A few things you should know if you have a boy, or a man. ;)

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Wow! I'm speechless...

And it's all so true!:)
Especially the last line!:rolleyes:

Be kind to your mama! :)

I would have loved to have a water bed! But not break it :eek:
I didn't know what was Clorox... had to Google.

I prefer not to mention the others most of which I didn't have the 'ingredients' to make them possible.

#13 was on Mythbusters. They ended up using cornstarch. With cornstarch, you CAN!

Betcha #14 was the same whether it was jello or corn starch, though.

Hi alty:

I loved it.

excon

My parents didn't get ceiling fans until I moved out :(

Brings back memories of my younger days!

With my two boys I can relate.

Here are a few more from first hand experience( in the last month).

It takes 16 days for a US quarter to pass through a seven year old "magician", top to bottom.
Turtles don't like M&Ms.
Kittens don't like rectal exams done with a Q-tip.
As I sit here with blue polka dotted Fruit of the Looms, kids don't check their pockets for ink pens.
Tractors don't run on water.

And mothers are special, and I can't wait for one in particular to get in from Europe.

80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.Hogwash! Most men know that the store-brand bleach is cheaper.

Hogwash! Most men know that the store-brand bleach is cheaper.

I thought that stuff was half water.

We need something that will take out Georgia Red Clay Georgia Red Clay | Georgia NRCS (http://www.ga.nrcs.usda.gov/technical/soils/red.html)

No, our carpet isn't white.

We need something that will take out Georgia Red Clay.A Bobcat or 'dozer should do the trick.

A Bobcat or 'dozer should do the trick.

I wish I had a bulldozer.

Dear Santa, If you are a member...

That was some pretty crazy stuff. Some of the things I threw in the fan when I was little... I still do it at my house when I am bored and nobody is around. Something little like a sock. I really was considering trying the clorox and brake fluid thing. Has anyone heard of the works bomb?

From experience...

1) Ceiling fans make great launchers for paper airplanes
2) The dog's water bowl is a great place to rinse your feet in the summer after the grass is cut.
3) Vomiting out of your window onto your sister's car so your parents don't know you are wasted WILL ruin the paint job.
4) Giving a cat toothpaste will make them foam at the mouth.

Has anyone heard of the works bomb?Don't go there... big bro'... stick to potato cannons... :D

When I read number 8, my thoughts were, no idea what clorox is but I must try that.

Then I read 25 :(

From experience....

1) Ceiling fans make great launchers for paper airplanes
2) The dog's water bowl is a great place to rinse your feet in the summer after the grass is cut.
3) Vomiting out of your window onto your sister's car so your parents don't know you are wasted WILL ruin the paint job.
4) Giving a cat toothpaste will make them foam at the mouth.

5) Venus fly traps do not like broccoli any more then you do.
6) Putting sand in the fish tank, so that Goldie will feel like he's in the ocean, doesn't work.
7) Towels cannot be flushed down a regular household toilet.
8) Jumping on the bed while the ceiling fan is on is a bad idea.
9) A dog wearing a cape cannot fly, neither can a rabbit. ;)
10) Hiding in the dryer and jumping out at your mother when she comes in to do laundry will get you a black eye.
11) Peeing on the outdoor plants during the summer is not acceptable.

11) Peeing on the outdoor plants during the summer is not acceptable.

I always thought that they got more nutrients from the nitrogen in the pee? :p

I always thought that they got more nutrients from the nitrogen in the pee? :p

It's not so much the plants you have to worry about, it's the neighbors that complain that your son is pulling down his pants in public so he can urinate, even though the bathroom is only a few short steps away.

It was our own fault. We went on vacation to Penticton. Jared was 4. It's around a 12 -14 hour drive. Jared hadn't been potty trained for long so we made sure to stop often so he could use the bathroom. The thing is, he's like me. Once he gets into a car he drives himself batty wondering if there will be a bathroom around when you need it. As a result he had to pee every 1/2 hour and there wasn't always a bathroom around. So we taught him to pee in the bushes on the side of the road.

It worked pretty well, until we got home. :(

Once he gets into a car he drives himself batty wondering if there will be a bathroom around when you need it. Hello Alty:

I didn't know women peed. I thought they were pure. For sure, I know they don't fart.

excon

Lol, the same was for me long ago... when we were on quite long trips, from home to seaside for example, or to pick little red guavas from a quite far away place.

Hello Alty:

I didn't know women peed. I thought they were pure. For sure, I know they don't fart.

excon

LMAO! Women pee, they fart, they even poo. Yup, it's true, we really are people! :)

Hello Alty:

I didn't know women peed. I thought they were pure. For sure, I know they don't fart.

excon

Lol! Oh they do! My mom is one of those that has farts that smell all around 100 metres :eek:

Lol! Oh they do! My mom is one of those that has farts that smell all around 100 metres :eek:

She's going to kill you for telling over 600,000 people that she farts and it really stinks. :eek:

Hello Alty:

I didn't know women peed. I thought they were pure. For sure, I know they don't fart.

excon

You forgot the purple font again, bubbelah.

She's going to kill you for telling over 600,000 people that she farts and it really stinks. :eek:

Nah, I won't be showing her that thread. Once she saw JBeaucaire's little animated plane in her sig, and she asked me 'What game are you playing, huh? How many times do I have to tell you not to play?'

:rolleyes:

The one everybody's forgotten:

The dog likes to sleep on top of the bedclothes.

The dog likes to pee on the bedclothes. :(

Another one:

Dogs and bunk beds don't mix.

The dog likes to pee on the bedclothes. :(

Another one:

Dogs and bunk beds don't mix.

The bunk needs to be against the wall and Jared should sleep against it. That way the dog can have the rest of the bunk. At least that's how my dog explained it to me as he stretched out.

The bunk needs to be against the wall and Jared should sleep against it. That way the dog can have the rest of the bunk. At least that's how my dog explained it to me as he stretched out.

Jared isn't the problem actually. It's Sydney.

Both kids have a bunk bed, but not one with two beds, it's only an upper bunk, that way we can put things underneath and maximize the space. The bedrooms are really small. :(

Anyway, Sydney decided that Chewy should play with her on the bunkbed, so she got Jared to lift him up to the top. He loves it. He goes crazy when you put him on the bunkbed. The thing is, he got bored and jumped. :(

A vet trip and a clear bill of health with a strict warning to never do it again. There's $300 I'll never see again. ;)

Jared isn't the problem actually. It's Sydney.

Both kids have a bunk bed, but not one with two beds, it's only an upper bunk, that way we can put things underneath and maximize the space. The bedrooms are really small. :(

Anyway, Sydney decided that Chewy should play with her on the bunkbed, so she got Jared to lift him up to the top. He loves it. He goes crazy when you put him on the bunkbed. The thing is, he got bored and jumped. :(

A vet trip and a clear bill of health with a strict warning to never do it again. There's $300 I'll never see again. ;)

Oh, you're right, top bunks and dogs don't mix well at all.

Oh, you're right, top bunks and dogs don't mix well at all.

Exactly.

This would never have happened if I had been on Mom duty that day. Sadly I was at work and hubby didn't notice what was going on until Chewy jumped.

It's not a really high bunk, but still high enough that Chewy really could have gotten hurt.

Thankfully he's okay. Sydney learned her lesson, as did Jared, so I know it won't be happening again.

Maybe I should build a slide for the bed, then Chewy can go where he loves to go and slide down when he's done.

Good idea? Terrible idea? I'll have to think about it.

Exactly.

This would never have happened if I had been on Mom duty that day. Sadly I was at work and hubby didn't notice what was going on until Chewy jumped.

It's not a really high bunk, but still high enough that Chewy really could have gotten hurt.

Thankfully he's okay. Sydney learned her lesson, as did Jared, so I know it won't be happening again.

Maybe I should build a slide for the bed, then Chewy can go where he loves to go and slide down when he's done.

Good idea? Terrible idea? I'll have to think about it.

Sydney would LOVE an escape slide!

Sydney would LOVE an escape slide!

The thing that may hamper this idea is the lack of space. Sydney's room is tiny. Extremely tiny. The whole reason we bought the bunk was to give her more space. A slide would take away from that space.

I'll have to think about the best way to do it. It would be cool though. :)

I wonder if her bunkbed can hold me? If I'm putting in a slide then I have to be able to use it.

Wheeeee! :)

I had bunkbeds when I was younger, I slept on top, the great Dane slept on the bottom, until one night she had her pups early on the bottom bunk :eek:
I kept hearing squeeking for days afterwards panicking there would be one stuck somewhere in the bed!

Dogs sleep under the bedcovers as soon as you get out of bed. They prefer beds that are prewarmed up for them.

Dogs will happily puke in your bed under the covers. Usually on clean covers as well.

Pouty dogs will poop in the house right where they know you will happily tromp in during the night in your bare feet. They secretly get their kicks knowing you'll hit their land mines.

One dog and one boy with a shovel can happily dig a hole in the backyard deep enough to get lost in during an 8 hour day. Then happily fill it up with water and make a muddy mess.

Cast off microwave oven, kid with electrical cord and dog cowering in far corner of yard not wanting to get too close to the kid microwaving GI Joes, screwdrivers, full cans of beer, steak knives, vice grips, and everything else not nailed down including himself.

All true. Happened to me.

All true. Happened to me.

Sounds like happy kids

My son grew up to be a happy, healthy, and believe it or not, well adjusted man. Personally I am surprised that I survived his childhood.

I often told my son that he'd be an only child if he didn't smarten up. Why do you think my kids are 4 years apart? It took me that long to work up enough courage to try again. ;)

He was a handful. A sweet child, but turn away for one second and you could guarantee that something bad was going to happen.

One of my favorite stories about Jared is the time he found R's lighter and decided try and melt two pieces of plastic together. R and I were upstairs. All of a sudden Jared comes running upstairs, looks at both of us and says "Don't worry, I put out the fire and my butt is fine".

What? That doesn't make any sense. Wait... WHAT FIRE!?

The plastic had caught on fire, Jared dropped it, it fell on the arm of our brand new sectional that we saved 3 years to buy. The sectional started on fire so Jared sat on it to put it out. The hole is still there. I refuse to have it fixed. It's a great thing to point out to him whenever he gets a bit lippy. ;)

HAHA I like this a LOT!

At the age of three, my son got a punch balloon. If you don't remember them they're balloons that have a large rubber band at the knot and you punch them and they make a sound like maracas (sort of). His was about two feet in diameter and he was having a wonderful time with it. Our backs got turned (yeah, bad move) and he decided that the cat should have a turn. He picks up the cat and bounces it on the balloon, saying "Bounce, kitty, bounce!"

As expected, the cat grabs and BOOM, no more balloon.

Traumatized kitty hid for three days.

We had the same experience with a rubber ball Cats. It was huge. Bigger then Jared. He couldn't even grab it. Neither could I. I don't know where my parents found this goodyear blimp, but it was every color of the rainbow and Jared loved it.

So we're at my parents house, in the backyard. Jared kicks the ball at Indy and it smacks poor Indy right in the head. Indy was not happy, tucked tail and hid under the table.

Two days later we asked my parents to look after Indy for the weekend. We were going camping. When we came back we found out that Indy had eaten the ball. Yes, he ate it!

For around a week every poo that Indy took was the color of a rainbow.

We had the same experience with a rubber ball Cats. It was huge. Bigger then Jared. He couldn't even grab it. Neither could I. I don't know where my parents found this goodyear blimp, but it was every color of the rainbow and Jared loved it.

So we're at my parents house, in the backyard. Jared kicks the ball at Indy and it smacks poor Indy right in the head. Indy was not happy, tucked tail and hid under the table.

Two days later we asked my parents to look after Indy for the weekend. We were going camping. When we came back we found out that Indy had eaten the ball. Yes, he ate it!

For around a week every poo that Indy took was the color of a rainbow.

HAHAHA gross but funny.

Ohso, I could write a book about Jared's first 5 years. I'm surprised I survived it. I'm surprised he did! ;)

Ohso, I could write a book about Jared's first 5 years. I'm surprised I survived it. I'm surprised he did! ;)

I'm not surprised, youre' a good mamma. :)

I'm not surprised, youre' a good mamma. :)

:o Thanks.

I'm okay. I'm not perfect, no one is. Also, those darn kids didn't come with instructions. For instance, a book about what to do when your 3 year old shoves a small toy up her nose, well, that would be helpful. ;)

Also, no one tells you that a baby can poo so violently that the poo blows right out of their diaper and onto their neck, in the winter, when you're at a restaurant, with no extra clothes.

There's no mention of the fact that breastfeeding can hurt and those little gluttons will eat for an hour every hour. Do the math. You're feeding that thing 24/7!

Then there's the sleepless nights. How are you supposed to function on 1 hour of sleep (not consecutively) for 3 months or more?

Did you know that your hips will never be the same? They never go back to what they were. NEVER! Also, that last 10 pounds of babyfat, you may as well get used to it, it's not going anywhere. For those that do lose the weight, well, isn't it nice to be able to afford a tummy tuck, lyposuction and a personal trainer. BOO!

I can't wait until they're teenagers. I may just let my hair go grey and start eating candy by the pound. ;)

Wow, what stories! :eek: :p

:o Thanks.

I'm okay. I'm not perfect, no one is. Also, those darn kids didn't come with instructions. For instance, a book about what to do when your 3 year old shoves a small toy up her nose, well, that would be helpful. ;)

Also, no one tells you that a baby can poo so violently that the poo blows right out of their diaper and onto their neck, in the winter, when you're at a restaurant, with no extra clothes.

There's no mention of the fact that breastfeeding can hurt and those little gluttons will eat for an hour every hour. Do the math. You're feeding that thing 24/7!

Then there's the sleepless nights. How are you supposed to function on 1 hour of sleep (not consecutively) for 3 months or more?

Did you know that your hips will never be the same? They never go back to what they were. NEVER! Also, that last 10 pounds of babyfat, you may as well get used to it, it's not going anywhere. For those that do lose the weight, well, isn't it nice to be able to afford a tummy tuck, lyposuction and a personal trainer. BOO!

I can't wait until they're teenagers. I may just let my hair go grey and start eating candy by the pound. ;)

I guess the only thing you can do is try to be prepared for anything and everything. :)

The other story about my son from that time frame (year and a half later) was when we splurged on burgers and fries for dinner. Youngster loved the seasoned fries. He was told that he had to eat his hamburger before he got any more fries. He pouted but picked up the burger and was getting ready for a bite when (a different) cat streaks through the living room and grabs the burger five times the size of its head and takes off with it. You never saw such consternation on a kid's face. We did let him have more fries. I still can't figure out how the cat could get a whole burger and run off with it.

Cats are sneaky Cats.

Oh my!

Cats and cats. This can't be good. :eek:

Cats are sneaky Cats.

Oh my!

Cats and cats. This can't be good. :eek:

Cat says the funny part was me chasing the animal through the house.

:o Thanks.

I'm okay. I'm not perfect, no one is. Also, those darn kids didn't come with instructions. For instance, a book about what to do when your 3 year old shoves a small toy up her nose, well, that would be helpful. ;)

Also, no one tells you that a baby can poo so violently that the poo blows right out of their diaper and onto their neck, in the winter, when you're at a restaurant, with no extra clothes.

There's no mention of the fact that breastfeeding can hurt and those little gluttons will eat for an hour every hour. Do the math. You're feeding that thing 24/7!

Then there's the sleepless nights. How are you supposed to function on 1 hour of sleep (not consecutively) for 3 months or more?

Did you know that your hips will never be the same? They never go back to what they were. NEVER! Also, that last 10 pounds of babyfat, you may as well get used to it, it's not going anywhere. For those that do lose the weight, well, isn't it nice to be able to afford a tummy tuck, lyposuction and a personal trainer. BOO!

I can't wait until they're teenagers. I may just let my hair go grey and start eating candy by the pound. ;)

I'd still give just about anything to have one.