Moved to its own thread

hey I'm new this site and I've been reading allot of the sticky. I find allot of this information helpful. I ve been in NC for about 2.5 weeks and we broke up almost a month now. She contacted me right when we broke up and then a week later I contacted her and then a week later she contacted me. I found I was going nuts reading into everything.Then I found this site and been trying to follow these rules. I feel I'm going to lose this person as a friend and we'll soon be just strangers. I really wish I could wish her happy thanks giving. I feel like everyone need someone to lean on and she going to find some other person to do that but me. =/

Yes I have the same fear too for going NC, that she will lean on somebody else for emotional support and soon would forget me

Your post was moved to its own thread so you can get better feedback, so welcome Fear.

First some questions. How old are you both, and how long have you been going together?

Have you agreed to be friends?

Why did you break up?

Hey talaniman and hello everyone,

I've been reading allot of the threads and serious its been a great help.

I'm 25 and my ex is 22. We dated about a year and we saw each other every weekend and we were doing well I thought. Then we went on vacation and when we got back about a week later she broke up with me.Her reasoning was that she wanted to be single. She went to a Halloween party with her girls and the next day she called with the quote " we need to talk". She said she was confused and she needed space. I was quick to react and said we should go our separate ways then. I try to keep busy with all my chores and errands. She later that day called me and said she wanted to hear my voice. My first thought that it was a fluke and a moment of weakness. So I try to keep calm and talk about everything but the relationship. Finally I asked what was going on and she said she wanted to stay single. I said fine and told her we shouldn't talk. As one week went by I started breaking down and I contacted her and try the same approach of talking about everything but the relationship. At the end of conversation I mention if she was certain with her decision and she said yes. I left the conversation open ended and figured this was it. About a week later she started to message me and ask how I been and she did this for three days. I try to be nice and answer everything politely and friendly but deep down it was killing me. Finally the forth time she contacted me I called her and told her to stop contacting me for I;m still emotionally tied into this relationship. A week goes by and I hear nothing from her and she contacted me again asking for me to respond to her but I ignored it and now its been about a week and its been a dead silence. Now I;m starting to have all these crazy thoughts of everything. Seem like these thought are normal because everyone story seem the same but I can't seem to cope with them that well. I sleep every night and wake every morning thinking and hoping ill gte text or a call. I feel she has def moved on and that the book for me with her is a done deal. So how do pple move on from this... I mean I know time is the answer but it feel very bleek. I have all these emotion that I can't comprehend to understand or sort. I feel that other person is going to be her emotional support and she fall into another relationship . The breakup so far is clean so I assume were civil and for the breakup. I think there another guy but that's my mind making things up, I have no concrete information.

Just think of the worse. Think that she has somebody else already and certainly she has moved on because she risked losing you. I am sorry for your loss, but you need to heal now.

Sounds like it's completely over, so why don't you just move on and forget her? It's really hard to be "just friends" after you've been involved in a close relationship.

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Some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.

I totally agree.. I don't know my mind knows the answer and I've read so many story on here but yet my heart doesn't want to listen... when will I be normal again . =/

Well, just move on and forget her is very hard to do. It's easier said than done. I know I am guilty of that. I think it, but I have trouble doing it myself. But it's the only way that things will get better really and it is so hard to do.

I can't even compare... I'm really struggling with it... but NC is the answer I assume... even if you want to wish them a happy thanks giving? How do u fight the feeling of being a distant memory,

Forgetting and moving on is tough and it takes some time and patience.
NC helps as no contact whatsoever helps clear the mind and does away with false hope.
Find a routine to get you through the day,stay as busy as you can and come back here when you need to.

Had to spread the rep,

Amicons' plan is solid, and works for most of us. It will take time though, and a lot of hard work, but all the people here that have done it, and gone through this process, and have healed, are glad they did. You will be too.

Yeah I try to stick with that... so frustrating... keep coming in my mind that she with another guy... and I get all this anger and sadness... does anyone else face these emotions too
?

Hey Fear- what you're feeling is very normal... we all feel the same thing after somebody we loved more than anything gets rid of us out of the blue.

Like you my ex fiancé was 22 and when girls are that young there always looking out for someone they think is "better". Mine did the same thing. Sounds like she met someone at the Halloween party and they hit it off and the next day she dumped you.

Its going to take time and eventually you will be OK. Its been 3 1/2 months for me and although I'm doing better it still stings a lot and I still get that ache in my chest.

Anger and sadness are the two emotions that you'll feel the most - just stay no contact and you'll be OK. If you break no contact you're back to square 1 so don't be a fool like me and just stay NC.

You have to figure she's moved on already and very likely with another guy so she doesn't deserve you responding to her ever again.

What do I do if my ex keep IMing every few days... I haven't responded... but should I ever respond?

I think you need to listen to what everyone is saying and stick with NC. Don't respond to anything she sends you. Block her number from your phone. Letting her contact you when she feels is only giving her control of the situation. She knows your hurting and its keeping you hanging on. How long are you going to hang on? Long enough for her to realize some other guy is better and then she does permanent NC? Don't play the game. She wanted to split so let her go. Be strong. Find yourself a new chapter and start fresh.

Thank you 88 sunflower... you definitely said it best~... Do you think that any time she contact me... she trying to get back ? Probably not right? All wish full thinking

Its closer to the truth that she just wants to check on you, and see if she can bait you into the friend zone, so she won't feel so guilty about dumping you.

If you give in she gets to keep you in her life, available to her when she wants you, but with no hope or commitment to romance at all.

thank you 88 sunflower ... you definitely said it best~ ... Do you think that any time she contact me ... she trying to get back ? probably not right? all wish full thinking

I don't think she is trying to get back with you when she calls. I think she is more or less checking on you. Checking to see if you have moved on or whatever it may be. I would be willing to bet if you moved on today she wouldn't like it. She is hovering like this to keep you to herself while she really doesn't want you.


Its closer to the truth that she just wants to check on you, and see if she can bait you into the friend zone, so she wont feel so guilty about dumping you.

If you give in she gets to keep you in her life, available to her when she wants you, but with no hope or commitment to romance at all.

Spreading the rep tal.

She is slyly keeping him on the back burner for her needs.

Yeah... She called me like 5 times last night and finally she texted and was like "i always answer your call why can't you answer mine?" I knew it... was a trick to call back and I fell for it.
So I called and I was like what do you want... and she was like are you angry at me? I was like no I'm not angry and it doesn't matter were broken up so we can't be friends right now so please don't call me or contact me. Then she started asking why we can't be friends and I told her I have emotion tied up in this relationship. She was like I still care for you. Blah

Did I screw up NC for myself? I don't feel the sting as badly but it seem like it creeping up on me... does anyone have these kind of feelings? Yea I feel she trying to use me as backup.

No matter why she calls or what she says do the NC. Look what talking to her that one time did to you? Is it going to be worth it every time to suffer the pain over and over?

She is worried your mad at her? Good grief she broke your heart does she want you to shake her hand and say thank you. Who cares if your mad at her. She made a choice.

One day you will get over this, you will move on. Just put one foot in front of the other and repeat...
Don't turn around and loo back.

Thanks 88 sunflower. Honestly when I read other pple post and I think man these pple are getting trampled on by there so "loved ones" and then I look at mine and I realize I'm one of them too!

I need someone to wake me up out of this funk. Thanks I keep forgetting how she hurt me and I keep hoping but its false hope. I'm grateful for this site. I def be in allot worst condition without the stickies

Look at it this way, is she your first girlfriend? Probably not.

Have you broke up with girls before? Probably.

Did you get over it and move on? Yes.

There, done deal. It sucks in this moment and I understand that. It hurts and with Christmas coming it will hurt more. But big deal. Be strong, be tough, be sad, be angry, be hateful, be what ever you need to be to get over it.

Will you date again? Probably.

Will you look back and see her as history? Yes.

Will you be happy for these choices? Yes.

There the 8 Ball has spoken.

Actually guy, you said your peace, and stood up for yourself, but now you have to back up your words with actions, and disappear from her life, while you rebuild your own without her.

Talaniman Rule- When you bump into an ex, keep it brief, and polite, and don't get drawn in to any deep conversations, and be quick about being to busy to talk.

Yeah I'm going to do it~ going to try my best =)

just need to vent... ugh... I'm struggling so much =*( I miss her so much and I hate where we are and I hate how my life is now...

Vent on Fear its allowed, its normal to feel the way you do right now.
It gets better trust me,even though you may not believe me right now.
All breakups suck but we all heal from them. And Ive noticed you re trying to help others by posting on their threads-that's a good thing.
Take care.

I'm so confused, I've been in NC for about a month and I slipped up recently and a friend came by and ask me if I was going to a friend birthday party and then she was like oh nvm... u probably shouldn't come through... ahem is going to swing by. I was like... oh OK that's fine I dun care but then she was like don't worry she probably going to be for a little bit because she has her own thing. Now I'm sitting here and all these thoughts and sadness and feeling are rushing me. I feel the twisting gut wrenching feeling in my stomach as if my soul is being rip from me again. All those crazy thought are coming at me and I fear everything... I don't why. Am I relapsing again? Does anyone else who been through this.. feel this? I dun know why I'm afraid... =*(

Your supposed to be afraid because your still fresh from the break up. Your not supposed to dwell on it though, when you have those feelings because you can ALWAYS change your thoughts, by changing your actions. Over time, when the shock has truly worn off, you won't feel so intense about thoughts of her, or fear seeing her as much, but for now, you have to do something besides think to long. An idle mind is dangerous, and can play tricks on you.

Have a plan of action, that requires you to focus on a task, when these thoughts come up. Before you know it, old habits and routines that alarmed you, will be replaced by the new way of thinking, and acting. Not easy, but over time effective.

Just be patient as you work through the process.

Buddy get a grip on yourself. This self-defeatist attitude of yours is NO GOOD.

She dumped you. It's over and I'm sorry. Time to buckle down. The only way you're going to get through this is to pull yourself together. It's been a month... you need to start letting go. Hell... if anything be angry. Angry she dumped you. Angry she's seeing someone else. Whatever...

There's nothing wrong with a little 'internal' anger to get your mind straight. Just don't act out on it. No emotional out bursts and no crazy mid-night stalkings. Use that anger to improve upon yourself. Learn from this, grow from this. Let her regret it not you.

Thank you... I'm started to calm down again. T_T what a scary feeling.

That's good. Stay calm and focused and don't fear your feelings. You'll be fine.

Hey Fear- I think anyone that has been through getting dumped feel the same things as you. It's going to take a while- sorry to say. Its been 3 1/2 months and I'm still dealing with the pain.

But you'll go from thinking about her ALL the time to half the time to parts of the day. Right now I still think of my ex more than I thought I would at this point. Just hang in there... ever hear the saying "this too shall pass"?

yeah I've heard that... ugh... I just struggle so much. I just woke from a dream and it felt so real... How do people handle these dreams... It just feel awful inside. =(

Amd why do I have urge drive over to her house to see if she even home... I don't understand that... I know if I go there and she home... then nothing happens and if she not there ill feel even more like shiet... stupid

Both the dreams and the urge to drive over to her house are normal after breakups. I think you know that driving over there is pointless so keep fighting that urge.
It gets better with time and patience.

Yeah, I figured that out a few weeks ago... It solves nothing but waste gas and makes me feel even more like . I want this to all go away... I hate it... ugh been feeling lonely lately sucks.

It will go away eventually-I hope you keep busy and try to distract your mind from dwelling in the past. See friends and do something to take your mind off her.

Hey Fear! I couldn't help but to find it funny when you wrote that you have the urge to drive by her house. My ex lives close by me and I usually have that urge but since I decided to go NC, I haven't driven past her house even once. Mind you, passing through her house is the faster route. No excuses for me and I always go a different direction because it is worth it - I am worth it and I love myself. I tend to think of my body and my mind as two different people who work as one. I can push the gas pedal and turn the wheel her direction but I feel bad for my mind because it will suffer. I know my mind is weak and vulnerable and I try very hard to take care of it and not make it go through more than it has to. Its like my job right now to take very good care of my mind especially knowing how emotional and fragile it is right now. I guess that's just me taking care of myself. Take good care of yourself too my friend. Good luck!

amd why do i ahve urge drive over to her house to see if she even home ... i dont understand that ... i know if i go there and she home ... then nothing happens and if she not there ill feel even more like shiet ... stupid

Hey Fear- I still have those dreams and wake up in the middle of the night also. They're never good or bad but the ex is always in them.:rolleyes:

My ex lived 1 1/2 hours from me and I was at a party last weekend that was literally 5 minutes from her house. I had thought about driving over to her but knew I could never do it. All it would have done was gave me much more pain. I really don't need to see some other guys car parked in front of the house where I used to park. I couldn't imagine actually ringing the doorbell- either her or her parents would think I was a stalker.

My point is its normal for everyone to have the dreams and urges to go over to the ex'es house but eventually (and it may take months more) it will stop.

I know you feel lonely- everyone does after they've gotten dumped because its unexpected and you have a big void in your life that needs to be filled. It sounds like you really loved her a lot- I think that's when its harder to get over someone. Hang in there buddy.:cool:

That was great advice thank u emo... seriously that makes allot of sense...

What do you do when you worry about your ex.. esp if its snowing out... do you say anything? Or just keep quiet

You go cross country skiing! Is the gym open? Is your room clean?? Call the boys over for College football on TV.

I guess my lazy a$$ would just as soon do nothing but play on the computer, cause I don't feel like cleaning my room.

Jokes aside, find a way to be busy that's fun, because time flies when your having fun, and idle minds wonder on BS!

HINT- physical activity is good for you, snow, rain ,sleet, or sunshine.

Stick to NC no matter what.

As for being worried about her, well, she's no longer your concern, your problem, she's someone else's problem now.

Relationships are tricky. There's the good, the bad and the ugly. You're in the ugly zone right now.

Here's the question. If someone took a knife and stabbed you in the heart but you were able to walk away from it, sore, hurt, scarred, but still able to walk away, would you give them the chance to do it again?

Don't let her hurt you, she's not worth it.

Get out there, do something you love to do, hang out with your friends, heck, build a snowman or an igloo. Just do something that will keep your mind off her.

It takes time, but you'll get there, we all do. :)

You guys are awesome seriously... every time I want to look back you guys just keep pointing me forward. Thank you guys

Hey Fear- what Altenweg said is so true though. She's hurting you and only you can control if she hurts you or not anymore.

Getting over being dumped from someone you loved deeply is one of the hardest things to deal with in life. Probably the only thing harder is when a loved one dies. Just realize that eventually your ex will just be a fuzzy memory- but its going to take lots of time.

hey Fear- what Altenweg said is so true though. Shes hurting you and only you can control if she hurts you or not anymore.

Getting over being dumped from someone you loved deeply is one of the hardest things to deal with in life. Probably the only thing harder is when a loved one dies. Just realize that eventually your ex will just be a fuzzy memory- but its going to take lots of time.

What you said here is so true.

The thing that most of us forget is that the end of a relationship is almost like the death of a loved one. You have to learn to live without them, to move on, to find that happiness you had before you met them.

It's there, it's doable, but boy is it hard.

Time heals all wounds. I lost both my parents 6 1/2 months apart. I'm an only child. I was 30 when they died. That was in 2001. Tell anyone my age and I will hunt you down and beat you. ;)

The hardest part was going out, doing things. I didn't want to go camping because of all the memories of camping with my parents. I didn't even want to look at my son because of all the memories of my parents spending time with him.

For the first 5 days I sat in my dads recliner in front of the TV in my PJ's, no shower, no food, no drink, nothing. I was ready to die. I wanted to die. I didn't think I'd ever be happy again.

It took my son to snap me out of it. It didn't happen over night but on day 6 I did shower and I ate something. Then 2 months later we had friends over and played cards all night. Four months later I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Every milestone was a huge deal.

That was in 2001. I still miss them, but I'm happy with my life, I can do the things I always enjoyed without being sad because it involves memories of them.

It takes time. You're on the right path. You almost have to pretend that this person is dead, that she's out of your life for good and you have no choice but to move on. Accept that, live with that, move forward with that thought in mind and you will get there.

No one ever died of a broken heart. I promise you. ;)

What you said here is so true.

The thing that most of us forget is that the end of a relationship is almost like the death of a loved one. You have to learn to live without them, to move on, to find that happiness you had before you met them.

It's there, it's doable, but boy is it hard.

Time heals all wounds. I lost both my parents 6 1/2 months apart. I'm an only child. I was 30 when they died. That was in 2001. Tell anyone my age and I will hunt you down and beat you. ;)

The hardest part was going out, doing things. I didn't want to go camping because of all the memories of camping with my parents. I didn't even want to look at my son because of all the memories of my parents spending time with him.

For the first 5 days I sat in my dads recliner in front of the tv in my PJ's, no shower, no food, no drink, nothing. I was ready to die. I wanted to die. I didn't think I'd ever be happy again.

It took my son to snap me out of it. It didn't happen over night but on day 6 I did shower and I ate something. Then 2 months later we had friends over and played cards all night. Four months later I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Every milestone was a huge deal.

That was in 2001. I still miss them, but I'm happy with my life, I can do the things I always enjoyed without being sad because it involves memories of them.

It takes time. You're on the right path. You almost have to pretend that this person is dead, that she's out of your life for good and you have no choice but to move on. Accept that, live with that, move forward with that thought in mind and you will get there.

No one ever died of a broken heart. I promise you. ;)

Hey Altenweg-I'm really sorry to hear about what happened back in 2001 with your parents. I give you so much credit for perservering- that must have made you such a strong person. I wish I was stronger- me getting dumped from my fiancé is more than I can handle.

But you're right how you said you have to treat a breakup like a death... I mean you will likely never see the person ever again and after a few messages here and there will never hear from the person again. Not to mention the rejection that the other person would rather be by themselves or with someone else rather than have you around which makes it even harder when you love that person more than anything in the world.:(

I went out to the bars this past sat and I met these twin girls and its really interesting talking to them and I kind of forgot everything that was bearing down on me. But then when I walk out of the bar, everything just set back to reality... and the sense of missing and loneliness came back... does anybody else feel this too?

Hey Fear- damn its funny- you sound like me. I went bar hopping with my friend this past Saturday night also- talked to whatever girls were around but they were just being bit*** and anyone's we met said they had boyfriends. I noticed some girls get pleasure out of blowing off guys hitting on them. Same thing though- when I got home from the bars everything came back to reality and it didn't help that I was 1 /2 drunk... the missing and lonliness came back big time and all day Sunday I felt horrible and didn't want to do anything. So I feel the same as you man. What's even rougher is knowing the ex has her choice of any guys and never has to be alone for one day if she didn't want to be. Last I heard she's juggling 2 or 3 guys. :9

hey bjohnrupp.. yeah dun get me wrong I got blown off by like 8103 girls and kind of annoyed me but in my mind I was like what do I have to lose. Yeah the loneliness def sunk in worst right when I was driving home buzzed and all alone in my room trying to pass out. Dang I can def relate with you on every point. And I still struggle with sleeping but its not as bad some nights. Hang in there! I try to go to church on Sunday.. that didn't help =/

Yea I've gotten real down lately because its so hard to find a great girl that has it all. Yea I got home late and just passed out watching videos on YouTube... but the songs get me more upset. I worry about if I'm ever going to fall in lover again. I'm far from conceited but I have everything going for me and its still extremely hard finding a beautiful girl they I can click with.

When you're a good looking girl you never spend 1 day alone- that's like our exes- girls usually get rid of guys because they really don't need us- they know there's 10 more around the corner that are just as good looking or have just as much money. That's why sooo many girls dump there guys- because when they start to get bored with the relationship they just find someone new.

It's still early, it sounds like you both are still in the phase of putting the woman on the pedestal. They are just as flawed as you are, and the sooner you realize it the better. Who cares how beautiful they are according to you? You guys are worth something too! If you weren't then they never would have dated you in the first place. You need to regain your confidence and self esteem. This means going NC and doing your best to stay busy. Go to the gym, I am a huge advocate of this. Exercise does wonders for the brain and you will look and feel better too! Hang in there, it gets easier trust me.

It's still early, it sounds like you both are still in the phase of putting the woman on the pedestal. They are just as flawed as you are, and the sooner you realize it the better. Who cares how beautiful they are according to you? You guys are worth something too!! If you weren't then they never would have dated you in the first place. You need to regain your confidence and self esteem. This means going NC and doing your best to stay busy. Go to the gym, I am a huge advocate of this. Exercise does wonders for the brain and you will look and feel better too! Hang in there, it gets easier trust me.

I agree Clue- the gym is really important. When I was in my relationship I was going all the time and then ever since I had 0 desire to go. Now this past week I'm getting back into it. Its extremely important to go because it does wonders for confidence. My goal is to get in better shape then when I was with her. I think both Fear and I's confidence is both shot so we should both be concentrating on ourselves for now. I don't know about you Fear but I am taking a step back from dating. I tried it and realize I'm far from ready to date for now.

Hey, fear, don't drink and drive. You mentioned you drove home while buzzed. It scared the crap out of me. Be careful, please. Don't drink and drive, ever!

Fear and bjohn, seems like we have some similar stuff going on. Being around other people helps to get your mind off stuff, but it all comes rushing back once we're alone again. Drinking doesn't really help though. At least for me, getting drunk only aggravates those bad feelings of loneliness and hurt.

Fear and bjohn, seems like we have some similar stuff going on. Being around other people helps to get your mind off stuff, but it all comes rushing back once we're alone again. Drinking doesn't really help though. At least for me, getting drunk only aggravates those bad feelings of loneliness and hurt.

So then welcome to the club "Something Here" haha. Yea I'm at the worst when I'm drunk and I just get home from going out. I guess alcohol really is a depressant like they say. The day after I drink I'm always really depressed. But when you're with somebody getting drunk is a lot more fun and I'm always happy:( Yea I only drink on the weekends just to get my mind off things even if only for a short while even though I know I probably shouldn't. I don't want to start getting in trouble because lately my depression and anger are magnified when I drink and I don't need to be getting into fights.:mad:

I dun know... I honestly think she really attractive. But your right we need to take her off the pedestal and build our self confidence back up. Yeah my confidence is shot and I def. unsure about relationships or is it I'm still hoping she'll come back one day, I'm not to sure. For the record drinking driving is stupid and I was stupid but I wasn't drunk just slightly buzzed. I try to keep busy with other pple and stay busy but for some reason even though the room is pack with people I still feel lonely or misunderstood? Yeah bjohnrupp its not worth getting into more drama when your drunk or even sober. I think we have enough emotional baggage to carry and I'm really grateful for the people on this thread. You don't know how many times I want to just send my ex an IM or text and be like I miss you or I hope your doing good. I'm sorry for your loss altenweg. I couldn't imagine what that feels like =( But everyone words and through are so uplifting. So sad I started NC a month a go but its only been a week now since the last contact because she guilt me into calling her. Go figure how times goes by so slow!

Moved to its own thread

hey im new this site and ive been reading allot of the sticky. I find allot of this information helpful. I ve been in NC for about 2.5 weeks and we broke up almost a month now. she contacted me right when we broke up and then a week later i contacted her and then a week later she contacted me. I found I was going nuts reading into everything.Then I found this site and been trying to follow these rules. I feel I'm gonna lose this person as a friend and we'll soon be just strangers. I really wish I could wish her happy thanks giving. I feel like everyone need someone to lean on and she gonna find some other person to do that but me. =/


In time she will be your friend, just realize that you both will need time, I have spoke to every ex and girl I've dated even if it ended in bad terms...

But don't live for that moment to happen, live to make new moments happen for yourself, not for her...

In time she will be your friend, just realize that you both will need time, I have spoke to every ex and girl ive dated even if it ended in bad terms....

but dont live for that moment to happen, live to make new moments happen for yourself, not for her......

Really? How long did that take for that to happen?

In time she will be your friend, just realize that you both will need time, I have spoke to every ex and girl ive dated even if it ended in bad terms....

but dont live for that moment to happen, live to make new moments happen for yourself, not for her......

Hey Jaffey- I don't know if I could be a friend to my ex like you are to all of yours. I mean were talking about someone who 98% chance she cheated on me with probably more than 1 guy and the 1 1/2 weeks before the engagement party dumps me. I don't think I could ever be friends with her because I'd always want her back and because I would never want to know if she's seeeing someone or has a boyfriend. Jaffey- did you contact your ex'es after time or what?

I dun know ... I honestly think she really attractive. But your right we need to take her off the pedestal and build our self confidence back up. Yeah my confidence is shot and I def. unsure about relationships or is it im still hoping she'll come back one day, I'm not to sure. For the record drinking driving is stupid and i was stupid but i wasn't drunk just slightly buzzed. I try to keep busy with other pple and stay busy but for some reason even though the room is pack with people I still feel lonely or misunderstood? yeah bjohnrupp its not worth getting into more drama when your drunk or even sober. I think we have enough emotional baggage to carry and I'm really greatful for the people on this thread. You dunno how many times i wanna just send my ex an IM or text and be like i miss you or i hope your doing good. I'm sorry for ur loss altenweg. I couldnt imagine what that feels like =( But everyone words and throught are so uplifting. So sad i started NC a month a go but its only been a week now since the last contact because she guilt me into calling her. Go figure how times goes by so slow!

Hey fear- yea I'm like yo in that SO many times I just want to call my ex or send her a text or even IM her. I mean we used to text almost all day on days we weren't together- I loved it.

Don't worry man I did no contact for 6 weeks and then mine guilted me into IM'ing her back by saying just the right things and like an idiot I fell for it. So I helped her out and she was able to relieve tons of guilt by saying how she was sorry and swaring she never cheated. We unknowingly help them out when we respond to them. They could really care less about us whenever they contact us- they just do it to make them feel better.

Now its been 2 1/2 weeks since she contacted me. I told her not to anymore but I wish she didn't listen. Its funny how the day we talked for hours was the day she dumped the guy she was seeing. She needed her emotional tampon (me) to make her feel better.

Fear- how often does your ex contact you? What does she usually say? Has she ever said she wanted to meet up with you?

really? how long did that take for that to happen?

Sometimes months or 2 yrs in one case where she destroyed me...

But you shouldn't think about that... its time to move on...

Don't get me wrong, I don't go on dates or lunches with these ex's... I only talk to them like chit chat to see how are things...

But only when I know I am completely healed from the heartbreak and know I don't want to be back with her...

sometimes months or 2 yrs in one case where she destroyed me.....

but you shouldnt think about that.....its time to move on.....

dont get me wrong, I dont go on dates or lunches with these ex's....i only talk to them like chit chat to see how are things.....

but only when I know i am completely healed from the heartbreak and know I dont want to be back with her....

Yea but did they contact you out of the blue or did you contact them? :rolleyes:

yea but did they contact you out of the blue or did you contact them? :rolleyes:

Let me see... I contacted them but on the expectation to see how things were, I didn't want a friendship and definitely not a relationship...

My current ex is the only one id think to reconcile with but in my heart I know its wrong for the both of us...

lemme see.....i contacted them but on the expectation to see how things were, i didnt want a friendship and definitely not a relationship....

my current ex is the only one id think to reconcile with but in my heart i know its wrong for the both of us.....

See since I am the dumpee I'd be afraid that if we don't talk for 6 months and then I contacted her to see how she was doing and then if she never answered I'd feel really stupid. You know?

See since I am the dumpee I'd be afraid that if we dont talk for 6 months and then I contacted her to see how she was doing and then if she never answered I'd feel really stupid. You know?

Yes I understand... even as I broke up with my ex, I still felt I was a dumpee when she moved on within days... I think I will contact her even though I talked bad about her kids... I know how fragile she is and gulliable she is...

So it is no problem... I will only talk to her when the time is right for both of us

See since I am the dumpee I'd be afraid that if we dont talk for 6 months and then I contacted her to see how she was doing and then if she never answered I'd feel really stupid. You know?

Talaniman answered a similar question of mine in my thread. There's always that chance that they don't want to stay in touch, so you have to be ready to accept that if you try to make contact.

Talaniman answered a similar question of mine in my thread. There's always that chance that they don't want to stay in touch, so you have to be ready to accept that if you try to make contact.

Well 3 weeks ago she made plans with me and then blew me off so I sent a text saying not to contact me anymore unless she wanted to meet up or get back together... so now if I ever did contact her I'd look kind of desperate/stupid.

Yeah I did the same thing.. I said.. don't contact me unless you want to get back together and we'll most likely never speak again... man... why I have to be so cold now I think I'm the one suffer more becauase of it. I really miss her today, maybe it because it raining so much here.. makes it so gloomy

yeah i did the same thing .. i said .. dont contact me unless you want to get back together and we'll most likely never speak again ... man ... why I have to be so cold now i think im the one suffer more becauase of it. I really miss her today, maybe it because it raining so much here .. makes it soo gloomy

Hey- so you sent your ex the same text as me? Yea it was very hard to send but its something I (we) have to do. Part of me also is suffering more from sending it too... I liked hearing from her because it made me think she was thinking of me even though it hurt because I know she has someone new. Maybe I shouldn't have sent it:( I just felt so disrepected from her - kind of like I mean nothing at all to her anymore.

Did you ever see your ex since she dumped you? Have you guys ever made plans? Did sahe ever resond to you when you sent the text saying about not contacting you unless she wanted to get back together?

Its raining real hard here too and it made me miss my ex bad today. I even went on Yahoo IM like an idiot to see if she'd message me:rolleyes: I

You guys are making me sick... cut the crap with the texts trying to set up meetings with your ex's...

There is always a reason why people break up... its because one does not want the other or you 2 just aren't right for each other...

Yes its fine to contact them after the fact your over them... but not when you still have major feelings...

I don't know about you guys, but I'm heading to the gym to learn some MMA, that will take my mind off for sure off her...

why I have to be so cold now i think im the one suffer more becauase of it.

You would probably be far worse off if you saw her. I caught a two sec glimpse of my ex today, and it ruined my day. We're better off doing NC.


I really miss her today, maybe it because it raining so much here .. makes it soo gloomy

Yup, same thing for me. Winter blues can really make it worse. Spring will come around soon enough though.

you guys are making me sick.....cut the crap with the texts trying to set up meetings with your ex's.....

there is always a reason why ppl break up....its because one does not want the other or you 2 just arent right for each other....

yes its fine to contact them after the fact your over them....but not when you still have major feelings....

I dont know about you guys, but im heading to the gym to learn some MMA, that will take my mind off for sure off of her......

HAHA that 1st line made me laugh. Yea I know what you're saying- I'm never going to contact her until I'm totally over her- maybe even when I have a new girlfriend... this way I won't care if she blows me off because I'll be with someone new. That's what I've been doing Jaffey- going to the gym and bustin my butt until I ant stand- I have to admit it feels great going to the gym- I did enough mopeing around the past few months.

Very true... naw I never reach out... even though I want to every minute of the day... damn you stupid mind!! Someone posted early that the mind and the body are two different things and you really to take care of your mind.!

Ugh... why do I look at her sn.. such a dumb move... damn you aim! Need to be stronger and have more will power

You do. This is you hurting yourself now nobody else. The good news is -you-can stop doing this to yourself. Make that choice. Now.

I did... I really hate it... god I don't know how pple get over these feeling and thought sometimes... I know there light at the end of the tunnel.. just feel like its never coming..

Why do I look at her sn.. such a dumb move


I agree 200%

I agree 200%

I know..

god i dunno how pple get over these feeling and thought sometimes ... i know there light at the end of the tunnel .. just feel like its never coming ..I know what you mean, I've had the same thoughts. But there are lots of people on here who have been through this and worse. We'll just have to have confidence in them when they tell us that we will get through this as well.

Hey guys been a few days... been better! I hope everyone is good! How's everyone holding up?

Great news-keep going.
I can only speak for myself but I'm good thanks. :-)

Great news-keep going.
I can only speak for myself but I'm good thanks. :-)

That's good ~ these season time are rough... would you guys even mail a merry Christmas card or probably not.

Confession- I have in the past, but did so out of courtesy, and care, but had no expectations of anything back, and honestly, never gave it a second thought. Hmm, never got anything back either. No biggie.

If its going to freak you out, one way or another, then don't do it. As fresh as your break up is, I wouldn't do it.

Confession- I have in the past, but did so out of courtesy, and care, but had no expectations of anything back, and honestly, never gave it a second thought. Hmm, never got anything back either. No biggie.

If its going to freak you out, one way or another, then don't do it. As fresh as your break up is, I wouldn't do it.

I'm really confused on that... I actually don't know how I'm going to react. I pretty much know she isn't coming back but I feel it be nice. But then again I did tell her we wouldn't talk again so I feel that would make it look like I don't stand by my word...

I don't think it's a good idea.
Plus you you might be expecting something back.
I vote don't send.

then again I did tell her we wouldn't talk again so I feel that would make it look like I don't stand by my word...
That's enough to not send her anything.

" Say what you mean, and mean what you say!".

Yeah I'm not going to do it... thank guys

It!s for the best. It boils down to making a decision and sticking to it.

Yeah.. its this damn holiday seasoning... just feel like I'm going to be forgotten... just sucks

Try to have a good time with family and friends,and leave the past in the past.

Try to have a good time with family and friends,and leave the past in the past.


Yeah I've been doing that... how did you deal with that thought of moving on and meeting someone else. I mean is it just time or just like someone else and just went with it. I mean I meet new pple and I wonder do I like this girl or am I just lonely and what if my ex comes bak or we bump into each other.

I'm struugling with the same thoughts Fear. I've been meeting new people and its just confusing me because I also wonder if I like the girl or if I'm just lonely. I know that if my ex came back I'd give it one more shot with her- this way if it still didn't work out at least I'd feel better in knowing that I tried. I'm meeting new girls and going on dates but end up blowing them all off after 1 date. I just don't want to settle- its so much better when you're with someone you adore and is 100% your type I realized. Are you the same way?

I'm struugling with the same thoughts Fear. I've been meeting new people and its just confusing me because I also wonder if I like the girl or if I'm just lonely. I know that if my ex came back I'd give it one more shot with her- this way if it still didnt work out at least I'd feel better in knowing that I tried. I'm meeting new girls and going on dates but end up blowing them all off after 1 date. I just dont want to settle- its so much better when you're with someone you adore and is 100% your type I realized. Are you the same way?

Took the words right from my mind... I was hoping you had a solution rather then joining me on this issue lol

Only through experience will you learn that even being 100% compatible feelings can change. That's just life, and you will have a few of those experiences.

What you both have control over is to heal, and be ready for the next life challenge.

Hey, you tried already, and it simply didn't work out for whatever reason, so you deal with the fallout, and accept that its time for another way.

Acceptance of the facts is the key to moving along with your life. You will be stuck in the past until you do.

It would be a really simple thing to let go, if such intense feelings were not involved. You must accept them, and deal with them. That's a fact, also.

Make the decision to move ahead with your life, and a plan to stick to it.

took the words right from my mind .... i was hoping you had a solution rather then joining me on this issue lol

Well I'm glad Tal was able to come up with an answer. One of the things that has helped me is knowing that there are so many other people that are going through the same thing and EVERYBODY struggles being dumped. If you're able to move on quickly without any hurt then you're either not human or simply weren't in love.

well I'm glad Tal was able to come up with an answer. One of the things that has helped me is knowing that there are so many other people that are going thru the same thing and EVERYBODY struggles being dumped. If you're able to move on quickly without any hurt then you're either not human or simply weren't in love.

I agree with that... I dun know.. I just feel some of the pple I meet... I can't figure if I like them or just trying to fill a void or am I thinking too much. Should you ever be friends with your ex... its just a big mess of emotions lol

I can't figure if I like them or just trying to fill a void or am I thinking too much. Should u ever be friends with your ex... its just a big mess of emotions lol
The confusion will pass in time, and you will be able to tell the difference.

One of the things that has helped me is knowing that there are so many other people that are going thru the same thing and EVERYBODY struggles being dumped.

I just came back from my smoke break at work and there were about 5 older gentlemen, my buddies (40-50years old) that were talking about divorce and custody battles and all this jazz. I usually talk to them but this time I just listened. Be glad you weren't married. That's even worse.

bjohnrupp - You are so right! Im in the boat but am slowly moving on, I know I can tell now. There are so many people that are going through the same thing and a lot worse

Fear- In the beginning of my breakup, a little over 2 months ago, I felt the same way you do and I still feel pain but I can tell my heart IS HEALING! I didn't call her for thanksgiving and Im not going to for Christmas either. Listen to these guys and get on with yourself. Every time you make any type of contact, you are resetting the healing process and only hurting yourself. Its like putting salt on an open wound. (she told me that one time during the breakup about something else though)

Stay strong and be cool homie. It does get better, I didn't believe it at first but I am starting to see the light. Today was the first day I woke up and she wasn't the first thing on my mind. Progress! You can do it!!

Hey guys... been some time! Just seeing how everyone is doing~ I for one have gotten better but I still think of her from time to time and I wonder if she ever thinks of me. I always wonder if I should ever reach out to her again. Do you guys ever come with these thoughts because you tell them to not contact us and pretty much the ball is in our court to reach back out to them? Ugh I can't wait till these holidays past!

No no no don't reach out to her. You have already said you have gotten better. Maybe your not 100% again but your better. You reach out to her and your going to fall back again. Don't do it. Stop thinking about it and keep going forward. If you talk to her once you will have to start all over again. Don't do that to yourself.

Im glad you're better-stay on the path and stay NC-ie no reaching out.

Sometimes I hate you guys... but I know your right dammit...

OH don't hate us fear. Just hearing the truth sucks. Knowing your doing better do you want to feel the pain again? No you don't.

One day soon you'll be able to use your experience to help others as best you can-thats a great thing.

i still think of her from time to time and I wonder if she ever thinks of me.(...) you tell them to not contact us and pretty much the ball is in our court to reach back out to them? Ugh i can't wait till these holidays past!! I've been thinking along the same lines. The thing is, the ball is in our court when it comes to friendship. Important distinction. You're better off keeping NC and not worrying about whether the ex thinks about you or not.

From time to time I wonder if I should reach out the ex too. However, do I really want to ruin all my progress? Not really. When you can truly say to yourself, I truly only want to be friends and nothing more. That is the time you can reach out to her. Looking for anything more than just friendship will set you up for another fall and that's something you really want to avoid. Trust me.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html

So what do you think is the way forward because boga stress di33 ade have my fair share paa, my man de seriously de worry my life wey I don't want to tell my old folks about it want to handle myself

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html