I have a person in my life, who shall remain nameless, that I HAVE to deal with (family)... so it's not like I can just totally walk away from this situation.

I have dealt with it quietly for years, just letting it roll off and prettty much ignoring most of what she says. The gossiping never bothered me until fairly recently when I found out that she has been saying some really damaging and completely untrue things about myself and my daughter. I know that she has said these things to her entire family and friends and God knows who else.

This is tough, because how am I supposed to show my face at any family function, knowing what she has said about us? Not to mention, how do I deal with her personally for having done this to us? And now that I think about it, I really don't know how much else she has said about me and to whom... how embarrassing and infuriating! I just hate gossip and drama.

The lying thing, much of it I can simply brush off. Like if she's telling a story and she lies about something that's no big deal, then, so what, I guess I don't care about that, I don't see it as anything I need to get worked up over even though the behavior itself infuriates me. It's when she lies about important things, or lies about people in a damaging way, is what really bugs me. I had enough after all these years and called her out on it... and now we're in a back-and-forth email feud... guess what, she keeps lying and thinking she can fool me somehow after I cold busted her several times. After busting her by using her own web of written lies against her, she tries to turn it on to me, as if I'm purposely trying to make her out to be a liar. She can take no fault for anything EVER and even when cold busted, can't even admit it. God, this just makes me sick!

What the heck can I do? I HAVE to deal with this person to at least a small degree, there's no escaping that. I've already blatantly pointed out how her behavior sickens me. Yet she still lies in everything she says, and I'm sure she's gossiping about this as well. So what do you do when you're getting nowhere with a person, but you're stuck dealing with them?

I understand you have some impending legal issues. Does this have anything to do with that?

How much of what she says is true?

If it's not true, then why don't you get someone close to her to talk to her?

Will no one take your side?

This person will never admit to you, or probably anyone else for that matter, that they have lied. So, you're busting your head against a brick wall to try to force any admission from her, and emailing her back and forth will only feed her conviction that you're the pain in the butt not her.

What I would suggest is don't delete the emails. Keep a record of any significant lies that she perpetrates about you. If she is telling other people untruths about you and you can prove that they are not true, you may have recourse to legal action. A simple letter from a solicitor telling her to desist (or else) may shock her into stopping. (This is what would happen in Australia, I don't know about the US)

The other thing you may wish to consider is talking to the people that are important to you (such as family) and just letting them know what the truth of the matter is - without resorting to calling her a liar - perhaps simply stating that she's misunderstood the circumstances.

Deal with her as little as possible - keep your head high and through your actions, not your words, prove that her lies are untrue. Never get into a brawl with her - the more you try and deny her lies, the worse YOU look.

Why do you have to "deal" with them, I have family members I have not seen or talked to in at least 10 years,

I had family members in the same town that we would go for years without visiting, maybe meet at store passing in a isle but that is it.

You only have to deal with people you want to

Most likely, the people who are having to listen to her, have her number. They know she tends to lie and gossip and are wondering if she does the same about them. I have found that people that find lies and gossip a way of life, soon have very few friends. And family tend to keep information from them. Unless of course they want the info. Spread.
If anything gets back to you, or brought up, simply say to them to 'consider the source' and leave it at that.
It became a inside joke in my family. When around one of these kind of people we would mutter "LLL"= code for lies lead to loss of life. Its kind of silly, but it lightened the mood when we had to listen to someone's crap. It also reminded all who could hear that this person was bound to be telling a story if she wasn't already in the middle of one...

Jm, no, this has nothing to do with any legal issues. She lives 4 states away and I only see her 2 times a year maybe, it's just her juvenile behavior and BS that I cannot tolerate anymore. How much of what she says is true? NOT MUCH. She'll lie about the color of the shirt she's wearing if that gives you a clue.

My friends don't know her, she's an in-law (that's why I HAVE to deal with her! )... the only thing I can think of is to trap her saying damaging slandering things to a third party. Would email count?


Gemini: This person will never admit to you, or probably anyone else for that matter, that they have lied. So, you're busting your head against a brick wall to try to force any admission from her, and emailing her back and forth will only feed her conviction that you're the pain in the butt not her.

YOU HIt THE NAIL ON THE HEAD! THIS IS WHY IT IS PISSING ME OFF SOOO MUCH!

Gemini, you gave wonderful advice and I will take heed. Thank you all for helping.

I save all the emails, so perhaps I will post them so y'all can see what I am dealing with here.

I never really used to talk to her at all except at family functions (but thta's over now that I know what she has said about me! ).

Yeah, I know gossips flock with gossips, but it's the fact that they perpetuate the crap (whether they believe the stories or not)...

Lying and gossip is a sickness I believe and I don't think it'll ever stop. That's why I am at a loss as to what to do. Onlly thing I can think of is to sue for slander, but that's hard to prove and I don't know the rules as far as what I can sue for as far as damages-if I've not been damaged financially, then do I have a suit? Plus I'd fear that"she would come back and try to "get back at me". I fear this because she is the type who has to look "squeaky clean", never does anything remotely wrong.

I dunno, at this point I think, even though it'll be hard, very hard, contact will just have to cease. But I'll always think that the crap is going on behind my back......uggggh, I hate this.

Yes, later on when I have time, I will post some back-and forth emails so you can see her "I didn't do it" attitude.

You can avoid family like the good father pointed out - maybe not if you aren't the host, but you can certainly limit your exposure. I would.

Tell her nothing - limit discussion to the weather.

And correct her loudly and publicly at every opportunity. For example, "Why would you say that about Dave, Mary. I know for a fact that you just made that up and it's a very inappropriate thing for you to do." You can follow it with, "you are really unbelievable - does it ever end". At least the people in earshot will be on notice that she's a chronic liar.

Then forget about it - if she lies this much, everyone around her knows it already

---question?

Are we still able to answer this question?

The OP is apparently a troll?

I'm confuzzled :(

I have to read some examples of what you are dealing with here. It is impossible to say whether you are over-reacting, or misinterpreting something without some examples of lies she has said.

Also impossible to tell if these lies are worthy of legal action, without a lot more detail.