A few weeks ago, a girl came up to me who I didn't know and just started to talk to me. We got on really well swapped numbers and everything and we went out a few times. She kept telling me how much she liked me and how she really wanted to be with me.
So, I asked her out, she said yes and seemed really happy. Then, we go out once more and she tells me the day after that she thinks we rushed into it too quickly and she isn't ready for a relationship. I asked her if I should move on and she said she doesn't know because anything could happen but she doesn't want to be in a relationship at the moment because she doesn't want to hurt me or get hurt. But I think I have feelings for her and I don't really want to let her go

What is going on? Should I move on or wait for her?
Thanks

You move on-she pulled the plug on your seeing each other and any time spend waiting around for her to change her mind is keeping you from getting on with your life.

Move on!

And while your moving on let her think what whatever it is she needs to think about...

Go out enjoy your life... if she comes back looking for another date and your still single fair enough, but don't waste your time on someone who can't decide if they want to date great guy.. (assuming you're a great guy!)

I have a different view to consider, just date occasionally and don't get carried away by the attention.

You can just date and enjoy getting to know each other, but its way to soon to get serious about being exclusive.

By date, I mean on occasion, not hanging out everyday, with the texting, and phone calls.

That's way too much to soon. She liked you well enough to swap numbers with you, and even go out, and for now, that should be enough, to have fun, without a commitment.

I caution again to not get carried away, and try to force more, or be jealous because she may date others. Matter of fact your still free to do other things, with other people, and enjoy doing your own thing, and that's highly recommended to prevent you from making her your entire focus.

I'm going to add yet another perspective.

I think that she was interested in you at the beginning, because she was willing to give you're her number and go out on a few dates with you. But as she got to know you better, she realize that you're not considered boyfriend material to her. So she's letting you down easy by telling you that she's not interested in a serious relationship.

If she had feelings for you, she wouldn't say something that puts up a wall in front her, which is blocking you out.

If you really like her, then you'll have to respect her wishes. Focus on getting to know her better and let her get to know you better. But I wouldn't put my life on hold for her for too long.

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I'm sorry this is so long, but I really need help, thanks :)

basically, for the last 8 months I've been seeing this girl (we're both 19). Its not really a 'relationship' but when we go out we always hold hands, hug and kiss each other. The problem is, ever since I met her, she has been extremely indecisive and will randomly just tell me its not working and we should stop seeing each other then cut off all contact with me. Then, about a week later she will get back in touch saying how much she misses me and wants me back. However, I have started to notice a pattern forming. It seems that every time we start to get close and it looks as if we might actually get into a proper relationship, this is the time that she backs out. Its not like I'm even pressuring her into it, we never talk about getting into a relationship its just that sometimes when we're out there is a really strong connection between us and it feels as if we should take the next step. This is when she breaks it off.

now it gets even more complicated. Last week, one week after one of the nights when we were really close, we go out again and she is unbelievably distant from me. She wouldn't even stand anywhere near me which is really strange considering the week before we spent all night holding each other and kissing (probably the closest we have ever been). Its not like we even fell out during the week (we don't see each other any time other than our nights out cos I live in a different city), we were texting each other loads and she was always saying how much she missed me. Anyway, after about an hour of not really saying much, she tells me that we should stop seeing each other cos it just doesn't feel 'right'. She also says that even though we always get back together, this time there is no chance of it at all (something she has never said before) cos we're both just going to keep getting hurt. Before telling me this, she told me that she used to be on anti-depressants and that her ex boyfriend had hurt her both emotionally and physically, which could explain why she is scared to re-enter a relationship. But, she also tells me that she feels really lonely and needs someone to be there for her.

I'm so confused, I really need to let her know that I would NEVER hurt her and I just want to be there for her and make her happy but she just can't seem to trust me. There is definitely something there between us but she keeps convincing herself that there isn't, she even told me that when we're getting close its cos she is really trying to make it work but it just isn't real which is definitely not true cos I can see that she is genuinely happy when we get close. She keeps telling me to move on and I can do a lot better than her. I don't want to move on though cos I really like her, dare I even say love her but she just doesn't see this. How can I make her trust me and let me be there for her? Is there anything I can say or do to make this better? This time she hasn't cut off contact with me so I don't know what she wants me to do

thanks for reading this, I really hope you can give me some advice cos I'm so confused

Is this the same woman: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/does-she-really-like-me-worth-waiting-her-420616.html?

If so, you have known from the beginning that she wasn't ready for a 'relationship' or should I say an official 'relationship'.

Just from what you have written, I think she may need more help than she is/has gotten to heal from that past, abusive relationship. She sounds as confused as you feel. Unfortunately, all you can do is encourage her to see a counselor if she isn't (maybe change counselors if she has been), let her live her life, and do some healing of your own.

I can't predict the future so I don't know if she will come back again this time. However, I think you need to take a step back and close the revolving door. It isn't doing either of you any good. Her personal issues are affecting you and it isn't healthy. You can't control what she feels or how she reacts to those feelings. You can control your own actions/reactions.

Live your own life. Let yourself heal. IF you do choose to start going out with her again, make it a condition of dating that you sit down and discuss the issues with their possible solutions BEFORE you go out. Don't just start going out with same hope that things will change this time because you wished on a star. Change doesn't happen unless you work on it. Something that I think she may be learning but still hasn't gotten.

I can't see this turning into a committed/official relationship until she lets the past go (something you cannot do for her).

I think you should leave her be... just until she sorts out her own problems. Because she seems to be in a pretty confusing place at the moment. Though you may really like her, possibly love her, it's not worth being strung along and subject to mind games

Just play it cool and back off on the contact for a little while. Contact her briefly, just so she knows you're there for her - seeing as she does sound like she could use a friend for support - but leave it at that.

Don't get involved physically or emotionally until she makes up her mind. Don't give in to the whole "i miss you" act. She's obviously craving some sort of distraction to her emotional problems. And you're being burdened with them!

She wants you, she doesn't want you. She needs 'someone' to be there for her, but she can't decide if it's you or not. She leads you on, only to shut you down, she is affectionate one minute, and distant the next. She has excuses upon excuses, and continuoulsy leaves you in a state of flux.

I think this goes far beyond getting over a bad relationship. It is merely an excuse for very bad behaviour on her part. Selfish, controlling, with no regard for you or your feelings. I the ONLY issue with her was she's still not settled with her past relationship, then she should not be leading you on. She could have maintained a friendship with you, but even at that she does not sound like very good friend material either.

That you say you 'love' her is strange to me. What you do is keep grabbing at that carrot she dangles, and hope to rescue her from herself. I do have to question your motives in trying and failing so often to establish even a basic friendship, let alone a romantic relationship with her.

From what you have described, I have to question more your involvement with a woman like her. Time and time again you allow yourself to be cut off at the knees when clearly she is using you, and you are allowing it.

It seems both of you cannot let go, and both of you are obviously wrong for each other. But, if you want to keep going and hope that she will let you get close to her, as in your question, you may want to consider that you could be spinning your wheels and end up in the same place no matter how long, or how hard you try.

How long has this back and forth been going on. If it has been for a long time, you need to ask yourself why you're still there? Why you continue to pursue her when you know what's up.
Tell her you can't continue to play the yo-yo game then you back off.

Why would you put all your efforts into someone who is not ready, able, or willing to give you what you want, and ignore all your other options, and opportunities, that may be a lot better?

Makes no sense to me. Are you stuck or something??

You've got 2 options, you can either give up and see what other female delights are there to choose from (this may result in you always wondering what if?). Or you can fight tooth and nail to make her understand how you feel, bearing in mind that if you only THINK you feel something for her, telling her might end up with you looking like a tit, I used to be in your position, my fella made the first 6yrs of our relationship amazingly hard, but I decided to stick it out and fight for us, we now have the most beautifull baby girl and have been together 8yrs this year, without knowing her its hard to offer really good advice, the decision has to be your own, is she really worth it??

You already have a thread going with this same question.
Why did you post another?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/does-she-really-like-me-worth-waiting-her-420616.html#post2398914