I (Shirley ) wants to leave my husband because he's a cheap a-- and he's all about himself, and I'm starting to notice that more and more each day, yesterday was the last straw,we had words yesterday , don't consider it arguing just, getting things off our chest, OK, my husband says he's doing everything in the house all by himself, but actually he only pays the mortgage, and his bills, I pay all utilities, buy food, buy the personals for the house, giving him 500.00 every two weeks, he says it's for the mortgage, I also take care of thirteen yr. old pain in the a-- daughter, then I pay my car note, credit card bills, and yes I have to have money for gas and work, I sometimes if not all the time have nothing in my pocket left. Now he moved his sorry a-- 19yr. Old son in, he doesn't work, nor does he have license, his son is a free loader, It's not fair that my husband says he's doing everything by himself, I love my husband, but I'm not in love with him anymore, I just want to leave and get on my own, I did stop giving him the 500 every two weeks and he's mad, so that's where the blow up came from yesterday, I can't afford to give him 500 every two weeks, it's killing me. Should I stay or leave?

Another thing buy me being part owner of the house, Can I put his son out, legally, and my husband can't do a Da-- thing about it, I'm his wife and that's my house too (right)

Okay, this is going to sound harsh, but I won't be the last one you hear it from here.

Your husband is an A**
Your 13 year old daughter is an A**
Your husbands 19 year old son is an A**

So, are we to assume you are perfect? Do you every do anything wrong? Do you complain about everything?

If your post is any indication of how you really are, it sounds as though you should leave. You seriously need to work on yourself.

I know you are going to disagree with me. But re-read your post. You sound like a very angry person. You need to reflect and look at what you DO have. I wish I could give myself or my husband 500 every two weeks. But I can't.

Can you put his son out without your husband doing a thing about it? No, you can't. When you married your husband you married his children.

You know, you feel like you are doing everything, he feels like he is doing everything. Just think if you had to do it ALL by yourself.

Sounds like you 2 need some counseling.

Hate to be harsh but - this is mess. This lady sounds like an a-- as well.

Slow down there - have you sat down with Hubby and had a serious talk?? If you can't - then yes - move on.

What a mess.

This 19 year kid needs a serious dose of reality - wh ydoes his father let him dothis?

It seems to me you and your husband need to sit down and talk to each other about the rules of the house, and how you're feeling overwhelmed by all that is going on.

About the son - At 19, he should either be continuing his education, or entering the workforce. He can't just drift and live off your household. If he's not in school or taking other classes, he needs to support himself - Either through paying room and board, or by living on his own.

Your paycheque should not exclusively pay for all the household needs. If you two aren't pooling your money into a common household budget, you should clearly define what your pay covers and what his pay covers.

He absolutely should not be getting a $1000 a month allowance from you if he can't contribute significantly to the household. I'm not talking strictly about money here - there's lots of stuff that can be done around the house that he can contribute to.

I don't know what the 13 year old did, but she's still a child and needs parents to teach her. If she's not your child, he needs to be the primary disciplinarian.


And as above - You should also take a good look at yourself. I am quite sure you are not always the angry person that vented out above, but no one is perfect and with all the things that are wrong in the household, a good look at yourself - and what you may have done to enable things to get to this point - is needed.

Hi chirly, I can see how you can be mad and it sounds like everyone is mad so to let things cool off. A short separation or vacation may give you all time for cooler heads to prevail. Is their someplace you can go for a while, a friend or relative? Hollering and screaming will accomplish nothing, so take the time to get your feelings under control so you all can make better decisions.

Breaking points are seldom pretty and this sure sounds like one for you. Like Tal suggested, you might want to cool off and then sort out the what from the who. I like to do that on paper sometimes... a list of problems in the first column and a list of (realistic & workable) solutions in the other. It sometimes takes me a while to find what my priorities are but in the end, I know what I am willing and not willing to do, ever mindful of how limited I am in influencing others. I find that with some sort of plan, things don't seem as bleak. I hope that helps, if only in offering a slightly different perspective here.

Hi chirly, I can see how you can be mad and it sounds like everyone is mad so to let things cool off. A short separation or vacation may give you all time for cooler heads to prevail. Is their someplace you can go for a while, a friend or relative? Hollering and screaming will accomplish nothing, so take the time to get your feelings under control so you all can make better decisions.


Thank you so much for your advice, I'm very angry inside for a lot of reasons and yes you are right I think I should leave for awhile because my husband wants me to keep up with him in paying everything and I can't when we first got together we agreed that I would only pay utilities anfd buy food, something I could afford to do but now that he's trying to keep up with his friends, he's trying to put more on me and make me pay more and it's stressing me out, because I can't afford to keep up with the Jone's, I think I do good in just paying the Utilities and buying food, buying the personals in the house and taking care of his daughter, I love his daughter but a thirteen yr. old can be a pain in the A--, teenagers period, can be a pain, it took me some time to get use to her but I did, and I love her to death, I try to buy her everything that she needs and more, and I give her allowance, her Dad, gives her money but do not buy her the things she needs, and he works for Chrysler, as a Supervisor, that's his daughter, not mine, I do more for her than he do, and yes your probably saying, it came with the package deal, when I accepted him, okay that's right, but at the same time I'm putting up with a lot of bull-shi--, this is making Angry, I told him we need some Space from each other, maybe that will make us stronger, but I really don't know what's going to happen if we split, I love but I hate to say, my love for him is leaving my heart.

I'm very sorry that I'm writing you this long letter but I do not want to really talk to no one else because it doesn't seem like know one is really listening, I want to go to a counselor and talk, but just haven't did it yet, I think I have some issuses with myself, I want to be alone, where I just have to worry about myself and that's it, I hope I'm not sounding selfish, because I'm a very loving and caring person, I give a lot, I just recently got baptized, trying to give my life to the Lord, but I feel I'm confused right now I know I love my husband but I just need to get myself together and figure out what I really want, I have no kids, thank God, I work two jobs and then just come home, I never get out, it just seems like I just work pay bills and come home I need a vacation and a long one, I once asked my husband for a baby and he told me no I do not think that's fair, because he has seven kids and I have none, his kids is all by different women and their all scattered through out Michigan, I"m Very Angry Inside and I feel I Need to talk to a Counselor befor I explode inside, "What Do You Think I Should Do? I'm sorry I wrote you this long letter but I liked your answer better than anyone else's, so this is why I picked to respond back to you


Breaking points are seldomly pretty and this sure sounds like one for you. Like Tal suggested, you might want to cool off and then sort out the what from the who. I like to do that on paper sometimes....a list of problems in the first column and a list of (realistic & workable) solutions in the other. It sometimes takes me a while to find what my priorities are but in the end, I know what I am willing and not willing to do, ever mindful of how limited I am in influencing others. I find that with some sort of plan, things don't seem as bleak. I hope that helps, if only in offering a slightly different perspective here.


Thank you so very much, I will consider this


Okay, this is gonna sound harsh, but I won't be the last one you hear it from here.

Your husband is an A**
Your 13 year old daughter is an A**
Your husbands 19 year old son is an A**

So, are we to assume you are perfect? Do you every do anything wrong? Do you complain about everything?

If your post is any indication of how you really are, it sounds as though you should leave. You seriously need to work on yourself.

I know you are gonna disagree with me. But re-read your post. You sound like a very angry person. You need to reflect and look at what you DO have. I wish I could give my self or my husband 500 every two weeks. But I can't.

Can you put his son out without your husband doing a thing about it? No, you can't. When you married your husband you married his children.

You know, you feel like you are doing everything, he feels like he is doing everything. Just think if you had to do it ALL by yourself.

See now I appreciate you answering my question and caring but yes I can put his son out, without him doing a Da-- thing about it, because my name is on the house and he's a grown As-- man, the police will put him out and ain't nothing my husband can do! The police will put my husband out before me, you see! I can get the police to put any body I want out of My House, Didn't you know that? I KNOW MY RIGHTS AND HOW FAR I CAN GO WITH MY RIGHTS!! This Is My House!!

Hey, you sound really angry and that's OK. Really it is. There are times in our life where everyone is acting like a prize a----hole. Remember that the people that are closest to us really do mirror us. The anger you're feeling is probably being reflected back at you. Want my advice? Get away for a week if you can. Or at least drive off somewhere for a day and get some space. Long walk, sit by the sea, whatever. Collect yourself. If at all possible don't come back until you've had a chance to put things in perspective.

It may be that after years with your husband you have had enough, sometimes it's the smallest things that make you go 'RIGHT That's IT' - it was for me.

And its okay to feel like your daughter is a pain, I've felt like that too! She's 13 she's bound to be a monster right now -thats her job!

But until you've had some space to get the perspective don't make a hasty decision. Over here in britain we have a saying "decide in haste, repent at leisure". Good luck. X

Hate to be harsh but - this is mess. This lady sounds like an a-- as well.

Slow down there - have you sat down with Hubby and had a serious talk??? If you can't - then yes - move on.

What a mess.

This 19 year kid needs a serious dose of reality - wh ydoes his father let him dothis?


Why do you say I sound like an As-- also? And are you really Michael Jordan? I'm very angry inside and I need to find myself but at the same time I don't need this Bullsh-- I'm going through at home, it's not doing any good or making situations any better, It's just making me more and more angry inside, I feel me and my husband need to split for awhile, maybe things will get better after we've split for awhile? And I don't know why his father let his son do the things he does, I've tried to tell him or give my opinion but it does no good, I give up those are his kids, not mine as he say!

IF you are ready to leave, than leave, go away for awhile, get out somewhere you can think about what is happening in your life, If you don't want to stay, then leave, but it must be your decision.

The first thing is get to a place in you mind that you are calm. Then figure out what it is you really want. Next get a plan of action that gives you what you want. Lastly get busy and do it. If you need a break then take it. Counselling may help and having some one you can talk to is highly recommended. Time for you to do what is needed in your relationships. Obviously your husbannd and you talk at each other and not to each other. Communication is a key to any relationship. Take time for yourself to get yourself under control.

It's a really unhealthy situation right now. No one should put up with that. Hubby sounds like someone who has taken advantage of you.

It's a really unhealthy situation right now. No one shoudl put up with that. Hubby sounds like someone who has taken advantage of you.


Thank you for your advice, but I really want to know are you really Michael Jordan or do you just have his name?

The first thing is get to a place in you mind that you are calm. Then figure out what it is you really want. Next get a plan of action that gives you what you want. Lastly get busy and do it. If you need a break then take it. Counselling may help and as a matter of fact having some one you can talk to is highly recommended. Time for you to do what is needed in your relationships. Obviously your husbannd and you talk at each other and not to each other. Communication is a key to any relationship. Take time for yourself to get yourself under control.


Thank you and you are totally right I need to take time for me and get myself under control, my mind is running 50 M.P.H right now, I have so much on my mind, me and my husband have two houses together and I want to take my name off both, I was told I can because the house note comes in his name but I'm still on the legal documents so that means if the house goes in Forcloseure, My credit gets Jacked up also and I'm trying my best to get my name off Lord knows I do not want my credit Jacked up along with his credit.

Chirley, I think you've got some good advice from the others here so I won't repeat anything but I would like to suggest that you get on an exercise program to release a lot of that stree you have.

So when are you going to do something besides stress yourself out?

Listen to MJ... I mean WC!!

So when are you going to do something besides stress your self out?


I like talking to you, you have been giving me good advice, your right I need to do something else beside stressing because, my blood pressure raised up a little when I checked it over the weekend, and that's not good, I work two jobs and I'm very tired of working two jobs, but the thing is I work at a hospital that I like very much and I work for Costc Warehouse, I like working for Costco and they pay really good, Butt! It's a lot of running around, very tiredness sometimes, my body get's very tired sometimes, and now that I'm going through this situation with my Cheap As-- husband, my body just wants to hibernate all the time now, I really need a vacation so bad, that sometimes I sit and want to cry sometimes just to let it out, I hate being married now, I'm use to getting up and taking myself without worrying about the next person, I don't like his kids, so now I know it's time for me to leave, I'm a very very quiet person that work a lot no kids, don't drink nor do I smoke, I do not like a lot of noise nor do I like a jacked up house, far as messy house ,that's what I'm saying and I constantly have to talk to his kids, until he came home and finally realized what I was saying about his kids, and he made them clean up the whole house, it wasn't very messy in the first place just needed a little cleaning, as you see I'm tired, what do you think?

You better than anyone, know what you have to do, so do it. Pack your bags and leave for a week and get the rest you need. You deserve a break. Working two jobs doesn't leave a lot of free time, but exercise is a great stress reliever. My point is that talk changes nothing. Positive action does. Make a plan and do it. When you calm down and feel better then you will be better able to handle what life throws you. You can better assess your situation and know what it is that must change. Get busy is my advice.

You better than anyone, know what you have to do, so do it. Pack your bags and leave for a week and get the rest you need. You deserve a break. Working two jobs doesn't leave a lot of free time, but exercise is a great stress reliever. My point is that talk changes nothing. Positive action does. Make a plan and do it. When you calm down and feel better then you will be better able to handle what life throws you. You can better assess your situation and know what it is that must change. Get busy is my advice.


Thank you there's no better way that you could have put it, thank you, (BUT) I'm afraid if I leave I might not want to come back?

Your right, but with two jobs, I don't have time, when I'm off I lay around, which is bad, but I do try to get out, but it doesn't always work that way.

thank you there's no better way that you could have put it, thank you, (BUT) I'm afraid if I leave I might not want to come back?

You have to take a chance and cross that bridge when you get to it. Deal with one thing at a time. Are you stressing yourself out again? Don't answer I can see you are.

Good guess? But you can't see that I'm stressing(smile)


You have to take a chance and cross that bridge when you get to it. Deal with one thing at a time. Are you stressing your self out again? Don't answer I can see you are.


Do you know how would I erase all these messages from my file on this site?

do you know how would I erase all these messages from my file on this site?
WHY would you want to do that? (yes I'm nosey)

This is beginning to sound like an unsolvable problem, Chir. I have had a few of those in my time. Its fairly easy to get stuck in the loop of defining and redefining and redefining the problem. In fact, I learned that any delaying mechanism will do. Turns out I had to suffer more until I became willing to actually DO something about solving it. Once it was solved, I was kind of kicking myself for signing up for all the suffering but as they say, it takes what it takes. First thing I did when I found myself in better shape later on was a major overhaul where I traded in my willingness to suffer for something much better. LOL

PS - You can ask any moderator to erase this thread, if you prefer and then delete saved pages off your computer under Tools and then Internet Options. That should erase everytihng well enough.

You have to take a chance and cross that bridge when you get to it. Deal with one thing at a time. Are you stressing your self out again? Don't answer I can see you are.

What's your occupation?

Just click on my name and you can get my bio, Right now though I'm just a grandfather of many.

Just click on my name and you can get my bio, Right now though I'm just a grandfather of many.


Thanks for the good advice I'll talk to you tomorrow, Michigan time at around say 8am?

Rather than stay or leave, you might want to try a little negotiating first. Try sitting your husband down and the two of you working out a household budget. As a married couple you should be willing to pool all sources of income to pay the household expenses. If necessary, try cutting back on a few things. I agree that you should also lay down the law when it comes to his son. He's 19 so he should work and contribute to the household if he's going to live there. If he's unable or unwilling to do that then he goes. Be firm on this. Otherwise, you'll just end up enabling his son and render him incapable of ever supporting himself.

The first thing is get to a place in you mind that you are calm. Then figure out what it is you really want. Next get a plan of action that gives you what you want. Lastly get busy and do it. If you need a break then take it. Counselling may help and as a matter of fact having some one you can talk to is highly recommended. Time for you to do what is needed in your relationships. Obviously your husbannd and you talk at each other and not to each other. Communication is a key to any relationship. Take time for yourself to get yourself under control.


Hey! And please don't say I'm confused, because I'm not, I love my husband and I really want to give it another try, but my mind is saying no and my heart is saying give it another try, I want my marriage to work, when we said I do, I believed in my vows, until death do us part, if I split up with him, I still won't see another man only because I'm married and being with someone else while I'm married that's wrong, but at the same time I'm not suppose to be a fool either, in this marriage, my body is so tired, I work two jobs, I love them both but I can't continue to work both, my hospital job is lovley, I work Mon-fri 5am until 1:30pm no weekends that's a lovely shift, then I work at Costco Warehouse, which also is a good paying job, but it's a lot of work on me and I work there 5pm-til 10pm at night five days a week, you see my body is very tired.

I make 10.34per hr. at the hospital and 10.25 at Costco, the hospital is finally giving me a promotion after 6yrs. And Costco I've been there a yr. and every six months you get a raise from them so now I'm stuck trying to see which one I should let go, I know Costco will benfit me more in the end, but at the same time I still don't want to let the Hospital job go, I need help in deciding, because my body is tired, the money is good, but I'm tired, Help!!

I make 10.34per hr. at the hospital and 10.25 at Costco, the hospital is finally giving me a promotion after 6yrs. and Costco I've been there a yr. and every six months you get a raise from them so now I'm stuck trying to see which one I should let go, I know Costco will benfit me more in the end, but at the same time I still don't wanna let the Hospital job go, I need help in deciding, because my body is tired, the money is good, but I'm tired, Help!!!!!!

Hi,

Sorry I have not contributed to your thread so far but you were getting such good answers!

Regarding the job, I would drop the job that gives you the least satisfcation. I can see that you will benefit in a financial sense by staying at Costco, but eventually I would imagine they would cap your earnings once you reach a maximum tier, would they not?

Job satisfaction is important just as much as money but also you need to consider your health. You work very hard and that is a good thing but you mention that you are tired and I am not surprised by this. One thing is for sure, one of these jobs probably needs to go. Judging on what you have said, I think you may have already made your mind up which one, you just need reassurance to reinforce that decision.

Take Care for now!

your right that I've already made up my mind about which I should quit, but I'm scared! plus I'm use to the money every week, if I quit one I won't have that extra check? what wwould you do if you were in my shoes?


You need to do what is best for you and it seems to me that at this time, the best thing for you is to work in the one job. I have been in your boat before some years ago and I had to make a similar decision. The main problem here is the extra money you are going to lose.

There are 2 options:

1.) Speak to Costco and see if you can in any way get the hours reduced

2.) Drop Costco or whichever one you want to drop and then make changes to the way that you live i.e. budget more carefully, perhaps reduce what you spend, make savings on things that you buy.

It is amazing how much we can save money these days without realising it. Example: if you go out 3 times a week on a night out, cut it down to twice a week.

This is just an example of how to save money and it may not relate to you personally but it is a fine example of how too much disposable income can cause us to be more careless with money because we simply have more of it and forget the value it holds.

What would I do if I was in your shoes? I would choose option 2 without a doubt.. You work too hard and you need to think of your health especially at this time when you have so much on your mind.. This situation is mentally and physically draining for you..

What I'm going to do is drop Costco, but not until the spring time? Right now I don't know what I'm going to do, it's the money that's keeping me from dropping any of the jobs, I'm stuck right now , I'm going to have to thinki on this and see how I can budget my money first! But thank you so much, for your advice

However, in giving you this answer, I do not know your circumstance, and therefore I think it would be good for you to work out all of your expenditure against your income. You should do this before making any definite decision.

I know you will do what is right for you!

While I understand your issues here, you must keep in mind that any plan that is not followed up by action will never solve your problems. By your own words you are stressed by things at home and to add to the mix the pressure of working two jobs is wearing you out. At this rate do you really think you will last until spring? Maybe you should talk your boses at both jobs to get some time off for you. Money will do you know good if your in a hospital suffering from exhaustion or stress. As you can see for yourself those two jobs may be good money but your home life is a wreck, and your so stressed you don't really know what to do. Until you take positive action to help yourself no one can help you. Please take the steps to positive action.

While I understand your issues here, you must keep in mind that any plan that is not followed up by action will never solve your problems. By your own words you are stressed by things at home and to add to the mix the pressure of working two jobs is wearing you out. At this rate do you really think you will last until spring? Maybe you should talk your boses at both jobs to get some time off for you. Money will do you know good if your in a hospital suffering from exhaustion or stress. As you can see for yourself those two jobs may be good money but your home life is a wreck, and your so stressed you don't really know what to do. Until you take positive action to help yourself no one can help you. Please take the steps to positive action.
You are so right but I do not know how to approach either job, to let them know my situation, and that I need time off.

I have quickly read the posts. I think before you drive yourself crazy trying to make any decisions, you must take a weekend and get a motel room and sleep. You sound so tired and so very tired of working only to give it to others that your mind is going in so many directions you are acomplishing nothing. Just stop, promise you will not think of a thing for 2 days, just sleep. Relax. A bubble bath or 10. Then write out a budget, figure how much you can give your husband. Sit him down and tell him you are exhausted, you are feeling so much anger inside because you work so hard and give so much. You love him and want to work it out. Tell him what you can do, reasonably. Do not cut yourself short. If he has a problem with it, then you need to go to plan B. Leaving. It sounds as though you have so much ambition, you will be able to care for yourself easily. If he has that many children all by different wives. I think you are not the only woman who had an issue with him. Love yourself and give yourself a gift of down time and sleep. When you are rested you will be amazed at how you can once again think straight. You are exhausted, and exhaustion confuses the mind and makes one short tempered. Good luck

Breaking points are seldomly pretty and this sure sounds like one for you. Like Tal suggested, you might want to cool off and then sort out the what from the who. I like to do that on paper sometimes....a list of problems in the first column and a list of (realistic & workable) solutions in the other. It sometimes takes me a while to find what my priorities are but in the end, I know what I am willing and not willing to do, ever mindful of how limited I am in influencing others. I find that with some sort of plan, things don't seem as bleak. I hope that helps, if only in offering a slightly different perspective here.


thank you so very much, I will consider this

Consider is one thing, doing it another. I think after seeing this thread grow into all sorts of problems tangled into each other that your list is more needed than ever. It would allow you to form a plan by organizing your thoughts, showing you what YOU are willing to do and you can then number them in the order you wish to begin - like your job situation. Once you begin to solve one, the others get easier.

Without a plan of action (and acting on it), I see you going round and round here with endless yeah but's and distractions, solving nothing except some need for attention.


I need help in deciding, because my body is tired, the money is good, but I'm tired, Help!!!!!!

What I'm gonna do is drop Costco, but not til the spring time

Why complain about your jobs when you already have your mind made up what to do about it? :confused:

You are of course free to take or not take any suggestions made here but if you don't take any, then you get to stay overwhelmed and have an excuse for doing nothing, don't you? I'm afraid the only way out of that vicious circle is action now, Chirl. Not next spring or even Christmas.

I have quickly read the posts. I think before you drive yourself crazy trying to make any decisions, you must take a weekend and get a motel room and sleep. You sound so tired and so very tired of working only to give it to others that your mind is going in so many directions you are acomplishing nothing. Just stop, promise you will not think of a thing for 2 days, just sleep. Relax. A bubble bath or 10. Then write out a budget, figure how much you can give your husband. Sit him down and tell him you are exhausted, you are feeling so much anger inside because you work so hard and give so much. You love him and want to work it out. Tell him what you can do, reasonably. Do not cut yourself short. If he has a problem with it, then you need to go to plan B. Leaving. It sounds as tho you have so much ambition, you will be able to care for yourself easily. If he has that many children all by different wives. I think you are not the only woman who had an issue with him. Love yourself and give yourself a gift of down time and sleep. When you are rested you will be amazed at how you can once again think straight. You are exhausted, and exhaustion confuses the mind and makes one short tempered. Good luck

I'm going to go into my job today and request some time off but it won't be until, after XMAS, because I have too much to do, and I want to start the new yr. off right, I'm praying that God give me strength to see things out, for the better, right now I can't see anything, my mind is running 80 M.P.H and I'm trying to make it stop, but it won't, I thank God I do not have kids, to let them see me go through this

You are of course free to take or not take any suggestions made here but if you don't take any, then you get to stay overwhelmed and have an excuse for doing nothing, don't you? I'm afraid the only way out of that vicious circle is action now, Chirl. Not next spring or even Christmas.

Under the circumstances I have to agree 100%

Christmas is several weeks. You truly need to stop and slow your mind down. Can you just take one night away? Being angry and frustrated takes a lot of enery. Try not allowing what is going on to bother you so much. I realize that is easier said than done. But you have to put some things on the back burner if you are not going to give yourself time until after Christmas. Go to church when no one is there and pray. You have to give yourself some time alone and do not think of your problems. Just pray for God to clear your mind and give you strength.
You sound so much like my daughter. She married a man with 5 children (his wife had died) and she felt responsible for them all. She worked 2 jobs for a few years and she became another person. Short tempered and angry and just tired. She would not listen to her sisters or I. Finally last year she quit the part time job. It has been a complete turn around for her. Her husband adjusted just fine. You will be surprised how people will use you and put so much on you, but when you say STOP without anger and mean it, the reaction will not be as bad as you think. If it is that bad, you found out your answer and you cannot live your life giving all and receiving nothing. That is not being selfish. It is called taking care of yourself. A minister told me this when I was very young. Love thy neighbor as thyself. God did not say Love thy neighbor more than thyself. As thyself. You are loving others more than you love you. Do not be a martyr.

I will take your advice and quit one of the jobs,but I'm scared, I'll be letting go 1,000 a month if I quit Costco, that money is good for me, then I only get 665.00 every two weeks from the hospital job, I don't know what to do, I tried going to school and that failed only because it's hard for something to catch my attention and then when something catches my attention it's hard for me to let it go, I do want to go to school for Business Administration, but first I need to let Costco go and I can't?

Your indecisiveness will be your down fall. So your choices are clear and you ether need to make a decision and do it, or stop trying to feed us all those excuses. Your choice.

Okay tell me what you think, I make 665.00 every two weeks and about to get a raise in January for the promotion at the hospital, I'll have my own office and good hours, the only big bill I have is my car note , and maybe if I don't stay with my husband and, move on my own, the rent will be like 485.00 monthly I can make it. My car note is 388.92, so when I add it up, that adds up to873.92 monthly that I must pay, because I do love my husband, but I don't see us be together too long.:

Your indecisiveness will be your down fall. So your choices are clear and you ether need to make a decision and do it, or stop trying to feed us all those excuses. Your choice.


I like the way you tell it how it is tal, no messing around!

I am not telling you to quit one of your jobs. That decision is yours. I am giving you some advice. I am sure if you asked one of the jobs if you could cut back, they would let you. It is very hard in this area to get good dependable help. Costco hires part time people now until Christmas anyway. Talk to them. I do not know your financial obligations. I just know you cannot go on as you are or you could very well end up sick and that would be a blow to your income. Think. Just stop, think and go slowly. Work part time at Costco. You are giving yourself answers before you have asked the questions to the proper people. You never know what an answer is going to be until you ask. You have gotten good advice here. Today, go to Costco and ask your supervisor about part time work. TODAY. Never assume anything. You sound like a go getter. Go get them.


okay tell me what you think, I make 665.00 every two weeks and about to get a raise in January for the promotion at the hospital, I'll have my own office and good hours, the only big bill I have is my car note , and maybe if I don't stay with my husband and, move on my own, the rent will be like 485.00 monthly I can make it. my car note is 388.92, so when I add it up, that adds up to873.92 monthly that I must pay, because I do love my husband, but I don't see us be together too long.:

I think if you leave your husband and work part time at Costco, you will have the energy and do just fine. It is hard to say what you can live on. Only you know that. Utilities, insurance, gas, clothing and food.

You so right, I just want to be by myself, I know I can make it, when I go to Costco today I'm going to talk to them and ask fopr time off today and if they say no not at this time, I will have no choice but to go to my doctor, and get the time off. Thank you so much I need the time to myself, I'm going to go to a Rm. By myself and sleep, until I can't sleep no more, maybe even go and get my hair and nails done at a Spa? Maybe even a Facial (YEAH!! ) I deserve it!! :)

Okay. What I am hearing is an exhausted women who is too afraid to leave and create her own shelter and while her husband is providing her a more desirable shelter, it is at a huge emotional cost to her. It really boils down to two options-- fix your marriage or fix your living circumstances, never mind all the hoopla. Smokescreens!

Perhaps you need to write out all the pros and cons of each one so you can begin to see what is doable. But only you know ALL the details of each and streaming them out slowly here and without concern to how it drags us around the block with you isn't wise... makes you look like a player (ie, someone who wants to vent and vent but never solve, who exaggerates a small problem into something big just for the attention).

Christmas is several weeks. You truly need to stop and slow your mind down. Can you just take one night away? Being angry and frustrated takes a lot of enery. Try not allowing what is going on to bother you so much. I realize that is easier said than done. But you have to put some things on the back burner if you are not going to give yourself time until after Christmas. Go to church when no one is there and pray. You have to give yourself some time alone and do not think of your problems. Just pray for God to clear your mind and give you strength.
You sound so much like my daughter. She married a man with 5 children (his wife had died) and she felt responsible for them all. She worked 2 jobs for a few years and she became another person. Short tempered and angry and just tired. She would not listen to her sisters or I. Finally last year she quit the part time job. It has been a complete turn around for her. Her husband adjusted just fine. You will be surprised how people will use you and put so much on you, but when you say STOP without anger and mean it, the reaction will not be as bad as you think. If it is that bad, you found out your answer and you cannot live your life giving all and receiving nothing. That is not being selfish. It is called taking care of yourself. A minister told me this when I was very young. Love thy neighbor as thyself. God did not say Love thy neighbor more than thyself. As thyself. You are loving others more than you love you. Do not be a martyr.


I Know what else I need, But I ain't going to say that online, but you get what I'm saying, I need to relieve some Tension, so I guess I have to talk to my Husband after all (SMILE)

I think you should sit down with your husband & have a serious chat (not argument) about how you are feeling. If you think this may end in an argument, how about writing down your feelings in a letter & giving it to your husband? I would be very careful about what you say to him about his son. Imagine if he spoke about your daughter to you, how would you feel. I think before you make any big decisions, think about what you love about him & why you decided to marry him in the first place, then see if you can resolve the issues you are having now without having to leave each other. Good Luck!

Ugh. I give up... quietly unsubscribes to this thread.

Good luck Chirl.

Your not suppose to tell me you give up! Just don't respond, I do not need any negative feed back, right now! Thank God if I needed a psychriatrist, it wouldn't be you, But I do thank you for your other advice.

I think she just likes the drama and will lnever leave. Never.

A lot of this is her own doing and also not willing to change.

Why do some people get so touchy on here? constructive criticism is what allows a person to improve and move forward.

Truth hurts sometimes, but you can't sugar coat it!

I am reading that you are unhappy in your marriage because you feel unappreciated... and you do not know what next to do... your husbands was not the daddy that he wanted to be to his children and he is making up for that short coming... by allowing them to use him... some sort of guilt trip... on all parties part... your husband and his children... unless the son has a mental challenge... there is no reason that he should not be with out a drivers license... the daughter... just finds you her competition... period... now giving your husband money every two weeks and you not understanding where the monies are going... girl Chirley... wake up... the bell is ringing... you are paying for his care and keeping of his children... there should be an understanding that while the children are under his care he is to pay for child support until they finished school that is either high school or four years of college... the end... the son has to work or go to school... if he is not doing neither... you have the right to put your foot down and say h-e-double tooth picks... too the children free loading on parents are over... say no to that... the next time the daughter request monies for anything... talk after school job... since daddy is collecting extra funds for her care and keeping you from addressing your care... the reason for you working is to take care of your needs... right?. responsibly should be the name of the game in your household...

Now... to you... get a day off... from your many jobs and go to a day spa... have your nails and feet... back... butt... legs massages... better... yet go to a hotel... a four star rated one... and have the services stated... then sleep... you will feel better... oh by the way... turn off the cell phone... better yet get yourself two days off... now ask yourself this question... do you want the peace that comes with no drama...

Did you sit down with your husband and tell him... I want to be with you... and these other dramas are not necessary and will cause him to lose his marriage... all you have to listen for is these few words I do not care... after hearing those words make a future for yourself...

... do a separation... give him time to think... you have made up your mind... for you do know what you want... it is time for him to say to you that he knows what he wants... that is you first and then his grown children... he should understand that a he must show to his children that love comes with a cost... and the cost is showing responsible action towards themselves... the children need to be shown how to take care of themselves... ask for all the bills... you my dear... do not know a g-d-thing about what is going on in your home..

Sorry for the distraction... grandchildren in the room...

Again... give the necessary time to think on your situation... go to a hotel for two days... after all did you not understand the drama that will come when marrying a man with children?

Your drama events are normal for this new age family... and the children know it... yes do put your foot down and tell all... if you have to work... so do they!. yeah!. your husband needs an extra 500 hundred dollars and ye children could be the reason... for his needs... so go and place it in his hands...

Good stuff.

[QUOTE=LUNAGODDESS]I am reading that you are unhappy in your marriage because you feel unappreciated... and you do not know what next to do... your husbands was not the daddy that he wanted to be to his children and he is making up for that short coming... by allowing them to use him... some sort of guilt trip... on all parties part... your husband and his children... unless the son has a mental challenge... there is no reason that he should not be with out a drivers license... the daughter... just finds you her competition... period... now giving your husband money every two weeks and you not understanding where the monies are going... girl Chirley... wake up... the bell is ringing... you are paying for his care and keeping of his children... there should be an understanding that while the children are under his care he is to pay for child support until they finished school that is either high school or four years of college... the end... the son has to work or go to school... if he is not doing neither... you have the right to put your foot down and say h-e-double tooth picks... too the children free loading on parents are over... say no to that... the next time the daughter request monies for anything... talk after school job... since daddy is collecting extra funds for her care and keeping you from addressing your care... the reason for you working is to take care of your needs... right?. responsibly should be the name of the game in your household...

Now... to you... get a day off... from your many jobs and go to a day spa... have your nails and feet... back... butt... legs massages... better... yet go to a hotel... a four star rated one... and have the services stated... then sleep... you will feel better... oh by the way... turn off the cell phone... better yet get yourself two days off... now ask yourself this question... do you want the peace that comes with no drama...

Did you sit down with your husband and tell him... I want to be with you... and these other dramas are not necessary and will cause him to lose his marriage... all you have to listen for is these few words I do not care... after hearing those words make a future for yourself...

... do a separation... give him time to think... you have made up your mind... for you do know what you want... it is time for him to say to you that he knows what he wants... that is you first and then his grown children... he should understand that a he must show to his children that love comes with a cost... and the cost is showing responsible action towards themselves... the children need to be shown how to take care of themselves... ask for all the bills... you my dear... do not know a g-d-thing about what is going on in your home..

Sorry for the distraction... grandchildren in the room...

Again... give the necessary time to think on your situation... go to a hotel for two days... after all did you not understand the drama that will come when marrying a man with children?

I like you advice to a cetain extent, until you said go place the 500.00 in his hands!! I Don't Think So! I work too hard, for me to be broke every two weeks, I will not be broke no more!! I'm pretty, slim, no kids and I have two good jobs, I don't need him nor his kids or his Bull!! I've made up my mind that I'm TOO BLessed TO BE STRESSED!! < I thank God every Morning I wake up, in my right mind, good health and strength, God has really and truly blessed me I love my husband dearly but I've had enough, I've talked to a couple of Lawyers, that told me good advice, I'm only in that house right now with him and his Zoo, because I need to save two checks which is only going to take two weeks, from there on I'll be free of headache, and finally I'll be able to relax, I'M NEVER EVER AGAIN MARRYING NO ONE!!

Why do some people get so touchy on here?, constructive criticism is what allows a person to improve and move forward.

Truth hurts sometimes, but you can't sugar coat it!

No the truth doesn't hurt me, just like my Grandmother use to say, if you can't say something nice, then don't say it at all, but I really and truly thank you all for your advice, I prayed on it, and I know what I must and have to do now, (Thank You All) God Bless!

no the truth doesn't hurt me, just like my Grandmother use to say, if you can't say something nice, then don't say it at all, but I really and truly thank you all for your advice, I prayed on it, and I know what I must and have to do now, (Thank You All) God Bless!!


Sometimes you might have to Sugar coat it, only because you don't know how that other person might take it, you have to know how to say things sometimes, without hurting the next person feelings.

I think she just likes the drama and wil lnever leave. Never.

A lot of this is her own doing and also not willing to change.
As far as you saying I'll never Leave, Never, "I DON'T NEED YOUR NEGATIVATY!!!!!!!.Igot on this site for some advice, NOT NEGATIVATY!!! Thank You! I'm already hurting inside,"
You Should Watch What You Say To People"

Sometimes you might have to Sugar coat it, only because you don't know how that other person might take it, you have to know how to say things sometimes, without hurting the next person feelings.

Fair point,

But this site is all about trying to help you and offer the best advice for you and your situation. If we sugar coat the truth, just because we worry about how you are going to take it, then you will make no progress and just be stuck in a vicious cycle.

Don't you agree?

Fair point,

but this site is all about trying to help you and offer the best advice for you and your situation. If we sugar coat the truth, just because we worry about how you are going to take it, then you will make no progress and just be stuck in a vicious cycle.

Don't you agree? In A Way, I'm sorry, if I sounded Harsh, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. (Frends?)

How you managed to go from this:

I Know what else I need, But I ain't gonna say that online, but you get what I'm saying, I need to relieve some Tension, so I guess I have to talk to my Husband after all (SMILE)

To this in only two posts stupifies me...

I've talked to a couple of Lawyers, that told me good advice, I'm only in that house right now with him and his Zoo, because I need to save two checks which is only gonna take two weeks, from there on I'll be free of headache, and finally I'll be able to relax, I'M NEVER EVER AGAIN MARRYING NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However with that said, I am very glad you found your solution, sincerely. It stands to reason for me now how we couldn't have helped much when the problem wasn't discussed very plainly (I found it confusing like these two posts are) and appears to have been already solved (looks to the "What Should I Do? I'm Ready To Leave" headline on this thread). If you think any of the answers given here are inappropriate, you can complain with the Report Inappropriate Post link and if its against the rules, the post will be modified or removed. But I would suggest there is a difference between "negativity" and breaking the rules of the site. I don't know about you Chirl, but I learn from both kinds of responses-- I think most people do. No one here meant to hurt you, certainly not me, and I wish you well in your new life.

In A Way, I'm sorry, if I sounded Harsh, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. (Frends?)

No, that's o.k. you're fine..

I second what Val has said, nobody on here I would hope would want to hurt your feelings in what they say to you.

Perhaps, in a way you are right, we all need to choose carefully the words we use to get the advice across so that the person receiving it can use it in a positive way instead of seeing the negativity..

Sometimes you might have to Sugar coat it, only because you don't know how that other person might take it, you have to know how to say things sometimes, without hurting the next person feelings.
I would rather hurt your feelings than have you think I condone something I know is wrong. My goal is to make you think and I don't care about your feelings if I am trying to help. Your entire thread was 7 pages of advice that you seemed to me would not grasp or acknowledge in my opinion so a kick in the butt to jump start the brain was in my opinion NEEDED. I didn't act out of temper or malice nor did anyone else here, and try to keep my tone reasonable according to who I am writing to. For that NO APOLOGIES for hurt feelings. Sorry if you think some of us are negative and all due respect... that's your problem how you take it. I am glad you have at least made a decision and I sincerely hope it works for you. My daddy use to tell me " If you don't want to hear the answer, You shouldn't ask the question"

Big laugh... you have a choice... stay and be unappreciated... or do the happy dance out the door... make the parting words... loud... never ask for escrow in the long run you will lose... get the value/appraisal of the houses... demand your half... find another home that has no remainder of him or his horde... make the move out of your misery true sharp and complete... no matter what you say he will feel the pain... but yet his horde will feel it later... yeah revenge is sweet... only if you are successful... never say never... some other guy without drama may come along and sweep you off your feet... yeah... no more drama... signing out...

I would rather hurt your feelings than have you think I condone something I know is wrong. My goal is to make you think and I don't care about your feelings if I am trying to help. Your entire thread was 7 pages of advice that you seemed to me would not grasp or acknowledge in my opinion so a kick in the butt to jump start the brain was in my opinion NEEDED. I didn't act out of temper or malice nor did anyone else here, and try to keep my tone reasonable according to who I am writing to. For that NO APOLOGIES for hurt feelings. Sorry if you think some of us are negative and all due respect.........that's your problem how you take it. I am glad you have at least made a decision and I sincerely hope it works for you. My daddy use to tell me " If you don't want to hear the answer, You shouldn't ask the question"

Here here Tal!

I would rather hurt your feelings than have you think I condone something I know is wrong. My goal is to make you think and I don't care about your feelings if I am trying to help. Your entire thread was 7 pages of advice that you seemed to me would not grasp or acknowledge in my opinion so a kick in the butt to jump start the brain was in my opinion NEEDED. I didn't act out of temper or malice nor did anyone else here, and try to keep my tone reasonable according to who I am writing to. For that NO APOLOGIES for hurt feelings. Sorry if you think some of us are negative and all due respect.........that's your problem how you take it. I am glad you have at least made a decision and I sincerely hope it works for you. My daddy use to tell me " If you don't want to hear the answer, You shouldn't ask the question"


I would have said this, but I was scared of hurting anyone's feelings.

Sometimes, Geoff, you only get to pick between these two: being nice or solving/identifying the problem. And if the person with the problem is asking for help... how nice is it really to ignore the solution by watering it down to the point its ineffective with all that "nicey nice"? There is where the line is drawn between being nice and enabling someone. Enabling is so bad in some circumtances that it actually helps kill people. So are we then going to sit around at the wake, wring our hands about how tragic it was and talk about how nice we all were?

I would have said this, but I was scared of hurting anyone's feelings.
Val has said it. I'm here to help (I sure ain' doing it for the money) the goal is to get people through hard times. Some may need a shove, others need a boot. Sometimes they need a hug, or an encouraging word. You have to figure what they need to succeed and give it to them. I really do care, that's why I do IT. When I stop caring, I'm out of here.

Val has said it. I'm here to help (I sure ain' doing it for the money) the goal is to get people thru hard times. Some may need a shove, others need a boot. Sometimes they need a hug, or an encouraging word. You have to figure what they need to succeed and give it to them. I really do care, that's why I do IT. When I stop caring, I'm outta here.

Thank you

By Geoff

You are a good person to be like this.. My hat goes off to you!
Thank, I appreciate it.

Chirl

thank you

Your welcome.