sorry SHE went thru th same thing. luckily, my situations not as bad. T's being actually pretty cool with it all. She said it "will all blow over". i guess she's right :)

Please look here before posting again. We use english not chat speak.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/announcement-read-before-posting-teens-board.html

Did I call you a whore or make the assumption that you are a whore? I think not.

Oddly enough, I'm not a homophobe. I have many gay and bi friends and a few family members. I love them all to death. I'm not an old, overly-conservative, gays are condemned to hell homophobic. I'm only 19 years old. Just 5 years older than you.

I realize that sexual preferences change, like your friend that was bi then became gay. What caused the change? She like girls and guys, but then felt like she should like girls instead? Or did she experience something with both that changed her mind?

Sexual orientation is the direction of your sexual attraction- to boys, girls, or both. ie. if your sexual orientation is gay- you direct your sexual attraction toward the same gender.
The definition of sexual attraction is: "attractivness on the basis of sexual desire." or, who you desire to have sex with.

You have claimed, at 14 years old to have a sexual orientation, in other words, you know which gender you want to have sex with, even though you have not had a kiss, and say that you have never experienced sex in your life. you may like girls, but 14 years old is too young to have sexual desire for someone, virgin or not.

Kk I gets it. But "sexual desire" is a bit of a crude way of saying it. I don't see a hot guy and think "oooh i wanna do stuff with him" because I'm not like that at all. Same with girls. Liking sum1 dusnt necessarily mean you want 2 have sex with them or do stuff. Well, I don't anyway. I'm WAY2 immature 2 even CONSIDER thinking about sex. And yeah I get th definition, but don't you remember what it was like to have an innocent crush? It can't be th same thing.

And, 2 answer your question, G didn't turn gay, she was bi after being straight. And yeah, she didn't CHOOSE it, it's 1 of those things that happens really subtly deep down, and then one day you notice you're whatever sexuality you are (this can happen at any age, but usually in the teens) and you freak out. But she told me and T and she got enough support to accept herself. She couldn't help it, and it made her life SO much harder, because a teacher and her parents found out about her going out with a girl and stuff.


And yeah, I get you're not a homophobe, it's just that I snapped a bit when you used the phrases "im not okay with it" or something like that, and "too young" because I didn't ask or want for this to happen. It just did and it sucks, but @ the end of the day, I have to live with it. Of course I'm too young, and I'd give anything to e straight. No wait; I'd give anything to not have any sexuality whatsoever, so my life would be uncomplicated and I could move to Ireland and be a hermit with a house made of sticks and live off corned beef... NAH. I hate corned beef...

Please look here before posting again. We use english not chat speak.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/announcement-read-before-posting-teens-board.html

Lmao. G thnx4tht

"califdadof3 agrees: I agree .. also I object to people that use the term homophobe because they dont support any opinion but thier own. Thats really sad that people close off to debate and resort to name calling because they can't choose."

It's not a debate, the question was "HOW DO I COPE?!" so opinions aren't PARTICULARLY ENTIRELY productive. And besides I'm 14; immaturity is what I do best so there.

Well, I wouldn't use such terms as gay, bi or straight if you haven't had sex, and you are merely "attracted" or crushing on kids your age. (which at 14 in my opinion, is still too young to be worrying about this stuff, you're just a kid.) If you are SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO WOMEN- then you can call yourself gay or bi... until then, don't come up with any kind of sexual preferences until you know who, or what you want to have sex with. But hey, I didn't make up the definitions, or the popular consensus on what "bi" and "gay" means. When you say your bi, the first thing most people think is: oh, she likes to have sex with girls and guys, or she WANTS to have sex with girls and guys. We're not talking little crushes here.

How do you cope? You grow down. Stop trying to be older than you are. Be a kid, a 14 year old. That doesn't mean be immature. Look at this disaster! Don't get into this big dramatic mess, it's not worth it. Wait until you're older to claim to be "bi." There's a good chance your friends are doing it because it's just the cool thing to do these days, why limit yourself, right? Don't worry about these things. Focus on school, and don't worry about boyfriends, or girlfriends.

God, I remembered I posted this and am looking back on my teen immaturity with shame. Sorry I was so sensitive and I obvs misunderstood as I am fond of doing.

As a general update, I'm beginning to apply for university, I got great grades so it was a good thing I stopped getting caught up with those girls and focused on my work. I am actually gay though, the story is so long that it's irrelevant.

I managed to get publicly bullied by T for 2 years until she and G left this year so that's AWESOME.

You'll be happy to know I've successfully avoided breaking the law when I was underage, and do not have the time to drink as I am studying 24/7.

I'm really happy now and have dealt with stuff by making mistakes and learning from them.

I'm going to deal with relationships once I'm at uni and ready to do so.

Thanks very much. :)