I dated my ex for almost 2 years. She was the one who initiated the break up after a huge fight. It was a nasty break up. She physically and verbally abused me such as slapping, choking, and said really nasty things in front of her housemate when I was trying to apologize over some text I sent her when I was so angry with her comments. I lost all my pride, she didn't even respect me at all. Somehow, I still pleaded her to stay because I loved her so much. Unexpectedly, she cut all ties with me and whenever she sees me, she will put on a not really pleasant face like I have just burnt down her house! I tried to live with it and be nice. It didn't help. She was full of resentment and completely ignored me. Obviously, she didn't feel bad on what she did to me and she said she no longer loves me. I dropped her an email two weeks ago after a month no contact wishing her all best and apologize for what happened in the past. I was thinking maybe we could be friends again. Unfortunately, she behaved even worse, telling her friends my email contents (I found out from another friend of mine) and finally I realized that she doesn't worth my time and she completely doesn't even respect me. Now I'm going full swing no contact and I deleted her contact on my mobile few days ago.
But there's one thing that makes me wonder so much, why does she need to carry such resentment? Why does she need to put on such expression on her face whenever she sees me?

You know,if someone treated me like that I would avoid them like the plague! And would not give them a second thought,thank your lucky stars you got out in one piece..

As for why she is so nasty when she sees you... its her problem,let her get a stomack ulser (sp) from all that venom.. look the other way and walk really fast in the other direction.

Saying thank you thank you thank you I'm not with that hound any more!

She does all this because she's obviously a huge b-i-t-c-h. You're lucky to be rid of her now that you've seen her true colours. Congratulations!

It's a thin line between love, and hate, and she crossed it. She doesn't sound like a great person any way.

When we were dating, she was a very nice girl. But it was out of my expectation that she could be this cruel to me. I thought we had good times too. No doubt I had done stupid mistakes after the break up like emailing, IMing but not excessively. I stopped as soon as she blocked me out, removed my contacts when I asked her not too. I was in terrible pain weeks back wondering how could she did this to me. She lost her love for me in a second! Like an idiot, I was trying to win her back, pleaded her to stay and of course my mission failed. I felt so betrayed, stupid when I got to know she was sharing whatever I sent her with her friends and it makes me look like I'm a plague or something. Doesn't she have some sense of privacy?

Obviously NOT!!

Try not to look back on this with fault or regret... See her for what she is now. Recall what you are feeling, for when she tries to contact you. Stay strong and in time you will find your ideal. This girl is not one.
Im sure anyone that she has shared info with, knows that this is wrong. And they probably think she can't be trusted with their information either.

Good thing you got out while you can. You obviously deserve much better than that!!

Sometimes it's best not to over analyze a situation or person.

You could go on asking why? Why? Why? And tie yourself up in knots.

There is NO way of knowing WHY - but her actions tell you that she's actually a horrible, nasty, vindictive person.

As hard as it is, try and put her out of your head - and thank the heavens and stars that such a revolting person is no longer in your life.

Don't waste your energy wondering why she does anything , its really not worth the grief. Stand tall and just ignore her and you'll gain your dignity back when people see your not worried by it.

Just be thankful you got rid of her before you spent more of your life with psycho woman.

Bad news! One of my friends just told me she forwarded the email I sent her around! This really makes me look really stupid! And I'm pretty sure her friends will be sharing with others too! How could she? What will she get by doing so? The more I apologize, the more she thinks hell great of herself. She slapped me in the past when her parents came over to her place and they saw everything after a heated argument and things I said. I've never laid my hands on a woman. I hope one day she will realize what she did to me. But somehow my gut feeling is telling me that she will never feel sorry for what she puts me through.

If she wants to do you harm, then so be it. I believe in Karma, so what goes around comes around. You shouldn't be shameful of anything, you need to move on and don't look back.

Because she despises you for whatever reason. Leave it go and move on before you make it worse on yourself.

Bad news! One of my friends just told me she forwarded the email I sent her around! This really makes me look really stupid! And I'm pretty sure her friends will be sharing with others too! How could she? What will she get by doing so? The more I apologize, the more she thinks hell great of herself. She slapped me in the past when her parents came over to her place and they saw everything after a heated argument and things I said. I've never laid my hands on a woman. I hope one day she will realize what she did to me. But somehow my gut feeling is telling me that she will never feel sorry for what she puts me through.

Oh for heavens sake! Why would you give any energy to this psycho woman any more? Stop apologizing, stop contact and stop worrying.

Who cares what her friends think?

You know what she's like - isn't that enough? She's poison.

A Shrink for Men (http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/)

Read this and consider yourself lucky. You got away.

Hey my ex also threw things at me and cursed me out and yelled at me in public and when I would say lower your voice she would get more mad. I would say can you close your window of the car so that nobody hears but she kept yelling with the window down. She also would go out behind my back when she said she was sleeping. She scratched my face and made me bleed and yelled at me just because I wanted to be with my family and not her for an hour. Still if you read my thread everyone here made me the bad guy. I actually had to try and convince everyone that she was crazy... Now that I am getting stronger I can see things better. I just don't get the advice I was getting for the first 19 pages... pisses me off. Finally TMan got the message of how far she took things and in that post on page 20 I think, his post started my progress and I think he is the greatest for that!

I think there is probably a very good chance that you have not been the only one to have been at the mercy of her wrath. Most likely she treated everyone with little respect, unless she wanted something, then could be as sweet as pie. People that abusive toward the one they are supposed to love the most, no no bounds in self-control, and people are merely tools to get what they want.

Her friends are likely too scared to say anything, and agree with everything she says, although I'd bet money on them knowing better.

This may be the best possible thing that could have happened, not that I wish to see anybody physically abused, but it didn't sound like you were about to split with her, and you would have kept on taking it.

That she set you free has turned out to be an opportunity for you, not a loss. Use this time to think about what it is about you that could accept the behaviour you did, and why you chose to put your needs on the back burner to please her.

Take all the good of who you are, and the lesson's you will learn from this, into the next relationship. You only invested 2 years instead of 20 with babies in tow. That is a blessing. Let her go on to abuse the next fellow, and move on. As the others have said, you deserve much, much better.

You're lucky to be shot of her-she's a classic case of good riddence to bad rubbish.

You were right Jake2008. If she didn't initiate this break up, I guess I would just keep taking and taking all those craps from her. I know it sounds stupid but I guess I was too blinded by love at that time. Now all I want is to focus on myself. She took away my dignity and respect. The funny thing is one of her friends took me out of the friends list when I don't even speak to them. It's crazy! I'm not surprise if she bad mouth me to the fullest and shared with them all the messages I sent her. To my opinion, I think it's childish to share personal messages with friends. None of it was offensive but it makes me feel like an idiot because I looked like I was clingy, desperate in the messages. The more I think about it, the more I want to get her out of my head. The more I think about it, the more I wish I didn't meet her. As a result, I wouldn't need to go through such heart aches.

Emopunk7, I had that yelling too from her in the public and she will increase her volume when I ask her to tone down. What's the most intriguing part? She will say that I cause her to do so.

Thanks guys for your advice. I'm working towards NC and I've never felt better!

I think some of it with her might be maturity too. I can honestly say that during my dating years, no matter how nasty the breakups were, or the causes, I never, ever, badmouthed or shared information on the ex, just to make him look bad. It is a very hurtful, unnecessary thing to do to somebody.

SO good to hear you are feeling better, and working on the no contact. Be prepared for more drama (likely), but hold your head up, and your dignity intact and you'll be just fine.

Bad news! One of my friends just told me she forwarded the email I sent her around! This really makes me look really stupid! And I'm pretty sure her friends will be sharing with others too! How could she? What will she get by doing so? The more I apologize, the more she thinks hell great of herself. She slapped me in the past when her parents came over to her place and they saw everything after a heated argument and things I said. I've never laid my hands on a woman. I hope one day she will realize what she did to me. But somehow my gut feeling is telling me that she will never feel sorry for what she puts me through.


And the lesson you learned from this is... da tada! NO CONTACT!

Keep no contact,and these things won't happen... you can't trust this girl so don't give her any more ammunication against you.

Originally Posted by talaniman https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_imgs/buttons/viewpost.gif (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/cant-trust-girlfriend-396130-post1998535.html#post1998535) For Emopunk.
Sure you can make a case for her faults, but there is also enough blame for you too, so the quicker you acknowledge your own faults, the quicker we can sympathize with your loss.

Bottom line, we don't care what she did, its what you did about it thats the real issue to all of us here. Its done, and we all want you to heal, and be better for the experience. It may take a while, but you will be okay for it.


Thought I would share what I told Em, as it fits you as well. What you do about what life throws at you is what counts. That's what will define you in the end.

I'm working very hard on NC and all I want is to have her completely out of my mind. Wish me luck.

Well done, stick to NC and the very best of luck!
Keep us posted.

Not sure what she was trying to do. She gave a box of chocolates to my housemate and she knows for sure my housemate will share the chocolates with us. I believe that was a gift from someone, which I think it was from a man and she just passed it on to us. She could easily give it to someone else like her housemates or other college friends. Maybe she has distributed the rest but she does not need to keep one and give it to my housemate. Why she is doing this? She knows my housemate will definitely bring it back to the house. Is she trying to play some game? I told my housemate that I'm not going to eat it. Seriously, I have the urge to throw the chocolates away. It's been messing up with my head and I can't stop to think how bad she treated me and those words she used to put me down in public. Guys, what should I do? I'm still sticking to NC and really want her out of my head.

I'd say she's just taking a stab at you again.

I would eat the whole box of chocolates and not say a word.

Why does she need to do that since she was the one who cuts me off and makes me look bad in front of her friends by sharing the messages I sent her? Does it make her happier? I'm done with all the Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Text and IM stalking and whatever Friend4u178 mentioned in the sticky. I just want to heal and get her out of my head. But I can't seem to stop think of how bad she treated me. It's like I'm beginning to hate her. Is this part of the healing process?

Agreed. It sounds as though she is trying to rub your nose in it for whatever reason. She knows the break-up has been especially hard on you and appears to be playing the classic post break-up game of "look-at-me-I'm-alright-being-a-hard###- that-doesn't-care" etc etc.

Hard as it sounds, never hate. It'll do you more harm than good.

Hate to say this but you will meet a lot of people in life who know what buttons to push, and when, and they do it because they can.

Your best defense, is ignore them, and don't react, because that's exactly what they want, YOUR REACTION, especially an emotional one, that makes you look bad.

They hate being ignored, and must always have the upper hand. She wants to live rent free in your head and the last thing she wants is for you to be happy and at peace with yourself.

She is who she is, you can't change that, but you can change yourself, and your attitude. You don't have to hate, she wins then.

But if you act like your truly glad she is gone, and be happy about that, she will go NUTS!!

Take that to the bank!

Some practical advice that might help you now.

Get yourself a notebook of some kind. Every day, take a good half hour to yourself in a quiet place with no distractions, and write out all the thoughts you've had about her that day. Think, thoughts, feelings, reactions. Write it all out without thought to grammar, spelling, neatness etc. just write it out, and remember to date each day.

When you have it all out on paper, and hopefully you will write a lot, close the book, and leave it all tucked nicely away in a safe place.

Each day, same thing. When you go through the day and you remember something about her, or think something about her, or wonder about her, tell yourself that you will save that for the book. Tuck it aside, and then when you sit to write, include everything again, thoughts, feelings, reactions.

There is something quite interesting that happens when you do this. Emotion can indeed be expressed and dispelled. Once you get the anger out on paper, you are no longer angry. Once you get the hurtful comment or deed out on paper, it is no longer hurtful. With all the questions you have as to why she does the things she does written down, you are actually dealing with them, processing them, and this practice will have a start, and a finish. (When you put the book away for the night)

I have a lot of such books. Over losses, conflicts, battles with myself, and keeping my head above emotional water. I actually splurged on a very good pen just for this purpose.

Try it and see if it works for you.

Tal and Glenboy123, you guys were right. She will win if I begin to hate her. Jake2008, I will try that out to see if it works :)

I don't know why... out of a sudden I think of her. But I've been telling myself that I need to be strong, let go and I will be fine. I hope that I can make it through.

Thinking about her is normal-try to do something to distract your mind. You will be strong and you will soon be able to leave this where it belongs-in the past.

You will make it through, don't worry.

Just do the right things. NC & self awareness.

Don't hang on to someone that has, is & will continue to disrespect you.

You can't care for someone like that.

I've found out that my ex has pretty much moved on and she's already on vacation with another guy. I think she met this guy shortly after we broke up or maybe when we were dating. Who knows? I don't know how to describe my feelings now...

Yes who knows? I wouldn't worry about it though,you have your life now and she has hers. Stay focused on you.

I don't know why it still affects me. I still think of her off and on and am trying very hard to focus on something else.

This will happen for a while. Accepth that and know it's okay and you will get over it soon enough. Just keep NC. That's the only way to move on and the fastest. Hang in there!

I hate to say this... but my friend just sent me a pic that I'm not supposed to see! It's her pic and the guy!! I think it's from her Facebook and it kind of crushes me into pieces again. It's a pic of her and the guy :(. My friend said he's doing this so that I will heal faster. Honestly, my heart still aches and I keep telling myself that I shouldn't panic so that I won't repeat the same old mistakes again. Does it mean that this reset my NC?

You could tell your friend,that his way of healing is not working for you...

This does not reset your nc,as you made no contact,and its natural to feel hurt...

Stay no contact,and ask your friend not to send you any more pictures..

That picture really brings me down to the memory lane, sweet and bitter. I still can recall the moment she told me that she doesn't want me anymore regardless how many times I said sorry for being mean when she refused to tell me who she went out with. And it still fresh on my mind the way she hits me. It just hurts.

That's why you don't break NC. Tell your friend next time to take the picture and shove it up his a$$. Seriously tell your friends you don't want to hear about her. Healing and getting over takes time.

That's one of the things that I don't like about this 'no contact' theory. It's all fine and dandy when you have control over it, but when you don't, this is what happens.

Millions will disagree with me.

Life has a way of kicking your butt when you least expect it. When you are in a place where you feel safe from being hurt because you have protected yourself from contact as best you can, suddenly a friend sends you a picture. Your protective bubble is shattered, and the emotions come rushing back again. As you said, it all becomes fresh in your mind again.

It's like skinning your knee playing baseball. You need a bandaide to stop the bleeding. You decide that you don't need the bandaide to stop the bleeding, and take it off. You are still bleeding.

Nature has a way of allowing for pain, in all shapes, and under all circumstances. Mostly it has to do with processing information, reflecting on the information, and moving past it. You can't avoid living, and you can't avoid curveballs, you just have to deal with them. You can minimize your injuries, say by not playing baseball for a while, but eventually, you do, and you have to accept that you could be hurt.

It is only common sense that you will protect yourself, emotionally and otherwise, and minimize what you can, but you can only protect yourself to a certain degree. Being prepared for the unexpected is the key to not sliding back to the beginning because you will have learned that these curveballs are going to come, and you have no choice.

I think your friend decided that a reality slap would 'snap you out of it', so he sent the picture. But that has opened up another can of worms you weren't expecting. It is natural to reflect on the good and bad, and unnatural not to be affected by it, just because you think you shouldn't be. It is what it is.

While these things will happen from time to time when you least expect it, each time it does, it will get easier. Six months from now you might bump into her unexpectedly at a wedding, or in the grocery store. Your impression will be a bit of a shock, maybe awkward, but you will carry on, and not be so affected by it, for such a long period.

Like any loss, time is on your side, because eventually nature has a way of allowing you to heal. One thing you will never be able to do is stick your finger in a leak in a damn, because another leak will pop out, and eventually the force will knock you on your rear again. You can't stop moving on and putting road blocks up, because they will eventually tumble.

Accept that these things will happen no matter what you do. People have good intentions, but things are sometimes not received the way they were intended. Think about that picture, go back down memory lane if you have to, then walk over the bridge, and toss the picture out in recycling.

Each time will be easier. It isn't wrong to think the way you do, any loss has its aftermath.

One day at a time.

I've been trying to do a lot of things to distract myself from thinking of her ever since that picture incident. Somehow, it didn't work. It's like I'm back to square one - panic, worried etc, which I do not want because it really affects my life. And to a certain extend, I kind of miss her but I know we will never be together again no matter how much I wish to have her back. Regardless what happens, I know that I shouldn't and will not break the NC rule, as I have chased her pretty much far away with my previous actions - clingy, desperate, needy, had done a lot of pleadings too and of course she no longer talks to me anymore after that. I really want to heal but each time I think of her, I get weak inside and thoughts like 'why does she hate me that much?' will somehow haunt me. Is this normal?

When you're starting to think that way,make sure you go and do something that takes your mind off your thoughts.
Keeping superbusy and doing things you enjoy will help you move forward instead of staying stuck on square one.

While its normal to have those fleeting thoughts of an idle mind, we have to get busy with our time with small goals, to overcome them.

Life knocks us down at times, and we find ourselves on square one, but we don't have to stay there. We can pick ourselves up, dust your a$$ off, and take steps that lead to square two.

Being stuck at square one is a choice you make for yourself. Now dust your a$$ off, and make a move forward.

I think I'm getting a little crazy. We have separated for months, and I thought I have made it through. But now I realized that I still love her. I know this sounds crazy but I really do. I'm still sticking to NC because I know she has already moved on and pretty much happy about it. I wonder how can I fix myself up when I'm emotionally down. At times I wish I could make her see that she's the one I want to spend my whole life with. I know it's crazy to hang on or wait for someone who doesn't even want me/love me and totally cuts me off just like that. I feel so helpless...

Can you see that this is you allowing these feelings? Instead of feeling helpless make plans DO things

Think of an addiction to, say, alcohol. You make the decision to quit drinking, attend counselling, or a 12 step program, and stay sober completely for 10 months. Then, you have a really, really bad day. Your car gets smashed up, a bus runs over your dog, your kid gets arrested for shoplifting, and you forgot to pay your cell phone bill, and they cut you off. It's just too much. You walk past a bar, go in, and get hammered.

It takes you two days in bed to recover, and you are feeling horrible. You think that you now have to start all over again, right from the beginning, and go through all the relentless agony of becoming sober again.

You are wrong.

What you have done is relapsed. You made a slip, slid back into that place where you didn't want to be but ended up anyway. You drank your *ss off, and regret every second of it. But, you have 10 months under your belt, of clean living, and there is no way you are going to lose what you gained from that entire period, just for one slip up. You have to expect that it is more likely than not for most people, to have a relapse, and you have to be prepared for it. Even if you don't actually physically drink, the state of mind that put you there will return and you have to recognize that you are very close to drinking, and make changes in order not to.

In your case, you have to realize that you too, will relapse. You will start feeling better, and then out of the apparent blue, you are back in that helpless, confused place again, and mistake that for failure, or interpret that as a sign that it isn't over. It's much like taking a pill, you feel better, then stop taking the pills.

Don't consider that you have not covered a lot of ground, because you have. There are no straight lines to success here, it is a windy, bumpy road, filled with giant potholes. You will have really good success for a few days, or months, and then get knocked off the road. If the car isn't damaged, are you going to leave the car anyway, and walk 25 miles home? Or are you going to get back in the car, back on the road, and keep going.

You cannot predict when you will feel this way. There is no defining moment when a glowing stream of light from heaven lights the way to a victory party because you are finally successful. 10 years down the road you may get melancholy and sad when you think of this time in your life. But, you will have amassed 10 years, and feeling sad then, won't erase the fact that you lived your life in the meantime right?

You are not helpless as long as you realistically think of what the future holds for you. You know that from time to time you are going to feel rotten, but eventually, you will feel far better most of the time, and rotten only occasionally, and the bad feelings won't last as long.

A relapse isn't the end of healing, it is merely a small bump in the road.

Jake, you're right. I think she's worse than drugs. I just can't stop thinking of her despite the fact that she seeing another man now and that makes me really really want to get her back. Maybe I'm a little insecure but I'm sure that I love her very much. I was so tempted to ask her if I stand another chance knowing that she will say 'No' because our relationship ended up very nasty where her parents were involved. I'm seriously doomed!

Heartbreaker, I know it's crazy. My ex is currently seeing someone else too and I feel like running back to her again and ask for a second chance. But then again, I'm damn sure she will say that I don't deserve that chance anymore. I'm currently in a confused state of mind. Should I even ask her back even after what she had done to me? I love her, I really do. Should I try my luck again or leave it as it is? This healing road is extremely bumpy for me and I wonder when this is going to end.

Tragedy

I hope you read Jakes post above , read it again and take in the message.

I agree, Jakes post rocks.

The healing road has to begin first. One with realization, then after with commitment to yourself.

To be strong and willful. Not to wish her back, or try anything that you already know will hurt you, like begging.

You need to get yourself back & realize the amazing things that are in store for you.

She is not your end all.

As much as this hurts, things change. We have to accept them & roll. Learn from them and hopefully that will have positive bearings on who you are, and the future relationships that are to come. Not just romantic ones, all relationships.

BTW, read friend4u178's signature.

Thanks guys. I've been reading Jake's post again and again, trying to remind myself that I've got to keep moving on. Sadly and unexpectedly, I bumped into her - bad day. I guess she's just back from her vacation... oh well, with another man. I was so tempted to say hello but somehow I passed by with my head down. I was so afraid to look at her. As usual, we both acted like strangers and I can still feel her anger. Maybe not too much or maybe I over analyzed. I have a feeling that she still hates me and without any doubts wants nothing to do with me. Seriously, I know this may sounds like I'm out of my mind, I don't mind being friends with her again but I can tell that she no longer wants to be friends with me anymore. I'm still keeping my NC and everyday is getting harder and harder to pass by.

It's good you're sticking to the NC-you must believe that it will get better. We've all been there and know this.

I used to fret, and not let thoughts go. Even when exhausted with brain overload, I'd push and push for answers, and of course, they never came, and the thoughts never settled.

Acceptance is not easy. It is not easy to accept that your child has a life long disability, or that your mate has been unfaithful, or the best friend you ever had died, as mine did, far too young. Sometimes life will throw you things that nearly kill you.

What I learned was to do this little trick with my mind. Picture a set of scales in your mind. One one side, place all you know to be true. That might include that the relationship is over, or that your final grade in a course is what it is despite having studied for three weeks, or that you will never own a cottage, or you really did put a lampshade on your head and act like an idiot at the company Christmas party.

On the other side of the of the scale, replace each fact, with acceptance. It may take some time to let the lampshade incident go, but when you decide enough is enough already, put the lampshade in the balancing side of the scale.

Next put all the other thoughts that you have no chance of changing, also in the balancing side of the scale.

Eventually, every thought you obsess over, will balance out with acceptance.

Then take a step back and take a good look at that scale.

You may even be angry looking at it because you don't want to let it go!!

But, there it is. It is balanced. Accepting all the things that you cannot change, balances out with all the thoughts that have kept you pre-occupied, and not moving forward.

And why do you need to do that, identify, deal with, and balance these things that affect your life so much?

Because you have a life to live. To keep what eats at you like a ball and chain around your ankles, will leave you dragging your subconscious around and around the same familiar block.

Imagine what you want. You want to be free from the self-imposed physical and psychological weight right? You want to balance each thing that worries you, with due weight it deserves.

When something happens, such as you passing her in the street. Put the incident on once side of the scale, and think about how to balance it. Realize the truth- you had a reaction, you want to kick your own butt for it, you feel anger, and you feel hurt. On the other side of the scale, concentrate on balancing that experience by putting acceptance in there; accept that you have no control over running into her unexpectedly, accept that you are angry with yourself for allowing such a dramatic slip, accept the incident is over, and the scale will balance itself.

Then it's over. You slipped, you put far more importance on the event than what balances with the reality of the situation, and you've learned to balance it all out.

The next time will be easier, and the next time after that.

The key here to success, will be your willingness to change your thinking.

You will need to be more of an observer of clinical hard facts, than an emotional participant with that ball and chain.

Try even writing it all out on paper. Draw a line down the middle of the page, and head each side with 'what thoughts bother me', and detail it.

Then on the other side, when you process what happened, accept that you have no control over events, but you DO have control over how you respond to it, write down, "accepted", like a stamp of approval. Allow yourself to accept everything in the list as the truth, accept it, check it off the list, and then it will settle with some balance.

Doing this works for me, that is why I'm passing it along to you.

There is nothing in this world I would have not done for my lifelong friend, absolutely nothing. But, in the end, I had to accept all the variables I had no control over, and balance that with the way I was dealing with it. Only then did I come to terms, and was peaceful with myself again.

Acceptance is not easy as I've said, but you really must put a plan in play here to actually do something about how you are feeling. You are in charge, nobody else. All the best intentions in the world of the most compassionate and understanding people, will not solve these problems for you.

Thanks Jake. Your post does help a lot. A lot! I'm feeling loads better today. I totally agree with you about acceptance. I guess I was and still in denial that the relationship is over. I'm working on it. But there's one thing I still don't understand. Usually dumper doesn't need to go on NC. Why does she needs to cut me off just like that?

You need to accept that that question won't be answered and that it doesn't matter what her motives are-what matters is your life,your healing and your moving forward.

But there's one thing I still don't understand. Usually dumper doesn't need to go on NC. Why does she needs to cut me off just like that?

The Dumper had been thinking about the break for a long time before it actually happened , therefore their emotional turmoil had been dealt with by the time it happened. There is also an amount of guilt for them for dumping you and by staying away from you the guilt doesn't keep rearing it's ugly head.

Originally Posted by tragedy https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_imgs/buttons/viewpost.gif (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/she-cuts-all-ties-bitter-421432-6.html#post2132703)
But there's one thing I still don't understand. Usually dumper doesn't need to go on NC. Why does she needs to cut me off just like that?


That's her way of moving beyond all this, and I recommend NC for dumpees, and dumpers. They both need to heal, and not be stuck in the past.

I should have seen the signs much earlier. There was once she told me that it's easy to like someone. I didn't quite agree with what she said. You guys get what I mean? I was her #11 boyfriend. It's sad isn't it. I was so curious about the guy she is dating now and I got my friend to open up his Facebook to look at her profile. There you go. I know I'm opening up another can of worms. But there's one thing I realized from this - there's nothing I can do about it anymore. She's gone, long gone and I'm worth nothing to her. No matter how much I want to make her see that she's the one for me, I know she won't feel what I'm feeling now. It's sad but to accept that it's already over is indeed really hard. I have a long way to go...

That's the whole point right there.

Its in the past.

Believe me, I know all of what you are feeling. Its OK.

What you need to realize is that spending time on the whys and reasons and wondering doesn't serve you one bit.

Try & focus on the future now and know that you can learn from this, get stronger and become that is in tune.

We tend to think that this is the end of the world, but really only the beginning.

I still think of her though and at times I thought maybe there are things I can do to impress her so that she will notice me again. It's silly, huh? I clearly know that she's seeing someone new now and ever since I had my friend to open up her Facebook, I went to check it again the very next day. Well, based on the pictures, it seems like she is really having a lot fun. I know that I miss her company, but deep inside I can't feel much pain but sadness. Sad that the person she's with now isn't me. Sad that I lost her company. I can't deny that she's still on my brain. But everyday I strive to move on. Yet, I still feel ty at times :(

You need to stay away from Facebook and all pictures,why inflict sadness on yourself by looking at them?
No contact also means NO looking at any social networking sites.

Yes, silly.

Try & keep the focus on yourself & other people in your life.
Things that make you feel good. Be conscious. Don't hurt yourself by dwelling or checking up on her. She's no longer.

It takes time. But, you can do it.

I don't know what's up with my luck these days. I bumped into her again. But this time round, I just walked and totally ignored her like she's a complete stranger to me. I wanted to hold the door for her... but then I decided not to, as I do not want her to think that I still need her badly. Then, when she walked through, she acted like she was mad or something. The way she closed the door was a bit louder than usual. What is she trying to prove? I don't get it.

Don't even try to get it-it doesn't matter anymore. Just do what you did-ignore her and let go of these thoughts!
She has no power over you.

I know this sounds a little crazy, but at times I feel happy that she has found someone to spend time with, someone who loves her (hopefully)... and sometimes I feel numb because there's nothing much I can do to have her back. It's silly, I know. I think I still care for her...

I wonder when will I reach to the point where I no longer care about her... knowing she's with another man now :(

Nothing wrong with wishing her well and for her to be happy-as for caring for her-it takes time for one's feelings to change,but you need to actively work on moving on rather than dwelling in the past.

I feel so stuck now. Part of me is angry for what she puts me through and do not even want to talk to her ever again. And part of me says it's OK to be friends. I'm still keeping my NC. Has anyone been through this stage?

Many of the posters here have,I'd say it's part of learning about life and relationships. From experience I can promise that what you're going through now will pass.
Time,patience and being active will see you through this.

Why do you keep going places where you know she goes? Doesn't seem like conincidence to me. Forget her, she has moved on, and isn't worth your time to even think of her. She has abused you physically and mentally, and yes your going to be waiting for a tragedy to happen to you, if you keep on bumping into her. Let it go, and be a man about this. No one likes break-up, but you learn from your mistakes, its over and move on. Find someone who will appreciate you!

Amicon is dead on the money, as nearly all of us here have been through exactly the same thing you are now, and had to learn to cope with the very same feelings you having now. That's why we are here.

It's a life lesson we all learn and take with us as we grow older. You are hardly alone, it just feels that way when your suffering through it.

She is also dead on the money when she points out that you have to be patient as you must give yourself the time to heal, and actively doing your own thing as you rebuild your own life without her is very essential.

Sitting in a corner thinking how sad you are (wallowing on the pity pot) will only keep you miserable.

Not saying that's what your doing, just cautioning you not to.

I always hang out at that place with my friends way before I met her. Didn't know she like to hang out there too even after she broke up with me. I guess I would have to change my hang out place. It sucks bad time to see her and I do not know what should I do when we bump into each other. I can't even bring myself to say hello to her. She may thinks that I'm not a gentleman at all but what can I do? I've accepted the fact that she is dating someone now shortly after she broke up with me and our relationship is completely over. I must say that the healing process is tough, but I hope I can get through all these bumpy roads as soon as possible. Why do dumpers appear to be so heartless?

Why do dumpers appear to be so heartless?
Because you see them as your source of pain and heartache

Because they are happy without you.

Because you don't know how to cope with your loss

Because you have never had to dump someone that was that into you. So you don't have a clue as to what they are going through now, and how they got to this point.

Because misery loves company, and she isn't co operating.

It gets better latter.

Change what needs changing but don't rearrange your life to avoid places she goes.
Most often the dumper has been wanting to break up for some time so they have already more or less moved on already when they break up. That doesn't necessarily mean they don't hurt too.

Stop staying fixed in this situation altogether, and worrying about why she seems to be heartless. Or wondering what you should say to her when you see her, absolutely nothing, that's it. It's over, and she has moved on. You need to do the same. I don't think you desperate for someone who physically abuses you or are you? You need to take the bull by its horn, and start thinking of you. Your wallowing in the pity, poor me, there is no one else out there. There are plenty of fish in the sea, that would treat you with respect and kindness, not abuse you. You need to get a life for you.

Why the hell should you stop going to the places that you enjoy going to, especially the places the you liked before you even met her? What happens if you decide to find a new place to go and she also starts going to that place as well? You going to then decide to stop going to that place as well? Hell no and bull ####! You start doing that and pretty soon you'll be too scared to even set foot out of your own front door. The last thing you need is to start being made to feel like a 2nd class citizen. Here's what you do, you keep going to the places that you enjoy because it makes you happy, and if certain other parties don't like it then that's just their tough s###! Do not allow the actions of your life to be dictated by the possible reactions of others. Man up and show no fear!

I wouldn't stop going the places you were going before her. But, what I would do, if it made me feel uncomfortable and it tore me to pieces, when I saw her, then I would avoid going to the places where she goes to, for the time being. I would wait till I was healed and in a better frame of mind.

I feel like I'm almost out of control but I'm still trying to keep myself calm. The more I think about the guy she is seeing now, the more my heart aches. It's crazy how my mind is playing tricks on me. I've been telling myself I got to move on, I got to move on... But somehow I still fall back to the same old place. It is just painful.

Of course its hard, and it hurts, that's the way its supposed to be because it shows you cared. Don't forget that. You are reacting like a caring human who hurts. That's not a bad thing, just painful.

When you feel nothing is when you should be really worried.

I wonder... should I send her a text message wishing her Merry Christmas? Or should I just ignore?

Ignore!

Yes, she doesn't deserve it

I thought it would be nice to wish her a merry christmas but then I guess that would likely set me back to square one again. I won't send any even though I care for her a lot. Thanks, Tal.

It's OK to feel those emotions. But its not OK, to be in love with someone who has physically and mentally abused you. It is a blessing she is out of your life.

She physically and verbally abused me such as slapping, choking, and said really nasty things in front of her house mate
And you want to kiss her butt with a holiday greeting to show you care? NO WAY!

Guys, I've made it! I didn't send her any greetings... It was a tough decision. I still think of her somehow.

She's been asking around including my friends where to get the facial stuff I used to get for her. I must say that it's kind of hard to find it in the normal local stores. I had to ask one of my friends from another state to buy it at that time. Should I help her this time or let the new guy to figure it out?

I still care for her and I do not expect anything in return. Of course, I won't give it to her personally. I will get someone to pass it to her. What do you guys think?

Let the new guy figure it out, of course. Mind your own business, and share the holiday with those who want to share it with you, like your family.

Guess that's the only thing I can do -let the new guy to figure it out. I know deep inside we can never be together again, but I do hope that the new guy will treat her good and she will find happiness in him. I admit that I'm not a perfect guy and I still think of her every now and then. I strongly believe that it will hurt me if I get to know her new guy is mistreating her. I know it sounds a little crazy and absurd but I still care for her a lot..

Sometimes I just can't understand myself. At times, I wish that I could make her see and on the other hand I just want her to be happy with whomever she's with. It's so contradicting.

It's a contradiction because you're human and that's the way we can still feel about someone.
But its time you took care of you now.
Move on with your healing and leave this in the past.

Your breakup is still relatively fresh , so it's not abnormal to still want to contact her , and the reason is normally to get some sort of reaction from her and that's the False hope that she may change her mind.

Tragedy
You just need to be patient and accept the healing process takes time , you'll have weak moments where you may want to contact her , like this time with the Xmas text , it's just an excuse to break the NC and sometimes we play games with ourselves to try to justify it.

Be Patient , it takes time , and believe me and everyone else here when we say it will get better. And a few months down the track you'll realise it and thank us for helping you to keep your dignity.

You are still trying to give to her.

Out of routine.

Take that effort and time and use it other ways.

Give to those who actually care.

Don't worry about her or if her new boyfriend is treating her well.

Concentrate on yourself & getting back to reality.

Realize what is happening.

I guess you guys are right. I have not completely over my ex and I really have to start getting up from this failed relationship. It's eating me up. At times I could hardly breathe. But I have much control now as compared to the previous months and still keeping NC. It hits me really hard, I wasn't prepared and was too blinded till I couldn't see the red flags. I let her get the best of me.

It has been months since we broke up. She's having fun, completely removed me out of her life and I'm certain that she doesn't think of me... not even a second. Meanwhile, I'm here struggling and still thinking of her every now and then even after what she had done to me. Worse, I wanted to help her to get the facial stuff. How silly is that? Guess I was still holding on to false hope... Hoping that she would talk to me again (not romantically, but as friends). How silly can this guy be?

I really want to heal but the road seems kind of bumpy and it has been a nightmare for me. I've found one of her tops is in my wardrobe yesterday. Should I throw it away?

Its just a top so I don't see why not-another reminder gone. Be patient with yourself but look forward and know that the road will smoothen out.
We're all saying the same thing here because we've been where you are now and we've reached the end of the tunnel.

Thanks, amicon. Should I throw away her top? Or mail it back to her?

Just bin it. No point in wasting postage on her I think.

It's the time of the year again. Still I find it so weird knowing she will be in another man's arm counting down to 2010. It still hurts but not as much as before. I must say that I have more control over my emotions now. Sadly, I bumped into her again when we were heading to our table. I spilled my drink. It's crazy, I know but I didn't look at her. I was hoping that I won't see her again because it stings. I know it takes time to heal and I hope everything will be over soon.

It's kind of true what you guys posted here. There's a point that I no longer have the desire to be her friend anymore. Maybe because I do not know how to face her again. I don't know. But I still care for her... that's for sure. Of course, at times I feel something is burning deep inside my heart, angry for what she has done to me. It's silly, I know.

Now, I have to concentrate picking up the pieces, trying to put them back together and make myself whole again. I keep reminding myself not to look back, I used to be a worry free man and I should gain back my old self. Yes, she may have moved on pretty quick this time. I should have known or see the signs much earlier. Let me jog my memory... Maybe I was her rebound when she broke up with her #10 boyfriend. She fell out of love with him relatively quick and she beginning to like me in a month's time or maybe less.

It's funny how things work. If she can do it to her previous exes, she can do it to me too and maybe her present or future partner. All I need to do now is to focus on myself. Yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. But I guess it's going to take me some time to get back in the game. I hope it won't be long. Anyway, she has her new man to take care of her now and it's not my business anymore.

Thanks guys for all your advice. I'll keep you posted on my progress. Of course, there will be ups and downs. But please bear with me. In the meantime, I would like to wish all of you HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

You'll be fine! And you will find the happiness you deserve.
Happy New Year!

It is a new year, so make the best of it!

I drove passed her house to pick up one of my friends who stays in the same neighbourhood for countdown (back to my place), which will happen in a few hours time. I shouldn't have taken that route, as my instinct kept telling me that I will bump into someone that I do not want to see. Yet, I didn't listen to my heart because I thought if I could see her new partner's car in front of her house, I will be able to move on faster. I'm so silly, such an idiot. I saw her housemate walking towards my direction as I was passing by! Now I wonder if she sees me and what if she tells my ex. Ugh, they will look at me like I'm needy, desperate... basically, a stalker! I feel like an idiot. It's like my dignity has just been crushed again. I shouldn't have taken that road. I just shouldn't. I've learned my lesson and I will never ever do that again...

No you're not an idiot you're a person who has a right to go about your business doing your thing.
Never mind what goes on in her life-this is your life.

I still miss her somehow... and it's bad. I know...

Finally, I'm letting go... I never thought I would feel this good. Well, I went ahead asking my friend to get her the facial stuff from another state and FedEx to her place. To my surprise or maybe not, she puts up a note in her myspace saying that she will toss it in the bin (that's what I heard from one of our mutual friend). The reason why I decided to help because some part of me still consider her as my friend and I no longer have the intention to be with her anymore. More like acquaintance. Somehow, she thinks or sees it differently. Surprisingly, I no longer have the urge to analyze why she wants to do that. With no questions, I would say that she doesn't need to do that. Ahh Well, my house mate called her a B* for doing that. ROFL. She can continue to hate me. I don't care about it anymore. I used to care a lot but not now anymore. I'll leave it to the universe to take care of the rest. I've lost count on how many days I didn't speak to her since I started NC. I think I'm getting there.. or maybe I'm already there that is I'm finally healed. I think with what she's doing now it really helps me to move on. What do you think?

That's a good attitude , to realise that no matter what you do the situation isn't going to change.

Get on with your life and stop wasting your time and energy on someone who obviously won't do the same for you.

Good advice.

A waste of time.

Yeah, finally I know it's a waste of time. I'm really really very glad that she did that. At least, it gives me a sign that she's not worth my tears or effort! Good that I've finally come to a conclusion. It's kind of like you're doing it out of courtesy and yet you still get a slap on your face! How cruel is that? LOL... Well, that's life I guess... :)

She can go on with her hatred... I simply don't care. To me, what goes around comes around. I'm happy to see her true true true colors! To a certain extend, I think I'm kind of glad being dumped. ROFL. If not, I think will still hang on to this relationship. In other words, it's a blessing in disguise! Don't you think so?

Don't hang on. Hang out. Later for her.

Everything you said before was right on.

She can hate, she can breakup, she can do whatever. One person in the world that wasn't right for you. Oh well, a sh**ty & painful life lesson. Not your last lesson yet, I hope...

Give this time & put your energy elsewhere.

Cool, now go NC.

Don't be afraid to stick your middle finger out.
You know when.

True-what goes around comes around-and now you've realised how wrong a relationship this was-for YOU.
Move forward in the knowledge that you are the(much)better person.

ROFL... You know, vanheart, never in my wildest dreams did I think she would behave like this. We are all grown up. Why can't she take it easily and let the bitter past pass? Past is past. There's no point for being so BITTER. I just don't see the point.

I helped her to get those stuff out of courtesy without asking for anything in return. Not even a damn dime! Nothing at all. I will do the same for those who know me. I'm getting texts, calls in the middle of the night from our mutual friends telling me that I don't deserve what she did to me. I didn't get it in the first place until they told me what she wrote on her wall.

Sometimes it's not worth being a nice guy. Although the facial stuff doesn't cost that much, but Hey! Is that how she says thank you? How thoughtful!

Amicon, you're right! It was so wrong! When we first broke up, like most of us here, I thought she was the one for me even after I was being physically and verbally abused. I can't sleep well because she was always on my mind and I couldn't stop thinking about the time we shared. To think it back, it doesn't worth my tears. It's an eye-opener! Huge! I don't know what she's trying to prove to put such a post on her wall. Maybe she thought I will be reading her myspace and feeling hurt. Too bad, my friends filled me in and I think I had worse in the past. So in this case, I no longer feel the pain but just "Whatever".

She has already moved on with a new guy. Why can't she just leave the past behind, take it easy instead of being so bitter? Again, I helped her just out of courtesy. Nothing else. Can't she see? Or she thinks I'm playing trick to win her back? Err.. it's a definitely definitely 'no no'! ROFL.

Yeah whatever-as you said-because Trad,it doesn't really matter anymore,does it? I hope this has given your selfrespect a boost.
Generally speaking,sad bitter people lead sad miserable little lives-decent honest ones have lives where they can be comfortable being who they are.

Amicon, it does boost up myself respect and self esteem too! I was stuck in a dark tunnel for months. I'm glad that I could finally see the light. I'm even glad to see her true colors. When I think of her post in her myspace, I kind of chuckle. How childish is that? Can't she grow up a little? Yes, she was involved in many relationship as compared to me. But what did she learn from the past? Not even a simple word called 'Respect'.

I couldn't believe that I've invested 2 years for this woman who ended up taking away my dignity and self respect. What a waste of my time! I'm going to do whatever it takes to regain it back. She no longer has control over me. She no longer has the upper hand. It's a huge relief to have it over and done.

Way to go! The healingprocess is about to be completed-good work-and I'm sure you've learned a lot about yourself as you've gone from despair to relief.
All relationships,good or bad,are learning experiences.

I told myself I must update this when I get back! ROFL. My ex threw everything, took a picture of the bin and posted it on her myspace! How interesting! Well, of course I feel a pinch but that's all. If that's what she wants to do, by all means. I have no control over it. But seriously, I don't think she needs to be this bitter. It's just a small gesture out of courtesy. Nothing else. Why being so bitter? I would love hear from a woman's perspective...

Stop checking her myspace page.

I didn't... my friend showed it to me when I was at his place. ROFL. Seriously, why does she need to be this bitter?

It doesn't matter.
Its over. She can waste her time posting stupid stuff for you see.

Wondering isn't going to get you anywhere.

Be more concerned how you are going to rock it from now one.

And honestly, someone that does vindictive stuff like that after the fact isn't worth a second of your time.

BTW, tell your friend that you don't need to see stuff like that & respect your feelings.

LOL.. You're right, vanheart. I feel like I was cheated for almost 2 years. How could I not see her true colors before that? Yet, I kind of, sort of worship her even after she dumped me in a very nasty way. And this is what I get in return? How wonderful! I don't know what she's trying to prove but certainly she no longer have the upper hand. Yes, she can throw it, take a pic of it and trying to tell me via myspace "Look, I don't care!". Well, I do feel the pinch but that's all. Not that I will cry over it like I used to. I'm just wondering how could someone be this bitter? After all, she has moved on and we are all adults. Can't we handle this in more civil way? My intention was just to help, that's all. Can't she get it? I hope I can hear some comments from a woman's perspective. Not because I want to analyze but I just want to understand why would someone want to do that?

Seems like you have some expectations after the fact. And another kind gesture got squashed. Not sure why you are so concerned with her bitterness. I bet you already got a taste of that before & denied it.

Like you said you are now seeing her true colors. Use what you are learning to discover some things about yourself & use them later.

You should never worship someone. Especially when they abuse you.

I don't even know why her bitterness kind of get me. I've never been treated like a crap in my entire life. Not before she came and ruined it. Worse, broadcasting it this time. But I'm not going to let her take away my dignity anymore. I'm glad that some of our mutul friends who knew what's going on between us stood by me. ROFL. Again, I find it crazy and childish for doing that. Looks like she looking for some revenge. Well, emotionally. Otherwise, she won't be posting it up. I'm sure she wants me to feel something. Hurt and depress perhaps? But I had worse in the past and I'm beginning to feel numb. It's good that she's behaving like this. It does help me to speed up the healing process.

What you say is true.

My ex did some hurtful things too. Of course she wants to continue the pain, abusers do that until they find someone else to take their sh**t.

Once you get out of the habit, things will become clearer.

Try not to spend too much time on her childness, some people need to grow up. Others never will.

Glad you have some supporters. Use them.

You are doing the right thing by being in control.

You will look back at this as a nice life lesson and smirk.

I'll let the ladies pipe in now if that's what you're after...

It doesn't take someone with two X chromosomes to see that your ex is immature and possibly mentally unstable. She physically assaulted and abused you - that's all I need to know! I can find a billion other different things I'd rather be doing than trying to understand the motives of someone who does not think or act rationally or mature. Accept her actions for what they are and try not to care her reasons - because in reality it doesn't matter!

I'm glad to hear that it is speeding up your healing process though - you're finally beginning to see what she's truly all about.

She only has/had the power over you that you are/were willing to hand over to her. Once you have completely understood that nothing she has said.says or ever will say,matters in your life,you'll have no reason to ever bother thinking about her again.

Not to mention the slapping & choking.

If someone else treated you like this, what would you do?

Go back & listen to what Ducky said. I already copied that one for myself.

Sounds like it time to do some work on yourself.

You're right. Guess it's time to work on myself. And nope, I'm not going to let her make me feel inferior anymore. I should have listened to you guys not to buy the facial stuff. Again and again, she's trying to take away my dignity. I'm not going to let her rip it off that easily anymore. Not this time or next.

It's really a good lesson. I would never expect the sweetest girl I've met would hate me to this extend. Ahh well, I guess it is best to leave it as it is now. Still in my mind, I was doing it out of courtesy without no intention of getting back at all. Never mind. If she doesn't appreciate it, then let it be. Well, she threw away all the toys I gave her during our dating days together with the facial stuff. I must say it was a 'Nice Pic!'. ROFL. Seriously, I don't hate her for what she puts me through. It makes me a stronger man. I'll never ever repeat the same mistake again. Do I still love her? Maybe yes, maybe no. I just can't explain my feelings right now. It's kind of numb. I'm a human, though she doesn't treat me like one. Do I still want her back? Definitely not. We're just not meant to be.

I've noticed that the more I want to know the hatred she carries in her heart, the more uneasy my heart is. It's not pain. Just uneasy. Maybe because I didn't expect my ex would turn out to be so cruel and mean when all the time she was sweet when we were friends and during our dating days. Could this be the reason why?

No one expects it.

Once again, stop looking for reasons.

Accept it and work on yourself.

Don't worry about her feelings anymore.

I agree that I have to work on myself... A lot. I threw away one of her gifts, which I will never do in the past because I will keep every single thing she gaves me including notes in a safe place. Although I could feel the pinch, but I know I just got to do it. Otherwise, I will not be able to let go completely. I'm not sure what I want to do with the rest of the gifts because I think I could feel the pain when I see it. Not much, just little. So, I will choose not to look at it now. I must learn to live in the present moment. Yes, she no longer loves me and hates me very much but I've learned that I do not have control over this. I wish I could just turn back the clock and undo all these pains. I'd rather remain friends with her instead of dating her. It was my mistake. I should never date a friend.

The really good thing about relationships is that they teach us a lot about ourselves!
You know, you should bin the lot-gifts,notes-everything.
You'll feel much better for it.

I really wish I could have an answer for this. Please guys, fill me in... My ex moved one block away from my place! Yes, it's a nightmare! How am I supposed to go through the full recovery road when she is so freaking near? I tried to ignore her many many times and kept reminding myself what she had done to me, the physical injuries she caused me in the past with deep bruises and cuts. I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable and I find her voice pretty much annoying. I don't know if I still love her but it definitely stings when I see her or hear her voice. I do not want to go back to where I was back then, full of panic attacks and insecurity. I want to let go completely. I want her out of my life. I don't think running into her everyday will help in my recovery. Guys, please tell me what should I do?

Ignore her.
You have a right to your home and to feel safe and comfortable where you are.
You are in charge of your life,your comings and goings-nobody else is.
Be the strong man that you know you are.

Boy, this is a good test right here. Weird, yes & probably not without some sick motive.

What do you want?

For me, if that happened, well, I for sure wouldn't move or stay in.
Go amongst your business. The less you worry about her, the better.

Resist all temptations to go backwards or let her proximity suck you in.

If you see her, say hi, then split. Or ignore her (even better)

Remember that she is a user & abuser looking to victimize.

Screw it. Start not giving a crap about what she does.

Amicon & Vanheart, I'm really scared that I will start to care about what's going on in her life, which I really do not want to. I really really really do not want to. I hate to be in the panic mode like I used to. When we were dating, she tried not to go online even if I asked her to. But ever since we split, she will either hang on to her messengers or other networking sites. Not to be missed, her new found boyfriend and party. I feel so uncomfortable now. I'm afraid those feelings will rush in again. :(

Doesn't seem like you really, really, really, really want to.

Don't be a wuss.

Scared? Geez. Vampires too?

I can't say that I have completely healed. And with her moving a block away makes it even harder for me to complete the journey. It's beginning to tear me apart. I guess the only way for me to get over is to move away. I could feel the pressure... :(

This is the test you were waiting for (& dreading)

We all take 'em.

Up to you to pass.

Move away? Then she wins & is in control.

You post, but don't listen. Start.

Get over her? She screwed you & abused you. What more do you need?

Vanheart - thanks for the slap! I seriously need that because I can't seem to control myself. It's like getting out of hand. :(

Don't let it. She doesn't matter.

You can control yourself.
She can't control you.

Keeping reminding yourself how abusive she was. You are much better off without her. Ignore her! You can't honestly have any feelings for her, after what she did to you. No one deserves that kind of treatment.

I know she was abusive, but somehow I have forgiven her. Well, she has recently untagged all her pictures. Each time she does this kind of act, I will feel the pinch but then again there's nothing I can do. Seriously, I don't mind to have her as my friend again. But I know I will make a fool out of myself if I walk to her trying to shake her hands. :(

Get a piece of paper, write out all the reasons you left, why you don't want to be affected by her, and why this isn't good for you.

Keep it simple, and put it on your fridge, with a copy in your pocket. Memorize it.

When you feel weak, read it.

You really have to control yourself. This is way beyond her, it is about you. As long as you keep thinking there is some sort of control there, meaning her control over you causing you do fall back, you will never move forward.

She is only human. She cannot cast spells, or strike you with lightening, she cannot control your thoughts and actions. She can't determine or predict when your paths will cross, and she cannot harm you in any way, shape, or form.

Everything you worry about has to do with how she affects you still.

That is a bit weird. Worrying about or predicting things that probably won't happen, and spinning around thinking your life is going to be upside down again, is not thinking clearly.

I hope you are continuing with therapy. You have to let these thoughts go, or at least learn that the thoughts you have of her influence in your life.to such a huge degree.

Jake, I've written it down and will keep it with me all the time. I just can't seem to stop thinking about her.. revisiting the past. It would have been a smooth healing journey if she didn't move around here. Seeing her so happy, dressing up, looking good really kills me. I could hear her laughter. Every now and then I run into her. My heart seems so uncomfortable now. I could barely sleep. I really wish that I could just delete those memories from my head just like that. I keep telling myself that I got to be in control but I'm lying here like a dead puppy. I don't know how to explain this feeling but it is definitely awful. :'(

Once you let go of the hold you think she has on you, that's when things will change.

After all, she doesn't care, why should you?

Let her dress up & laugh. I suggest you do the same.

I feel like I'm going to break down and cry. I really tried my best to move on and I thought I will be reaching the finishing line soon. Sadly, that isn't that case and I feel like a crap now. :(

You got to give it time.
And get off your a$$ & have the will & work at it.

Getting dumped sucks, but not the end of the world.

What's sucks is wallowing. One day a switch will hopefully do off in your head & you will say, "I'm sick of this." And move forward & learn.

I'm trying, I'm really trying. But she is way too close and I don't want to see who she talks to or run into her. I saw her chatting up with some dude yesterday. Ouch! Well, she wasn't that socialize. Anyway... she has changed a lot since the split. I guess I have to hunt for rooms... I seriously can't take it any longer. :(. It is eating me up :(

Sounds like your focus is on her, not you.

Change that. What's stopping you now?

You shouldn't care & occupy your thoughts & actions for someone that isn't willing to do the same. She used & abused you & now your feeling the repercussions. And her moving is only to put you down even more.

Screw that. She isn't worth another moment of your time, unless you use it for your benefit.

Thanks, vanheart. I think the problem is I still love her somehow. I can't be 100% sure. I thought I had that scrapped off. I could be wrong. But I guess the feelings started to rush in when she moved around the block and I will find my tears park behind my eyes whenever she crosses my mind. I tried not to look at her when she passed me by. I've always have my iPod on so that I will not hear her voice or laughter. I know I should start to focus on myself again. But I'm beginning to get weak inside. I think I'm lost again. I was okay up until she moved in. I'm crushed, torn and broken. :(.

Don't be-make some plans-things to look forward to-do things that make you feel good.
Could you go away for a short break?

I'm planning for a short break but it won't be that soon. I'm beginning to lose my appetite. This is a bad news for me. I've jogged for months where I almost reach the finishing line and now look where I am... sort of back to square one. Running into her everyday really makes my heart sore. Looking at her living happily with the new man makes me sad. What have I done to deserve all these misery? :(. She can throw all my gifts, put it up on myspace... I don't care. But why does she need to move in so close? :(

I don't know why she moved to where she did-the thing is it's not something you should let worry you.
It doesn't matter where she lives-the relationship is over.

Don't make this the be all and end all-get your life back.

Don't allow yourself to wallow in this misery anylonger.

Why does she have to move so close? Honestly, who cares!

Sure, it could be part of some elaborate plan to torture you, make your life miserable, and haunt you but seriously bud, the reality is she probably has better stuff to do in her life than worry about YOU. Her life is her own now and your life is your own as well.

In my world, believing is seeing. What you believe shapes your reality and how you view your life. Sure, everyone has a bad day once in awhile and during the healing process you're going to have more bad days in the beginning - that's perfectly fine. But all I see is negativity in your thought process and your posts. Start thinking and believing that the fact that you're no longer with her is the best thing that could have happened to you - and it will be! Make an honest effort to start looking at the bright side of every situation, no matter how insignificant that bright side may be.

Say you bump your knee on a table and it hurts like hell - well, you may have noticed if you get bumped on another part of your body all of a sudden your knee won't hurt as much? What you need to do right now is something similar - except to your mind. Go out, have fun with friends. Find a video game you can get lost into. There are dozens of things YOU can do to keep your mind off her. Yes this is the tough part, but it gets better.

If you need additional ideas or suggestions, just ask.

I've just gone to my Facebook and removed all her pictures. I saw her walking with her new found man this morning. I hate what I see and feel. Why can't she just disappear from my life? I just can't seem to understand how can a person moved on so fast. :(

Please reread the advice you've been given the last couple of days-and let it sink in.

Ya know, tragedy (btw, this isn't a tragedy, is a blessing that you don't recognize yet)

When I was suffering, desperate and posting, I looked back, even printed pages & pages of responses and took them with me to read over and over.
To the beach, coffee shops, etc..

Take some serious heed in the advice. People here have felt similar pain & anxiety.

Yeah it sucks that you have to see her, but put that in your skillset. Seeing her with her new boyfriend will end up being another reason to move on.

There's other people out there, remember. Ones that are just up your alley.

I tried to keep myself really busy these few days hoping that I would get her out of my mind. I saw her yesterday. Fortunately, she didn't see me. She was wearing the dress when we went out for our first movie date. I could still recall how beautiful she looked then and I was not able to take my eyes off her. She completely blew me away. And now, she was wearing the same dress looking beautiful as usual dating someone new. My heart ache a little but I realized that she's no longer mine. It's sad but true. I decided to check on her myspace a while ago and I saw her notes to him saying that he is her strength, hope, joy and everything. It crushed my heart a little... and I know I can never have her back.

Good that you know all of that.

Now stop talking about her.

I've decided to go for a short trip this weekend and next month. I hope by the time I return, I will feel much better. I cannot deny that I still love her somehow and this feeling is hiding somewhere around the corner of my heart. I'm afraid to let it out again. There was once I thought we could build a family together. I was ready to go down on my knees on her birthday when we go for skydiving and romantic dinner for two with a 0.53 carat diamond ring. I still have the ring with me and whenever I look at it, I wish I could have the chance to put it on her finger. I guess all I can do now is to let it pass and be part of the history. It's just sad and I hope there are no more hiccups during my recovery. :(

Oy, you're killing me with that proposal stuff after the fact.
And with a user & abuser as well. Still hung up and for no reason.

I hope your trips help you realize that there's more than this.

Enjoy your trips,return the ring to ring to the shop and stop looking at her pictures!

LOL... Thanks, Vanheart. I guess I was pretty much blinded by love. Sometimes you just love the person for who they are. I know she abused me but I can't help to fall for her. I really love her truthfully but I'm tired of chasing for something that it's no longer mine. It's even tiring when I'm trying to impress her when she no longer cares what I'm up to etc. Reality is... she's belongs to someone else already. :(

You haven't found love yet. You need to grow yourself.
Decide some things. First things first.

That's how it works. We have all been there.
I was soooo in love with this girl from Philly when I was 22.

And loved others way after.

I even thought I loved my recent ex.

The point is, we learn and when its right we, know. That is when we truly connect with ourselves first. Not to rebound or fall in love with someone who simply speaks sweet nothings in our ears.

Its way deeper. Find that in yourself & you will find that in others.

Its different for everyone.

I just woke up from a short nap and guess what? I dreamt of her. We were quarelling and I tried to work things out. I really miss her. I never thought it would end this way... with bitter drama. :(

That's because you aren't letting go.

I had those dreams and on occasion still do.

Use those dreams to realize its truly over & get on with your life.

Its not worth it to keep on like this. No point.

You can't change the past, only make way for good things in the future.

Don't continue the bitter drama, she's not.

Its all in your head & in your control now. Have some will to change.

You know, what we would all like here is to hear how you are going to move on and your plan. Some positive stuff.

Its over. Get it.

Take some value in all of the advice here. Believe me, if it wasn't for this site, I wouldn't be hear giving advice.

Start listening & doing, not wallowing over this reject that screwed with you head.

This is, as I mentioned not a tragedy. The earthquake in Haiti is.
Real suffering.

You can't still have her on some ridiculous pedestal after she demolished you.

Move on & wish her well. Stop the boo-hooing.

Thanks, Vanheart. You're right. I just got to get up and walk again. It has been months since she walked away. I really hope my short trip will somehow help me to get over her.

Yes it's really time for best foot forward.
Time to let the past go-live in the present and make plans for the future.

Guys, I'm back from a very very short trip. It was a good one but I still need to do a little work on myself. I still think of her.. well, off and on. And I had the weirdest dream ever. I dreamt I was in some party with my new girlfriend and somehow my ex wanted to reconnect back with me. What a dream! Haha!

I tried to look at her pictures... just to check which stage I'm in now. Somehow, I still get that kind of strange feelings. I guess I'm not there-there yet. I found out from one of our mutual friends that she's on vacation with her new man, yeah again! For the entire week. This is a good news for me because I wouldn't need to see or even hear her voice. At least it helps me to stay sane a little bit. I really wonder when will I reach the stage that I will no longer care anymore... It's so near yet so far!

It would be a lot 'nearer'if you stopped going back to check out her pictures!

You're only opening up the wound when you do that.
So don't.
Stop wallowing in the past.
Stop measuring your peace of mind against whether she is at home or on vacation.

I find it silly too to even think of someone who doesn't even want me anymore. I will try not to look at it anymore. I know there's no point of holding on to something that's no longer mine. Why do people always want what they can't have.. It's funny isn't it..

People not only what they can't have but also what's not good for them! Love can do some crazy things to us, including make us overlook things which would normally be unacceptable to us.

Remember, she physically and verbally abused you. In my book, that's a chapter I'd gladly move on from. I sure as hell don't need that kind of person in my life...

I agree, Ducky. If we didn't date, I doubt I will accept someone who physically abuses me. I guess I still hold on to those sweet memories we shared and maybe that's the reason why I can't fully let go. I'm working hard now not to think of her and replace it with something else when she pops into my mind. I know she has completely wiped me out of her life and her memory and that's what I need to learn from her. I keep asking myself "if she can do it, why can't i?"... She's happily attached and I keep telling myself "let go, let go, let go! She's already with another man!". It's so funny, I already know the truth and why am I still holding on to something that's no longer there... It's just so weird. I will try harder this time to get her out of my mind and hopefully I will get over her soon.

Seriously, I think that I really have to move to another new place. I was in peace a couple of days ago. Sadly, I ran into her yesterday but I did not greet her even though I wish I could. Apparently, she's just back from her trip with her new man. I could still feel the pain and my tears were parked behind my eyes. I tried to be strong but my thoughts are filled with her images. This is not doing any good and there's some part of me wanted to drop her a note saying 'hi' but I know this will look seriously pathetic. I feel so uncomfortable and it's kind of hard for me to explain the feelings. I think I'm doomed :(

You're only doomed in the sense that you still can't let go of this feeling of allowing yourself to be controlled by the comings and goings of a person who is no longer in your life.

You are doing this to you,nobody else.

You can also stop feeling this way,or not.
It's your choice.

Though you have posted a lot in the last 2 months, its only been 2 months, after a two year relationship. Not nearly enough time, so be patient.

It helps to strengthen your coping skills with a solid plan of action when these unexpected thoughts and meetings happen when your still so freshly hurting.

Anything that changes your focus for a few minutes will work, but has to actively involved physical movement and mental focus.

For example, washing dishes, cleaning closets, shopping for a new shirt and engaging the salesperson.

Over time, these small, temporary diversions become second habit, and keep you from sitting and dwelling on what if, and why me.

It has been a few weeks since I last posted here. I'm just back from a long vacation and still trying to cope with my broken heart. I was feeling good last few weeks, learning to let go and trying to be myself again. A lot of soul searching. But as soon as I'm back to my place, I'm curious and wanted to check on her Facebook to see if there are any updated pics on her Valentine's outing... I know it will hurt me bad if I see it and I'm still trying not too... The temptation is so strong :(

That's like self harm and won't accomplish anything other than going back a few steps. Haven't you hurt enough?

Don't do it !!!

Why do you want to do that? Are you a masochist? What? Want to see you she's getting with?

Do some more soul searching. Continue that at home.

Forget about her for now. Get with you & fun.

Leave FB alone.
Move forwards not backwards.

Thanks guys. I'm really trying very hard not to check on her Facebook. Some part of me saying that it will help me to move on faster and some part of me is telling me that it's going to destroy me again. :(... Worse, I find it so hard to sleep now...

Facebook in your kind of situation is a big NO-NO!

You have got to want to move on,it seems to me you are still letting yourself stay stuck.

You're right, amicon. I shouldn't let myself stuck in the past... Guess, it is because I'm a sentimental person by nature... I'm just going to have to push myself harder... :(

We've all gone through this at one point or another so I know that you too will heal.
Putting some effort into actively healing is always a good idea.

Make a plan for each day that includes doing at least one new thing or activity that makes you happy.

I've been trying to keep myself busy lately so that I won't even have time to think about her.. but whenever I tried to do something new, I would be like "I think she will like this..." But then again, she's no longer mine.. and I've been telling myself I can't stay on like this forever... At times I feel like I'm suffocating...

Those are thoughts that you need to let go of-its what YOU like and want to do-its not about anyone else's likes or dislikes.
You deserve to be happy and contented and you will be-just put yourself first.

If you think of your break up as a time to learn how to cope, and deal with your feelings positively, it may help you come up with a strategy for yourself that you can follow when your having those down times, and your thoughts wonder to her, such as focusing on what's in front of you.

No doubt after a vacation, you will always have that transition back to reality, and all that dust that has collected while you were away. I bet if you look around your own place, there is a lot to do.

I'm in such a confused state now. I'm feeling very uneasy, and my eyes are filled with tears. One of our mutual friends told me that my ex is moving to another part of the world. The feeling is like I've just been dumped again for the second, third or even fourth times :(. I just don't know how to cope with it. I seriously love this girl very much :(.

Go back through your thread a few times.

Then you won't be so tragic & confused.

Start living without her.

I'm in such a confused state now. I'm feeling very uneasy, and my eyes are filled with tears. One of our mutual friends told me that my ex is moving to another part of the world. The feeling is like I've just been dumped again for the second, third or even fourth times :(. I just don't know how to cope with it. I seriously love this girl very much :(.

Consider this a blessing in disguise , it'll make NC that much easier.

Yup, teary, uneasy and being dumped again 4X, yet still in love.

That's not a good place. What are you going to do now?

Something good I hope.

I'm feeling bit drown. I tried to read the thread over and over again. Yet, I can't seem to control my feelings and my tears. Yes, having her around... so close really makes it hard for me to move on. But knowing that she will be in another part of the world somehow kills me :(

That will make it easier. Say Goodbye.

C'mon, man. Get out of bed. Stop.

She's GONE!!

What are you some attention magnet that doesn't want to listen to anything?

Man up.

She used you.

Slapped you. (not hard enough)

Choked you. (glad you're still here)

Dumped you.

Flaunted her boyfriend.

Then moved to another country.

What next? Her move to another planet?

Maybe the one where she will burn up on impact.

What planet are you on?

Maybe her moving is what you need to finally stop the one step forward,two steps backwards routine and finally get on with some constructive healing.

I hope so.

Thanks guys... I know it's a little crazy. You're right, Amicon. It's like I'm actually taking a one step forward, and next couple of weeks two steps backward. I'm learning, learning to let go. I have accepted the fact that we can never go back together and I'm no longer in denial. But the feelings somehow still exist... I would have never guessed or thought that she would move to another part of the world. Somehow those sweet memories started to rush in again and it's doing me no good. And it also reminds me how painful it was when I've got to know she's dating someone new. Now, I'm actually feeling the same thing when my friend told me she is moving away. I'm reading the thread over and over again. I hope I will feel better...

A little crazy? Why am I the bad guy here?

Sit & wallow or get on with it.

The whole reason we are here is because of you. We heard all of this already.

Stop letting us down. Screw her.

Get out. Get some fresh air.

Again you're are posting, reading, experiencing things, but its one ear & out the other.

Let me ask you? Why do you love this girl so much now?

Or why do you hate yourself?

We all have bittersweet memories from our past relationships.

The thing is to not allow yourself to swim around in the murky pond of a failed and abusive relationship.

You have to chose yourself,life and happiness.

Only you can do that.

Vanheart, you have mistaken. I mean the things I'm going through now are a little crazy. Not you, as you guys have been very helpful. Without you guys, I wouldn't be where I am now. I guess maybe when I got to know she's moving to another part of the world, the feelings just rush in again. It's like I'll never see her again. It's silly to feel this way, it's silly to even think of it. I started to wonder if my feelings for her would ever change...

Sorry guys, I was using my housemate's desktop. Didn't know he didn't sign off from it. He was the one who recommended this site to me...

I've finally calmed myself down... I know there's nothing I can do but to let go. It hurts so bad.. I guess one of the things that's holding me back is she may be a different person now... A better one maybe? And it does take a lot of time to forgive myself for not treating her right in the past too. And the reason why I find it hard to let go is because she was the first person I fell so hard with. I made her my priority and now I'm left with nothing but tears and heart aches... I skipped my classes and wandering around like a lost soul. I thought I've had enough of bad news... till my friend told me that she's moving. I have a lot to pick up... I will try harder this time to get up from this fall. I will try not to dwell in the past... and concentrate on the present moment. I hope I will feel better soon :(

Whenever I got in a blue mood, and wanted to go crazy over a lost love, I always remember the bad times, to remind me how lucky I was to be rid of the problem, most times I got mad at myself for putting up with so much BULL CRAP!!

I don't know if this is normal but somehow I feel that she's just want to "erase" all the memories we had by moving far away from here so that she won't be reminded on how we used to be whenever she goes... Is it normal to feel this way?

Your over analyzing the situation , she's not the one in pain or denial so why should she move to another country to forget the memories?

Bottom line is you're the one who's having trouble letting go , like we've been telling you to do now for nearly 3 months :rolleyes:

It's normal to have feelings of loss and heartache after a breakup but there comes a point where you just have to accept it and realise that wondering what she's doing and thinking means absolute jack sh*t because it's totally out of your control.

The sooner you do that the sooner you'll heal and not be stuck with all this turmoil in your life , it's 3 months now Tragedy , and we can't do it for you , we can only cuddle you through the initial period and advise you what you need to do , you're the one who needs to do it.

Tragedy,

We've given you love, advice and harshness. Oh, yeah & cuddling...

Its beyond time for realization and some SERIOUS EFFORT on your part. Doesn't seem like you listen or want to take the steps. Why is that? Do you want to keep letting yourself feel like sh$$t?

After she dumped you, she didn't hurt you any longer. You just continue to hurt yourself. All in your head.

She's gone & is doing what she wants.

No more reason to hang on. Start doing something, anything as long as its for you.

Hey man,

She will NEVER hurt you again.

This is something I would never thought it will happen but it does. My ex wanted to meet up with me! And she denied the fact that she's moving. Why? It's already confirmed she's moving and why does she need to play games with my head and told me that ain't true? She made the entire context like I was the one who avoided her first, but in fact she avoided me like the plague. Again, why? Won't she get tired of lying and stop playing games? That reminds me of how she "showered" me with love on my birthday by giving me a 2nd hand PS2! Now it makes me feel like I'm worth nothing. What's with the meet up? Should I even go?

Again, why? Won't she get tired of lying and stop playing games?

She will , if you stop reacting to it.


What's with the meet up? Should I even go?

Yeah sure go , if you want to go back to square one and undo all the healing you've done so far :rolleyes:

Stay with the NC, and be done with the games, and whatever else she has in store for you.

What could she say except "I'm sorry for being an idiot", and I doubt that's the case.

I doubt she'll be saying that too. She did tell me that she wanted to make peace with me that's why she's asking for a meet up. What's with making peace? So that she can forget about the past and have a better life with her current man? I was ditched like a dirt for god's sake! What does she want from this meet up? To tell me how wonderful her new man is? I feel sooooo betrayed.

The Dumper often feels guilty for the dumping , that way they like to stay in the friendzone to ease their guilt , ie: knowing you don't hate them.

It's actually quite selfish which is why it's wise to stay NC , and that's for your sake not hers.

Call it a hunch... I think she has completely moved on and ready to be friends again. In another words, she no longer stings when she sees me. But it still stings when I see her. She moved on so fast with another man and I'm very sure it helps her a lot since she's being showered with "Love" where else I'm stuck here crying like a sick puppy. :(.

Now, when she's ready, she wants to meet up. How selfish is that? Can't she recall what she did to me?

Don't meet up with her.
There is no point and it will set you back.

Whatever her reasons are,they are not important now.

The important thing is your own continued healing.

Tragedy, you've got to be kidding here. Honestly.

What? Still not listening to a piece of advice here. Were getting blue in the face.

What exactly are you looking for? Someone that says its OK to go after this girl. Ok go after her. THERE.

You are being a total idiot. C'mon.

This is becoming another joke. Don't take this help for granted.

Think about that.

Vanheart, thanks for the slap. You guys have been a great help. I will not meet her because deep inside I know it will not do me any good. I seriously need to heal. Too much of pain. :(. I've been keeping myself really really really busy lately, so that whenever I reach home, I'll feel extremely tired and doze off. This saves me from having her images flashing through my head, which hurts a lot.

You must make a conscious choice to leave all this,sorry,BS in the past.
Make your mind up to do that,and stick to that decision.

You deserve to start being good to yourself.
Get on with it,and keep up the staying busy-thats the way to go.

Thanks, amicon. I know it's a tough journey, but I have to go through it. Thoughts of her with her new guy really hurt me bad. Someone told me last couple of weeks that her new guy is one of her ex's friends. It means that they knew each other for quite some time, obviously way before me and the thoughts of me being her ex's rebound makes me feel so sad.

I'll try to be good to myself from now on. I've been grieving for more than 1/2 year. I hope this will stop soon.

Don't just try-do it-be good to yourself.
Do at least one thing every day that makes you feel happy,really happy.

It's a new week,make this the week your new life starts.

Yeah just try. As if. Do you know how?

You're making it tough. Yeah you. By wallowing and relying on this cuddling here.

When are you going to do something? Haven't heard jack sh**t about that, only boo hoo-ing.

I'll try to be good to myself from now on. I've been grieving for more than 1/2 year. I hope this will stop soon.

If you'd started NC etc. at the start like we all advised you to the grieving would be virtually over by now. That's why we say the sooner you start accepting it's over and start to move on the sooner you'll get to that good place.

Bottom line... it's your choice!!

She is probably going through mental problems or she ended up -ucking around on you and instead of her looking like the bad guy maybe trying to make you look and feel like the bad guy to make herself feel better for whatever reason. She obviosly is not remorseful for screwing around which is probably exactly what happened.

Why are you apologizing I wonder what set her off, truly. Sometimes others hate other people for no reason. Obviously she disposes you for some reason but what does it matter?

Whatever the reason is it is over, and I hope you find somebody in the future that is more sane and less mental problems.

Good luck.

Hi guys, it's been a while since I last visited this site. I went for a one month break. I was feeling good when I was away from the country. Although her images did flash through my mind, it wasn't that bad, as I was busy walking around, enjoying different cultures, trying new things and most importantly I met a lot of great people. When I was away, my ex kept sending me myspace messages but I deleted it right away after I saw it. I think she is ready to be friend again. But I'm not, as I still have feelings for her. Sometimes I don't, and sometimes I do. It's weird. She thinks that I hate her for all the heart aches she puts me through. I didn't respond to any of her messages. She makes it sounds like I was the one who didn't want to be her friends but in reality she was the one who cut all ties with me. Why so? I'm trying to heal as much as I could. At times, I'm OK. At times, I'm not but I know I'll get through it.

Thanks guys for your advice. It helps a lot!

Good,you're getting there.

Ignore her messages forever.
It doesn't matter what she thinks or feels.


Keep healing and keep being good to yourself.

Come back and let us know how you are.

I must say that the one month break did help me a lot. Being away from the country is definitely a good way of healing. Also, resting my burden to God has helped to get through this difficult time. And not to forget, without you guys, I think I'll probably still keep dwelling on the past. Of course, I will think of my ex off and on, but nothing serious. Lately, I've got a feeling that I'm ready to love. Erm, it's like... I can't wait to love someone. The feeling is so strong, however, without any doubts... I have not met her yet! I can't deny that there are some setbacks till now, but I'll quickly turn it around. Is this a sign that I almost reach the finish line or I'm already there?

I think you are just about ready to cross that finishingline-great-no more tragedy-but harmony!

Of course you'll love again,just take your time and enjoy your life till that happens.

Happy Easter!

Thanks, Amicon... I'm waiting for that moment to come... and Happy Easter to you too! ;)

I think your feeling better, and that's great, don't get me wrong, but there may yet to be more work to be done, as the process is ongoing, but that doesn't mean your completely healed, just feeling good about yourself. There is no hurry, keep working, and see what life brings you, and you will know if you're ready or not, to cope with it.

Healing is never about a partner, past, present, or future, but about your ability to cope with anything you're faced with, especially your own feelings.

Hi guys, I just thought of giving a little update on my progress. One of my friends who's just back from another part of the world invited few of our friends including my ex for some kind of short catch up. Initially I didn't want to go because I do not want any setbacks anymore. But, somehow, something is telling me to go. I went... but I didn't look at her directly. Maybe I should put it this way. I didn't even want to look at her. When she started to talk, I felt a little weird. It's like I could feel the blood was rushing through my veins, and I quickly changed my focus to other things. The interesting part is that weird feeling just vanished a minute or two. I don't feel that kind of pain I had last few weeks or months ago. Of course, I do think of her once in a while (I just dreamt of her yesterday). I don't know how to explain it but the feeling is no longer the same. It's like... I wouldn't want such a friend. I was myself the whole night and I pretended that she doesn't exist at all. I'm glad that I went for the short gathering... I know there'll be some part of me still think of her and I hope it will go away soon. In short, I hope I can reach the finish line soon :)

Thanks, guys for your help and support! :)

Nice milestone. A dreaded & uncomfortable one.

Glad you handled it well & came away feeling good.
In the past now.

Cheers, man.

Great to hear , I think we did mention to you it gets better with time :)


And you didn't believe us did you ;)

I'm proud of you!

Time is a great healer.

Keep going.

It's been a while since I last posted on my progress. Recently, my ex spoke to one of my mates and she kept asking him whether I'm still mad at her and she no longer has that feeling for me and only loves me as a friend. I told my mate that she shouldn't care for me anymore when she no longer loves me. Well, my mate told her exactly what I said and she replied that I should grow up. I find that's ridiculous. Can't she recall what she puts me through?

More drama from not being total NC.

Its up to your mate to respect that.

Whatever you hear isn't going to be good.

Like:

"she no longer has that feeling for me"

Stop worrying about her.

It's been a while since I last posted on my progress. Recently, my ex spoke to one of my mates and she kept asking him whether I'm still mad at her and she no longer has that feeling for me and only loves me as a friend. I told my mate that she shouldn't care for me anymore when she no longer loves me. Well, my mate told her exactly what I said and she replied that I should grow up. I find that's ridiculous. Can't she recall what she puts me through?

Who cares right :rolleyes:

I really don't care what she wants to say but one thing for sure is that I don't need her sympathy. I'm leaving the town in the next few weeks, moving on to a new place. She can continue to pretend that she cares for me as a friend or being nice in front of my mates, I don't really care. Sometimes, I just don't get it why people behave such a way after they broke someone else's heart...

All Im hearing is her.

Screw that.

You already got it, get it?

You got hurt, she didn't. She doesn't feel your pain. Don't expect her too. Expect nothing good from her.

If you remember anything during this our any other time you get dumped is that.

Thanks Tal for boiling that. U rock.
That may become a stickie.

Nicely put.

Her feelings,thoughts etc doesn't matter anymore.

Move past this kind of third party communication that only restarts confusion.

Onwards and upwards!

Guys, it's me again. Been busy packing, as I'm leaving in the next few weeks. My mate just filled me in that my ex will be leaving to another part of the world two weeks before I leave the town. I don't know why, but I feel that I'm being dumped again for the second time. Of course, it's nothing like the first time when I got dumped. Why do I still feel this way?

Why indeed?

Possibly because you are leaving,she is leaving and it's very final.

Keep busy with your packing and don't overanalyze things.

Onwards and upwards,remember?

Yea, I remember onwards and upwards. I just feel a little sad, as we really been through a lot. To some certain extend, I can't deny that I still care for her because she's someone that I loved so much compared to my previous exes. I guess I'm at the end of the chapter... and I'm wondering if I should tell her 'All the best'... What do you think?

Feeling sad is OK,but I wouldn't get in touch with her.

Let bygones be bygones.

Look forward to your new life.

Just handle your business, and let the sadness pass. Its only a temporary feeling and you don't have to make it bigger than what it is. No need to make an event of it, just work through it.

Hi guys, I don't know why, but I haven't been peaceful these couple of days. I guess knowing the fact she is moving away to another part of the world next week is kind of disturbing. And I admit that my eyes were filled with tears when I took a stroll down to the memory lane. I just feel sad...