Hi,

I have a son with whom I have never had contact. His mother left me after a few months of finding out she was pregenant. THere was a 10 year age difference between me and her and I was 22 at the time and she felt that I needed to enjoy and experience life and also thought that I could not properly care for her, her son from her ex-husband and our new baby. So she moved while I was at work.

She kept in touch by calling every once in awhile for the first 10 years and then stopped contacting me after I asked for pictures of our son. She said she would and would eventually tell him I was his father. (She got back together with her ex-husband and his name is on the birth certificate).

My son is now 19 years old and I have been trying to find him for several years as I felt she was never going to tell him.

I recently found him via Facebook and want to contact him as he is over 18, do I have any rights? Is there any laws preventing me from doing so? I really want him to be part of my life even if he does not want to call me dad. I know she will be very upset with me contacting him, but I feel I deserve to at least meet him and let him know the truth.

Thanks in advance for any advice that can be offered.
-P

There's no law preventing you from contacting him. But this is a potentially sticky situation from an emotional standpoint. Is he aware of his origins? Is he under the impression that the ex-husband/current husband is actually his father? Are you sure that you're the father? It's going to be hard to reconcile all the facts that have been left hanging for 19 years.

From what I know he thinks her current husband is his father. I am 99.99% sure he is my son.

I know this is a sticky situation, I am torn on what to do. I started searching for him many years ago and just found him by dumb luck. I do not want to ruin his life or have him resent me, but I just can't sit on the side lines and forget about him.

He may need to know which man is his father simply for medical reasons.

Hello n:

He's an adult. You're an adult. There's no law preventing you from contacting him. I sure would. But, because he doesn't know about you, I'd have an intermediary contact him first. It'll save you BOTH some embarrassment if things don't go well.

excon