Hello. I live in New York and I'm not really sure how the adoption process goes and I would really appreciate a little help. My ex and I were together for a couple of years. She had a beautiful daughter who I took in as my own. We are on good terms. We aren't together anymore but we have an understanding that her daughter is still my own. I would have it no other way. My dilemma is that I've never appreciate anything like this and I have no friends in this situation to talk to about it. How do I go about adopting her?

Hello. I live in new york and I'm not really sure how the adoption process goes and I would really appreciate a little help. My ex and I were together for a couple of years. She had a beautiful daughter who I took in as my own. We are on good terms. We aren't together anymore but we have an understanding that her daughter is still my own. I would have it no other way. My dilemma is that I've never appreciate anything like this and I have no friends in this situation to talk to about it. How do I go about adopting her?
It might not be possible for you to adopt her unless her natural father consents, not sure how the Judge would appove you adopting the child yet the natual mother and you live separately from what I can gather from your question. Best to seek the advice of an attorney.

I truly doubt since you are not married and living with the mother than you can adopt the child.

First the natural father would have to agree to sign over all his rights, and then you petition the court with that, for the right to adopt.

I am not sure they require you to be married to her ( but that used to be the law but with recent gay adoptions and other changes, marriage has been less of a requirement.

But since you are not with her, I doubt it would happen

Jay, if you two are not together then chances are slim that you can adopt her.

The courts look at stability in a family when considering adoption. If you and her mother are not together then she would be "bouncing" back and forth from one house to another, most likely. The courts probably would not consider this a stable environment.

The other answers you have are correct, the birth father would have to reliquish his parental rights first.

Jay,
Please don't become disenchanted with the idea of adopting the daughter you have raised. Seek legal counsel. Speak with your x and find out her feelings related to your desire to adopt. I gather that the biological father is not in the picture. Did he absolve himself from legal responsibility of the child. Has your x made him financially responsible? If he owes child support, you have more of a ground to stand on. Along with her consent, of course. It sounds to me that you have been the only father this child knows and loves. Which will mean a great deal in the adoption process. Whether you are with the mother or not. Real fathers come in all sizes, shapes and environments. If yours is a successful "apart" healthy, yet collective environment for your child, you have more than probably most give you credit. First speak with Mom, see what her concerns and desires are. With her support, much can be acccomplished.