I wanted to stop at this skin tone http://blackcelebritykids.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/rozonda-chilli-thomas.jpg but I started dating this new guy (I told you all about him) and he likes light skinned girls and his whole family is light skinned even though he's like Bow Wow's complexion. And like he thinks I'm pretty. But I'm not like Alicia Key's skin color. So I thought well maybe I'm just the exception. He must find me really pretty. Which is nice and I think he also likes me because of my hair. But now I'm really starting to feel insecure because he was just talking about how he feels light skinned girls are pretty because they're always in the media and rappers are always talking about them so it just gets in his head. And I just want to cry. Because right now I am this complexion http://images.hollywoodgrind.com:9000/images/2007/8/toni_braxton_see_through_nip_618.jpg and I do NOT want to go any lighter. Because I feel that if I do. It'll begin to look unnatural. And quite frankly. I LIKE this complexion on me. But I just want to cry. Because I just don't feel good enough. I just feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Because I will never be the complexion of Alicia Keys or Beyonce. And I don't want to. I like the caramel I'm at now. But I don't feel like it's good enough. I find myself getting EXTREMELY insecure around light skinned girls now. I never used to get insecure THIS MUCH because I'm pretty (sorry if this sounds vain or conceited, I don't mean to come off that way), but now I just feel like pretty is not enough. If I'm not mixed or high yellow. I just don't feel that I can keep him. And I feel so pressured. I'm just so sick of the pressure to be beautiful. It's so frustrating. It's consuming my life.

Honey you need to be with someone who cares less about skin color, hair and all those superficial things, find someone who likes people(not just you) because of who they are and not what they look like.When you're in a genuine relationship, you won't even worry about makeup, your hair and all those things because you will be comfortable and that person will be able to see pass all your imperfections.Honestly your boyfriend and his family are shallow and you can do way better.Stay the color you want to be and find someone else who is worth your time.Now cheer up and worry about school, not shallow people.

No matter what you do, there will always be girls around who have lighter skin. If that's what he is after, let him go! :rolleyes:

Hey brown deceit,
I know how you feel. I live in nyc and I see it all the time. When me and my friends go out they go straight for my friends(they are light) and not me. Whenever I go out I have to make sure I am dressed to the best and have to look 10 times better just to get the same recognition.
If you feel you look good at your color don't go any lighter. Because if you go lighter and looks bad that's worse than being dark trust me. A bad bleaching job looks worse to everyone. As far as that guy dump him quick you don't need that. You know your pretty you can do so much better.
And a lot of times guys who only like light skin girls even if you a pretty brown skin usually have issues don't waste your time.

Don't get me wrong I still bleach my skin. But I make sure everything about me is great: my hair, my clothes, my attitude, how I treat people. So that if someone like that guy comes around I know its him and not me.

Gosh I wish I could date,
The girl on the picture, she is so hot

Brown deciet, are you okay? You haven't been back since making this thread...

Girl, all you can do is be yourself. If you keep thinking about it, you will start to question yourself. You should not want to change for a guy. It'll seem like he is never satified. You should just go with the flow. If it works it works, if not then it'll be OK. There is always another.

Brown what everyone said above is absolutely true. And you have also gave the answer to your question

I do NOT want to go any lighter. Because I feel that if I do. It'll begin to look unnatural. And quite frankly.

I LIKE this complexion on me..... I will never be the complexion of Alicia Keys or Beyonce. And I don't want to. I like the caramel I'm at now.

But I don't feel like it's good enough. I find myself getting EXTREMELY insecure around light skinned girls now. I never used to get insecure THIS MUCH because I'm pretty.....It's consuming my life.

This is what you have to keep in mind of what makes you happy and comfortable and doing it for yourself (that goes w/ everything else also), and not do it for other people. When you begin to alter yourself beyond what you feel content w/ to please and who you are, because it would be even more heart-breaking when you have done all you can to please him, but he is already focused on what you do not feel comfortable with. I know thatthis is challenging and it seems easy for us to say this because we aren't the ones who have feelings for this guy. But, I would suggest giving yourself a break from him and his thick cloud in order for you to really refocus on you and what you want, what you need, what makes you happy, and that you can be able to think clear without the presence of his ideals fogging up the area. You can also even ask him if he would still feel the same way aout you if your color was much darker and your hair not naturally wavy.. of course we know his true answer even if he lies about it. But for him to already speak so much about skin color and hair that he desires and so forth, then what is behind the shallowness of his mind?

Because sometimes it can become quite easy to lose yourself while trying to please him (and others) along w/ their ideals. And a guy can sense a girl's insecurity as well as her confidence. There will always be lots of fine looking and charming men around but who will also accept you for who you are on the inside and outside.

Best to take a break to be able to focus on what you want and what you wish not to change. Because eventually he is going to start getting on your last nerves due to his shallowness and not enough depth and because it is pulling on your self-esteem and self-worth. A man should be placing his woman on a pedestal, not putting himself up there and not putting other girls up there. It's not about being conceded, everyone should believe they have much value and confidence about themselves.. one of the most attractive traits men like in women.

I wanted to stop at this skin tone http://blackcelebritykids.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/rozonda-chilli-thomas.jpg but I started dating this new guy (I told you all about him) and he likes light skinned girls and his whole family is light skinned even though he's like Bow Wow's complexion. And like he thinks I'm pretty. But I'm not like Alicia Key's skin color. So I thought well maybe I'm just the exception. He must find me really pretty. Which is nice and I think he also likes me because of my hair. But now I'm really starting to feel insecure because he was just talking about how he feels light skinned girls are pretty because they're always in the media and rappers are always talking about them so it just gets in his head. And I just wanna cry. Because right now I am this complexion http://images.hollywoodgrind.com:9000/images/2007/8/toni_braxton_see_through_nip_618.jpg and I do NOT want to go any lighter. Because I feel that if I do. It'll begin to look unnatural. And quite frankly. I LIKE this complexion on me. But I just want to cry. Because I just don't feel good enough. I just feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Because I will never be the complexion of Alicia Keys or Beyonce. And I don't want to. I like the caramel I'm at now. But I don't feel like it's good enough. I find myself getting EXTREMELY insecure around light skinned girls now. I never used to get insecure THIS MUCH because I'm pretty (sorry if this sounds vain or conceited, I don't mean to come off that way), but now I just feel like pretty is not enough. If I'm not mixed or high yellow in color. I just don't feel that I can keep him. And I feel so pressured. I'm just so sick of the pressure to be beautiful. It's so frustrating. It's consuming my life.


Brown if you are happy with your current colour then you should keep it don't let this guy be the reason you lighten to a colour that you are uncomforteble with. Remember you got to live with yourself and he can walk out of your life at any time whether your high yellow or caramel. So if you go lighter make sure its because you want to do it and not because some guy likes light skin girls.

This is also no reason to get depressed over your boyfriends perception of beauty, every man is different and your next boyfriend may find dark skin to be incredibly irresistible. So what I am saying is don't lighten for this guy its completely not worth it. I started to lighten my skin because I did not feel beautiful and I wanted to be accepted, by the man in my life. Kind of sounds like what you are going through right now. But I ended up messing up my skin and I am still trying to put it back together and it isn't easy, I used mono and now I have so many white spots I have to continue to lighten to hide them, I have to continue to lighten to a colour that is hard to maintain, I went form whoopie to beyonce, so just imagine if I go back to my original colour of whoopie with white spots can you imagine how that will look. Brown I share my expereince with you cause I don't want you to go down the same road I travelled.
Good luck girl and remember you got friends on amhd so hollar at us anytime.

Wow. Thank you all so much. You all have been so supportive and it's so nice to know that I can come on here and reach out to all of you and you're all so understanding and offer great advice.

(I don't know if that picture of toni braxton showed up, because it's not showing up on my computer. But I was trying to show you all I went from that complexion of chili to around this complexion. It's not the exact shade of the picture I wanted to show you. But I think it's close. http://www.blackqueerradical.com/images/toni%20braxton.jpg and yeah. I want to stay at this. I like it. And I will stay at this thanks to the support and advice you all have given me.)

Shaday- I totally understand what you're saying. A boyfriend should not just be concerned about the superficial things. And I'm not trying to purposely go out of my way and stick up for him when I say this. But he's not just concerned about the superficial things. He does like me for who I am as a person as well. But I suppose I'm putting more emphasis on the physical part. Which he never said he didn't like. He thinks I'm pretty. But I also know he likes lighter girls as well. Which makes me insecure.

Sandy- Yeah. That's something that I've come to realize. There will always be someone lighter. Hopefully that's not all he's after. And it's not as though I'm dark, just not as light.

Stacy- I SO can relate to you. I am such a perfectionist when it comes to the way I dress and do my hair because I know that not one thing can be off about me. Because if there is, they'll just go to the lighter girl even if there are a million things wrong with her!

Red Diamond- I think you are right. I should just go with the flow. It seems that though he is attracted to light skinned girls he still appreciates a woman's beauty even if she's not light. THOUGH. He did say a few comments that have me confused. At one point he said chili was pretty but she's dark. But then he also said gabrielle union was pretty and he raved over stacy dash at one point.

Golden- I know you think I should take a break from him. And possibly you're right. I surely don't doubt that. But. I'm so wrapped up in him and I like him so much and I just want us to grow together that it's impossible for me to step away at this moment. I just want to be perfect for him. Pathetic. I know. I'm not going to lighten anymore than what I am at now. I think you're all right about that. I do not want to lose myself and what I'm comfortable with just because I want to make him happy. I'm just going to maintain this shade now. I won't lie. At times it does pull on myself esteem and self worth when he makes those comments. It really does. It just really makes me doubt myself and takes me to such an ugly and dark lonely place. I hate it. But he does have more depth. There's more to him than some of the ignorant comments he makes.

Lighterrr- I'm so sorry that you have to struggle to maintain your complexion because you used mono to try and please someone's standards. I will definitely learn from your mistake and I will make sure not to overdue it. And wow from whoopi to beyonce's shade, that is a big difference. How did people around you take that? And yes. You're right, if you had white spots with whoopi's shade, that would look quite odd. I wish you the best of luck. Thank you for your advice.

DarkSkinGirl- Yes. I'm okay. I've just been busy. Thank you so much for checking up on me though. :) I really appreciate it.

BrownDeceit!

Girl I been missing your like crazy! But I DEFINITELY know what your going through.. Trust me. But Im telling you, ANY guy who leaves you, or shows less interest in you after your skin becomes darker, or ANYTHING like that is not worth it.. Its harder to understand, as you're the one whose going through it, but its true. You keep yourself FLY, you're a sweet girl, there's NOTHING more you should have to do to keep his interest. Your skin is FINE the way it is.. If he sees another girl and she is of lighter complexion and he decides to date her then LET HIM GO. How many dudes say KD is fine as hell? How many guys think Toni Braxton is sexy? How many guys think Ciara (old Ciara) is FINE? If the answer to that is YES, as it is, then know that there WILL be other guys that think your current complexion is GREAT! What did Mr. Trey say he looked for in a girl? He surely didn't say lightskinned! (insider :) ) And honestly, if the ONLY reason dude is sticking around is because of your complexion, he is NOT for you.. Your clothes and other things should attract them, but your heart should make them stay... You know you deserve the world girl. YOU KNOW THIS. :)

BrownDeceit
Do you know what the saddest part about what you said is- I just think about all the times I have fallen for someone and I think about the times when the relationship is new and you are getting to know each other and it has always been the most beautiful time, a time to lose all inhibitions and wallow in the moment and be unbearably HAPPY. I have fond memories of these times, but it saddens me to think that your focus has been taken up with insecurites and self doubt. Believe in yourself and enjoy whatever it is that makes you somehow want to stay with this guy otherwise no matter how good looking you may think he is, you are truly just wasting your time.

We here for you brown. Nice to know you're doing good. I was afraid you might have gone off and done something crazy because you seemed so distraught in your first post. I know exactly what you are going through, I had a male friend who LOVED him some Alicia Keys, mainly because she had silky long hair, lightskin and Euro features. I used to feel so ugly. I got rid of him as a friend and myself esteem started to go up but his ignorant thoughts about black women and our appearance still lingers on with me though.
It takes time to get over this. But you may want to get rid of that guy. It's only going to get worse

we here for you brown. nice to know you're doing good. I was afraid you might have gone off and done something crazy because you seemed so distraught in your first post. I know exactly what you are going through, I had a male friend who LOVED him some Alicia Keys, mainly because she had silky long hair, lightskin and Euro features. I used to feel so ugly. I got rid of him as a friend and my self esteem started to go up but his ignorant thoughts about black women and our appearance still lingers on with me though.
It takes time to get over this. but you may want to get rid of that guy. It's only going to get worse

If it makes you feel any better... Alicia Keys got a nose job...

http://education.makemeheal.com/images/c/c3/Alicia-keys-nose-job.jpg

If it makes you feel any better....Alicia Keys got a nose job...

http://education.makemeheal.com/images/c/c3/Alicia-keys-nose-job.jpg

Yeah, I had came across her before/after pics of the nose job a few days ago. I was kind of surprised, because it seems as though many black female celebrities had nose jobs and their pics shows a big difference.

I think people really need to look inside and find what it is that makes them beautiful and project it to the world. Why would anyone want to be with someone because of how they look. Okay, this one is beautiful, or handsome or has a banging body... after all of that is said... now what? What else is there? I mean there very well may be a very intelligent person who is on the ball,but we must look beyond that. Some people that we may not view as "beautiful" or "handsome" but that does not mean that they aren't. None of us get help the way we look but we can help the way we treat each other. And if we want to start making changes to please others... I think it's time seriously take a good look at ourselves.

Aww that guy is a jerk... get rid of him... u don't want to live you life stressed out to keep up your color or lose him... he should love you for u! I have nothing against skin lightening but your happy at your caramel complexion so stay there and lsoe him.. people usually love that complexion he's got a lot of insecurities if you ask me. Like you said, his family is all light and he's like bow wo (whos medium skin tone) so maybe he always felt like the darker one so he's insecure now...

Does everyone here actually HEAR what you are saying in your responses. I mean forget about this guy and listen to what YOU are saying. Everyone here seems to have a complex about skin color. Black people are so lost in this light skin dark skin thing. And believe me I understand. We are "taught' that light skin equals beauty and dark skin equals ugly and neither is true. We all still have that slave mentality that "white" is better and if you can't be white the light skin is the next best thing. Now I understand that back in the day black people "wished" they were white or light. Because they wanted to be treated "better". Then it turned into something different... Parents started telling their children that light skin is prettier and better. Black women even intentionally gave into the white slave master or land owner because they believed if they had a child with them their children would be safe from ridicule but that didn't happen. Well I guess I going on tangent here but let's just be happy with ourselves and stop worrying about the stupid stuff.

Chili has the most beautiful complexion I've ever seen. Kind of like eva from ANTM. I somewhat know what you are going through, listen to these people. YOu know, sometimes people stray away from what they think they like because it's always been the norm to them. You're different than what he's used to. If he makes you feel insecure about it then tell him, if he's a good guy he'll take your feelings into consideration. He may be a good looking guy to you, but you may really be attracted to guys with muscles or something that he doesn't have, but that doesn't make you like HIM any less right? I'm sure you don't want to leave him because of things you're attracted to that he doesn't have. If he can't respect that insecurity that you have than holla! I'm sure your absolutely gorgous!

Does everyone here actually HEAR what you are saying in your responses. I mean forget about this guy and listen to what YOU are saying. Everyone here seems to have a complex about skin color. Black people are so lost in this light skin dark skin thing. And believe me I understand. We are "taught' that light skin equals beauty and dark skin equals ugly and neither is true. We all still have that slave mentality that "white" is better and if you can't be white the light skin is the next best thing. Now I understand that back in the day black people "wished" they were white or light. Because they wanted to be treated "better". Then it turned into something different...Parents started telling their children that light skin is prettier and better. Black women even intentionally gave into the white slave master or land owner because they believed if they had a child with them their children would be safe from ridicule but that didn't happen. Well I guess I going on tangent here but let's just be happy with ourselves and stop worrying about the stupid stuff.


She didn't say she wasn't happy with herself. She just says that she doesn't possess what he "likes". I don't have a complex about skin color at all, I just think I look better with a lighter complexion. I would never want to be light skinned, I don't think it would look right on me at all. I love my new caramel color. My skin glows and it's the perfect shade for my features. So, you can't speak for most people here. When I look at the shade chart where people posted what shade they would like to be, many of them are only a few shades, I don't think I've seen anyone who was trying to drastically change their color. If that were the issue, some of the darker people maybe Grabrielle Union's color would be wanting to be Beyonce's color or lighter. I haven't seen this at all, although I'm sure there are some. But again she did seem to be happy with the color she is.

She didn't say she wasn't happy with herself. She just says that she doesn't posess what he "likes". I don't have a complex about skin color at all, I just think I look better with a lighter complexion. I would never want to be light skinned, I don't think it would look right on me at all. I love my new caramel color. My skin glows and it's the perfect shade for my features. So, you can't speak for most people here. When I look at the shade chart where people posted what shade they would like to be, many of them are only a few shades, I don't think I've seen anyone who was trying to drastically change their color. If that were the issue, some of the darker people maybe Grabrielle Union's color would be wanting to be Beyonce's color or lighter. I haven't seen this at all, although I'm sure there are some. But again she did seem to be happy with the color she is.

Yes, I agree. We all have our ideals of beauty. Some want to be darker and some want to be lighter. Some like to straighten their hair, and some like to curl it. Some like to have brown eyes, and some like green, hazel, blue. Some like to dye their hair blonde, some dye it brown or auburn, and some dye it blue or green. We all alter ourselves the way we like, whether 2 people disagree what the other does or not... we all still do it. So, if someone does not like what I do to change, then I might also not like something that they do to alter themselves. Yet, we all try to control one another in some form of way and define and say what can and can not be done; what should and should not be done. If we all had the same ideals of beauty, then where is the diversity?

No 2 people think a like, nor 2 people alter themselves the same way... yet that is a fact that we all are responsible of... I've grown tiered and restless of people pointing fingers. Because we all want to be respected for what is in the inside, not how we alter ourselves. No need to waste our breath on what someone can or can not do to alter or define themselves. When we should actually focus more on what we should and should not do to better our earth and be good people. Much more in life that is going on like murder, suffering, global warming, situations that are more complex that should be really questioned and discussed... not something simple as one darkeing or lightening their skin, curling their hair, or changing their hair blonde... that is vague. That is how nothing gets done.

Not judge. Not question with speculation. Just focus on a real issue like "why people murder??" and "why people litter??"... I don't see that being asked and analyzed as much these days... :(

Everyone here has given you great advice, so I am not going to wste your time by reading something some one else has said in 100000 words. I am looking at your picture now, and you are BEAUTIFUL, that is all I wanted you to know. Don't be insecure, there are so many women (many that I know personally) who would LOVE to be half the beauty you are, so be happy and love you for who you are.

That's Chillie, the singer from the group TLC