Ive been with my girlfriend for almost one year now. We really love each other, and we seem very compatible, we have great fun, we get along, we don't fight, we don't piss each other off, we can stand each other, and she moved in with me and its great! It is serious and I can't imagine myself going out with another girl!

However, we are from different religions and countries. Her family are OK with me, and they really like me. On the other hand, my family don't like it at all and have threatened to disown me if I decide to marry her one day.

I keep telling my family that it is my life, I love my girlfriend, we get along, religion/culture is not an issue for us, etc.

But they keep saying that marrying someone with a different religion/culture will only cause me problems in future and that they won't accept someone outside "our family circle"

I think that me and my girlfriend are on the same wavelength.. we don't fight much.. we manage to deal with problems wonderfully, and that IF there are some complications in the future, we can get through it.. especially since we love each other a lot.

In conclusion, maybe it would be easier to marry someone from a same religion/culture, but who said that it would be better? Who guarantees me that I won't get divorced if I marry a girl with the same culture/religion as me?

Love is most important.. love and understanding/getting along/personality, etc.

What do you think? What do you think I should tell my family/deal with them?

Thanks in advance

Who cares what your family thinks.

There will always be some sort of conflict or views that conflict. To say they will disown you for marrying. Then you know what. You should say, okay if your willing to throw family relationship out of the window because you do not agree with my choices for my life. That is fine. Do it.

Be happy with your future wife and if they disown you then your better off without them anyway.

Best of luck in the future.

By the way I married into a family from another country/culture as well. It was not easy at times but sometimes, mended fences do happen and people eventually do come around.

Just live your own life, and make your own choices. Do what makes you happy.

Your family, can either join in and be happy for you or not. If they are not then you know what you need to do. Let them go.

Marry for love, not marry someone else to keep your family happy.

my family don't like it at all and have threatened to disown me if I decide to marry her one day.


"Disown me".

Figure out what your priority is and go with that. I wouldn't compromise a primary goal because of a secondary goal.

What's most important to you?

1) Religion?
2) Family?
3) Love?

As long as you are aware of the consequences to marrying a woman that your family does not approve of, and you are aware how rough this will probably be, then I say, marry her.

Consider what will happen when children come along; be prepared. If you love each other, and can weather the inevitable storms that will come your way, then don't give it a second thought.

Tell your parents- together- of your intentions, and you hope they will accept your decision. You are sorry if they don't, but you have made up your mind.

I agree with the others that they will come around eventually, but, don't count on it as it may never happen.

Tab, it sounds like you've already answered your own question and are just trying to make sure others feel the same. That's fine, but I don't think you honestly want anyone to talk you out of marrying her. You love her and have already said that love is the most important thing. Go with your heart. Hopefully your family will be able to respect that eventually.

It is your life and therefore you have to live for you and not anyone else. I am sorry your family is stay living in the dark ages and trying to kill your happiness>>>>that is wrong.

You just have to realize that your family is trying to control you and you deserve to be happy. I wouldn't do this to my child.

I was basically disowned when I married my last wife, because of her skin color

So at the end of the day it is your choice, you will not change the family view point, so your choices, is decide what is important for you

I truly believe that marruage is a culmination of all the really important areas of your life. That is to say your family, your ideas, and at some extent your religion since it is such a bug part of life. What you should ask yourself is: "Am I willing to give up my family and religion for this person?" If you are then go for it.


You may actually consider asking your parents what specifically about her is it that they do not like - is it just that she has a different religion or something else. In this conversation you may want to explain why you love her so much and why you wish to spend the rest of your life with her. Let them know that you would like for them to be a part of your life moving forward and if they can't accept that now, you are planning on making an extra effort to keep them in your life.


Trust me you want to keep your parents in your life if not for you future kids but for yourself because if your marriage ends up not working out you will need support and even if it does work out you will always resent your wife for making you choose.

Tell your family that you are truly happy. Tell them that you will probably marry this girl, have children, and make them grandparents. Tell them that it would be a heartbreaking shame if your children do not get the joy of knowing their grandparents.

Decisions like choosing a lifelong mate, is best made by the person you see in the mirror every morning.

Tell them that they raised you well, and that you are growing into a person who sees no difference in God's(or your religious belief's object of worship) creations.

The heart is wonderful in the way of loving someone for being just right for you.

People search for the right person for them to love. Some die without having found that person, and just settle for whatever they can find.

There are literally millions of people that are miserable because they married the sort of people that they were "supposed" to marry.

Don't add to that number.

Life is short. Do what makes you happy.

Being happy shouldn't be this hard, it's simply just not fair.

I wish you both the best.

After all the effort you put into getting this girl in the first place, I find it hard to believe you would let something like this get in the way.

Lol... slapshot! You know me ;) my mom has cried in front of me (of course I also did), but I still stood my ground

I firmly believe what all you guys are saying in that life is short, and do what makes you happy, etc.

I really believe that you marry someone that you really love and get along with... not someone who happens to have the same hair color as you or prays in the same way...

I know so many couples of the same culture/nationality who got divorced.. so what makes that a betterchoice?

I'm still holding my ground.. I know it will be a long process... im still 28, she is 25... we will be one year together soon, so we can wait maybe one or 2 more years before we take any decisions... from now till then, I hope the parents come around... I will try to convince them, or hopefully they will see how happy we are... if not, so be it... oneday, they will be gone, and it will be my new life, and new "circle"

Poor girl even said she would convert for me to please my parents...

What can you live without?
What can you not live without?

I can live without my family... I love them, but we were never very close... I have been away from them for 3 years, we speak once a week on the phone, and see each other once a year... im OK with this... I love them, and they were great parents... but I hate how they think that not all religions or cultures are equal, etc.

I can't live without my girlfriend... those of you who followed my previous questions threads, know how much we went through to be together.. and now we spend all our days together and we are so in love... I can't imagine a day in which I'm not with her

Basically, it will be better if my family accept... bt if not, I'm cool

I'm going to play devil's advocate here okay... now this is not my personal belief, but something that should be brought up.

When you have children.. what religion/culture will you bring them up in? This can be a very touchy subject that is rarely touched upon until the children arrive. Even then, there are disagreements.

Families will want their religion/culture and you or our significant other may side with what they have been brought up with. This really is something that the two of you need to sit down and talk about.

If worse comes to worse, and you both want to be together, you may consider converting to a religion that neither of you were raised in.

I'm going to play devil's advocate here okay...now this is not my personal belief, but something that should be brought up.

When you have children..what religion/culture will you bring them up in? This can be a very touchy subject that is rarely touched upon until the children arrive. Even then, there are disagreements.

Families will want their religion/culture and you or our significant other may side with what they have been brought up with. This really is something that the two of you need to sit down and talk about.

If worse comes to worse, and you both want to be together, you may consider converting to a religion that neither of you were raised in.

This is something that I have experienced somewhat. My wife was raised Baptist when she was younger, then her parents switched to the Presbyterian church when she was a tennager. I however, was Catholic since Christening, and up until 5 years ago was still practicing that denomination. We BOTH converted to the Methodist Church because they had the best children's program in our town. In the state actually, for that matter. Now I know that this isn't such a radical change for us, because it is the same Lord, same god.

I was just re-enforcing J_9's point, because the birth of our children changed OUR circumstances. To the good actually, because we are happier in our faith than we have ever been( sorry Pope, I just wasn't getting fed).

If your girlfriend says she would convert to YOUR religion, that makes me think two things. One , is that it might smooth things over with your family, and it would make it easier to raise your children in that faith. And two, she is a keeper because she is willing to accept your faith because she truly loves you.

I think you should go to Jared's.

Why are you going to spend the next couple of years to convince your parents. That is just not being mature about this situation.

You do not need to convince anybody, but you are not even close to your family and you will allow them to interfere.

Maybe your afraid of commitment and trying to use your family as an excuse not to get married to this girl that you say you love.

She should not have to change religion to please your parents. Honestly your parents should go you know where. Do not let your wife change who she is, that will ruin your so called possible marriage before it even starts.

As far as religion is considered you could always bring your children up in both. Have them brought up in a way which they are exposed to both religions growing up and then when they are old enough they can chose for themselves if they want, which ones they gravitate towards.

It is very simple.

As one who questioned both your motives and actions in your previous post, I am truly glad you overcame those past obstacles and are working together now.

I think as long as your both willing to work through whatever obstacles life throws at you, you will find solutions that work for you both.

I also think your parents will come around when they see the grandkids, and they are being raised as good humans, who respect the differences and embrace all of their family, and are happy, and healthy.

What ever way you choose, do it with love, and much happiness will follow.

Religion issue: we decided that she will ocnvert to my religion to make it easier on the kids, and in hopes maybe my parents would come around. However, we decided to teach our kids about both religions.

Commitment issue: I decided I want her, but yes, maybe waiting for a year more because not ready yet for that big step

What happened today: last night, my brother (who sides with my family) got in an argument with her... he told her that she isn't good for me, and that she would never be good enough for us, and that she shold just leave, and disrespected her... when I heard this, I told my bro to mind his own business and to not interfere with our relationship.. and that if he wanted us to stay brothers, he would have to respect mychoice...

My mom heard about this, and didn't like that me and my bro are fighting about this... she obviously used this as an excuse to convince me to end it with her... but I stood my ground, my mom started crying, and told me to choose... either her or my girlfriend... I said I don't want to choose... I love them both, etc. when they kept pushing, I couldn't anymore, and I just walked away...

Comments anyone?

Why are you going to spend the next couple of years to convince your parents. That is just not being mature about this situation.

You do not need to convince anybody, but you are not even close to your family and you will allow them to interfere.

Maybe your afraid of commitment and trying to use your family as an excuse not to get married to this girl that you say you love.

She should not have to change religion to please your parents. Honestly your parents should go you know where. Do not let your wife change who she is, that will ruin your so called possible marriage before it even starts.

As far as religion is considered you could always bring your children up in both. Have them brought up in a way which they are exposed to both religions growing up and then when they are old enough they can chose for themselves if they want, which ones they gravitate towards.

It is very simple.
__________________

It is not a we decision. It is not her decision it was your decision that would make things easier for you. It's a cop out.

You know what, you need to do what you think is best but it is already looking like your family will control your life and your marriage.

Good luck you need it.

It's all or nothing with your family isn't it. No compromise, no understanding, no boundaries of decency toward you or your intended. I find their actions boorish, rude, and unnecessary, no matter what religion they use as an excuse.

While there are religious considerations, it should be understood that what you choose, is what you choose. Not up for discussion, ridicule, or ultimatums.

Your brother is way out of line, and your mother is way out of line. They both need to step back and come to their senses, or lose you.

First unless it is our culture I don't see why you are waiting a year or two, you either want to marry her or not

And in the end, no one is going to change their minds at this point.

As for her changing religion for someone else, well NO, no way , no how. Relgions is a belief and not something you change like hair color. She either believes or she does not.

And children can be shown or taught both and they can decide latter thierself

Yeah, she is only changing to make things easier, but we will teach both religions to children... this is not an issue

The issue is about walking out when they told me to choose... I know I did the right thing by not choosing (but by not choosing it means that I chose my gf), but the question is "what now?"

Is it my families next move? Should I contact them and try to say that there is no reason for us to not be a fmaily, and they should respect my life, etc? Will they call, and if they do then what?

Sorry for all the questions, its just I feel really strange since last night... a feeling of I know I did the right thing, but an empty gut feeling in my stomach

Would you be comfortable letting them just be, to think about what they have said. No phone calls initiated by you, and if they initiate a phone call, tell them you do not wish to talk about it at this time.

You can't win a conversation where you tell them you want respect from them, and to let you live your live, and make your own choices.

If I were on the other side of the fence, and realized that you are not contacting me (mom or brother), I'd be thinking I've pushed you too far, and I'd be worried that may drive you away forever.

Nothing can be resolved at this point. You've made up your mind, and have been quite clear about it. They are unhappy with your decision, and they too are quite clear about that.

My advice to you is to work on your relationship; no doubt, because your intended has been the 'cause' of all this angst within your family, she is going to need reassurance from you. Try to keep your thougths and opinions on all the 'what if's' on the back burner, and enjoy your life.

When and if you have to deal with this matter again, same song, different verse, same as the first. Short and sweet, no room for compromise.

I mostly always believe that you should not abandon your family over a relationship, but this girl seems to really mean a lot to you.

If you are thinking about marriage, you and your girlfriend need to have a serious talk about your culture and religion, then decide how these would factor into the lives of your future kids. That would be an important issue for your parents.

The only other advice I can really give you is to try to talk to your parents and explain your feelings towards your girlfriend. Tell them how much she means to you and that you wish they would be happy for you instead of interfere. Tell then that she respects your culture and religion and would never take that away from your future children. Just have a mature responsible conversation with them to try to make them see your side, and hear their side of things. There may be a way around all this.

If they won't accept her, you are going to have to follow your heart. Good luck!

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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

You made the wrong decision. By not choosing the so called love of your life. What your doing is saying that their behavior towards you and your girlfriend is all right and you will let them ruin the marriage at any chance you give them.

By not making a decision and standing up for your girlfriend shows that your not truly a man and that you're a mama boy that can not make any decisions for yourself.

The dynamic between partners, and in laws can be very stressful sometimes, but some clear actions on your part, are what gets you through the obstacles. No decision you make will make everyone happy, but for now, you and the partner your working with have to be on the same page, and let everyone else adjust to that. If they choose to of course.

We can't control how others act, or react, but we have control over what we do, so I think you, and your partner build a life together, and let everyone else do as they choose to.

I am almost 34 years old. I have been in many complicated situations. Do you think that I am just throwing f-cking ideas out of my hat. No, I am not. It is from experience. You want to learn the hard way and that is fine. You have everybody giving you the same advice. All across the board mind you in many different ways, and you still do not get it.

So that is fine you disagree with me but I am a 3rd person going by what was said in this whole thread. The fact are the facts.

You do not want to hear it and you prefer your life to be easy by changing your wife, and trying to please everyone, it is just going to get into bigger issues until finally your marriage will be over.

That my friend will be your fault not mine. Just because you are trying to keep your parents happy when you should be a big boy making your own decisions in life without mommy and daddy and family. That is fact.

Good luck to you, I hope everything works out for you.

Joe

Dude, she is changing willingly... she ALSO thinks it is easier to raise kids in one religion so that they won't be confused... we can teach about both... I isn't forcing anything, in fact it was HER idea... we both willingly want this

Who said I'm doing it for my parents? Yes, maybe it will make them come around easier, but despite this, they still don't want me marrying her!

The other big issue is a difference in culture/nationality/etc... and that is smthg no one can change

They don't want her because of religion AND culture difference.. not one reason alone... so even if she changed religions, it still wouldn't be enough for them

The religion change is mostly for our kids... and I told them straight: I love her culture, and if you can't accept that, then too bad... hence the walking out of the room

And my only concern now is just regardng how my relationship with my family will be... I have decided I want to stay with my girlfriend till marriage... but should that prevent me or my family from having some sort of relationship?

Why should who I am in a relationship with, affect our family? They should be my family no matter what! It is ridiculous this "i have to choose" thing

Anyway, we'll see... but I am reassuring my girlfriend and enjoying our lives and trying to not make her feel like any of this is her fault, because it isn't

If your parents are treating you and your girlfriend the way they are and you plan on making your girlfriend your wife then yes the choosing thing is important. Your not going to be spending the rest of your life with your family you will be spending the rest of your life with your wife.

The only reason why I have commented so much on this thread is because I have experience in this area, and believe me depending on the situation family will come around but in the mean time you need to be a man.

She is not changing willingly she is changing for you and your family to be accepted. That is not right or fair.

Calling me dude, because you do not get it. Well I am no dude. Just somebody that is trying to knock some sense into you before you make a mess out of your whole life and marriage before you even get started.

EDIT: By the way, Never said anything about it being your girlfriends fault. Even if feels that way, she should not. It has to do with you and how you deal with your family. I would put the blame squarely on you for not standing up for her.

I think that JesusHelper thinks that this will eventually end up with you having to make a choice. Not only that, but you must stand firm, and let them come around, not the other way around.

I cannot imagine having a relationship with such a wedge put in it by your family. I agree that you shouldn't have to change, but I also think that as ridiculous as it seems, you may very well have to choose.

I think it would be very awkward and difficult for your intended to attend family gatherings and pretend everything is okay, when clearly it isn't.

You're an adult,you make your own choices and you and your girlfriend are the ones who should,together,decide whether you want to get married and ,hopefully, spend the rest of your lives together.
Obviously your family are entitled to their opinions,but that's all they should be,opinions. If they give ultimatums.you need to be very firm with them.
As for your gf's changing her faith -how important is her own religion to her?

Enough about the religion issue... that is not my concern... me and my girlfriend are in agreement about this... thats what counts

After 3 days of no contact, my mom sends me a message saying "shame on you...you're choosing a girl over your family...you're not the boy i raised...better you forget about us," etc.

So I replied" shame on me? you're making me choose between 2 ppl who make me happy..i dont accept being in this situation..we should be a family no matter what, at least that is my opinion....i have no anger in my heart, and i hope one day you can understand me..love always, your son."

No reply... and I feel better for it... now the ball is in their court, and I'm going to move on and concentrate on my girl

enough about the religion issue...that is not my concern...me and my gf are in agreement about this...thats what counts

after 3 days of no contact, my mom sends me a message saying "shame on you...you're choosing a girl over your family...you're not the boy i raised...better you forget about us," etc.

so i replied" shame on me? you're making me choose between 2 ppl who make me happy..i dont accept being in this situation..we should be a family no matter what, at least that is my opinion....i have no anger in my heart, and i hope one day you can understand me..love always, your son."

no reply...and i feel better for it...now the ball is in their court, and im gonna move on and concentrate on my girl

How can we forget about the religion issue? That's that title of your thread, the whole premise on which this thread is based on, religion, culture and nationality.

If you're willing to give up your family for this girl then so be it. It's sad that they won't accept her as a part of the family. It's really sad that they are disowning you because of her and her beliefs.

Why do people believe in organized religion again? Tell me, because this doesn't sound like it's worth it to me.

Yes I would if the person have respict and love a yes you can learn more about other culture