abusedinalabama
Dec 1, 2009, 11:00 PM
My husband of 17 years has been mentally and verbally abusive to me for years. I have been an at home mom of 3 kids for 14 years of our marriage. My name has not been our checking account for 9 years because he says "I spend too much money". He has verbally abused me in front of my kids often enough to frighten them. I have called the police 3 times in our marriage but they told me there is no law against him yelling and did not file a police report.
About a year ago I wanted a divorce because he made me have a threesome, often had webcam porn chats with people online, made me drive around our city and flash my breasts at people because it turned him on. Made me have sex with him and insisted we watch porn. He said "unless you do what I want every once in awhile I am never going to you again". He made me feel guilty if I didn't give into his filthy requests. He had me so emotionally beat down that it drove me a bit crazy.
For several years of our marriage I have been on anti-depressant and anxiety medication. Recently he made me go to the doctor and convinced me I was Bi-Polar. I am certain I suffer not from Bi-polar, but anxiety and depression due to his controlling abuse. I took these medications to cope.
About a year ago I had had enough. He yelled at me and called me names in front of my kids for the last time. Although my name was not on the checking account it was on our home equity line of credit so on the day I decided to leave I went and took out $20,000 to transfer into my savings account that he didn't know about. Because I knew he would cut me off financially and I have 3 kids. Plus I needed money to retain a lawyer. The bank alerted him and he put a stop transfer on the funds and then cut the home equity line down to exactly what we owed on it. I had no money and no way out. For years he gave me an allowance that was barely enough to buy groceries and gas for my car. I had to go to him and ask for money for anything "extra".
About a year ago I decided to open my own business. Knowing that he would not give me the funds to do this I opened a credit card in his and my name. The business failed and I accumlated around $10,000. I did not feel guilty about this because he had owned a business before and we invested in his to get it started. His business too failed and in fact his company ended up getting sued. We lost thousands. It was OK for him to do it, but not OK for me.
When I was running my boutique he would call constantly and complain about having to watch the kids. He would come up to my boutique and bring the kids with him for hours and just sit around so I would have to deal with them. Eventually I closed my business because I could not deal with my stress. It was too hard to pay for child care (he didn't help pay for the childcare expenses they had to come out of the business).
In early October my oldest son was involved in a crime. He had had several hundred dollars worth of stuff stolen from him from a friend of his named Steven. Steven also stole from other kids. In August 2009 a friend of my sons was staying the night. So was Steven. Steven stole the kids iPod which was worth approximately $500 because of the songs that were on it and the cost of the actual Ipod itself.
Brandon (the kid whose Ipod was stolen at my house) begin badgering Steven (the kid who took it). Steven said "he lost it". Brandon was furious and began intimidating my son to get it back or else. He badgered us for several weeks. Then on September the 15th Steven (the one who stole the Ipod) had his broken into and the culprit took a laptop computer from his bedroom.
My son Jack thought it was very funny and that the kid had it coming and disclosed to me that Steven had stolen stuff from our home too. That day (the day Steven's computer got stolen) his friend Brandon came over. Brandon mysteriously had the password to Steven's myspace account. They logged into it from our home computer. They hacked into the kids myspace account and put really nasty comments on there. Several days later I get a call from the Sherrifs department. They want to question me. I went in for questioning and was accused of driving over to Stevens house and stealing the computer. My son was not accused of anything. Brandon had told the police that I did it not Jack. I refused to answer any questions about it. But I knew Brandon was the culprit because he gave my son the password. I know that is not enough to prove he did it. My husband was livid about the whole thing.
Knowing (I had no real proof) that Brandon was the one who did it to Steven I began calling Brandon's house to try and get evidence against him and get him to confess and give back the computer. No such luck. His mother told me unless she got a signed affadavit from Steven's family stating that no charges would be pressed and they would not sue she would make arrangements to drop the computer off at a undisclosed location. So I set up the deal. I sent an email to Steven's mother asking for an affadavit in exchange for her getting the Laptop back. We agreed. We set up a time to meet at a gas station. When I got there I asked for an affadavit and she pretended to look for it in her car. As she was looking I sensed something was wrong and decided to leave. As I was backing out my car I was surrounded by police. I was arrested for receiving stolen property and compounding (which is because I asked for something in exchange for the affadavit I would get the laptop back to them). I was arrested and charged. My husband had to post bond to get me out. I was only convicted of compounding because I did not have the computer, I had never even seen it, I didn't know where it was and it was not found in my vehicle.
Up until this happened I had wanted to leave my husband due to emotional and verbal abuse, but I had no money. He talked me into staying with him and that things would get better. I think he was just waiting to have something against me because he does not want to split our assests (approximatley $240,000 in assets) he does not want to pay me child support or alimony so he made nice only because his attorney I am sure told him that since I have been an at home mom for 14 years I would win.
So now he has said he is going to file for divorce and use the compounding charge against me and the fact that I am on Lamotrigine (a medication to treat bi-polar). I found a legal aid who would take my case because I have no money to file for divorce against him. He said if I did not turn over my medical records and go see a psychiatrist and award him rights to manage my medical care he would make me leave and get full custody of my kids. My question is can he do this? My 14 year old can testify that my husband is a tyrant, control freak (no you may not have your name on MY MONEY), and verbally/mentally abusive for YEARS. I need to file for divorce first right? What are my chances of me fighting him given that I am on Lamotrigine and have been convicted of a minor felony of compounding in which I am currently on probation?
About a year ago I wanted a divorce because he made me have a threesome, often had webcam porn chats with people online, made me drive around our city and flash my breasts at people because it turned him on. Made me have sex with him and insisted we watch porn. He said "unless you do what I want every once in awhile I am never going to you again". He made me feel guilty if I didn't give into his filthy requests. He had me so emotionally beat down that it drove me a bit crazy.
For several years of our marriage I have been on anti-depressant and anxiety medication. Recently he made me go to the doctor and convinced me I was Bi-Polar. I am certain I suffer not from Bi-polar, but anxiety and depression due to his controlling abuse. I took these medications to cope.
About a year ago I had had enough. He yelled at me and called me names in front of my kids for the last time. Although my name was not on the checking account it was on our home equity line of credit so on the day I decided to leave I went and took out $20,000 to transfer into my savings account that he didn't know about. Because I knew he would cut me off financially and I have 3 kids. Plus I needed money to retain a lawyer. The bank alerted him and he put a stop transfer on the funds and then cut the home equity line down to exactly what we owed on it. I had no money and no way out. For years he gave me an allowance that was barely enough to buy groceries and gas for my car. I had to go to him and ask for money for anything "extra".
About a year ago I decided to open my own business. Knowing that he would not give me the funds to do this I opened a credit card in his and my name. The business failed and I accumlated around $10,000. I did not feel guilty about this because he had owned a business before and we invested in his to get it started. His business too failed and in fact his company ended up getting sued. We lost thousands. It was OK for him to do it, but not OK for me.
When I was running my boutique he would call constantly and complain about having to watch the kids. He would come up to my boutique and bring the kids with him for hours and just sit around so I would have to deal with them. Eventually I closed my business because I could not deal with my stress. It was too hard to pay for child care (he didn't help pay for the childcare expenses they had to come out of the business).
In early October my oldest son was involved in a crime. He had had several hundred dollars worth of stuff stolen from him from a friend of his named Steven. Steven also stole from other kids. In August 2009 a friend of my sons was staying the night. So was Steven. Steven stole the kids iPod which was worth approximately $500 because of the songs that were on it and the cost of the actual Ipod itself.
Brandon (the kid whose Ipod was stolen at my house) begin badgering Steven (the kid who took it). Steven said "he lost it". Brandon was furious and began intimidating my son to get it back or else. He badgered us for several weeks. Then on September the 15th Steven (the one who stole the Ipod) had his broken into and the culprit took a laptop computer from his bedroom.
My son Jack thought it was very funny and that the kid had it coming and disclosed to me that Steven had stolen stuff from our home too. That day (the day Steven's computer got stolen) his friend Brandon came over. Brandon mysteriously had the password to Steven's myspace account. They logged into it from our home computer. They hacked into the kids myspace account and put really nasty comments on there. Several days later I get a call from the Sherrifs department. They want to question me. I went in for questioning and was accused of driving over to Stevens house and stealing the computer. My son was not accused of anything. Brandon had told the police that I did it not Jack. I refused to answer any questions about it. But I knew Brandon was the culprit because he gave my son the password. I know that is not enough to prove he did it. My husband was livid about the whole thing.
Knowing (I had no real proof) that Brandon was the one who did it to Steven I began calling Brandon's house to try and get evidence against him and get him to confess and give back the computer. No such luck. His mother told me unless she got a signed affadavit from Steven's family stating that no charges would be pressed and they would not sue she would make arrangements to drop the computer off at a undisclosed location. So I set up the deal. I sent an email to Steven's mother asking for an affadavit in exchange for her getting the Laptop back. We agreed. We set up a time to meet at a gas station. When I got there I asked for an affadavit and she pretended to look for it in her car. As she was looking I sensed something was wrong and decided to leave. As I was backing out my car I was surrounded by police. I was arrested for receiving stolen property and compounding (which is because I asked for something in exchange for the affadavit I would get the laptop back to them). I was arrested and charged. My husband had to post bond to get me out. I was only convicted of compounding because I did not have the computer, I had never even seen it, I didn't know where it was and it was not found in my vehicle.
Up until this happened I had wanted to leave my husband due to emotional and verbal abuse, but I had no money. He talked me into staying with him and that things would get better. I think he was just waiting to have something against me because he does not want to split our assests (approximatley $240,000 in assets) he does not want to pay me child support or alimony so he made nice only because his attorney I am sure told him that since I have been an at home mom for 14 years I would win.
So now he has said he is going to file for divorce and use the compounding charge against me and the fact that I am on Lamotrigine (a medication to treat bi-polar). I found a legal aid who would take my case because I have no money to file for divorce against him. He said if I did not turn over my medical records and go see a psychiatrist and award him rights to manage my medical care he would make me leave and get full custody of my kids. My question is can he do this? My 14 year old can testify that my husband is a tyrant, control freak (no you may not have your name on MY MONEY), and verbally/mentally abusive for YEARS. I need to file for divorce first right? What are my chances of me fighting him given that I am on Lamotrigine and have been convicted of a minor felony of compounding in which I am currently on probation?