I have a 16yr old son who is 90% fab person, 10% = lying thief. For 10yrs. Have been to counselors to help me and my son to deal with the issue.
Got to stage 14yrs police & Juvinille Justice involved. Sent him to boarding school instead of the detention centre option. I've tried to be there for him to the best of my ability but the lying and stealing continued. He's been with his dad for the last year over more stealing and lying issues.
I've try to keep open communication. Now he's so good at manipulating the truth, he doesn't blatenly lie, He just spends his time picking out the portions of truth.
I'm at my wits end with him. Had enough. Told him "that's it, give me a call when your ready to have an open honest respectful relationship with me" In the hope that he'd take stock and WANT to Share this kind of relationship with me instead of it always being so hard, dealing with the lack of truth.
Well this seems to of backfired real bad. Now my son hates me, speaks to me like I'm a piece of ____. Tells me he has choices and he will choose what he will and will not say to me or anyone else. And that I need to accept him for who and what he is! (faircall,)
My question or seek for quidance or assistance is, How do I deal with this kind of relationship, with a person who chooses not to be openly honest.
How to have a positive relationship with someone who chooses the dishonest path.
How to love and respect someone who treats you total disrespect.
Anyone else and I would have simply just walked away/ completely out of their life. I don't have time for lying thieves. Haha I say that yet I've spent 10yrs continuously trying to help my own son who puts 90% effort and energy into 10% negetive part of himself.
The other 90%, I used to know as a gorgeous, caring helpful kid.
I so desperately want to tell him where to go... I've sooooo had enough.

You sent him to boarding school because you could not deal with his behaviour and you expect him to be loving towards you. In fact what you did is pass off your parenting duties to somebody else, when things got tough.

I would say 90 percent is really good. 10 percent well that is a small number maybe you need to learn better techniques of dealing with things that are not good.

Can not have 100 percent things perfect all the time especially with a teenager.

Joe

One Question exactly what do you think he is lying about? What do you think he is stealing?

Oh by the way, you say he does not live with you. Sounds like your forcing a relationship on him that he does not want.

Guess that is his choice, since he is young still and does not live with you.

Also as a dad, or father whatever you think you are too him. Show him love and patience and stop trying to discipline somebody it seems you have no right to discipline. Then maybe when he matures and gets older fences can be mended as long as you continue to try to be a presence in his life.

It's a process and will take time, but you telling him where to go will just make things worse and actually shows where he get some of his traits from.