Hi

I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year now. I met him through my sisters boyfriend who is his cousin. I was a single mother when we first started talking and he would come over and we would get a take away. We got on really well and he started coming over more and more just as friends. The more I saw him the more I liked him but I was really unsure of my feelings, as one minute I wanted to be more than friends then the other minute I wanted to be just friends.

We eventually got together. It happened really quickly and he was really good with my daughter. After 4-6 months he said he would really like my daughter to call him "dad" but was obviously my decision and also because her real dad didn't have anything much to do with her and she didn't know really know him back then.

Anyway my daughter now calls my boyfriend 'Dad'. Roughly around the same time I noticed he was a very emotional man and I had no idea to what extent. If I was having a bad day and was quiet he would/will constantly ask me what's wrong to the point of annoying the living hell out of me, when I told/tell him there was nothing wrong he would start crying or starts welling up. I can be emotional with certain issues obviously but not the extend my boyfriend is. I feel like I'm the man in the relationship and his the woman. Im not used to it as I haven't been with a guy like him before. He is the most kind person I know and would do anything for anyone. Im not sure if I really love him I think I do and then he annoys me and with being so emotional and then it start making me question our relationship.

It prob seems like I'm moaning about nothing, but he constantly tells me how beautiful and wonderful I am. Now I love compliments every now and then but he says it everyday. No one can look wonderful everyday surely? (I know I certainly dont). He is very insecure and jealous (not as bad as he used to be tho) but says he trusts me and knows I won't do anything to hurt him. My daughter now see's her real father 1 day a week and he is now upset that I have given him more hours to see her. My Boyf then started saying about taking her to a crèche when I mentioned her real father offered to babysit at anytime. So I said what's the point in that when its going to cost money when she can see her real father for an extra day for free. My boyf then came back at me with "but I will be missing out". Although he won't be missing out as he is at work in the day and that's when her dad takes her.

I don't know what to do as I have thought of breaking it off with him sometimes but am worried that he would be devastated and do something silly. Also My family are quite selfish and about things behind my back but at the end of the day they are my family but he complains when I arrange to go and see them (he comes with me), its like he doesn't want me to see them because they are horrible to me? If I go out with my friends he moans that he isn't going to see me very much in the day considering we are together contantly unless he is at work. If I have a dentist appt or a doc appt for a cold he has a stress that I haven't called or text straight away with how I got on.

Please can some one give me some advice.

Well to me it sounds like he is obsessed with you. Have you talked to him about it? Maybe that would be best instead of holding it in. Cause what if oneday you just explode and that wouldn't be pretty.

Certain phases come too mind when reading your post... control,emotionally unstable,jealous,obsessed,possessive... this is one guy who knows how to get what he wants... under thoses crocadille tears is a man who is not all that he seems...

If you dig a little deeper what happened to him in other relationships?

I believe if you ended the relationship,the problem you would have is actually getting rid of him.

And that's my advice to you...

Walk away... no... RUN.

Your boyfriend should not be interferring with your daughter seeing her dad because after all he isn't her dad. I think you shouln't have let your daughter call him dad especially after 5 months of dating. He is jealous of her dad which is another bad sign.

I think all signs point towards exit because this guy is too emotional and have some issues that you can't solve.

Nice guy syndrome.

You could try telling him, in a commanding tone of course, to literally to man up and stop being such a wimp, he will respond to this and I'm sure he'll back-off. If you try to sit him down and have a nice conversation you'll get nowhere, you have to be hard on him. But, if you've already tried that, then just break-up with him.


Also My family are quite selfish and about things behind my back but at the end of the day they are my family but he complains when i arrange to go and see them (he comes with me), its like he doesnt want me to see them cos they are horrible to me?

On this, I agree with him. If I get sh*t from anyone, my immediate family included, that person will be crossed off my list. I just don't buy the "but their my family" crap, there are plenty of scumbags out there who take advantage of their parents--like John Henry Williams who is now dead, thankfully--or parents who take advantage of their kids. But, this is just me.

You really need to be a lot firmer about defining your boundaries, and what you do with your time, or your daughters. If he can't respect your wishes, then you dump him. If you take his crap, you'll get more of it for sure.

Just tell him, and see what he does about it.

Your BF may actually be turning on the emotion simply as a way to control you.

Think about it - he knows if he whines and moans that he'll get his way...you'll do whatever he wants, even if it isn't what you want. He tried to seal the deal by getting your daughter to call him "dad". That's not normal! As Dr. Phil says, "how's that working for you"?

I could be off-base, but I'd keep my eyes open wide in that relationship. Being controlled isn't much fun. It'll be especially bad down the road when you can't see friends and family. If I were you, I'd run!

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Men aren't necessities, they're luxuries.

Quote by slapshot_oi;
Nice guy syndrome.
You could try telling him, in a commanding tone of course, to literally to man up and stop being such a wimp, he will respond to this and I'm sure he'll back-off. If you try to sit him down and have a nice conversation you'll get nowhere, you have to be hard on him. But, if you've already tried that, then just break-up with him.


Hi Slapshot_Oi

Thanks for your reply. I have been down this road with him before and he does seem to listen. I have spoken or shall I say we had an argument a few days ago and I notice that every time we have one he always brings up everything his done for me. I said he always says this in every argument and It makes me feel that I should be eternally grateful for every single thing his done for me. Its like I owe a debt. I spoke to him about this and he now says that because it was in the heat of the moment he didn't mean it the way he said it. Apparently what he meant was when I'm angry with him I don't seem to appreciate anything his done for me, which to me is just ridiculous. He says he doesn't want to lose me but he can't make my mind up for me. I really don't know what to do to be honest?

Also thank you to everyone else's reply I really appreciate it and have taken everything on board.

Ask yourself if you think this is Mr Right or just Mr Right Now-especially thinking about your daughter who's calling him dad.

Go and have sex with as many men as you can. Let him know, by posting up pictures of other dudes. Also just be indifferent, don't even give him the light of day. Who needs that in their life. Shouldn't you do what ever you want? Life is too short to give your time to the needy. I mean needy as obsessively insecure guys that are retarded if you know what I mean.

Hi,
I have been in the same situation as you, it is painful , every time I felt that I am guilty and how to deal with this hug amount of emotion which he never tried to manage them. I talked with him and he was like that what the silly idea you have! You should do everything to the one you love, and I said that OK, but you should give people time and space to digest your kindness and.. he was like I don't bye your ideas. Then
I decided to break up, he cried like girls and I was really sad that such a shameful person I am that made a man cry!
After all these stories, I talked with friends about this matter because I was like trapped and have not had any clue to what to do, everybody thought that is not normal.
Emotions are good but people can play with them dangerously . So after 9 months I broke up, but HARDLY, He cried, and said I am not grateful...
I thought that I should be just relax, calm, to control my mind and myself. So, I just let him talk and say what he wants, then I said I know what you are saying but I am sorry I don't want to have relationship any more, please leave me alone, he kept calling and I ignored .
So, maybe it's a good idea to just be relax, and calm first.
He did not like my friends, the way I dress and... every time tried to say that I should do this and that...
Wish you all the Best

I am exactly like your boyfriend. I also keep asking for the something to the point of annoying somebody. I do differ from him for I don't cry or yell but yes it hurts a lot when somebody doesn't tell the reason.

Actually I would like to share the thought process about this behavior

Some people make an exceptionally strong emotional bond with others. Unknowingly they start getting too possessive. But it is a sort of care. And when somebody is loving you and you don't trust him. A lot of questions comes to the mind like I love her so much but she doesn't respect this. Then he starts crying or whatever reaction he shows

Although other than this... your boyfriend does a lot of things which may not be good.
So you have to just decide whether you want to be with him or not.

I just wanted to answer the TOO EMOTIONAL thing.

Male thinking process is as complex as female's . Problem is... to avoid arguments they don't keep on explaining the things and accept the wrong perception of their partner.