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View Full Version : Poem I worte last night.give your opinion pleas


xXkiya27Xx
Nov 25, 2009, 09:03 AM
Can you feel the dark?
Its closing in,
Depression takes its toll.
You hear the screams,
Of diying souls,
Hear the whispers of the night.
See the faces full of fright.
Whatch them fading out of sight.
Their here their there,
Their everywhere.
You can't escape the dark,
Its you who it wants
You who it stalks.
Don't stop to talk,
Don't stop to see
If any of the souls need help.
They'll grab you with a yelp.
They rip your soul,
And turn it insideout.
But if you doubt
What all I say,
Just try it out
I say.
But when your soul is stuck
Then your just out of luck.
Don't say I didn't warn you about the darks desguise.
About the souls as the nights little spys.
So watch out!
Beware!
Don't stop anywhere.
Even if its light
They still creep out of sight.
On the sidewalks,
In the parks
Anywhere with a hint of dark.
They feed on fear,
So don't show it anywhere
Even when your really scared,
You'll make them stronger,
As if they arnt strong enough already.
But soon it won't matter.
For they'll kill us all.
And darkness will drown the world,
And creatures of the night
Will rule all that's right.
So next time you see the dark,
Don't think there's no one there.
They are watching from everywhere...

-Bridgey-

adam_89
Nov 25, 2009, 09:06 AM
Good job with it but I can't even remember the last time I read a happy poem. Everyone wants to write morbid ones or scary creepy types.

xXkiya27Xx
Nov 25, 2009, 09:13 AM
Good job with it but I can't even remember the last time I read a happy poem. Everyone wants to write morbid ones or scary creepy types.

I write poetry all the time... I have a few happy ones... I write songs sometimes too... the songs are usually the happy ones... why poems are usually morbid though is because most people write them when they are in bad moods or in depression because it helps them release everything that they are feeling when they have no one to tell but a piece of paper...

adam_89
Nov 25, 2009, 09:22 AM
i write poetry all the time...i have a few happy ones...i write songs sometimes too...the songs r usually the happy ones....why poems r usually morbid tho is because most ppl write them when they are in bad moods or in depression because it helps them release everything that they r feeling when they have no one to tell but a peice of paper...

Ok, I understand why so morbid then.

I really liked yours though. The structure of it was very nice. Have you ever entered any contests or anything with your poems? My brother used to write poems and his was very morbid even though he wasn't he entered a few contests for money and became a finalist but never won. You should try it!

xXkiya27Xx
Nov 25, 2009, 09:31 AM
Ok, I understand why so morbid then.

I really liked yours though. The structure of it was very nice. Have you ever entered any contests or anything with your poems? My brother used to write poems and his was very morbid even though he wasn't he entered a few contests for money and became a finalist but never won. You should try it!

Thanks... and no I've never entered in any contests or anything... I usually don't share my poetry because every piece that I write is very special to me... and I write stuff that I can't share with others so I've never even thought of showing any of them to anyone except for only like two or three of them but they rnt as good as my others...

adam_89
Nov 25, 2009, 09:32 AM
Are you planning on doing anything with this one since you posted it here?

xXkiya27Xx
Nov 25, 2009, 09:35 AM
Are you planning on doing anything with this one since you posted it here?

Yeah... this one is one that I was thinking about maybe entering in a contest but I wasn't sure so figured I would post it on here and see what others think about it and maybe I will try it in a contest... not sure though... lol

adam_89
Nov 25, 2009, 09:59 AM
yeah...this one is one that i was thinking about maybe entering in a contest but i wasnt sure so figured i would post it on here and see what others think bout it and maybe i will try it in a contest....not sure tho....lol

Well I wish you the best of luck and I Liked it and I am sure others will as well.

xXkiya27Xx
Nov 25, 2009, 10:32 AM
Well I wish you the best of luck and I Liked it and I am sure others will as well.

Thanks lots XD

adam_89
Nov 25, 2009, 11:32 AM
No problem!