I am diagnosed with major depression disorder. Twenty+ years of my life have been an almost daily struggle. I currently am taking 120 mg. Cymbalta, 150 mg. Lamotrigine, 20 mg. Paroxetine per day and 2 mg. Lorazapem each night to sleep. Recently, my Mother replaced me at her business with her niece. My mom and I had quite a few personal problems with each other. I found out she sneaked and lied in the process of replacing me. I was part of the 'family business' for 30 years, on and off. She has definiterly always given favoritism to this niece over me, in our family lives. I know not working at the business, with my mom, is probably a blessing. However, the way she accomplished replacing me and now she and my 2 brothers are spitefully upset at me for expressing my disappointment in their 'talking behind my back' together to come up with how to deal with replacing me. This all could've been handled so much more humanely. But to talk to them only means they will flare up at me again and again over this subject. My husband, kids and I usually spend Christmas with them. However, this year Christmas will be with my husband and 2 daughters, only. I uncontrollably cry with a helpless and hopeless feeling. I don't know how to get a job I would love to do in addition to my substitute teaching. I need something for me... but I feel like a lost soul.

Do you have any other types of disorders? Epilepsy or anything else.

All the medicines you are on alone could explain why things are not getting better, because the side effects are known to make certain depression worse.

As far as having Christmas with your husband and 2 daughters only, what exactly is wrong with that? That should be the most important part of your world.
Who cares what your brothers think or your mother or cousin.

You need to start focusing your attention to what really matters is yourself, taking care of yourself.

Getting second opinions from other doctors about the medicine your on. Getting counseling for your depression and also focusing on your family unit. Your husband and your children.

Do you have any other types of disorders? Epilepsy or anything else.

All the medicines you are on alone could explain why things are not getting better, because the side effects are known to make certain depression worse.

As far as having Christmas with your husband and 2 daughters only, what exactly is wrong with that? That should be the most important part of your world.
Who cares what your brothers think or your mother or cousin.

You need to start focusing your attention to what really matters is yourself, taking care of yourself.

Getting second opinions from other doctors about the medicine your on. Getting counseling for your depression and also focusing on your family unit. Your husband and your children.

I totally agree with Jesus Helper. You have a wonderful family unit with husband and kids. Spend a nice Christmas with them. You say you feel hopeless. Try to focus and meditate on what Christmas is all about. The Christmas celebration represents tremendous hope for us. Here's a hopeful quote for you from the bible... "I will never leave you nor forsake you". Hebrews 13:5 Think about all you have to be thankful for. You have us too. We're here for you!

I understand how you feel regarding the way your family handled your work situation but try to keep in mind that you said this seems to be a blessing. Families don't always behave the way we would like. Everybody has to deal with this. The important thing here is that you no longer have to work in an uncomfortable situation, right? It's a blessing. Phew...

I agree with Jesus Helper to get a second opinion regarding your medications and get some counseling. Take care of yourself.

Regarding getting work, if it is at all possible that you can just coast through the holidays without working and just focus on yourself and family. The holidays can be stressful so just trying to enjoy them and begin the New Year feeling fresh and ready for a new start makes sense.

I want to include one of my favorite vids for you to enjoy. It's really cute. Maybe it will wipe away some tears and make you smile.

Click Here: YouTube - Otters holding hands (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epUk3T2Kfno)

HI,
Just checking in... Hope you are feeling better!