I met a girl and we have been talking since August. So about 4 months. She lives in Fricso and I live in Los Angeles. I went up there once, she came down here once and both times we had a blast, we really got a long. Well we made plans of me going up there again for 3 days. She was excited and so was I, but the week before I was coming up she started becoming more distant on the phone and text messages. One day we didn't even communicate for the fist time in 4 months. So I knew something bad was coming. The next day I get an email from her saying Im great but she doesn't want to date me anymore. She said she wasn't developing those feelings. She called me later on that night and we talked, she said she is a bit confused, wants to be friends but isn't really sure about things but that the distance and my job worry her. She said she has been burned by guys in the past so that might have something to do with this as well. She says she needs some time and space to think because she was confused. So I gave her a couple days before being the lame guy and over texted her for two days, well I haven't in three days communicated with her and she texted me yesterday saying she doesn't know what to say, I said take your time, I thought a lot aand would like to talk when you are ready and I have been running a lot like in forest gump thinking of her, she said that was her favorite movie and I texted her she was my Jenny. She said that was so cute and wants to talk soon. So now I'm just plaing the waiting game, she is supposed to come down in a week for work. I need some help. What to do next

The thing is she is a great person and isn't playing a game so I am not made at her. This "relationship" that we have took off quick even though we never saw each other you know so I gues the time off is good to think about if either one of us would move, how can we date etc...

And helps or words of wisdom would be great and I don't have a bad job but its just not a stable office one.

You haven't really gotten to know each other and whatever feelings she had have changed.
I think you'll just have to chalk this on up to experience and move on.

So, you two met, had a blast. Then went a while without talking. Thers lots of reasons the sudden change. Maybe she was talking to someone and they got in her business and convinced her that "long distance relationships dont work". So it got her thinking. Or perhaps she just doesn't know if she can handle it. She may be too week to take it on. Maybe she needs someone there all the time with her. But the fact is, if she is having these doubts about the whole thing NOW, when you two aren't even IN LOVE. Imagen the prolems she's going to have when she does get stronger feelings, if she can't handle now, then shw won't be able to handle later, and it will just be a big mess, and you can't keep convincing her to stay, it will continue to get worse. She has self doubt and mixed feelings about you. Why do you want to get with that? Wouldn't you prefer someone who is sure they want to date you? Who is into you as much as you are into them?

She probably met someone else that lives closer, ~350 miles is quite the drive.

Let her go.

I wouldn't assume anything, nor force any commitment on her at all. She canceled a date,, and isn't looking to get too deep too fast for whatever reason, so keep on with doing your own thing, and just talk occasionally as friends.

Not all dates end up in sex, romance, or love. Some are just friendship, and fun.

I'm not sure it's someone else, she is an honest person and says that is the last thing on her mind, last thing we talked about was she is confused and needs some time to think.

I'm giving her the time its just hard, we really did have a lot in common and yes it would be easier dating someone here but believe me I have dated a lot of girls her and didn't find anyone as good as here. I'm one of those guys who never develop feelings for someone so it crazy me acting like this you know

If you like her so much, then respect her wishes and wait this out.

It does look bleak, but I wouldn't give up on her so easily. When she comes down for work, hopefully she will have time to see you. Enjoy the time that you spend together.

Instead of always talking about your "relationship," maybe you should take a few steps back and go back to the basics. Just enjoy the conversation for what it is. Allow yourselves to bond with one another by communicating, instead of tying each other down into a serious relationship. Remember, this is long distance and not everyone is willing to commit to a long distance relationship. But if you're willing to put the effort in keeping in contact with one another, even just as friends, then maybe you can build something more from that. But, again, I would go back to basics.

You are right, I made a dumb move and texted her today to see if she thought about the situation more or is her mind made up. I just wanted to know more about it since she has been waffling. But last text I promise. I feel stronger after the text like either way she answers I don't care as much as I did before, I just want to know.

She doesn't want to know. Stop texting & find a girl around the block, so to speak..

Be cool. You had fun, good.

Well we will see if she relpies back or not. But Im done texting her, if she wants to have dinner with me when she comes down for work I will leave it up to her now I made my feelings known and that's all I can do

Exactly.

It's just hard when one week things are great and then suddenly like the next week its not. I guess she just thought deeply about if she could actually keep up the long distance

Be prepared for more weeks like that.

Seems like you both have different expectations.

You don't REALLY know her. Do you?

Your up against some odds here. 2 cities, no real communication, yada yada... Way more.

Plus the big one, expectations outside of reality (fact). Hers & yours.

I was in a LDR for too long.

Use your gut.

Well We did talk everyday for 4 months. Last week was the end. We only spent 6 days together in that time but we talked a lot on the phone. BUt I know once she makes a decision then its final so I am slowly starting to accept the fact that we won't be together, unless when we go to dinner next week it just sparks but I am no fool, just surprised by how quick and the reasons it ended

Cool. Glad your not a fool. Take that path.

Don't get sucked back in if you meet up. Maybe you should just blow her off instead. Show her that she can't have flings.

Your post actually made me realize a few things about my ex.
One sided.

Save yourself the agony later.

See the thing is that she is a very good person she just doesn't know what she wants, I think this kind of took her by surprise you know. Now the last girl I dated that one was not so nice haha. My ex girlfriend before this girl she was very one sided, always about her so I'm very aware of that in other girls I date. This one always asked how my day was, made sure to text me and me not the one always making communication etc... so for those reason I was surprised but talking about it helps and I get to figure things out you know

I'm not sure it's someone else, she is an honest person and says that is the last thing on her mind, last thing we talked about was she is confused and needs some time to think.

I'm giving her the time its just hard, we really did have a lot in common and yes it would be easier dating someone here but believe me I have dated a lot of girls her and didn't find anyone as good as here. I'm one of those guys who never develop feelings for someone so it crazy me acting like this ya know

Holy crap dude, I'm the same way, it really sucks when this happens, bad.

Yeah its all new to me, I can usually just shut a girl off but for whatever reason I hold out hope, I guess I really liked her but just going to lay low for a while with her and keep busy here

I think it is a question of too much, too fast. She has put the brakes on the speeding bullet train, and wants to move slower.

That does not necessarily mean it is over. But if you push it, it will be.

Intense feelings can be very overwhelming, and suddenly it feels like your life is out of control, and you realize that you've only known this person for four months.

With her coming to town for work, whatever you do, don't show up unnanounced. Let her know, maybe in an email that you won't bother her, but if she wants to get together for dinner, or coffee, to give you a call.

If you don't hear from her, then I would assume the relationship is over.

The more I think about it the more I feel it was too much too soon, she started to like me but then thought about who would move etc... and got scared. When we talked I picked up on little things like that. Lets see if she texts back before she gets to town Tuesday next week

Have you ever considered that she may just be a really nice person who doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship, but doesn't want to hurt you either? If I were you I would just back away and not contact her at all. If she happens to show up on her own, then you two need to sit down and have a long talk about whether a long distant relationship will work and the expectations you have for each other (dating others, etc.).

Good luck!

Well just have to wait till I hear from her if I do. The more this goes on the more I'm not as hung up as I was. Until she gets a boyfriend then watch me go crazy lol j/k. It's a cliché but time heals all wounds

No contact for a third day in a row, only status update I can give.

Stop biting your nails.
Focus on something else.

If she responds & wants to meet, then ask about you two & intentions.

If not, then roll & chalk it up to some fun times...

Be concerned about what your status is.

Oh I am, I mean I working out hardcore everyday and still working for my goals, but it would just be icing on the cake to hear from her. I'm not letting it stop me but its hard not to think of her during the periods in my day when I have nothing to do, before bed etc...

You don't need the icing.
The cake tastes just fine.

Don't worry. Expectations can kill us.
Relax.

Don't wait to validate something. If she wants you, she will let you know.

Let her figure it & by you not giving a crap.

Cause soon, you won't give a crap.

You are right, everyday I get less and less jumpy about this, I guess maybe because of this site and just venting and getting feed back. It helps when people give honest opinions and want to help

Ya, I know.

But you have to face reality.
This wasn't even a true relationship.

Sounds to me like some nice, intimate times that you may have built up in your head as something else.

Has she said "I can't wait another second to see you, fly here tomorrow, I can't stop thinking about you, I want you to be my man..etc etc..."??

Take it from me. LDR for 5 years. Nice one huh? Pathetic actually.

Nothing pathetic about it. Its just life.

Yeah she would tell me how excited she was to see me, how excited she wanted to come here, how she wanted me to cuddle with her, to hold her hand again etc... Then an complete stop, that's why I think its more of her being scared and making excuses than no feelings, because when we were together she would grab my hand, kiss me, rub my arm etc... be all over me you know, and laugh a lot have lots of fun. If I was doing this LDR and it was just OK or things never took off I would not be like this. BUt just the sudden reverse dove me crazy

Yeah, she WOULD/DID tell you, but not now.

Actions vs. words. My ex told me lots of things. But...

All of those moments are nice & we all need that, but that's in the past.

Now is now.

Focus on something else. Something good, not something frustrating & painful.

That sudden reverse is for a reason. Just be cool, & don't contact.

Status update, nothing to report haha. Not holding my breath just thought I wuld let you all know if something happens. I worked 13 hours today so didn't have much time to thinki about it which was good

Glad your laughing

ugh having a bad day today, wanting to text her but Im not going too. She is still my facebooks friend and hate her random posts about her life that keep popping up. I think I should take her down from my page

Yes you should right away.
That will torture you.

Take her down straight away-and delete her number if you haven't already.and look forward to good days.

ugh having a bad day today, wanting to text her but Im not going too. She is still my facebooks friend and hate her random posts about her life that keep popping up. I think I should take her down from my page

Yep! No need to have unnecessary extra suffering.

The ball is on her side of the court. She will find you if she wants to talk. You've already done your part. So if she doesn't find you, you'll know that she's no longer interested and you can move on with your life.

I know that you're in NC, but you're also waiting for her to contact you. So I caution you not to set your hopes to high for her, because you will be setting yourself up for disappointment.

You're doing great, but it looks very bleak and you shouldn't have to put your life on hold for someone.

Thanks wish, yeah I'm talking to a couple of girls right now, neither relationship material if you know what I mean but I don't think I want one right now after all of this so just going to have "fun" for a bit. The only reason I'm so dumb about this one is I have been single for 3 years and dated a lot, so finally found someone I thought I connected with and it didn't work out, the way it didn't work out bothers me the most I guess, the sudden end

Its OK, the right one hasn't found you yet.

What's really important here is knowing who you are & learning.

Discovering the things & qualities that are most important.

Chalk this one up as some nice times & move on to nicer ones with people that truly care & are together enough.

People come & go in our lives. That's reality. As much as we expect & care.

You will know when its right. Work on being. Work on yourself & not being too concerned about the next love.

That will surely happen, most likely when you least expect it.

So she finally texted me back. She said that she just doesn't want to talk right now because she doesn't know what she wants and does not want to give me false hopes if she she decides she can't do this. I wrote her back saying I think that you have a bunch of issues you have to deal with and sorry you have made this choice , and I thought you would have handled this better but Im over it and do whatever you need to do but Im moving on

At least now you know.

The only reason I'm so dumb about this one is I have been single for 3 years and dated a lot, so finally found someone I thought I connected with and it didn't work out

It happens, don't need to beat yourself up over it. The problem with not having much experience is that you don't always know the signs of what makes a relationship work and what doesn't. At least you've learned a lot this time and I'm sure you will do better in the future.


She said that she just doesn't want to talk right now because she doesn't know what she wants and does not want to give me false hopes if she she decides she can't do this.

Now you don't have to put your life on hold anymore.

I wouldn't jump into another relationship so quickly, since the new person would just be a rebound. Just keep getting to know more people.