View Full Version : Girfriend wants a break for a while.
Dirty_Harry
Nov 11, 2006, 11:45 AM
I've been going out with this girl for about 6/7 weeks now and she has told me she wants a break for a week or so.
She said she feels claustrophobic and needs some space as she hasn't been single for about 2 years as she had an 11 month relationship and then her other boyfriends came along with no real gap in between (including me) and she says she was afriad this might happen with jumping straight into a relationship with me. (we met during freshers week at uni).
She said it's the relationship not me and she said we can still talk sometimes rather than totally ignoring each other say if I saw her out and about.
Any advice?
Wildcat21
Nov 11, 2006, 11:54 AM
For the LOVE OF GOD!! Do this for me... GIVE HER SPACE!!
Do not under any circumstances call her!! Do not text her!! Do not e-mail her!! Do not answer her calls, text, ore-mail - give her at lest a week!!
Do NOT - if you want her back - be busy do other things - believe me!!
Be busy - think about something else other than her!! Please!
shygrneyzs
Nov 11, 2006, 11:55 AM
Then give her the break she wants and realize that she is the one who needs the space for herself, not from you. She most likely jumped from relationship to relationship without giving herself time to breathe.
Wildcat21
Nov 11, 2006, 11:56 AM
Let me guess - bet 1 million $ you came on too strong??
Just leave her alone - give her space - make her miss you. I bet you can't do it though.
PLEASE do this!
Give us an update.
Geoffersonairplane
Nov 11, 2006, 11:57 AM
Running from one relationship to another is a sure receipe for disaster.
I would listen to the cat on this one, give her the space she wants or possibly lose her forever..!
Dirty_Harry
Nov 11, 2006, 11:59 AM
But if I happened to see her about I could talk to her yes?
As she said on the phone she said if I saw her and ignored her she'd just find it immature.
Dirty_Harry
Nov 11, 2006, 12:00 PM
Let me guess - bet 1 million $ you came on too strong????????
Just leave her alone - give her space - make her miss you. I bet you can't do it though.
PLEASE do this!!
Give us an update.
I wouldn't say I came on too strong, we both just fell for each other during freshers week.
Geoffersonairplane
Nov 11, 2006, 12:06 PM
but if I happened to see her about I could talk to her yes?
as she said on the phone she said if I saw her and ignored her she'd just find it immature.
You should never just ignore anyone for no good reason, that is just plain rude. What we mean is, do not e-mail, call her, put any pressure on her, give her space. If you bump into her, you can talk to her but just keep it casual.
But if you bump into her and just decide to ignore her, that would be immature and also rude. At least, that is the way she would see it even if your ulterior motive is somewhat different.
Dirty_Harry
Nov 11, 2006, 12:08 PM
You should never just ignore anyone for no good reason, that is just plain rude. What we mean is, do not e-mail, call her, put any pressure on her, give her space. If you bump into her, you can talk to her but just keep it casual.
But if you bump into her and just decide to ignore her, that would be immature and also rude. At least, that is the way she would see it even if your ulterior motive is somewhat different.
So if she calls me should I answer?
Because I think she'd also think it was immature if I didn't.
Aslong as I don't call her, make it up to her to get in touch sort of thing?
Geoffersonairplane
Nov 11, 2006, 12:08 PM
And please remember that it is not a game you are playing with her, you are simply respecting her wish to have space. She will respect you for that + you will show that you are a mature individual!
Geoffersonairplane
Nov 11, 2006, 12:12 PM
so if she calls me should I answer?
Because I think she'd also think it was immature if I didn't.
aslong as I don't call her, make it up to her to get in touch sorta thing?
Well, you should not jump to the phone straight away.. If she knows you are there waiting, like a puppy dog, it will seem a bit needy.
Perhaps don't answer the first time, wait until she calls you the second time.
If she asks why you did not pick up the first time or return her call, just apologise and say you were at the gym, out with a firend or whatever or that you simply forgot to call back and apologise and keep it all casual.
As Wildcat says, people want what they can't have - ALWAYS..
Sorry Wildcat, not trying to steal your advice but had to pass it on to this guy..
Dirty_Harry
Nov 11, 2006, 12:13 PM
OK well thanks for the advice I shall see how it goes.
Dirty_Harry
Nov 11, 2006, 12:13 PM
Oh and I'm talking about a mobile phone so what sort of excuse should I use then?
Wildcat21
Nov 11, 2006, 12:15 PM
Leave her alone - stop talking o nthe phone with her. Stop!
WAIT a as long as you can - I'd wait a month - seriously - but you sound really needy and confused - doubt you could do that.
Women WANT some unprdictabilt/mystery - I bet youdon't give that.
IF she geets - MAD - just tell her one day you were respecting her wishes. SHE sked for this - respect this - she'll love you for it in the end.
This is a MRATHON - love - not a sprint to who gets there first.
You have your own life you need to live.
Geoffersonairplane
Nov 11, 2006, 12:20 PM
oh and i'm talking about a mobile phone so what sort of excuse should I use then?
What difference does it make if it's a mobile phone or a normal landline, you could still have forgotten to call her back..
It will work out for the best if you follow this advice, and if it does not, well, you did the best thing you could, putting any pressure on her at this point will push her away.
Dirty_Harry
Nov 11, 2006, 12:41 PM
Leave her alone - stop talking o nthe phone with her. Stop!
WAIT a as long as you can - I'd wait a month - seriously - but you sound really needy and confused - doubt you could do that.
Women WANT soem unprdictabilt/mystery - I bet youdon't give that.
IF she geets - MAD - just tell her one day you were respecting her wishes. SHE sked for this - respect this - she'll love you for it in the end.
This is a MRATHON - love - not a sprint to who gets there first.
You have your own life you need to live.
What am I meant to do if she says I'm being immature since she said we could still see each other and talk?
She said it's not like we just won't talk. :confused:
ilovcali
Nov 11, 2006, 12:59 PM
Say hi, how are you, and then end the conversation. WALK AWAY FIRST. At this point, what she thinks is irrelevant if you are doing as she asked, which is giving her space. Leave her alone, and stop overanalyzing every detail. Overthinking will definitely blow it. And you are overthinking.
talaniman
Nov 11, 2006, 02:50 PM
Dude stop worrying about what she thinks, she dumped you remember. Now leave her alone and get a life without her. Who cares what she thinks. She through you a bone and left the door open for conversation, she may throw you enough scraps to keep you hanging on but that's all you will do hang on, while she gets to do whatever she wants. You sure fell hard after only 6/7 weeks. Get a life without her, and just me personally, I wouldn't return her calls period. Why should you? Look out for you cause she isn't nor is anyone else.
Dirty_Harry
Nov 11, 2006, 05:59 PM
Dude stop worrying about what she thinks, she dumped you remember. Now leave her alone and get a life without her. Who cares what she thinks. She thru you a bone and left the door open for conversation, she may throw you enough scraps to keep you hanging on but thats all you will do hang on, while she gets to do whatever she wants. You sure fell hard after only 6/7 weeks. Get a life without her, and just me personally, I wouldn't return her calls period. Why should you? Look out for you cause she isn't nor is anyone else.
I think I'll go with what everyone else has said rather than this.
talaniman
Nov 11, 2006, 06:25 PM
You want a relationship, she doesn't. Your willing to play it her way because you feel she will eventually see that you are the one for her. If I'm wrong let me know. Can you just be friends?
ilovcali
Nov 11, 2006, 06:50 PM
Everyone else said the same thing. But you're young, so you're going to have to learn this lesson the hard way perhaps.
shygrneyzs
Nov 11, 2006, 10:08 PM
If she calls, answer it, yes. BUT keep it short, sweet, and simple, yet polite, but not more than that. She is the one who wants the break - she is the one who NEEDS the break. So why take a break yourself? Must be other people you can find to hang out with, does not have to be romantic. Does not have to go at the speed of light, which is what most likely happened to you and her in the beginning. Good luck.
I totally agree with Wildcat and Geo. Have seen other posts and advice they have given and they are on target!
s_cianci
Nov 12, 2006, 05:03 PM
She's telling you that she needs time and space. You'd be wise to give it to her. You've only known her for 6-7 weeks. That's not a long time. You've probably been entirely too needy and clingy during those 6-7 weeks. You need to have a life of your own. You've just started college. There must be a million things you could be getting involved in. Do it. You need to have lots of things to occupy your time and attention. Don't build your life around this or any other girl.
s_cianci
Nov 12, 2006, 05:06 PM
so if she calls me should I answer?
Because I think she'd also think it was immature if I didn't.
aslong as I don't call her, make it up to her to get in touch sorta thing?
Yes, you can answer (but don't have to.) Just keep it short and brief. Keep in mind that, on the phone, if you don't answer, she'll assume that you are out and busy and that's not a bad thing. Not answering the telephone isn't the same as purposely ignoring her when seeing her in person.
s_cianci
Nov 12, 2006, 05:08 PM
oh and i'm talking about a mobile phone so what sort of excuse should I use then?
Just tell her you forgot to turn it on or forgot to take it with you.