gios12
Nov 21, 2009, 05:28 PM
So I came home from work 5 days ago and my fiancée of 2 months informed me that she can longer marry me. The reason being that there's something "missing". I was speechless, and she left to go to her parents for "a while".
My anger came out later that night, once the reality set in, and I started getting texts from her father, telling me how sometimes, the "magic" just isn't there, and it's better to know now than after marriage and kids. I have been treated as a son to them. 2 days later, after no contact, we decided to get together at our condo and talk. We started at 5 PM on Wednesday and finished at 6 AM on Friday. She still wore her ring, and everything, although hard to hear, was positive and represented progress. She told me that I am "her everything", and would be the perfect husband, perfect father, and that she loves me more than anything in the world. We learned a lot about each other, realized things that were missing, or not right. We mutually took responsibility for things, and as far as I was concerned, were making progress.
I came home from work Friday, and although I knew she wouldn't be there as we agreed that her staying with her parents for the next while was the only way we'd work on things individually, and I was relieved to find no note, nothing as much as a symbol of anything negative. She called that evening to say she was going to pick up her sister and head to a girlfriends' place for dinner. She texted my at 10:30 to say she was home and heading to bed. She then called at 1:00 AM because she couldn't sleep and just wanted to make sure I was OK... I challenged her in that I don't need her to wonder if I'm OK, to which she then said that she really just needed to hear my voice... When I woke up Saturday I saw that she had also wrote on my Facebook wall (so that everyone could see), writing about a picture of us and how much fun that day was...
Saturday, I woke up to her calling, saying she was on her way to yoga, and would call me after her class. OK... then she called to say she was done, and coming by to "get some things". She showed up with coffees, and we spent the next hour doing some work around the condo. Said her good-bye, and went to "run some errands". Called me 30 minutes later to say she was at the store, and wanted to know if I wanted anything... said no thanks, then she shows up with tea, saying she needed to get something else, as she was going to her friends' place for fondue (a monthly ritual for them)... then she starts talking about where to put the Christmas tree, and some other decorating ideas. Then she leaves, gives me a kiss and says she'll call me later tonight. She suggested picking me up in the morning for church, then heading out for a run, and picking up a few things for the car, cat, and house...
So.. . Some things to consider: I am 35. She is 29. I have NOT initiated any communication. Not trying to be "following the book", just out of respect for both of us. We have never fought about anything of importance. We realized that our disconnect was emotional and spiritual, and that we'd work on those, on our own and together. She wore her ring, until today. Said she can't continue to wear it considering she's told her family and friends about everything, and that it just wouldn't look right. Said that she doesn't care about what anyone thinks about her or us, because WE are doing the mature, responsible, and right thing right now.
Where I'm stuck is that as hurt as I was on Monday, I can't hate her, and can't blame her for anything right now. It SEEMS like she's made her point(s), and put the ball in my court to step up, prove myself to her, and that that might take some time. Or, as my devil's advocate says, she's just unsure of what she's doing... The thing is, WE decided to make some changes, and work on them together, and I'm worried that maybe she won't work on these changes seriously and we'll have gained nothing, and lost however much time... am I over-reacting?
Thoughts? HELP!
My anger came out later that night, once the reality set in, and I started getting texts from her father, telling me how sometimes, the "magic" just isn't there, and it's better to know now than after marriage and kids. I have been treated as a son to them. 2 days later, after no contact, we decided to get together at our condo and talk. We started at 5 PM on Wednesday and finished at 6 AM on Friday. She still wore her ring, and everything, although hard to hear, was positive and represented progress. She told me that I am "her everything", and would be the perfect husband, perfect father, and that she loves me more than anything in the world. We learned a lot about each other, realized things that were missing, or not right. We mutually took responsibility for things, and as far as I was concerned, were making progress.
I came home from work Friday, and although I knew she wouldn't be there as we agreed that her staying with her parents for the next while was the only way we'd work on things individually, and I was relieved to find no note, nothing as much as a symbol of anything negative. She called that evening to say she was going to pick up her sister and head to a girlfriends' place for dinner. She texted my at 10:30 to say she was home and heading to bed. She then called at 1:00 AM because she couldn't sleep and just wanted to make sure I was OK... I challenged her in that I don't need her to wonder if I'm OK, to which she then said that she really just needed to hear my voice... When I woke up Saturday I saw that she had also wrote on my Facebook wall (so that everyone could see), writing about a picture of us and how much fun that day was...
Saturday, I woke up to her calling, saying she was on her way to yoga, and would call me after her class. OK... then she called to say she was done, and coming by to "get some things". She showed up with coffees, and we spent the next hour doing some work around the condo. Said her good-bye, and went to "run some errands". Called me 30 minutes later to say she was at the store, and wanted to know if I wanted anything... said no thanks, then she shows up with tea, saying she needed to get something else, as she was going to her friends' place for fondue (a monthly ritual for them)... then she starts talking about where to put the Christmas tree, and some other decorating ideas. Then she leaves, gives me a kiss and says she'll call me later tonight. She suggested picking me up in the morning for church, then heading out for a run, and picking up a few things for the car, cat, and house...
So.. . Some things to consider: I am 35. She is 29. I have NOT initiated any communication. Not trying to be "following the book", just out of respect for both of us. We have never fought about anything of importance. We realized that our disconnect was emotional and spiritual, and that we'd work on those, on our own and together. She wore her ring, until today. Said she can't continue to wear it considering she's told her family and friends about everything, and that it just wouldn't look right. Said that she doesn't care about what anyone thinks about her or us, because WE are doing the mature, responsible, and right thing right now.
Where I'm stuck is that as hurt as I was on Monday, I can't hate her, and can't blame her for anything right now. It SEEMS like she's made her point(s), and put the ball in my court to step up, prove myself to her, and that that might take some time. Or, as my devil's advocate says, she's just unsure of what she's doing... The thing is, WE decided to make some changes, and work on them together, and I'm worried that maybe she won't work on these changes seriously and we'll have gained nothing, and lost however much time... am I over-reacting?
Thoughts? HELP!