... by the next day...

It was our 3rd time breaking up during a 3 yr long distance relationship, she was ready to move up to my city but I did not like the idea because I was still building my career and she has 2 kids from another man...

So that next day she went out and seems to have found another man to quickly take my place, posted amateur modeling pics on her myspace that were practically nude, and just would not let me explain how I wanted to fix things...

She told me that "why should i stay home and cry?" and come to find out the guy has basically took my place but only on dating terms... like she has changed within a span of a week...

During that span I just wanted her back so badly because I'm alone and hardly have any friends, while she is enjoying her new found single life... it hurts badly and I just don't know what to do next...

I am constantly wondering what she is doing even though I have cut off all Facebook, myspace, phone, text communication...

I wasn't fully attached to the kids and just was focused on myself too much to really consider her my future one and only...

I pray to God that we eventually cross paths and get together because it is hard to find a good woman, she was so good but now she has changed to a girl who likes to wear short skirts, and quickly find a replacement guy who she had known before through a best friend, they just started to get to know each other so there was no prior friendship between her and the guy...

I just don't know what to do, everybody says to move on and find things to occupy your time, etc, but I am almost to the point of proposing to get her back...

Help me...

Even after trying for 3 days straight of how I was ready to change for the better for her and her family, she would get frustrated and mad and just wanted to change her number to get me out of the picture...

She just would never give me the chance... I just hope the best for her and that she does come back in my life...

I just don't know what to do? Do I do no communication? Its so hard because my friends are her friends and she is about to start working with my friend's wife in the town where I'm from but where I am not currently living at...

Maybe she always had another relationship going anyway. It seems to me that you both did not live in the same city.

Sorry to say, I know it is tough but you both are better off without each other.

NO COMMUNICATION. It is over.

I pray that she does not meet paths with you again because it would not be a good idea.

It takes time to heal but wanting somebody you can not have now, is just wasting precious energy.

Do not worry about anybody else, true friends will still be your true friends no matter what happens if they are not then too bad really.

Do not change for anybody except for yourself. Straighten yourself out, work on yourself and maybe down the road you will be ready for a new and better relationship with somebody else.

Move on, there is only so many "chances" we can ever get. Some times we never get any chances.

So at the end of the day you often have to just move on

Maybe she always had another relationship going anyway. It seems to me that you both did not live in the same city.

Sorry to say, I know it is tough but you both are better off without each other.

NO COMMUNICATION. It is over.

I pray that she does not meet paths with you again because it would not be a good idea.

It takes time to heal but wanting somebody you can not have now, is just wasting precious energy.

Do not worry about anybody else, true friends will still be your true friends no matter what happens if they are not then too bad really.

Do not change for anybody except for yourself. Straighten yourself out, work on yourself and maybe down the road you will be ready for a new and better relationship with somebody else.

She never had another relationship, she spent all her money and devotion on me, I also failed to mention how we would argue over petty things , etc.

I just wish I never made the decision to leave and not try again... it seems to have made her a horrible person now...

I mean she is even posting almost nude pics aka modeling pics on her myspace, dancing with the new guy in front of my friends so my friends can tell me, she wants me to go through this pain because of the pain I put her through...

Also I did fail to mention that she is divorced and with 2 kids all by the age of 24...

Well my take on this is you broke her heart,you broke the promises and most likely her dreams.. you don't get a say in how she deals with a broken heart, one that YOU smashed...

You may not have been close to her kids but she is... you did her a favour,and ended it before she moved her life and her children's life for you...

And so what if she is divorced and has 2 kids at 24.

My advice,leave her alone,move on...

You made a decision to break it off.

Give it a shot, ask her if she will see you again. If not, then you have your answer and need to move on. She has, you let her go. In her eyes, if you were serious about the relationship, you wouldn't have. You lost some trust there with her. If she does take you back, I can almost be certain it will be on her terms, and you will have to be prepared to accept that. But if she doesn't want you back, let her alone and let her be happy. Don't try to persuade her, you will only end up hurting yourself.

I am trying so hard but I always want to hack her emails, networking sites, etc... that how crazy it has gotten...

@sabre I've already tried and she wants nothing to do with me, at first she said to a friend that she loves me but can't be with me...

I'm just really hurt on how she could move on so quickly... esp with what we had... my heart wants to move on and wait for god's guidance but my mind wants to stalk, call, and beg her back...

Quote by jaffeyjoeblaze;
I am trying so hard but I always want to hack her emails, networking sites, etc... that how crazy it has gotten...

Then you need to do whatever it takes to calm down and be rational, before you make a complete idiot of yourself. That kind of behavior is unacceptable for any reason.


@sabre Ive already tried and she wants nothing to do with me, at first she said to a friend that she loves me but can't be with me...

Its up to you to accept that its over, and take the right steps to man up, and get control over yourself


I'm just really hurt on how she could move on so quickly... esp with what we had... my heart wants to move on and wait for god's guidance but my mind wants to stalk, call, and beg her back...

The truth is, what you thought you had was riddled with disagreements, and bad behavior. Come on guy, how do you break up 3 times, in 3 years, and not expect somebody to not get sick, and tired of this make up break up stuff. How is it you expect someone to keep going along with such a wacky program?

Worse, if you haven't fixed things in 3 years what kind of faith would she have to have to believe this time would be different.

I get the being hurt part, all break ups suck to high heaven, but that's not a reason at all to act selfishly, or stupidly. No you haven't changed her, frustrated, and sick and tired and angry maybe but she is bound to do what she wants now and you better leave her alone, and get your own act together, and under control, that's what you should do.

Your friends, and everyone else has told you to move on, and that's also what you should do, so read the stickies when you get the tears from your eyes and take everyone's suggestion. Move on!

There is a link in my signature to the stickies.

You've broken up 3 times in 3 years in a long distance relationship with someone that's 24 and had 2 children from a previous marriage.

The writing was always on the wall with this one. She wants her freedom and you're upset because she moved on quickly and is now flaunting her wares over the internet.

But, admit it, you always had doubts. The kids, the distance, the arguments. Sure, it sucks because she was the one that did the breaking up and now she's the one that's moved on, seemingly without regrets.

What did you REALLY have with her? Be honest, it wasn't as good in reality as it now looks in hindsight. There was no real future with her, and, it's always super difficult to take on children that are not your own.

Take a deep breath, take a step back and take a reality check. She doesn't want you, and you were never totally certain about her. It's a blow to the pride, but it's not fatal.

Get her out of your life - go total NC and focus on the things in your life that are meaningful. Yes, it will take a while to get the obsessive thoughts out of your head but you will do it.

At least now when you go in to a new relationship, and you will eventually, you'll have a clearer idea of what you don't want!

I think it's a good thing you are focusing on your career but for me the "not having friends" is a red flags. Maybe this break up is going to be good for you. You'll force yourself to be more sociable, more friendly, meet new people, take care of yourself, really concentrate on your future... There is many things you can discover.

You have a syndrome of wanting what you can't have, which is pretty common. You need to heal and take care of yourself, apply NC and stick to it. Go to the gym, take care of your body, take care of your mind and reconnect with old friends.

What your life becomes now is up to you.

I actually went through her info again (myspace, email, phone log)... I need to stop this! If she can move on, then I can move on! I have a job with a degree, no kids, nothing to hold me back and the future is wide open for me, while she has no job, is a single mom, and is making the wrong decisions for herself!

I need to worry about me and my new career! I just need to step away from stalking her and put that time into something to better myself or to help me through.

I know the new guy she has will eventually hurt her and he doesn't have anything compared to me... he works at a walgreens! And when that time comes and she's by herself I will be happy and glad of the choices I made...

Starting NO COMMUNICATION now!

The only thing I worry about is seeing her back in my hometown during christmas...

Whatever makes your day buddy, if you're using anger to get over her and do all the right thing, then I'm all for it.

Its anger, yet it is empowerment for me! Its actually making me feel better and more pressure to me to let go

You've broken up 3 times in 3 years in a long distance relationship with someone that's 24 and had 2 children from a previous marriage.

The writing was always on the wall with this one. She wants her freedom and you're upset because she moved on quickly and is now flaunting her wares over the internet.

But, admit it, you always had doubts. The kids, the distance, the arguments. Sure, it sucks because she was the one that did the breaking up and now she's the one that's moved on, seemingly without regrets.

What did you REALLY have with her? Be honest, it wasn't as good in reality as it now looks in hindsight. There was no real future with her, and, it's always super difficult to take on children that are not your own.

Take a deep breath, take a step back and take a reality check. She doesn't want you, and you were never totally certain about her. It's a blow to the pride, but it's not fatal.

Get her out of your life - go total NC and focus on the things in your life that are meaningful. Yes, it will take a while to get the obsessive thoughts out of your head but you will do it.

At least now when you go in to a new relationship, and you will eventually, you'll have a clearer idea of what you don't want!

Wow this really made sense of everything... it makes me realize that doing this break up was the best thing for all of us... her and her kids can find somebody that wants stepchildren and a full commitment

As for me I can finally do whatever I didn't do while with her... I can focus completely on me...

Let me get this straight. And I'm going to be harsh, I'm sure of it.

YOU broke up with her because she wanted to move to be closer to YOU. YOU changed YOUR mind about the relationship because she had kids, and YOU wanted to be selfish and work on YOUR career. Is that right so far?

Now, you want her back, and you are upset with her, because she is getting on with her life, and posting pictures on Myspace.

Well, it really isn't any of your concern of what she is doing, or what she wears.

You had your chance with her, and you blew it. It sounds as if you didn't like the fact that she even had kids, much less try to get close to them.

Take what you are feeling, and learn from it.

Move on, she is no longer yours.

Sorry for being so blunt, but the breakup was your idea. Live with it.

Sometimes we don't appreciate what we have until it is gone.

Good luck on the next one.

Let me get this straight. And I'm going to be harsh, I'm sure of it.

YOU broke up with her because she wanted to move to be closer to YOU. YOU changed YOUR mind about the relationship because she had kids, and YOU wanted to be selfish and work on YOUR career. Is that right so far?

Now, you want her back, and you are upset with her, because she is getting on with her life, and posting pictures on Myspace.

Well, it really isn't any of your concern of what she is doing, or what she wears.

You had your chance with her, and you blew it. It sounds as if you didn't like the fact that she even had kids, much less try to get close to them.

Take what you are feeling, and learn from it.

Move on, she is no longer yours.

Sorry for being so blunt, but the breakup was your idea. Live with it.

Sometimes we don't appreciate what we have until it is gone.

Good luck on the next one.

Wow that's what I need is the blunt responses... I need to get past it all

Wow thats what i need is the blunt responses.....i need to get past it all

I am happy to see that it is all sinking in. With too many people they stay in denial for long periods and just get defensive.

Your taking every bodies advice very well and hope you learn from it. Take care and anytime you have any kind of doubt just re read all the responses you have got so far.

Joe

Well this morning I went back to my old ways briefly, just to see what her status said... and to her phone log, etc...

It proves everything I already know so why do I keep doing it? I know this was the relationship I couldn't have now in my point of life but it just stings to see she is finally happy and I failed to give her happiness, well I did give it to her until I changed...

I need to realize that I have a degree in business, no children, and nobody to answer to and I can move anywhere I please, financially, career wise, and romatically


While she is stuck living with her mom at the age of 24 with no job, 2 kids, with a guy who works at walgreens... all in a town that traps you if you never move and there is nothing really happening... its a 1 bar town with the typical chilis and walmart...

Im in a city where there are many people and plenty of more beautiful women to find and it will be a fun adventure! MY LIFE IS BEGINNING AND I WILL LET HER GO AND LET GOD GUIDE ME TO THE RIGHT PERSON WHETHER IT IS HER OR NOT! IT WILL PROBABLY BE SOMEBODY BETTER AND LIFE WILL WORK OUT IN THE END!

MY LIFE IS BEGINNING AND I WILL LET HER GO AND LET GOD GUIDE ME TO THE RIGHT PERSON WHETHER IT IS HER OR NOT! IT WILL PROBABLY BE SOMEBODY BETTER AND LIFE WILL WORK OUT IN THE END!

Very Good. Very True. Go forth and look forward to a better future.

I like venting on here... it helps me let her go and avoid breaking NC...

You've had 3 years to make this relationship work. I think you've given each other enough chances.

Time to learn from the past and move on. Don't check on her status to get updates anymore, as that will only prolong the agony.

Follow the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-332732.html

And fight any urges of breaking no contact: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/fighting-urges-break-nc-rules-351302.html

Move on to bigger and better things.


I like venting on here....it helps me let her go and avoid breakin NC....

Feel free to vent any time!

I just don't know what to do when I do go back to my hometown and see them together... I don't know how I will react and it will set me back to the beginning of this whole thing...

Especially if I see her by herself or with her kids I am going to want to try to reconcile with her...

I don't understand - YOU broke up with her and you're the one who's upset. You've made the right decision. She needs a man that will love her and accept her kids as their own. You seem to talk down about her (24, single mom, no job) and boost yourself up (degree, job, etc) like you imagine you're better than she is. She needs someone that wants to be her equal, not think they are superior. :confused: Just move on.

I just dont know what to do when I do go back to my hometown and see them together....I dont know how I will react and it will set me back to the beginning of this whole thing...

Especially if I see her by herself or with her kids I am going to want to try to reconcile with her....

Then don't see her. Maybe you shouldn't be going back to your hometown so soon until your feelings for her are gone.

I am, I just don't know how to react if I see her live in person...

Then don't see her. Maybe you shouldn't be going back to your hometown so soon until your feelings for her are gone.

But I can't just avoid my family because of her... I mean its christmas!

Try staying home then. If you don't go out, it reduces the chances of seeing her. Anyway, like you said, you should be spending time with family.

Since you're suppose to be seeing family, you shouldn't be wondering around town all by yourself anyway. So if you do go out, you would most likely be with someone. I suggest you let the person you are with know that you might bump into your ex and that you need to keep moving along if you do.

If you do see her, keep the conversation as short as possible and keep walking.

Hi and Bye is good enough isn't it?

Try staying home then. If you don't go out, it reduces the chances of seeing her. Anyway, like you said, you should be spending time with family.

Since you're suppose to be seeing family, you shouldn't be wondering around town all by yourself anyway. So if you do go out, you would most likely be with someone. I suggest you let the person you are with know that you might bump into your ex and that you need to keep moving along if you do.

If you do see her, keep the conversation as short as possible and keep walking.

I will, in fact its such a small town, I know I don't plan on going out during that time esp. to places where she frequents, and I know she will probably want to make me jealous and show off that she is happy just to piss me off... I only plan to stay down there for 3 days

Look, if you see her, just smile and say hi. What's the big deal? Be happy and let her be happy. You say you have better oppurtunities than she does, and she has someone that wants to be with her. It's a win-win situation. Everyone gets what they want.

Look, if you see her, just smile and say hi. What's the big deal? Be happy and let her be happy. You say you have better oppurtunities than she does, and she has someone that wants to be with her. It's a win-win situation. Everyone gets what they want.

I know that dude will hurt her, but why should I care? I need to move on and worry about me for once! I gave her a lot of her firsts and actually made one of her dreams happen... I was her best in many things... I will have my spot in her mind and heart until the end... I definitely know it...

Does it really matter either way. Whether you are part of her mind or heart or both. You think so, but even if your not. Does it really matter?

Time to stop pining.

I know that dude will hurt her, but why should I care? I need to move on and worry about me for once! I gave her a lot of her firsts and actually made one of her dreams happen...I was her best in many things.....I will have my spot in her mind and heart until the end....I definitely know it....

I think you also need to know that healing and getting over someone takes time, especially in a long term relationship. The thing that you need to concentrate on right now is to start NC.

Think of breaking NC as taking a smoke. You know it's bad for your health and the consequences are disastrous. If you rationalize your need of looking at her stuff, it will be much easier to apply NC. Next time you want to look at her stuff tell yourself: "It's like taking a smoke, it's bad for my health and I won't do it".

I think you also need to know that healing and getting over someone takes time, especially in a long term relationship. The thing that you need to concentrate on right now is to start NC.

Think of breaking NC as taking a smoke. You know it's bad for your health and the consequences are disastrous. If you rationalize your need of looking at her stuff, it will be much easier to apply NC. Next time you want to look at her stuff tell yourself: "It's like taking a smoke, it's bad for my health and I won't do it".

I was about to check it now during work... even though its private and I just wanted to see her status and pic... BUT I STOPPED AND CAME RIGHT BACK HERE!

I just want to stop being so nauseated and light headed

Every time you want to break NC, come back here and vent. Whatever you do, don't break NC.

I feel so sick right now... I keep resisting... like I just want to throw up or pass out

So I actually just broke NC by trying to use a twitter account of my friends... this morning I couldn't see her info but I added her so I could see but she had yet to accept the request...

So I tried to check up on her again and somebody must be watching me or something because twitter was undergoing maintenance, so I saw nothing and I am actually relieved...

So I actually just broke NC by trying to use a twitter account of my friends....this morning I couldnt see her info but I added her so I could see but she had yet to accept the request.....

So I tried to check up on her again and somebody must be watching me or something because twitter was undergoing maintenance, so I saw nothing and I am actually relieved.....

You really need to quit obsessing and stalking this girl, nothing will ever get better by doing that.

Here is when I will say. You need counseling. It is turning really obsessive and you need to find ways of stopping this behavior because it will only get worse. Why are you checking up on her? There is no reason for it. It might be hard to get through this time but believe me in years to come you will be glad and happy this all happened.

Im sorry guys its just so hard to be used to somebody and have be gone so quickly... I am glad that I have yet to see any new info on her... that lets my mind relax...

I am glad that the accounts were not available to view, I was doing real good until now, you guys are helping

You may want to consider counseling if you do go into another low. Checking her up like that is unhealthy, but if you stopped continue NC.

You may want to consider counseling if you do go into another low. Checking her up like that is unhealthy, but if you stopped continue NC.

I have not done anything since the last post... I just have to see what happens tonight when I get home...

What just calmed me down and killed my anxiety was a cigarette believe it or not...

This is what I see.

Jealousy has gotten the best of you. She wanted to move closer to you. You panicked because of work, AND because she has KIDS. Now that she is seeing someone else, you are upset.

You just didn't luck up on some give a damn.

The fact that she is seeing someone else is killing you. If she was all by herself right now, you would be just fine. But no, there is another guy giving her attention, and who knows what else, and it's making you crazy.

*******You made the decision that you wanted to.**********

Let's say you two get back together. Her children are still going to be in the picture. In a couple of months, you are going to feel the same way that you did before. Like calling it quits.

Some people have a hard time with someone else's children. You've made it very clear that you haven't gotten that close to her kids. If you liked kids, you would have. That's a HUGE part of her life. You will understand one day when you have your own.

You enjoy your single life. You find someone to date, or not. Date all the girls that you want.

But remember this one thing. Never, ever, talk bad about her, and talk yourself up into a hero, stud, catch of a lifetime.

She is still the girl that you once loved. No matter where she lives, or how many kids she has. No matter where this guy she is seeing works.

Saying bad things about her, and her situation, only makes you look like a jackass.

You don't want to be that guy.

Remember Aesop's fables? The fox that could not reach the grapes, said "they are probably sour anyway".

Don't be the fox.

You know those grapes are sweet, that's why you're still jumping for them.

This is what I see.

Jealousy has gotten the best of you. She wanted to move closer to you. You panicked because of work, AND because she has KIDS. Now that she is seeing someone else, you are upset.

You just didn't luck up on some give a damn.

The fact that she is seeing someone else is killing you. If she was all by herself right now, you would be just fine. But no, there is another guy giving her attention, and who knows what else, and it's making you crazy.

*******You made the decision that you wanted to.**********

Let's say you two get back together. Her children are still going to be in the picture. In a couple of months, you are going to feel the same way that you did before. Like calling it quits.

Some people have a hard time with someone else's children. You've made it very clear that you haven't gotten that close to her kids. If you liked kids, you would have. That's a HUGE part of her life. You will understand one day when you have your own.

You go ahead and enjoy your single life. You find someone to date, or not. Date all the girls that you want.

But remember this one thing. never, ever, talk bad about her, and talk yourself up into a hero, stud, catch of a lifetime.

She is still the girl that you once loved. No matter where she lives, or how many kids she has. No matter where this guy she is seeing works.

Saying bad things about her, and her situation, only makes you look like a jackass.

You don't want to be that guy.

Remember Aesop's fables? The fox that could not reach the grapes, said "they are probably sour anyway".

Don't be the fox.

You know those grapes are sweet, that's why you're still jumping for them.

I'm not so sure, I mean anger helps to heal in some ways. I know I used it to move on. Like Schwarzenegger said in Terminator 3: "anger is better than despair".

I'm not so sure, I mean anger helps to heal in some ways. I know I used it to move on. Like Schwarzenegger said in Terminator 3: "anger is better than despair".

Anger at whom?

Himself?

This is what I see.

Jealousy has gotten the best of you. She wanted to move closer to you. You panicked because of work, AND because she has KIDS. Now that she is seeing someone else, you are upset.

You just didn't luck up on some give a damn.

The fact that she is seeing someone else is killing you. If she was all by herself right now, you would be just fine. But no, there is another guy giving her attention, and who knows what else, and it's making you crazy.

*******You made the decision that you wanted to.**********

Let's say you two get back together. Her children are still going to be in the picture. In a couple of months, you are going to feel the same way that you did before. Like calling it quits.

Some people have a hard time with someone else's children. You've made it very clear that you haven't gotten that close to her kids. If you liked kids, you would have. That's a HUGE part of her life. You will understand one day when you have your own.

You go ahead and enjoy your single life. You find someone to date, or not. Date all the girls that you want.

But remember this one thing. never, ever, talk bad about her, and talk yourself up into a hero, stud, catch of a lifetime.

She is still the girl that you once loved. No matter where she lives, or how many kids she has. No matter where this guy she is seeing works.

Saying bad things about her, and her situation, only makes you look like a jackass.

You don't want to be that guy.

Remember Aesop's fables? The fox that could not reach the grapes, said "they are probably sour anyway".

Don't be the fox.

You know those grapes are sweet, that's why you're still jumping for them.

No it helps me to move on by knowing I have a lot more going for me compared to them 2...

We won't be getting back together because she has made that clear and she took offense when I said on myspace "yay no worrying about kids that arent mine!" so that is def. not going to happen...

Anger at whom?

Himself?

At anything actually, anger itself is better than sadness and despair. Technically speaking, as long as he doesn't speak to her and keeps NC, he isn't hurting anybody (she doesn't know). So I say go for the anger even if it is misplaced, as long as you can keep NC and move on, then great. I mean, for all you know somebody is bad-mouthing you but you don't know about it, so you don't care about it also.

Hey Jaffey... I bet those grapes are sour... Dont worry about what she is doing... that is torture! Why torture yourself. You said it yourself that the two of you are surely done so forget her. Keep moving forward. You will find someone better. Get out there!

If it takes anger, then so be it. But be angry at yourself. Remember that she wanted to move closer to you. She wanted to make it work.

I understand that you're surprised, and disappointed, that she found someone new so fast. But maybe it just turned out that way for her. Be angry at THAT.

I bet she IS upset that you said that about her kids. You see what I mean? You don't want to be saying ugly things. You can THINK them if that helps you out. But don't go around and be nasty.

You may one day get back with this girl, in another stage of your life.

Don't burn your bridges.

I feel for you. Love takes us to our highest highs, and lowest lows. Isn't that right, Emopunk?

Joseph, you don't help someone by telling them they should be mad at themselves. What I see is that jaffey was being smart and he didn't think it was the right time to move forward with the woman. He shouldn't be mad at himself for that. There was a reason why he didn't want it. Maybe red flags that he noticed but is ignoring it now because she is gone and it's a typical case of wanting what you can't have... Jaffey will be fine and better off. JAFFEY stop checking up on her!!

Joseph, you don't help someone by telling them they should be mad at themselves. What I see is that jaffey was being smart and he didn't think it was the right time to move forward with the woman. He shouldn't be mad at himself for that. There was a reason why he didn't want it. Maybe red flags that he noticed but is ignoring it now because she is gone and its a typical case of wanting what you can't have...Jaffey will be fine and better off. JAFFEY stop checking up on her!!!

I wasn't the one who suggested the "anger therapy" in the first place.

He made a decision that he now regrets.

This is not an exact science. I have yet to tell someone here that they "don't help someone.....".

You state your opinion, and "disregard" the ones that you don't agree with.

I'm sorry to hear your loss. You were willing to be there for her and she didn't have the patience. You deserve better than that and she should have thought things through. Move on, meet someone new, and start over. Good luck. =]

If it takes anger, then so be it. But be angry at yourself. Remember that she wanted to move closer to you. She wanted to make it work.

I understand that you're surprised, and disappointed, that she found someone new so fast. But maybe it just turned out that way for her. Be angry at THAT.

I bet she IS upset that you said that about her kids. You see what I mean? You don't want to be saying ugly things. You can THINK them if that helps you out. But don't go around and be nasty.

You may one day get back with this girl, in another stage of your life.

Don't burn your bridges.

I feel for you. Love takes us to our highest highs, and lowest lows. Isn't that right, Emopunk?

I didn't burn bridges... I know in my heart I could speak to her again... just don't know what point in life that will be for the both of us

I am not going out there in the world to make sure she gets the message, I am just clearing my mind

i didnt burn bridges....i know in my heart i could speak to her again....just dont know what point in life that will be for the both of us

I am not going out there in the world to make sure she gets the message, i am just clearing my mind

As long as you're clearing your mind and getting better go for it.

Comments on this post
emopunk7 agrees: I have to disagree... I used angry statements a lot and its not to hurt her... they are only being used on a forum to try and move on. I do the same thing... sometimes its necessary.

How do you know that he is doing it only on this forum. I was actually talking about in the "real world". Maybe you are not in the best place in your own life as to NOT wanting to be bitter:https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/cant-trust-girlfriend-396130-40.html#post2077210

It's not going to do anyone any good to go around and say hurtful things about this girl. And it's just not gentlemanly. One day you will see this.

And as far as being "upset with yourself", how many times have we made decisions, only to regret them afterwards?

Joe,
You do what works for you, but know that ultimately you are a victim of your own devices.

But, life goes on.

Go enjoy your life while you are still young.

The world is a berry patch, go fill your basket.

I know I did.

So this morning was a major relapse... did the usual hacking etc. just to get hurt again... and see that she still mentions me indirectly like:

"U lost this dime, and he picked it up"

And the guys page said:

"Likin the MILFS lately"

It bummed me out but I have been talking to friends and they are pushing to walk away and that it is a blessing in disguise to let her go because of the way she is acting is definitely slut material and that could have happened if I stayed with her

It stops today, I have joined an MMA gym and my class starts tomorrow...

I need to let her go and not worry about what she does and worry about what I am about to do next!

Now within the NC rules, should I just deny the hacking of her account if she asks? In fact I think Im going to ignore her all together, instead of even answering her...

Yes ignore her completely. If you are hacking again her account, go seek counseling, it is not a normal behavior. There is nothing shameful about seeing a counselor for that.

Gym and class will do you a lot of good, don't forget to go to the gym everyday.

Complete and utter NC is what you need. Ignore her if you have too.

Complete and utter NC is what you need. Ignore her if you have too.

I am, no need to go back to a girl whorin herself out there...

And NC means NO COMMUNICATION even if she asks me back and asks me if I hacked her account!

No need to start the circle of drama and think about the past

NC means no contact whatsoever-no phoning,texting hacking or checking up anywhere. It's a twoway thing so you don't take their calls or respond to their email,texts etc. In my opinion this is the fastest way to clear your head of emotional confusion and heal from the breakup.

NC means no contact whatsoever-no phoning,texting hacking or checking up anywhere. It's a twoway thing so you don't take their calls or respond to their email,texts etc. In my opinion this is the fastest way to clear your head of emotional confusion and heal from the breakup.

I agree, I was doing good yesterday until the night and went to bed to only look up her info as soon as I got up...

But today will be different, as long as I can make it 1 day without breaking NC, I will make great strides to a full recovery!

That's the ticket. Stay strong and good luck!

I can't wait to get better than both of them combined just so I can laugh at them and make her want me back to the point where I will just push her away! HA!

So far so good, no hacks, check ups or anything like that, just concentrating on work and listening to music to help me through...

I laugh at her music lyrics that involve me because she can't get over that its over! Within all the past times id check on her that's what id see... music about me, about how she wants him, LOL I love the attention and I'm not giving her any!

She's doing her own thing and you are broken up- I would suggest you'd be better off not even worrying about what she is doing-she is a free agent after the separation and is living her life which you are no longer is an influence in.

She's doing her own thing and you are broken up- I would suggest you'd be better off not even worrying about what she is doing-she is a free agent after the separation and is living her life which you are no longer is an influence in.

I know I'm done checking on her, but I makes me proud she is not totally done with me... I bet her mind slips like mine, but I will surpass her...

Trying so hard to not look right now... my body is on nerves!

tryin so hard to not look right now....my body is on nerves!

Take some of the advice I saw you giving some others on here.
Knock it off already and move on.

Take some of the advice I saw you giving some others on here.
Knock it off already and move on.

I didn't do it... I know where that road ends... and I know where that road begins... when I slip and start the viewing and curiousity circle...

No more pain! I did the break up for me and her so we can be both happy! I will surpass her happiness, and I know it!

I didn't do it....I know where that road ends.....and i know where that road begins....when I slip and start the viewing and curiousity circle.....

no more pain! I did the break up for me and her so we can be both happy! I will surpass her happiness, and I know it!

All right already, now just do it and quit obsessing over it!

Hello guys!

So I slipped up yesterday afternoon, but I was not hurt... the good news is that I have not done anything since then and I made it through the night! And as of this morning I have had the urge and I get nervous but I have not done it again and I actually slept well but had a dream about her... it wasn't negative but it didn't depress me or take me backwards in the healing process...

Keep fighting the urges,stick to it,move forward,don't allow yourself to stay stuck in the past.

My friend showed me her myspace today this morning about her blog saying she is thinking about her new guy and that her ex is the past and she is single with no boyfriend, and that she can't wait to see him again and blah blah blah...

I got hurt for one moment but my friend that showed me, put me down to earth on how I don't have to argue anymore with her about who I hang out with, where I'm going, and have to deal with her low self esteem and that I have my career ahead of me and I can do anything and everything I want

I simply said that I have to be totally prepared for my next relationship by working on myself and worrying about nobody else... I have to be ready for myself no matter if I do get with her again or find a better person in life...

Guys thank you for your help and I am feeling the best today than I did before... thank you

my friend showed me her myspace today this morning about her blog saying she is thinking about her new guy and that her ex is the past and she is single with no boyfriend, and that she can't wait to see him again and blah blah blah.....

i got hurt for one moment but my friend that showed me, put me down to earth on how I dont have to argue anymore with her about who i hang out with, where im going, and have to deal with her low self esteem and that I have my career ahead of me and I can do anything and everything I want

I simply said that I have to be totally prepared for my next relationship by working on myself and worrying about nobody else.....I have to be ready for myself no matter if I do get with her again or find a better person in life....

Guys thank you for your help and I am feeling the best today than I did before....thank you


Look bro, I know your hurt over all this, but you need to resist the temptation of checking up on her. You might feel fine about it now, but later on you will be wondering again. I know your afraid of letting go, but trust me, until you are really ready and willing to go through with it, you will only be putting off the inevitable. You need to face it, until you do, you will never get through it. Listen to me and the others on here, LET GO NOW! LEAVE IT ALONE FOR GOOD! The sooner you do, the sooner the healing process will begin. No one here wants to see you putting yourself through this pain any longer. We understand how you feel, we've been there. So please let it go now, I promise things will get better!

Today it hit me hard how much I miss the little things from this relationship... her kids talking to me on the phone, just her goodnight and good morning texts and calls, just spending minutes and hours on the phone, along with sleeping next to her body and the sex...

It hurts knowing somebody else has that now... *sigh*... ill get better...

You will get better,it's the ups and downs postbreakup,and that will go away with time.
Sticking to the NC will help!

You will get better,it's the ups and downs postbreakup,and that will go away with time.
Sticking to the NC will help!

Yes I know... I have not called, text, or hacked... I did view her profile on private but that was it... it didn't affect me as it did in the beginning...

Just today my mind decided to bring back those memories...

What you need is to keep yourself as distracted as possible so that you don't have anymore urges to break the NC rules. You might think that your feelings for her are gone, but you're prolonging the pain and suffering.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/fighting-urges-break-nc-rules-351302.html

Simple answer: focus on the reasons you didn't want to start a life with this woman. Before the break-up and all the immaturuty back and forth, there was a real reason you broke up with her, focus on that, it might help

Who wants to be a rebound? No one in their right minds, and when a date sees your not in it for the fun, but trying to to get over a bad relationship, they are supposed to back away to a safe distance.

Date for fun, getting to know someone, and pouring out your pain to a stranger, is no fun.

Many who have tried to replace an ex often go thru what your going thru. If you read the many threads here about people trying to date people, soon after a break up my advice has always been,

Talaniman Rule- Never, ever get involved with a person that still has an ex in the picture.

Clearly your ex is still in the picture. Its shows. And not all dates lead to a second one, but for sure if you take it personally, and many fresh from a break up of a long term relationship, do take what they perceive as a failure at dating, personal, (as you do), then you forget the whole purpose of dating, to have fun getting to know someone, not as a solution to a problem. See the difference?

The first few dates are all about paying full attention, and putting your best foot forward. Not an interview for a wet nurse to get over hurt feelings.

Change the outlook, and actions, and the expectations, then you will get different results, as in having a great time. That requires you to let the past go, at least for a while, and get back to living in the fun of the moment.

But I can imagine in your defense, you were caught off guard by her question, and had no time to think your response thru. Because it was clearly to much, to fast. I think it may be more a testament to those you date, than you being ready to date, or a combination of both.

Its quite possible that the females your dating have their own issues, and thats why it pays to pay attention to get the clues that people have their own baggage, and its seldom about you, thats why you don't take rejection as personal.

The best dates though, are spontaneous, and more about hanging out, than the formal dinner type thing. But don't give up because things don't work out to your advantage, make some attitude adjustments, and enjoy yourself, while staying OUT of a relationship for a while. It helps to be a friend, rather than a potential romantic partner.

Talaniman Rule- Date them all, fat,short, skinny, or tall. 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

That way you don't get so attached, you lose your perspective of fun. Thats what dating is about.

So explain how my ex can just go to the next dude within 10 hrs of our break up? What is her reasoning behind it and it seems to be going well but she obviously has a lot of resentment and mentioning me in a negative light...

So explain how my ex can just go to the next dude within 10 hrs of our break up? What is her reasoning behind it and it seems to be going well but she obviously has a lot of resentment and mentioning me in a negative light.....
Her anger is probably the reason behind her actions, or a way to vent you from her system. Or both, but despite you were the last one to know she has probably been friendly with a few available guys. That's the danger of long distance relationships.

No one wakes up, and breaks up, so it's a safe bet she has been having those thoughts for quite a while, and since you didn't know, it only seems like it was 10 hrs, and she had moved on. I assure you that's not ever the case.

There have been unresolved problems and resentments between you for sometime.

Her anger is probably the reason behind her actions, or a way to vent you from her system. Or both, but despite you were the last one to know she has probably been friendly with a few available guys. Thats the danger of long distance relationships.

No one wakes up, and breaks up, so its a safe bet she has been having those thoughts for quite a while, and since you didn't know, it only seems like it was 10 hrs, and she had moved on. I assure you thats not ever the case.

There have been unresolved problems and resentments between you for sometime.

Well I know for a fact that she never cheated on me, so that was never the problem. I agree on the venting part, and we had these constant problems for months even with moments of happiness happening every so often...

She says I'm out of her life, but yet she always mentions something about me... I would imagine she still has me in her life even though they are negative thoughts...

You would even know that if you weren't keeping track of what she does and says.

That's the first law of break ups,

Talaniman rule- When you break up, disappear from their lives.

You having been looking back, thereby keeping her in your life. Look forward, and before you protest, I have read all of your threads, and even the advice you give others, (which is quite good), so its only a matter of time that this will be behind you as you both have kept one foot out the door through out this whole thing.



It was our 3rd time breaking up during a 3 yr long distance relationship


It doesn't take much to know that sooner or later this would be a permanent break up, and part of the anger is she knows you dumped her. OUCH!!

She says I'm out of her life, but yet she always mentions something about me... I would imagine she still has me in her life even though they are negative thoughts...

You need to stop reading into what she says as meaning something else. She is talking about you in a negative way because she is trying to put you behind her, not because she still loves you. You are doing exactly what she expects you to do, obsessing over her. I wouldn't doubt it if she knows you are. The only way you will make any head way with anything is if you drop this obsessive behaviour right now. Any form of you checking on her is stalking.

Man thanks a lot guys... It just hit me so hard today, I do care for her a lot and wish and hope we can get back together in the long future when we have both grown up and realized the best thing for us is to be together... and both of us are ready for the final commitment...

I admit that this may never happen but I think it has a chance in the future, not next month, not next year, but in a few years...

Ill live for myself now and to better myself... and hope she does the same...

Hello All!

Just an update, I'm doing good even though the guy gave her the 'best gift ever' but something interesting happened today...

she texted me asking me about a costume I let her borrow for a friend's son... so she asks 'im cleaning out my car, I have your costume, do you want it or what do you want me to do with it?'

I bite my tongue so hard and had my work network saying not to respond at all... and I didn't...

I mean it's a cheap costume with no value to me... so why go out of your way to give it to me?

So she texts my roommate asking if I changed my number, and he is like no its probably his phone service at his new worksite, and she asks well I have his costume and I don't know what to do with it... and he is like hmmm well I'll see what he says

how perplexing... not thinking too much into it cause I'm doing really well with NC

Good job-keep sticking to NC and ignore her texts-her problem now not yours!

Good job-keep sticking to NC and ignore her texts-her problem now not yours!

But why is she doing this?

Only she knows that-all else is speculation-the thing is it's got you overthinking her actions and that's pointless.
All the whys and what ifs are.

Well I have lost it folks... we got in an argument over Facebook... on a mutual friends page...

Then a friend had us talk and basically she vented how much I hurt her and that I was the guy she wanted to marry and there is no way and there is nothing I could do to get her back, and I said id like to have you in my life somehow when the time is right... she also basically said that she has nothing going on in her life... I was shocked since everywhere she posted that life was good...

Next day I decide to text her about how the kids were she said they were fine, and then she asked me to listen to a song... it was a song about how it was supposed to be me and her and that she has nothing now but the photographs and she can't find a remedy...

Now this is funny to me because she has a rebound guy but I guess its not the same... so I'm shocked and I tell her to listen to a song of mine... she is shocked and I tell her I shouldn't have texted you and she was like it is OK...

So the next day I noticed that her page was on Facebook was not on private and was public and we aren't friends but it could write on her page... also there was no comments from her new guy but a while back a friend told me about a gift he gave her... well she blocked that out from my view... but anyway I wrote a comment on her pic and then deleted it but she saw it in her inbox...

Stupid move on me... and she texted me talking about my comment... and I tell her how I like her pics and how they bring back good memories, I mentioned her half naked pic and how it reminds me of good memories, so she kept asking me what it was and I kept denying her until I finally broke down and said it reminded me of her beautiful naked body and just our sexual acts... she replies 'wow that is too much info, no more' I say 'exactly! That's why I didn't want to tell you, we need to stop' and that was that...

And once again later that night I text her again and she metioned she was just listening to music and I say 'well I won't bother you' she says 'no its fine I'm not busy' so we text and text and we end up getting into an argument because she thinks I'm being mean when I'm just joking... so I call her and I ask why she is mad... she says 'you keep arguing with me' and then she says little things to get on my nerves like 'you can finally go with your friends now and not complain that I don't let you go out' and I shoot back to her...

Just ended in annoyance and that was the last time I talked to her... all thanks to her one stupid song... its like she wants to blame me and make sure I get hurt and then change into a girl who needs me...

IVE STEPPED BACK INTO A COMPLEX WORLD! AHHHH... lol

No Comment

She dragged me in... she set the trap... I was fine and dandy... til the Facebook trap...

Still No Comment

And me to no comment whatsoever.

Like Tal said, NC. Hope it's only a fallback and that you'll get back to healing.

Today I have decided not to play her games anymore... no connection to her anymore... no text, calls, social networking, waving hi, trying to see her kids, no more communication with any of her family or any of her friends... our mutual friends will be in the picture... but only when she is not around and she will not be the topic of conversation...

My support system has told me what to do and to let go, in fact the ex even has given the cold shoulder after she manages to drive me crazy... I GET THE PICTURE NOW! SHE IS OUT OF MY LIFE... ALL AVOIDANCE AT ALL COSTS... SHE BROKE DOWN THE NC RULES FIRST BY TEXTING ME AND I WILL NOT CONTINUE HER TRENDS!

I am on my way to see the world is open and nobody, including her will ever hold me back again from experiencing life!

THANK YOU ALL! I WILL KEEP YOU UPDATED AND I WILL DEFY ALL ODDS... as one door closes, another one opens and of course I won't forget my keys...

I agree with the No Comment and also, get rid of your flipping Facebook! It's the freakin devil in break ups

Good thinking-stick to it.
It'll give you time and peace to heal.

No I isn't deleting my Facebook... I can't loose my friends over her... never that man...

Wow... If you are going to lose your friends over Facebook, you need to get out more. After my break up I went without that crap for 5 months, guess what. My friends still had my number and they called

No I didn't mean literally, but some friends are easier to access through Facebook, not all friends have my number...

I am living a good life now... ill have to give the full story at a later time but I want to thank all of you for the advice... I have met so many women and one in particular that has flipped my world and realized how great life is and how better life can be after an ex...

You're very welcome! Great news that you're feeling so much better.
Stay happy single,date and get to know new people.

No need to jump into a new relationship.. .

Your life shouldn't get flipped when you met someone... It looks like a rebound, make sure to take your time.

No she is not a rebound, we are just friends but we want the same out of life and want to experience a lot of things together... there has been no talk of dating, just enjoying life and reaching our goals...

As for my ex she is in a rebound relationship and from time to time tries to contact me with jealousy and hate but I ignore her and don't respond and remember the better women out there...

I like! As long as it is clear. Even if you are interested in her, take things slow, very slow. You need to heal first.

Your ex is a perfect example why rebound doesn't work. Ex's do what they do, and we do what we do, and it is different things.

Facebook has an option to block someone, it will de-friend them, and your postings on mutual friend's pages shouldn't show up to them.

Take things slow and have a good time. We are proud of you but keep bettering yourself and feel confident even without the girl. Being happy with yourself first will save you lots of heartache in the future!

Thanks everybody... I am taking things very slow now... she wants to hang out with me and experience new things but she just got out of a long distance relationship too recently so we both got to take things slow...

UPDATE:

Wow what a couple of months it has been... went complete NC for a month and my ex called me on some 'lets be friends' stuff and lets have lunch stuff... come to find out her rebound dropped her the day before she called... I let her have a piece of my mind and let her have it by telling her I'm not a rebound and she says she'll never contact me again... which is what I want... im am completely happy without her in my life

I did have to change my number because of her contacting me and her rebound questioning me about her contacting me... im not their relationship counselor...

But thanks again guys... this NC stuff really works people... don't lose faith whether you want your ex back or not...

I am currently getting to know a new girl from work who has the makings of a perfect woman in my eyes but that is another story for another time

Good on you.
And good old NC works.
Good luck and take care.

We work at the same company but on 2 totally different teams so we only see each other sometimes and chat on our work chat from time to time...

She is very important to her team and is always busy but does make time for small chit chat from time to time...

So on 2 occasions we have hung out together outside of work in a group setting and have spent the majority of each time hanging with each other away from the group almost sometimes exclusively just getting to know each other... so the outside of work meetings do us both well and she has flirted a little bit on each time and so have I...

So at work it becomes a different story because she seems to not want her social life mixed with her work life... so I'm like an exception... so last week she left out of town to go back home for a wedding and still had to work so we hardly communicated and it kind of got to me... I just wondered why she wouldn't talk to me as much... was it because she was back to comforting place and back with family and friends?

But the Friday before she left she mentioned how she still wanted to go to this pub since she is new to the city... but she won't be able to until Catholic Lent is over and I mentioned the pub idea like a month ago so it was reassuring to know she still wanted to do that...

So my question is which way should I go? Ask her out on a date with no alcohol involved or wait until Easter and Lent and take her to the pub she has been wanting to go to?

And am I just jumping the conclusions about the ignores on the chat at work?

She probably didn't talk to you because she was at a wedding and spending time with family and friends!

Just relax :)

I wouldn't worry about this too much. If she didn't want to talk to you she wouldn't make time for small talk or hang out outside work. The ignores on work chat was probably because it was just that "work" chat. Don't get worried if she ignores you at work, it's a vary good idea not to mix personal life with work life. I would say just ask her to go out with you. Have a nice dinner or whatever it is you see fit for a date. The pub idea is a good idea as well but you can ask her on a date before that... good luck

Rick

Interesting... thanks it seems I overthink a lot of actions that are taken...

A friend said to ask her after she gets back because she is refreshed and maybe homesick and need something to get her mind off or just some comfort since she has told a coworker that she is comfortable when talking to me... and that was based off our first conversation...

A lot of times when we overthink things you tend to come off as desperate , just take it easy and let time do it's thing.

Just be wary of the pitfalls of workplace romances before you even think about entering into one , there are many.

You do get carried away easily don't you.

I would strongly advise against dating a co worker. Now being friends is different, and that takes time. I think she wants romance and work to be separate any way, and if she does, she is very smart. The last thing you need are emotional complications, at work.

Take time to get to know her on a friends level before you do anything

You do get carried away easily don't you.

I would strongly advise against dating a co worker. Now being friends is different, and that takes time. I think she wants romance and work to be separate any way, and if she does, she is very smart. The last thing you need are emotional complications, at work.

Well she has went on a date with one coworker and that didn't work out, then another took her out to lunch and that didn't work out, then she dated a guy in which it didn't work out and they became friends... all guys from work...

And she is a bit scorned from a past relationship... so I seem to make her laugh and have a good time outside of work... so I wonder what way to pursue... since she doesn't mind the coworker thing...

Just take it slow and relaxed, see what happens.

The more you talk about it or analyze it, the more likely you will be to put too much pressure on her or be too nervous.

Just look out for signals that she wants to bring it to the next level, such as an opportunity to kiss.

Trust me, I used to do the same thing!

So she has gone on dates with a number of co-workers,and 'it didn't work out'?

And she is hurting from a previous relationship?

Red flagalert-then throw into the mix that you broke up with your ex about four months ago- I think this has the potential of a mess.

Call me a pessimist,but my advice would be to avoid this.

Amicon is right, you seem to be a long line of others that have tried pursuing her, and she evidently, has baggage from her past, as do you.

Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner

Talaniman Rules- Run, don't walk, away from any romance in the place that you are employed.

Talaniman Rule- Enjoy getting to know someone, and keep it real.

Talaniman Rule- Never get involved with someone who has just been dumped.

Talaniman Rule-Never follow your heart when it’s so broken, it makes the brain feel like mush

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and thats only after the lust has worn off for you both.

Break the rules at your own peril.

I like how amicon seems to be my personal advisor in my threads, her break up was like 6 months ago and I've been over mine, she may be the one or maybe not... but I won't know until I hang out with her more... I just don't want to be in the friends zone.

Anyway I have been getting to know her and I mentioned her helping me learn how to become a better dancer... she said as long as there is a place cool and fun she would help me... so sounds like another plan of action to get a date...

Now I'm just pondering when the right time is... ive also noticed she has her moods... hmmm...

To be honest it sounds to me that your far more into her than what she is to you , I'd be looking to date girls outside of your work if I was you.

I stand by my previous advice.

As friend said-date girls you don't work with.

Man I know its taboo to not date at work... something about this girl... and as friend said... I think I am way into her more than she is into me... she seems guarded to not only me but even her closest friend at work...

And she seems to be guarded when they go out unless I'm around then she has a good time...

She sounds like she may have learnt from her previous experiences with dating co-workers and the pitfalls involved.

Clever girl ;)

Well I think you guys are on to something...

I have had an event come into my life with one of my friends' who are like brothers to me, where it's a life and death situation... so I thought she would be willing to listen...

So I hit her up and for some reason she doesn't respond and ask me what's going on... so later I chat again and she doesn't respond and I just say well I hope all is well with you and you don't seem happy ttyl...

Well she says how busy she is and I'm like OK get back to work... and she decides to go crazy on me and just blow up with sarcasm! I decide to just say 'stop, OK I get it... I learned my lesson' so she says a lot of stuff and I'm like 'well don't you have work to do?' she says 'yeah I'm doing the work now and trying to put a smile on your face'...

I then say OK... and let her know what's going on with my friend's mom... and she feels bad and kept trying to basically get me happy and felt bad and it was her way of saying sorry basically... I just said 'ok thanks' I was already annoyed and upset... and basically just said leave me alone nicely...

Then come to find out all of us friends are supposed to go salsa dancing on weds... im kind of wondering what will happen then...

Well you know what , in the very beginning of any Relationship guys and Gals are on their very best behaviour , just sayin' ;)

Seriously wouldn't it be so much easier to avoid all this drama and just look for someone else outside of work??

Just my opinion :cool:

Well you know what , in the very beginning of any Relationship guys and Gals are on their very best behaviour , just sayin' ;)

Seriously wouldn't it be so much easier to avoid all this drama and just look for someone else outside of work ???

Just my opinion :cool:

But the thing is that we aren't in a relationship... if she was on her best behavior, it left when she left out of town... she kind of came back different towards me it seems...

Wow I might as well be in a relationship with all the semi drama that has happened... :rolleyes:

but the thing is that we arent in a relationship.....if she was on her best behavior, it left when she left outta town....she kinda came back different towards me it seems.....

Wow i might as well be in a relationship with all the semi drama that has happened......:rolleyes:

My point being that if she was after a Relationship with you she would be showing her best side , and if this is her best side , well...

Coming from someone who just got out of a 3 year relationship that involved working with my ex every day... DON'T do it. It adds a whole new element and level of stress to the relationship

See I'm not looking for a relationship right now... I been taking it slow and have yet to ask her out on a date... I been trying to get to know her and for whatever reason she just changed on me... hmmmmm... I been playing the acquaintance card since I met her...

She's probably showing you her true colours.

When in doubt-walk,even from the trying to get to know position..

Shame that you make yourself miserable, by trying to have more from someone, who doesn't have it to give you.

She has her own issues it seems and maybe they are too much for you to handle. That's means back up and find another path to what you want, because its getting obvious, she ain't it.

UPdate... so Friday she seemed to open up... over chat messaging at work... made her laugh and basically compliment me by saying "you are so corney you make me feel like a kid again and you are makin this day go a lot better by keeping a smile on my face"

So she also started to open up by how she wasn't able to go home for Easter and wanted to easter egg hunt... so I offer her to go on a easter egg hunt and grab a drink after... she replies 'well my friends birthday is on easter and we are supposed to go on a hike so maybe I can take a raincheck for next weekend'

So I'm like we can always go some other time... and we continued to talk but it wasn't awkward nor did she act differently towards me... all in all it was good and nice to see her get back to her senses and actually put her guard down to let me get to know her some more and to get to know me a little more...

You sound like a Dog chasing it's tail , just because she willing to talk to you and willing to maybe spend a bit of time with you (not abnormal) doesn't mean she is open to anything else.

Don't get caught up in letting your emotions overtake reality , sure she may be open to being friends and that's great if that's all your after , but in my opinion that's all it is , and it seems your hoping there's more.

UPDATE:

So I've lowered my expectations... she has opened up more about some personal info about her family and we actually had lunch last week... it was a spur of the moment thing... she hit me up on chat at work saying she was hungry knowing that I was about to go on lunch, kind of throwing the hint out there... so I said lets go... and its funny because the night before she was bored and wondering what I was doing for the night but I was busy working...

We went and it went real well... had her laughing the whole time... got to know more about her and she found out more about me... even got the flirtful touches from her like the slap on the knee etc... sarcasm, etc...

The thing is that everybody saw us together at work when we came back at lunch... we didn't care and separated our ways for the day... of course she chatted with me later at work...

The good thing about this whole thing is that she got a chance to see how it was to hang out with me one on one... and she enjoys how funny I am and how entertaining I am... and she's quite funny herself... now Im not saying she is mine and I got a date but it was kind of a test or a preview of things for both of us if it went any further...

I don't know what your 'lowered expectations' are,but I stand by my opinion that a possible romantic involvement with someone you work with is a possible recipe for a disaster,should things go wrong.

Proceed with caution.

I dont know what your 'lowered expectations' are,but I stand by my opinion that a possible romantic involvement with someone you work with is a possible recipe for a disaster,should things go wrong.

Proceed with caution.

Like I've come to terms to her just being my friend... if that's the way its going to be then fine... I think she is the one who is changing to possibly liking me more as a friend... but I am being cautious with her...

She sounds more bored than attracted, but who knows. Keep your wits, and stop assuming she is so into you.

That's a lousy assumption to make.

She sounds more bored than attracted, but who knows. Keep your wits, and stop assuming she is so into you.

Thats a lousy assumption to make.

Thanks talaniman... I needed your response to kill my ego... im so glad you can read and verify her body language and responses just through my telling of a story...

Actually, I wasn't reading her, I was reading you. But your right about the ego comment.

I hope you don't think that every time a female is willing to spend time with you and have a laugh it may lead to something else , because honestly that's what your expectations sound like.

She was probably happy to spend time with you after you "backed Off"

I have lots of female friends and I'm sure lots of the other guys here have too , but there comfortable being with me because they know I'm nothing more than a friend and don't try to be.

Sure enjoy her company and IF something comes off it down the line so be it , but just don't forget the dangers of getting romantically involved with someone in the workplace.

Actually, I wasn't reading her, I was reading you. But your right about the ego comment.

That's a lousy assumption to make...


I hope you don't think that every time a female is willing to spend time with you and have a laugh it may lead to something else , because honestly thats what your expectations sound like.

She was probably happy to spend time with you after you "backed Off"

I have lots of female friends and I'm sure lots of the other guys here have too , but there comfortable being with me because they know i'm nothing more than a friend and don't try to be.

Sure enjoy her company and IF something comes off it down the line so be it , but just don't forget the dangers of getting romantically involved with someone in the workplace.

Understandable, but like I said with Lowered Expectations, I am willing to be her friend and I haven't been pushy on her at all... not like when I wrote the beginning of this thread... just like anybody on this forum I can take and not take any of the advice I read... its opinion and fact... depending how a reader wants to take it...

But I enjoy everbody's responses... if I didn't I wouldn't have posted this in the first place... keep them coming positive or negative...

Do you have a lot of female friends? Do you have to lower expectations to be their friend? Do you check out their body language, and gestures for signs? Just curious.

Do you have a lot of female friends? Do you have to lower expectations to be their friend? Do you check out their body language, and gestures for signs? Just curious.

Lets get to the point... im not trying to disrespect your expertise... you are the moderator...

But to answer your question, yes I do most of them are women I've dated in my past... I didn't 'lower' my expectations for them... lets change the phrase 'lowered my expectations' to 'i've come to terms with'... I check everybody's body language and gestures no matter the situation... friends, potential dates, enemies... etc.

Just trying to figure where your head was at, couldn't see your body language, and words on a page can be misleading.

I have a big thing against workplace relationships, and an even bigger thing about moving fast, and finding out your in deep do-do later. But having fun with friends is different, than having titles, and benefits, and privileges. That at least gives you time to know if someone is even worth putting time, and effort into.

lets get to the point.....

Yeah lets...

Bottom line is your doing exactly as you were at the beginning of this thread but just going about it in a different way in your head , I think all the advice you've already received still holds , but your just trying to justify what your doing and calling it something else , taking it slower , lower expectations etc.

Whatever... your choice , but don't say you weren't warned :cool:

I'm not a fan of workplace relationships. I see them crumble. I see them interfer with the job itself.. and coming from past personal experience, strange rumors spread like a wildfire.

You sound like a hot head that gets his way a lot. This girl is either into you or isn't. Maybe she wants to take things slow. Maybe she's just looking for someone to hang with.. Its really hard to tell from a simple post on the internet coming as 3rd party.

I think the best way of winning this girls heart without coming off as a frat boy jerkoff is to just be her friend. Go out with her, show her a good time. Don't expect anything.

And I'm sorry if that advise was already posted... didn't read to many posts after the second page

:confused:

So the one I left, had a new guy and we recently reconnected because her daughter had a surgery and I was just checking on the situation because mutual friends kept telling me... I had no intentions on being her friend or anything again...

To keep a long story short we kept talking on Facebook, then text, then phone... pretty much she still has love for me and I do for her also BUT she is confused and can't decided on me or him... this is the 3rd time this is happening and I am to the point where I don't care what decision she makes, I just don't want her wasting my time anymore... I am emotionless to anything she seems to say...

She says she needs me in her life and nobody can replace me even when she has tried and she tried to cut off ties with the other guy but he pulled the 'im falling in love with you and I'm attached to your kids' card even though there is assumption he is trying to see other women... lol

She said she wanted to see me and needed to but I am having second thoughts of even hanging out with her as friends... so chances are looking like she won't visit me since I live out of town... which is a blessing in disguise after I thought about it...

Anyway I just don't know how to get her to stop bothering me and just to move on in one direction or another... I really wish she would be single and leave both of us guys alone and figure out what she wants out of life... because she is wasting too much time and playing with emotions...

I wish I never would have contacted her... :mad:
And I'm not about to change my number again... :mad:

Seems to me you're moving on just fine as you don't even care anymore for anything she has to say. You're under no obligations to maintain any contact with her, and in reality you shouldn't. She is messed up one, but it's not you problem, so cut the ties and live happy. She wants to drag you back into old drama and tries to play two men... let her play all by herself by ignoring it.

Seems to me you're moving on just fine as you don't even care anymore for anything she has to say. You're under no obligations to maintain any contact with her, and in reality you shouldn't. She is messed up one, but it's not you problem, so cut the ties and live happy. She wants to drag you back into old drama and tries to play two men...let her play all by herself by ignoring it.

Good points... man I just realized I'm so happy!

Get her to stop bothering you by telling her you don't want to talk to her anymore. Give her the reason you told us here. Then block her on Facebook.

Well she deleted me on blackberry messenger and is going to delete my number... I have a feeling this isn't the end but I am relieved...

Have you ever wondered how we keep repeating our mistakes until we learn our lesson?

Well I agree talaniman and good job on merging the threads...

I am just glad she took it upon herself to cut ties off with me... means she is thinking for herself for once... as for me NC begins again and its way easier than ever...

Three times should be enough. You should have gained all the scars and pain you need from her by now to be convinced it is over and you need to move on.
Stick with the no contact no matter what. What more can she say that could override what she has done?

Move on and get her completely out of your life.

well if you really want her back you can, don't listen to negativity. Look only you know her best than anyone else on this forum. Do what you think feels right.

<A HREF="http://www.get-back-with-my-ex.net">www.get-back-with-my-ex.net</A>

well if you really want her back you can, don't listen to negativity. look only you know her best than anyone else on this forum. do what you think feels right.

<A HREF="http://www.get-back-with-my-ex.net">www.get-back-with-my-ex.net</A>

He did, and he is back to NC, and your link doesn't work.