27100

27101

27102

27103

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Funny things, funny girl :) Thanks, needed a smile.

Funny things, funny girl :) Thanks, needed a smile.

Always here for a smile or two Stringy. :)

What's up with the buck? That's just wrong, what's he thinking:rolleyes:

What's up with the buck? That's just wrong, what's he thinking:rolleyes:

It's a threesome, or a big mistake. Your choice. ;)

Cutesy cute and cuter :)

Me likes.

Me likes too! :p

Best one is "I boop ur nose"

I got this new deodorant today.

The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells awesome.

I got this new deodorant today.

The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells awesome.

I was going to I liked the "i boop your nose" the best until I read this. :)

I got this new deodorant today.

The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells awesome.

I just got this in an email... coincidence :confused:

i just got this in an email........coincidence :confused:

No, M has to be everywhere so he can deliver the beer.

Now that 3 some looks interesting. Wonder when they all figured this out?

I'm sending people to this thread now when they tell me that humans are the ONLY species that have 3-somes.

Even if you don't own a dog at present, you'll appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her dog. Read the sales pitch!!






27489

Dog For Sale

Free to good home.

Excellent guard dog.

Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more drug pushers, thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.

Most of them knew him as 'Holy Sh1t.'

I love it M. Great sales pitch.

Even if you don't own a dog at present, you'll appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her dog. Read the sales pitch!!!






27489

Dog For Sale

Free to good home.

Excellent guard dog.

Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more drug pushers, thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.

Most of them knew him as 'Holy Sh1t.'

That was great M, loved it.

M, that's a gorgeous Mastiff.

The sales pitch is hilarious, but the dog is a beauty.

Even if you don't own a dog at present, you'll appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her dog. Read the sales pitch!!!






27489

Dog For Sale

Free to good home.

Excellent guard dog.

Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more drug pushers, thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.

Most of them knew him as 'Holy Sh1t.'

I might be ignorant here, but is that really the size of that dog:confused: Is it even possible? WOW:eek:

I might be ignorant here, but is that really the size of that dog:confused: Is it even possible? WOW:eek:

It's possible JD. He has a sweet face. I doubt he'd hurt a fly.

That's what I was wondering too JD. It's head seems lots bigger than the lady besides it. Could that mean a bigger brain? Lol!

It's possible JD. He has a sweet face. I doubt he'd hurt a fly.

Just as long as he knows he is NOT a lapdog.

Just look at his face guys.

He's so cute. Goochie goo!

Can you imagine what would happen if he decided he wanted to lick you and pinned you down? :eek:

He's a big cuddle-butt. I just don't think I could handle sharing a bed with something that big.

just look at his face guys.

He's so cute. Goochie goo!

can you imagine what would happen if he decided he wanted to lick you and pinned you down? :eek:








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Just look at his face guys.

He's so cute. Goochie goo!

Can you imagine what would happen if he decided he wanted to lick you and pinned you down? :eek:

Hmmm... :confused: That would be fun?

A few more funnies. I just want to say in advance... I'm sorry. :(


27509

27510

27511

27512

the last one is too small to read.

I like the smiling doggy ^_^

Second one was hilarous! :p

Third one... :(

I tried to delete the last one because I realized it was too small. Sadly it's one that I save a while back and I really don't remember what it said.

You want to kill me now, don't you.

Unky, they're just mice. ;)

Okay, I found it.

The last one says

"Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver."

But unky is a mouse. Maybe they were relatives :(

but unky is a mouse. maybe they were relatives :(

Oops! I never thought of that.

I'm sorry Unky. I'm sure that they were bad mice. ;)

Okay, I'll take it then. :)

but unky is a mouse. maybe they were relatives :(

Nope, those were rats. No relation. Unky's from Mauritius, those are obviously from Washington, DC. You can tell by the way they swarmed the government cheese.

Lol, OK Cats. Rats are bad, really bad ;)

the last one is too small to read.



_______ is golden, Duct tape ___ _______.
:)

Edit: never mind, I missed the answer somehow

_______ is golden, Duct tape ___ _______.
:)

It says;

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver. :)

Book Review comparison


27587


27588



Titanic Cost - $29.99
Clinton Cost - $29.99

Titanic Over 3 hours to read
Clinton Over 3 hours to read

Titanic The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton Bill is a bullsh1t artist.

Titanic In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton Ditto for Bill.

Titanic During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton Ditto for Monica.

Titanic Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton Let's not go there.

Titanic Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton Monica... ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing...

Book Review comparison


27587


27588



Titanic Cost - $29.99
Clinton Cost - $29.99

Titanic Over 3 hours to read
Clinton Over 3 hours to read

Titanic The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton Bill is a bullsh1t artist.

Titanic In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton Ditto for Bill.

Titanic During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton Ditto for Monica.

Titanic Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton Let's not go there.

Titanic Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton Clinton doesn’t remember Jack.

Titanic Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton Monica... ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing...

Nice...

Hey, those are good Alty!

I'm just now finding this thread...

Thanks!

M, that's terrible. Keep 'em coming! ( Wait... don't go there either)

A wealthy older lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"


Moral of this story...



Don't mess with the old... age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

BS and brilliance only come with age and experience!

I love it M.

Now where is that leopard you were supposed to bring me? ;)

That was awesome M! :)

M, I couldn't green you...

But that was a great joke and I loved the moral, very refreshing !

I love it M.

Now where is that leopard you were supposed to bring me? ;)

Do you mean M is a... monkey!? :confused:

::kidding:: ;)

A Blonde comes home and says to her Boyfriend I got this awesome new Tattoo today

The Boyfriend says great what did you get?

Blonde says I got a Tattoo of a Seashell on my inner thigh.

The Boyfriend says what's so awesome about that?

Blonde says well if you get really really close and put your ear to it , you can smell the ocean!!

Flexible blonde.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience."Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents."

They suspect nothing is hysterical.The expression on his face is priceless:)
Thanks hon... I needed that !

Lol, good ones M and Syn :)

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said,
"I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition , whenever I sneeze I have a wild uncontrollable orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have never heard of that condition before" he said. " Are you taking anything for it?"

"Yes," the woman nodded. "Pepper."

^^ ha ha ha that was nice one! :D
Good joke Freind4u!

Subject: Five rules for men to follow for a happy life

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time
to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie
to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be
with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other

Tiger Woods.....

Short Funnies....

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said," Dust!"

What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

If you want your wife to listen and pay attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

JD, you can be anything you want. :)

BATTLE OF SEXES.... :)

When does a woman care for a man's company?
When he owns it.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.

Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.

What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom,
and an to pay for it all.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.

What did God say after creating Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."

What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.

Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married
women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says:
"So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her
so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you.

Ok, I will quit, last one for tonight... Laugh... darn it !

Men (One-Liners)
# Men approve of premarital sex until daughters are born.

# If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day or two, He'll be back to his usual self.

# A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
So she gets a divorce.

# Marriage certificate?
It's just another name for her work permit.

# When a newly married woman smiles, all know why, but when a ten-years married woman smiles, all wonder why.

# “It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children.
I will never forget that game of cards…”

# Men lie about their jobs, drive cars they can't afford, wear toupees and loose shirts that hide their stomachs, and say they want a “real woman”…
# Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a mans sex drive by 90 percent…. Wedding cake!!!

# Bigamy is having one husband too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.

# If a man suggests that you take a break from vacuuming the living room and relax what it means is he can't hear the TV

# If you think he's listening to you, you're wrong he's trying to convert what you just said into something with a sexual connotation

# If a man had a thought in his head, it would get lonely!

# If men got pregnant…. abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.

# Men are like roller coasters: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't… you can't wait to throw up.

# Behind every great man is a woman with a vibrator

# If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.

# Scientist have finally discovered the chemical formula for Viagra.
1% Sodium
1% Iron
1% Phosphate
97% Fix-a-Flat

# Remember; you are known by the idiot you accompany

# Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

# Women don't make fools of men most of them are the “do-it-yourself” types.

# The best reason to divorce or break-up with a man is for health reasons you're sick of him.

# The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

# If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.

# A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, “Oh alright, I'll stay the night.”

# Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

# Always wear high heels, it makes it easier to look down on him.

# Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men a woman

# When God made Man, she was just kidding.

# If God had wanted men to be perfect, he'd have given them brains

# Men is proof even God makes mistakes

# Men? On the whole, I'd rather buy new batteries.

# Men read Playboy for the articles women go to malls for the music.

# Men are creatures with two legs and eight hands.

# Men love sex with redheads, but their wives don't appreciate it!

# Men are fun to argue with, because even IF they win…they lose.

# Men of quality respect women's equality.

# Men play the game. Women know the score.

# Flies spread disease, keep your's zipped

# Men and women were created equal, but women continued to improve.

# Women are a pain in the , men are a pain EVERYWHERE!

# Men have a joystick whereas women just have a game port.

# Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

# Men, stupid? You'd be dense too if you had your brain in your pants!

# If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming way too high

# It was love at first sight. He walked by and I saw the twinkle in his eye.
I never knew that someone could be so in love with his own reflection in the mirror.

# Women are indeed silly, we sleep with men, who if they were women, we wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.

# Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

I love them Stringer. I'm ROTFLMAO! Keep them coming. :)

Short Funnies....

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said," Dust!"

What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

If you want your wife to listen and pay attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Gosh Darn it I couln't give you greenie, but I love #3:):D
I really love them all:)

Great jokes Stringer! Simply great! :)

i just got this in an email........coincidence :confused:

So weird but I got this in an email around the same time but just now read it today as well as reading this one.

A few for the ladies ;)

He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said... You wear pants don't you?
>


He said... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said... That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
>


He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said... Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
>


He said... Why don't women blink during foreplay?

She said to him... They don't have time.
>


He said... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

She said... I don't know; it has never happened.
>


He said... Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good-looking?

She said... They already have boyfriends.
>


He said... What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

She said... A widow.
>


He said... Why are married women heavier than single women?

She said... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

I've seen the pics before. They are all good. Thanks again.

A blonde phones the fire brigade and says her house is on fire.

The fireman says OK just calm down and tell us how do we get there?'

'HELLOO!' she replies, 'In the fecking big red truck!'

ROTFLMAO! I love it M. :)

ALTY!!

Check your email, woman!

ALTY!!!

Check your email, woman!

Sorry Synn, I was on the road, picking up the munchkins.

EXCUSES!

I curse you to Magical Trevor

magical trevor - Weebl's Stuff (http://www.weebls-stuff.com/songs/magical+trevor/)

EXCUSES!

I curse you to Magical Trevor

magical trevor - Weebl's Stuff (http://www.weebls-stuff.com/songs/magical+trevor/)

Why!! Why!! That is horrible!!

Ahhhhh, it's stuck in my head!!

I'm putting a hex on you Synn! ;)

You already DID!

You made me sing the Llama song for THREE FREAKING HOURS this afternoon.

Synn
That's cruel , Magical Trevor will be in my head all day now :rolleyes:

Synn
Thats cruel , Magical Trevor will be in my head all day now :rolleyes:

Not the Beans!!!!!

Alty made me have the Llama song! That's crueler!

The Llama Song | Flash Videos (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama)

Do not click on the link! If you value your sanity do not click on the link! The link is evil.

Besides Synn, I didn't send that to you, you went looking for that all on your own. :)

Phew! I don't know those songs, and won't listen to them... :rolleyes:

Nice joke M! :)

Phew! I don't know those songs, and won't listen to them... :rolleyes:

Nice joke M! :)

Here's one for Unky:

YouTube - Lamb chops play-Along (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNTxr2NJHa0)

O god! Does the song ever end!

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm 'enry the ayth, I am, 'enry the ayth, I am, I am

I got married to the woman next door...

All I can think of is "llama llama cheesecake llama llama llama duck"

I walk around singing "llama llama duck" for days after I see that video again.

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea. I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!"

Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!

M, you may want to run now! :rolleyes:

m, you may want to run now! :rolleyes:







28626

That's cute, but you're still in trouble. ;)

That made me laugh and I almost forgot that I should be tracking you down to beat you with a rusty spork. Almost.

M, over here, quick! Hide behind the Doberman. She'll lick 'em to death.

28626

What is that... thing? :p

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom
Door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from
Within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter
With a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you
Doing?'

The daughter replied: 'Mum, I'm thirty-five years
Old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as
I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
Leave me alone.'

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz
Coming from the other side of the closed bedroom
Door. Upon entering the room, he observed his
Daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter
Said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this
Thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a
Husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'

A couple days later, the wife came home from a
Shopping trip , placed the groceries on the kitchen
Counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from,
Of all places, the living room. She entered that
Area and observed her husband sitting on the couch,
Downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing
Like crazy.

The wife asked: 'What the f.. Are you doing?'

The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my
Son-in-law.'

That may be the best I've seen posted anywhere, M.

Love it M, had to spread the rep. :)

A lady tells her Man:


"I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table".


The man climbs into bed slowly and says:


"Honey, would you please pass me the vagina?"

There's something just... wrong... about that. Thanks. Tons.

Here are a few I hope you'll enjoy.

28761

28762

28763

28764

Haha that was great

More?

28765

28766

28767

28768

You're welcome boys. ;)

///o^) I like them!

Oops, put up the wrong picture, then took it down. I can't find the right one

Even more?

28770

28771

28772

Wharrgarbl :)

Now I need to scrub my eyes. Thanks, empy.

A lady tells her Man:


"I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table".


The man climbs into bed slowly and says:


"Honey, would you please pass me the vagina?"


there's something just......wrong....about that. thanks. tons.

:D... Hey what about Koolaid man that E-mop just posted , now that was just wrong ;)

Wharrgarbl!


And hheath, you know you liked the koolaid man. Come on. He was pretty just like Bill

Koolaid man? What the hell did I miss? It's not there! Am I blind?

Who erased Koolaid man? :(

:D .............................. Hey what about Koolaid man that E-mop just posted , now that was just wrong ;)

Blame my friend for sending me it!
He sends me weird things all the time

E-mop

I like that. E-mop. Sounds like a mop you order on eBay. E-mop, serving homes all around the world.

E-mop. :)

That just might stick.

Want me to repost koolaid?

I like that. E-mop. Sounds like a mop you order on ebay. E-mop, serving homes all around the world.

E-mop. :)

That just might stick.

My kitten is standing on me looking at me like I'm crazy because I just fell off my bed laughing

want me to repost koolaid?

Noooooooooooooooo... :eek:


I like E-mop too :D

Noooooooooooooooo.............. :eek:


I like E-mop too :D

Hahahahaha

Me too

But I missed Koolaid man.

Okay, don't repost it, just explain it to me in great detail. :)

I do believe you are henceforth to be called E-mop, keeper of the mops. :)

Down on one knee E-mop and you shalt be so dubbed :cool:







Get your mind out of the gutter alty , I know what you was going to say ;)

But I missed Koolaid man.

Okay, don't repost it, just explain it to me in great detail. :)

I do believe you are henceforth to be called E-mop, keeper of the mops. :)

Aww guys, come on let me post Koolaid man!

He's... large, and red, and makes me say Oh NOOOO

And haha that sounds cool

Down on one knee E-mop and you shalt be so dubbed :cool:







Get your mind outta the gutter alty , I know what you was gonna say ;)

Yes Friend!

:D .............................. Hey what about Koolaid man that E-mop just posted , now that was just wrong ;)

That was BEYOND wrong.


Wharrgarbl!!


and hheath, you know you liked the koolaid man. come on. he was pretty just like Bill

No, boy george is pretty. David bowie is pretty. Hell, even DANNY DAVITO is pretty when compared to that.

Get your mind out of the gutter alty , I know what you was going to say

No way! Not me! She's 17 like Unky!

Poor Unky, he's going to be so shocked when I finally tell him about the birds and the bees. His parents must have put child block on his computer. ;)

that was BEYOND wrong.



no, boy george is pretty. david bowie is pretty. hell, even DANNY DAVITO is pretty when compared to that.

You made me almost squish Ink with my giggle roll

More posters? Beg me! ;)

Okay, okay.

28773

28774

28775

28776

You made me almost squish Ink with my giggle roll

Ink? I assume that's a furry person. Black cat?


More posters? Beg me! ;)

Okay, okay.

28773

Let's see:
Armored truck in the river? Check
Armored truck driver? Check
Police officers questioning armored truck driver? Check
Teenage boy in tux? Check
Teenage boy in tux holding tiny sewing machine? Check

Seems pretty straight forward to me. Someone took a picture of their acid trip.

No way! Not me! She's 17 like Unky!

Poor Unky, he's going to be so shocked when I finally tell him about the birds and the bees. His parents must have put child block on his computer. ;)

I'm not the only youngin!

You made me almost squish Ink with my giggle roll

Uhmmmm yeah... uhmmmmmmm what?? :confused: :confused:

ink? i assume that's a furry person. black cat?

Inky-tink!

Her name is Ink because before we even knew she was black, my little brother decided that was going to be her name

I have that chicken picture on my phone!

Uhmmmm yeah .................. uhmmmmmmm what ???? :confused: :confused:

I giggled and rolled over and almost squished the kitten Ink who was trying to hump me since she's in heat

I'm not the only youngin!

Far from it! There are more youngins then olduns.

Dammit, now I feel old. :(

M, pass me my cane and my teeth please. The teeth are in that glass on the table, next to the adult diapers. :(

Far from it! There are more youngins then olduns.

Dammit, now I feel old. :(

M, pass me my cane and my teeth please. The teeth are in that glass on the table, next to the adult diapers. :(

Aww you aren't old!

http://www.acuraworld.com/forums/attachments/f36/26695d1242324922-teenager-impersonates-kool-aid-man-saleen-mustang-kool_aid_man.jpg




That is Kool Aid man

Inky-tink!

Her name is Ink because before we even knew she was black, my little brother decided that was gonna be her name

Looks kind of like the kitty I want to adopt. If I get to keep her, I'll post pictures and you guys can help me come up with a name. I've been avoiding naming her until I know I can keep her.

looks kinda like the kitty i want to adopt. if i get to keep her, i'll post pictures and you guys can help me come up with a name. I've been avoiding naming her until i know i can keep her.

You should name it mop!

Far from it! There are more youngins then olduns.

Dammit, now I feel old. :(

M, pass me my cane and my teeth please. The teeth are in that glass on the table, next to the adult diapers. :(


LOL... yeah you are old Altenweg :eek:

Not like us youngin's , and don't come back with that "your older than me" stuff , we know you're an oldie and we are just youngin's ;)


Got to go guys , have fun :)

http://www.acuraworld.com/forums/attachments/f36/26695d1242324922-teenager-impersonates-kool-aid-man-saleen-mustang-kool_aid_man.jpg




that is kool aid man

I'm BLIND! I'm BLIND! Seriously, I can't see! :eek:

That was wrong on so many levels.

Level 1, the orange, it's so not his color.
Level 2, Why? Why would he do that? Why?
Level 3, well, you get the picture.

So many levels! :(

OK, I kind of like that ^_^

hmmm... a black kitty named mop.

I'm BLIND! I'm BLIND! Seriously, I can't see! :eek:

That was wrong on so many levels.

Level 1, the orange, it's so not his color.
Level 2, Why? Why would he do that? Why?
Level 3, well, you get the picture.

So many levels! :(

You DID ask for it. The rest of us were scarred without our permission.

you DID ask for it. the rest of us were scarred without our permission.

AWW! Me sorry! Hug?

LOL.................. yeah you are old Altenweg :eek:

Not like us youngin's , and don't come back with that "your older than me" stuff , we know your an oldie and we are just younin's ;)


Gotta go guys , have fun :)

You are older then me! :eek:

Come back here! You can't say that and then walk away. That's not allowed!

The adult diapers next to my teeth are yours! Yours! Ha! Take that! :)

Why aren't you coming back? Can't you hear me? Turn up the volume on your hearing aide!

Love you M. Have a great night, day, morning, afternoon, whatever it is in your neck of the woods. :)

I'm BLIND! I'm BLIND! Seriously, I can't see! :eek:

That was wrong on so many levels.

Level 1, the orange, it's so not his color.
Level 2, Why? Why would he do that? Why?
Level 3, well, you get the picture.

So many levels! :(
Try waking up to it at three am!

Nope, I'm not ready to forgive you yet. The image is still burned into my eye lids.

nope, I'm not ready to forgive you yet. the image is still burned into my eye lids.

Aww me sorry! Burt I did give you a cool kitty name huh huh?

nope, I'm not ready to forgive you yet. the image is still burned into my eye lids.

At least you can see! :(

I'll never be able to drink koolaid again. OMG! I won't ever be able to carve a pumpkin again either!

Maybe I should post the picture of what I did to my belly when I was around 8 1/2 months pregnant with Jared.

Leave a pregnant women alone with eyeliner and a mirror and bad things happen.

I was laughing hysterically. My husband thought I was nuts.

Na, I can't post that. I drew a happy face on my belly because looking in the mirror with my bellybutton popped out like an overcooked turkey made me think of a nose. So I drew a face to go with it. It was cute. :)

At least you can see! :(

I'll never be able to drink koolaid again. OMG! I won't ever be able to carve a pumpkin again either!

Maybe I should post the picture of what I did to my belly when I was around 8 1/2 months pregnant with Jared.

Leave a pregnant women alone with eyeliner and a mirror and bad things happen.

I was laughing hysterically. My husband thought I was nuts.

Na, I can't post that. I drew a happy face on my belly because looking in the mirror with my bellybutton popped out like an overcooked turkey made me think of a nose. So I drew a face to go with it. It was cute. :)

That sounds cute!

All mine were boring. Just nothing but belly or a heart that said "Love you daddy" or something like that

The most exciting was with my belly button piercing

What happens when I get bored.

So many ponytails!

what happens when i get bored.

I'm more amazed that you found that many elastic bands that match! Every morning that I do Sydney's hair she's going out with mismatched elastics and there are usually only two in her hair!

How long did it take? Are you going to sleep with it in? That might hurt. ;)

When I get bored

I clean when I get bored. I'm not bored right now. ;)

I clean when I get bored. I'm not bored right now. ;)

I dye my hair, write, draw, get piercings, you know the typical "goth girl" stuff haha!

One result of boredom

That pictures actually more than a year old. I dyed my hair purple a few days after that.

It's a lot longer now. That was about a 6 months after I shaved my head.

Anyone care to take a guess on my natural hair color?

Those are tiny rubber bands. I had a bag of hundreds of them, all black.

You even dyed your eyebrows! I love it.

Okay, going back to the picture with the lighter color, looking for roots... brunette?

I was thinking of getting some chunky blonde highlights in my hair, but I'm not sure. The last time I got highlights my hairdresser wanted to make them subtle. They were so subtle that you couldn't even see them. I don't want subtle, I want people to understand why I spent $60 at the hairdresser.

What do you guys think I should do with it?

This is a not so recent picture, about a year old, but the color is the same as it is now, I just have more layers.

28785

I don't have any of when my hair was purple darn. Or blue, green, pink, etc. I only have blonde, brown, red, and black

I like the red, it suits you.

You even dyed your eyebrows! I love it.

Okay, going back to the picture with the lighter color, looking for roots...brunette?

I was thinking of getting some chunky blonde highlights in my hair, but I'm not sure. The last time I got highlights my hairdresser wanted to make them subtle. They were so subtle that you couldn't even see them. I don't want subtle, I want people to understand why I spent $60 at the hairdresser.

What do you guys think I should do with it?

This is a not so recent picture, about a year old, but the color is the same as it is now, I just have more layers.

28785

I think highlights with more layering framing your face would be beautiful! Want to see my new hair? I just got it cut

I like the red, it suits you.

Thanks!

Sure, I'd love to see it.

I did just realize something though. We posted our pictures in the humor and comedy section in a thread called "A few funnies". That's so wrong! ;)

Sure, I'd love to see it.

I did just realize something though. We posted our pictures in the humor and comedy section in a thread called "A few funnies". That's so wrong! ;)

That's what's so funny!

Before

You even dyed your eyebrows! I love it.

Okay, going back to the picture with the lighter color, looking for roots...brunette?

I was thinking of getting some chunky blonde highlights in my hair, but I'm not sure. The last time I got highlights my hairdresser wanted to make them subtle. They were so subtle that you couldn't even see them. I don't want subtle, I want people to understand why I spent $60 at the hairdresser.

What do you guys think I should do with it?

This is a not so recent picture, about a year old, but the color is the same as it is now, I just have more layers.

28785

yep, it's actually a dark auburn.

I think the highlights would look good on you, as long as they're not white blond.


Sure, I'd love to see it.

I did just realize something though. We posted our pictures in the humor and comedy section in a thread called "A few funnies". That's so wrong! ;)

considering I posted a picture of me with blond spider hair and another with purple hair, I find this thread entirely appropriate ^_^

should I post a pic of what my hair looks like now? Or one of me bald?

And after?

After

should I post a pic of what my hair looks like now? Or one of me bald?

I say both! :)

And after?

Had to find them

E-mop, I like it! I really like the color!

Both both both!

E-mop, I like it! I really like the color!

ditto ^_^

Thank you!

HH, we're still waiting for your pictures. :)

This is me lately though

Are those extensions? How do they stay in? Sydney wants some colored hair pieces, I don't mind buying her some that she can just put in her hair and then remove later. I think she's way too young to get permanent highlights, but just for fun ones would be okay.

I haven't found any good ones though. They're all the ones that clip on and they don't stay in. :(

like the hair, e-mop ^_^

OK, here you go. If you look close I think you can almost see my eyebrow piercing.

28796

28797

Are those extensions? How do they stay in? Sydney wants some colored hair pieces, I don't mind buying her some that she can just put in her hair and then remove later. I think she's way too young to get permanent highlights, but just for fun ones would be okay.

I haven't found any good ones though. They're all the ones that clip on and they don't stay in. :(

I got them from HotTopic at the mall near where I live. They are also on sale online I believe. They clip in. Same with my ears, those are clips too. From Claire's

this is me lately though

e-mop has ears ^_^

like the hair, e-mop ^_^

ok, here ya go. if you look close i think you can almost see my eyebrow piercing.

28796

28797

You don't look too bad bald!
Better than my dad does (ZING!)
And I like the second one

You have an eyebrow piercing too?

e-mop has ears ^_^
I loves meh ears

O MY! I just found a very old picture from MisMatch day at school!

I had blonde pigtails!

e-mop has ears ^_^

And I will call her Squishy and she will be my Squishy. :)

HH, You actually look good bald. Not many people can pull off bald. I can't, I have a lumpy head. ;)

I like the longer hair.

You don't look too bad bald!
better than my dad does (ZING!)
and I like the second one

you have an eyebrow piercing too?

Thanks. I had several people tell me that. I was actually in a topless photoshoot with a couple friends right after we shaved our heads. An artist at my college saw us and got inspired. It was fun. Unfortunately, I didn't get to keep any of the pictures.

Yep, left eyebrow.

thanks. i had several people tell me that. i was actually in a topless photoshoot with a couple friends right after we shaved our heads. an artist at my college saw us and got inspired. it was fun. unfortunately, i didn't get to keep any of the pictures.

yep, left eyebrow.

Wow

And my left one is done too!

Booya rocking the pigtails

Girls I have to go, it's getting late and I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow.

Be good.

Night. :)

Girls I have to go, it's getting late and I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow.

Be good.

Night. :)

Me too, but I can't sleep yet

Good night!

May the gods smile upon you!

HH, You actually look good bald. Not many people can pull off bald. I can't, I have a lumpy head. ;)

I like the longer hair.

My hair is usually down the middle of my back. After I shaved it off and dyed it blond, then purple, then red and black, the bottom 6 inches or so were kind of scraggly, so I cut it about 6 months ago. In another year or so it'll be back to the length I like it. I have perfect hippie hair when it's long.

28799

You do!

That picture was taken about a month before I shaved my head.

So why exactlty did you shave your head?

A friend was going through chemo and was losing her hair. A bunch of us shaved out heads.

a friend was going through chemo and was losing her hair. a bunch of us shaved out heads.

That's really nice of yinz to do

It took awhile to get used to. Oddly enough, the thing that took the longest was being able to feel a breeze on the back of my ears.

I also learned that, if left on it's own, my hair grows out into a natural mullet. It got cut off a few times to prevent that.

The Hitman


Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."

"Sure," they said, "You're welcome."

So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a hit man," was the reply.

"You're joking!" was the response.

"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.

"Here are my tools."

"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."

So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window."

"Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ah-ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with her..... He's naked, too!!!"

He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth."

"Then the neighbour, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his d1ck off to teach him a lesson."

The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.

"Just be patient," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a Thousand Dollars here... "

that is awesome ^_^

a friend was going through chemo and was losing her hair. a bunch of us shaved out heads.

I have to ask. Did you donate to locks of love ?

No, I wanted to, but it didn't end up being possible. I'd cut my hair up to my chin right before I shaved my head. Most of it wasn't long enough to donate.

HH541, you look really good bald:confused: And you have great lips, no matter what the hair style:) I need to buy those lips:D:rolleyes:

That's a new one. I've had people compliment my hair, my eyes, even my cheekbones, but never my lips.

Does that mean... :confused:... uhhh, huh? :eek: :eek:

Bill worked in a pickle factory.

He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home
One day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.

He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome
The compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to
put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed.

"Yes, I did." he replied.

"My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh...she got fired too."

Two businessmen were sitting down for a break in their new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling'.

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Japanese accent asked
"What you sell?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a55holes".'

Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said,

"Ah Sooo You doing velly well, only two left'"

Two businessmen were sitting down for a break in their new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling'.

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Japanese accent asked
"What you sell?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a55holes".'

Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said,

"Ah Sooo You doing velly well, only two left'"

And one on the street

Haha good one M

Irishman stranded on a Desert Island:

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

"It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years," replies the Irishman.

With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Faith and begorah! Is that good!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of good Irish Whiskey?" she asks him.

Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years."

She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Tis absolutely fantastic!"

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too."

Never Lie To A Woman

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends.

We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" " Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?"

"I did." Replied his wife... "They were in your tackle box....."

Irishman stranded on a Desert Island:

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

"It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years," replies the Irishman.

With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Faith and begorah! Is that good!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of good Irish Whiskey?" she asks him.

Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years."

She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Tis absolutely fantastic!"

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too."

Lol, poor blonde! :p


Never Lie To A Woman

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends.

We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" " Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?"

"I did." Replied his wife.... "They were in your tackle box....."

They've got some 6th sense! :eek:

Good ones Stringer :)

A man went to the doctor's office to ask for a double dose of Viagra.

The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose.

“Why not?' asked the man.

"Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor.

"But I need it really bad,' said the man.

"Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor.

The man said, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday;

My ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday.

Can't you see? I must have a double dose."

The doctor finally relented saying,

"Okay, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects."

On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his right arm in a sling.

The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"



The man said, "No one showed up."

O m!

Hahahaha

Good one M!

Hahahahaha!XD

I needed a laugh. Thanks!

Hahahahaha!XD

I needed a laugh. Thanks!

Glad you liked them. :)

Do you have any jokes or funny pictures you want to share?

A man is sitting in his living room watching TV when his wife comes up behined him and slaps him up side the head with a rolled up magazine.he turns and says what was that for.shes says I was doing laundry and found a woman's name on a piece of paper in yourb shirt pocket.he says that's a horse I got a tip on a horse and was going to bet on it.the wife says she is awfully sorry and wishes him luck on his bet.a few days latewr the man is sitting in the same chair watching TV again when the wife come up behined him and swats him out of his chair with a hard coverd book.from the floor he looks up an says what was that for.she says your horse called.

Lol, good one :p

I have something funny. And scary!

Alty, may I post koolaid man? Teehee!

I'm kidding

What's koolaid man?

I horrid picture I scarred Alty and M with. Haha

I don't scare easy

i dont scare easy

Not scared, scarred. Haha. It is just a disturbing picture of the koolaid man naked. You can find it if you Google "Koolaid man o nooo"

A man comes home from work sits down an put on the TV.he yells to his wife can you get me a beer be fore it starts.she gets him a beer.about twenty minutes later he says hay hun can you get me a beer before it starts .this happen about five more times.as she hands him enoughther beer she says all you ever do is come home sit in that god dam chair drinking beer watchung TV there are things that need doing around here the cellar needs cleaning,the door needs fixing---- the man mumbles its starting.

Haha I get it

Me too:D

Redneck Church

1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if..
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if..
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if..
When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys and two women stand up.

4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if..
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!)

6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if..
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if..
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if..
People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if..
The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub.

10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.

12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if..
Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if...
The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear".

Redneck Church

1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys and two women stand up.

4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!)

6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub.

10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.

12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear".

I resemble that remark

Haha, great one!

You know that you're at a redneck wedding when the doves are released and 300 members get out their rifles. ;)

You know that you're at a redneck wedding when the doves are released and 300 members get out their rifles. ;)

Or you don't have cake, you have ice cream cones at the local low-end restaurant. That was a good chocolate cone

You know that you're at a redneck wedding when the doves are released and 300 members get out their rifles. ;)

The Canadian blows the hunting joke.

Ya hunts dove with a shotgun, gal.

Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled ?"



"No" she replies "its just regular porn you sick bastard"

The Canadian blows the hunting joke.

Ya hunts dove with a shotgun, gal.

Wouldn't a shotgun blow them to bits? How can you eat dove bits?

I stand by the rifle. :)

Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled ?"



"No" she replies "its just regular porn you sick bastard"

So wrong! So very wrong! Love it! :p

I don't get it

OOOO no I get it

Fmylife.com

Great for a few laughs

Wouldn't a shotgun blow them to bits? How can you eat dove bits?

I stand by the rifle. :)

Season Shot - Ammo with flavor. (http://www.seasonshot.com/How.cfm)

Season Shot - Ammo with flavor. (http://www.seasonshot.com/How.cfm)

Now I'm getting lessons on Ammo?

The education I get from this site is priceless. :)

Now I'm getting lessons on Ammo?

The education I get from this site is priceless. :)

Absolutely right. I certainly wouldn't pay for it.

Absolutely right. I certainly wouldn't pay for it.

LOL! But I've taught you a few things. You wouldn't pay for my knowledge? None of it? Really?

I can't say any more, it's W.T. material. ;)

LOL! But I've taught you a few things. You wouldn't pay for my knowledge? None of it? Really?

I can't say any more, it's W.T. material. ;)

I thought you two were trading 'knowledge'. ;)

THE TEA PARTY

When I was a toddler, someone had given me a little Tea Set as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!"

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy.

She watches him drink it up and then says, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place that a toddler can reach to get water is the toilet?"

You know, Moms are just so smart:) I thought that right away:rolleyes: But Dad (no offense) is clueless:D

She watches him drink it up and then says, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place that a toddler can reach to get water is the toilet?"

Luckily for Cats, our children learned how to reach the bathroom sink and turn the water on by the time they were two. Unfortunately, it took them longer to learn how to turn the water off. :rolleyes:

You know, Moms are just so smart:) I thought that right away:rolleyes: But Dad (no offense) is clueless:D

I guess we aren't just as deductive in some things. :(

Luckily for Cats, our children learned how to reach the bathroom sink and turn the water on by the time they were two. Unfortunately, it took them longer to learn how to turn the water off. :rolleyes:

When I would hear the toilet flush two or three times I came running as fast as I could.

When I would hear the toilet flush two or three times I came running as fast as I could.

It is amazing how fast a panicked parent can sprint. :D

You know, Moms are just so smart:) I thought that right away:rolleyes: But Dad (no offense) is clueless:D

I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw that.

A friend and I were staying with my mother for a few days when my nephew was about two. I was spending some time with him one day, when he comes walking out of the bathroom chewing on her toothbrush. Turns out that he wanted to brush his teeth. Since he couldn't turn on the water, he just dipped it in the toilet. Needless to say, she got a new toothbrush.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw that.

a friend and i were staying with my mother for a few days when my nephew was about two. i was spending some time with him one day, when he comes walking out of the bathroom chewing on her toothbrush. turns out that he wanted to brush his teeth. since he couldn't turn on the water, he just dipped it in the toilet. needless to say, she got a new toothbrush.

Owwwwweeee! :rolleyes:

My sister was LESS than pleased that I 'let' him do it.

Mind you, that happened only a few months after he got into her purse, climbed over the baby gate, went upstairs, and flushed her cell phone down the toilet. She didn't even know if he'd done it minutes, or hours, before.

I think him wandering down a short hallway and grabbing a toothbrush off the counter next to the toilet is a bit less noticeable.

my sister was LESS than pleased that i 'let' him do it.

mind you, that happened only a few months after he got into her purse, climbed over the baby gate, went upstairs, and flushed her cell phone down the toilet. she didn't even know if he'd done it minutes, or hours, before.

i think him wandering down a short hallway and grabbing a toothbrush off the counter next to the toilet is a bit less noticeable.

Yep.

A friend of mine has just told me he's been making love to his girlfriend and her twin.

I said how you can tell them apart?

He said , "Her brother's got a moustache!"

Aaaaaah... ok :confused::rolleyes:

No.. Ha ha... I GOT IT M!

It's just, weeeeeelllllll...

I'm sorry, I had to...because I got a chuckle out of some that I had to concentrate and follow:)

If Yoko Ono had married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Dolly had married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.

If Oprah Winfrey married Deepak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

If Sondra Locke married Elliot Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.

If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.

If Ivana Trump married, in succession, (follow along here) :rolleyes: Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (filmmaker) and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.:D

Those were good JD :)


What about if "Claudia Schiffer" married "Brains" from the Thunderbirds
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Would she be...
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Claudia Schiffer Brains :D

Nice:D Had to read out loud!

I see they haven't fixed the greenie thing yet.