first of all, my question is "why do i feel bummed about my ex boyfriend from high school finally finding a love interest?"

the story goes like this...basically i had my first "serious boyfriend" in my senior year of high school. we went out for around nine months, and he broke up with me because of a b'tchy outburst of mine.

needless to say we have since then remained in touch (thanks to him calling periodically). i am now 32 years old, this was back in 1995.

over the past few years...maybe since 1999 or 2000, he's been in touch throughout my last ex-boyfriend and my now husband. for the past seven or eight years he hasn't had a 'serious' girlfriend. after he broke up with me he's had a few girlfriend but no relationship ever lasted more then nine months.

i guess during these few years when we would talk, i always kinda felt that he regretted breakig up with me. i always knew he felt like he wanted to kick himself in the butt because he knew he lost a good thing. anyway, i guess knowing this gave me a bit of an advantage when we would talk because i was the one coaxing him that he will be fine and when the "right one" comes along he won't compare these girls with me...you know that kind of "encouraging" talk, that he'll fine someone special, etc.

so yesterday i find out that he's really interested in this girl. he said that she's thoughtful like me and that she reminded him of me in that sense. i don't know if that's good or bad, but honestly (even though i am married) i feel bummed for some odd reason. is it jealousy? is it the fact that he's found someone? i don't know. i know i'll get over this, i guess i really till this day, even though he broke my heart back then, i still enjoy our conversations when he does call...am i making sense? i dont' know what it is. or maybe i'm jealous at the fact that he gets to experience that "excitement" of when you first meet someone...

i know in a week or two i'll get over it. i am truly happy he's found someone that could be "the one" for him, but at the same time i feel a bit bummed.. i mean i'm married and while my marriage (that's another story) isn't what i expected, i wonder if anyone ever feels this way??

It seems to me, like you are doubting your own marriage, and these feelings have come up because you are considering other options- like, comparing what you have to what you COULD have.

You will have memories from this past relationship until you die. You need to tackle them head on and look at them realistically for what they are: You have found a man to spend the rest of your life with, and a good friend who happens to be an ex boyfriend is interested in another woman. It is time to leave those memories as memories, and those past feelings as past feelings- don't let them interfere with what you have now. After all, this guy was committed for a total of 9 months, is he really worth all this emotion YEARS after the relationship? No. Move onward and upward, and think realistically with your head, not with your emotions.

jaime90-thank you for your tidbit of a response! I don't know why but the part where you asked if my ex is "really worth all this emotion years" and the fact that we were only committed for nine months had made me chuckle. I will try to think "realistically" from here on... thanks again!

No problem Winnie1995. A guy that can't stay committed to you, really isn't worth all that much. If you seriously think about it, your husband is the one who has given his life to spend committed to you. Put your effort and thoughts into him, not your ex. (oh yeah, and thinking realistically is harder than it seems! It's one of my biggest problems. I tend to "feel" more than "think." I don't know about you but thinking with my head is exhausting!)

I think that deep down you hoped that he still held a flame for you and that he thought you were special.

You talked to him, counseled him and part of you thought you were indispensable to him.

Now he's found someone special which means in some odd way that you're less special.

Add that to the fact that your marriage is not what you expected, perhaps you're just slightly envious that he may have found the one - and you haven't.

jaime90-yes I too like you tend to "feel" more than "think!" it sucks but I'm glad to know I'm not the only out there in the big, big world who tends to "feel" more than "think!"

gemini54-you pretty much hit the target... I already feel "less special" but I know I will get over it. =I oh and yah, I agree, perhaps I am slightly envious he has found "the one" while I may have not. Thank you for that insight.

I think the contact between the two of you must stop, so you can pay closer attention to the reality of your own marriage, and not be distracted by this old fantasy, you have created for yourself.

Could it simply be that you are one of the rare people who can maintain a friendship, after a breakup, for all these years?

Not only that, but with him being such a good friend, when that friend's life changes, so too does yours. His priority now has to be his girlfriend, and that changes him and you.

I've had friends all my life from primary school, who have gone through boyfriends and husbands and wives and girlfriends, and when the picture changes with a new mate, I know I won't be seeing or hearing from them as often. But they are still there, and some eventually return to single status again.

I think it's probably just the loss or change of the friendship that has you down a bit. But judging from the years you've kept in touch, it may not be as often, but I doubt he'll let you go entirely.

talaniman-i've considered what you said... I used to wonder if all contact between him and me should stop, but as of today I can honestly say I am "over" feeling down that he has girlfriend. I am truly happy for him. I guess it was just flattering to know there was one guy out there who would appreciate me and not take me for granted like my husband...

jake2008-yes I've thought about that a lot... I believe I am perhaps one of the 'rare' ones that can and will maintain a friendship with him. Thanks. =) it's true, when a friend finds a new girlfriend or boyfriend, that does change my life and theirs too; as a matter of fact, I do not hear from him quite as often as before which I'm totally okay with now, because I know he's spending time with his new girl and stuff. I definitely think you're right... it's just a change in the friendship that was unexpected and something that had not happened for awhile.