I apologize for the length of this... but I need help

I met this girl through a good friend, and found out a while ago that she thought I was cute and that she liked me. For a long time I didn't think that she was my type at all. I saw her a lot because she's friends with my friend, and started to realize that she is actually a really cute, cool girl. The problem was that I noticed that my friend really had feelings for her so I wanted to back off. Unfortunately, throughout drunken nights where she was around we ended up making out on a few occasions, but only when under the influence. I actually was starting to like this girl, but I still was afraid to pursue anything. Friends first!! I wasn't sure if it was wrong of me to go after her. I took her on a date one night and spent time alone with her another time, but nothing happened more than kissing. But, I also was sending very mixed messages to this girl when I really didn't want to. In a way this probably helped my cause because she was the one initiating the conversations, and I had a mysterious aspect that kept her wondering. After probably a month and a half since the first time we kissed, my friend actually ends up finding a girl. With that I decide to make a real move. Of course it happened when we were drunk, but she stayed the night. In my bed she specifically told me that "I hope you don't think your going to fu$$ me tonight". I played it cool saying that it would be nice but I completely respected the fact she was so straight foreword. I do have to mention that we discussed this whole situation that night. She told me that she can't figure me out, but she really liked me and I replied with the same. I also regretfully (being drunk) explained to her why I had been so weird about things because of the whole friend situation. It was after that night when I think I messed up. I completely changed the way I acted toward her, showing her too much interest. We went out again on a day hike date to the top of foothill overlooking the town, which was awesome I might add. However, now that I think back, this was when our whole situation turned to me taking initiative in calling. In fact, I was the only one making the calls and texts now. Also, again being drunk, I have complimented her way too much (at least I think). I don't want to be too nice. Anyway, her ex-boyfriend who had gone out with her for about 3 years has had problems with drugs and legal issues and she has had to take care of him. I had completely understood, having been in the same length relationship, and wishing that I had kept in touch but didn't. I guess I completely don't regret this I just again don't want to be too nice. There have also been different situations where I have tried to contact her but her cell has been "dead" and just recently the screen broke so she can only answer calls not make them or text. I don't want to ruin this and still want her to have that spark she previously had. Even though I told myself that I don't want a relationship right now I can see this turning into one. Unfortunately, I am in that trap of liking her too much and probably more than she likes me. So my question is if anyone thinks I messed things up and lost her interest? And... what should I do about calling her? I feel like I haven't called too much, but almost too much. Also, I feel like I am acting different from the person she initially liked because now I really like her. What do you guys think? Thank you so much.

Id give her some space. Wait a week and then call her. Don't let too much time go by though, weeks good.

I'm in a similar situation sort of... its like you hit that month and a half to two months and then it either should turn into something or just end... I sound like a hypocrite though because I'm still letting the games go on instead of ending it even though I should. Am I right? About two months you have been hangin out?

Well truly its not so easy to answer that because I'm not sure if you can consider that hanging out. Really its been like 2 maybe 3 weeks that we actually hung out consistently. I can't believe I feel this way but I actually hope something becomes of this.

You may have lost her interest maybe you haven't. The best way to find out is to ask her. Either way though, you were REALLY pushing things, and if I were her, I would feel pressured into a relationship with you. I would recommend not hanging out with her drunk, or in drinking scenes.
Compliments and kisses from a drunk person are about as nice as compliments and kisses with sexual intentions- they're nice to have, but they don't spur deepness of relationship, romance, and commitment like compliments and kisses our of a sincere heart, and most of us know that.

Hmmm sounds to me she liked the thill of the chase in way, like she enjoyed the part where you were mysterious and hard to get and didn't let her in, but now that she is in, and knows you like her a lot, I guess the initial excitement has gone. Its not as fun or challenging for her anymore.

I could be wrong, but maybe you should try to hold back a little, maybe not drink so much (Lol)... and be a little more mysterious to make her want to come to you, instead of you always going go her.

Thank you... I think your absolutely right... hopefully I didn't mess this up

Actually do you really think I should ask her? I feel like I should back off a lot and try to now let her know that I actually do like her a lot.

The only way to know is to ask her straight up. Don't try to put it off, or get nervous. If you like this girl and want a real, serious relationship, you can't be afraid to be honest, so start now!

I think it would be fine to ask. You can survive whatever her answer is, you're not going to die, and if she likes you enough she isn't going to let a question you ask her get in the way of you two being together. I think that if you're genuine, sincere, and not drunk, you more than likely won't come off to her as pushy, and may even come off as an honest, open man who isn't afraid to express his feelings.. The only way to know, like I said, is to ask her.

Hmmm sounds to me she liked the thill of the chase in way, like she enjoyed the part where you were mysterious and hard to get and didn't let her in, but now that she is in, and knows you like her a lot, I guess the initial excitement has gone. Its not as fun or challenging for her anymore.

I could be wrong, but maybe you should try to hold back a little, maybe not drink so much (Lol)... and be a little more mysterious to make her want to come to you, instead of you always going to her.

I think I'm going to try both suggestions.. And yes being rejected will not really be bad. I am not desperate. However, and this is why I care, I like her to a point now (don't know her all that well) but really see myself learning to like her more and more. So I guess I'm saying is that girls like her don't come around often and I don't want to mess it up

Understandable... nobody wants to mess up because if they do, they may regret it and think they have lost "the one", so do your best, but like you said, you are not desperate. Have some dignity, be a man, be yourself and if she doesn't share the same feelings for you, there is nothing you can do.

Amen to that

Glad you agree... lots of guys will chase after the girl, making her feel more trapped and smothered... making her want nothing to do with you. The thing that made her chase after you in the first place was your mystery, so if you keep that sometimes, she will try to get closer to you, get in, and then both of you can start to get to know each other better

Here's something I've been told, it was aimed toward guys but I'm sure some women feel the same way... I do at some times. I was told that guys like to work for things- the more they can't get what they want, the more they work for it, and the more they value, what they can't get. a.k.a. If you're saving up for a car- the more you save, the better the car is looking to you, the more it's worth to you, the more you want it, and that's why women play hard-to-get... because they like guys to chase them. However, not all girls feel this way. I was pursued by my fiancé (he went to my parents to tell them he was interested.) But I also met him halfway. It really depends on what you believe would work best with this woman. This why friendship first is a good idea- when the time comes to be quiet or speak up, fix a problem of hers or give her a hug, ask her out, or even what to get her as a birthday present, you will know enough about her to not sit there wondering for eternity.

Bingo... nothing worth it comes easy... you have to work hard to get something good...

But also, there is a limit to how much work a person is willing to put in to get something...

In the end, hopefully the prize is worth the effort...

This is a trait of all human beings. This is why so many people have a hard time with relationships. Its hard to control your emotions when you get interested. Very good point.
THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH

Yeah, I agree, but it also depends on what kind of effort you're putting in. i.e.. Chasing a girl takes less effort than keeping up a marriage for a lifetime. You will always be putting forth work and effort if you're in a relationship, but most of the prizes will consistently change. Some things though should be unconditional, like assuring your wife/husband of your love- you can't just quit doing that because it takes too much work. I agree w you BlackVY.

Rockursock: everyone gets wrapped up in emotions when it comes to a relationship. That's why it's important to think with your head, not your feelings- so you're living in reality, not in a romance novel. It is only human to be feelings oriented.

True... I actually just thought about something else, all me and this girl have done is kissed. It kind of threw me off her telling me she didn't want to have sex so I didn't want to push anything. She also hasn't slept over ever since that first time like 2 weeks ago. From a females point of view is that a sign of me being insecure or something, or is that good? Mind you that we are juniors in college and this is going slower than most high school relationships

Glad you mentioned this... Don't worry about it "going too slow!" I met my fiancé when I was 15, we had our first kiss on my 18th birthday, and didn't have our "first time" until we were engaged. It's good to take it slow- this way, you are becoming connected emotionally, and more deeply than if you were more physically connected. Save sex.

Interesting.. ya I actually was talking to one of my girl friends about how she stayed over but we didn't do ANYTHING. She said pretty much the same thing. Also that she probably liked me at the time enough where she didn't want to mess things up.

Does anyone have any advice. It would be greatly appreciated.

Threads merged

Me and this girl have had an interesting situation lately. I call it a situation because we are not dating, however, I realize now that I like her a lot for as much as I know her. Really I just realized that she might be that rare girl that is perfect for me. This opportunity doesn't come around often and I am afraid that I might have messed it up. So to give you background information, she had originally liked me and I didn't think she was my type at first. I also found out one of my best friends was really into her. So there were two good reasons that made it not worth pursuing. However, as life works in strange ways, on multiple drunken occasions we made out. Then, I ended up taking her on a date and then hanging out with her another time. All these occurrences were very spread out, and while I initiated the plans, I didn't initiate any calls or texts. My friend ended up finding someone, and the next thing I know were partying at my house and she stays over. She tells me that she can't quite figure me out, but she really likes me and I responded that I liked her too. GOING PERFECTLY RIGHT? Wrong, because this is when I realize that I actually do like her and change up everything I do. Now I'm initiating all the calls and texts. I also, which really messed things up, complimented her too much on different occasions while drunk. I basically messed up everything, and now am getting the impression that she has lost her interest in me. I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas. They would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for listening.

Just sit back and wait for her to call you. If she thinks you're hard to figure out, then make it even more difficult for her. Trust me, she's having way more fun talking to her friends about you and all the drama that comes along with it than just being with you. She craves the mystery and the fact that amongst her friends she may be the only one with a "situation" going on to speak about. Don't fall into her lap like a little puppy. Have fun with it and string her along. She'll fall for it, I guarantee.

It's really all the drama, the emotional ups and downs and romance that they crave.

Absolutely... one thing is that she can only receive calls because her phone is broken. I actually told her that we should party tommorro, but I was thinking that I would wait until Saturday and call her at 7 to go for a hike or something at 8. Basically to be spontaneous. What do you think. It would be 3 days since I called... is that to short?

By the way thank you for the response it was very helpful

I see a trend, "while drunk" perhaps you need to work on you so that her or perhaps someone else will be glad to be with you.

I guess.. actually part of the reason I like her so much is that she kind of encourages me to get drunk she thinks its funny. We both are in college and like to have a good time. However, there is the possibility that she said that to please me.

If she can't make calls then I guess your hands are tied. You can't wait for her to call you so you have to make a move I guess. If you do have to call her, make sure that you have plans that don't include her after the hike. You need to make it seem like you have other things going on besides being with her. This will keep her on her toes.

I know what happens in college so getting drunk and making out is basically par for the course. If you're spending time together sober as well then you may be on to something.

Nice I didn't think about that. That's good

My advice.

Stop drinking.

I'm sure she doesn't want another guy like her last boyfriend who was messed up with drugs/alcohol.

Just have an honest talk to her... ask her out, don't skirt around the subject, be a man and be upfront about it.

Threads merged


First of all I would not consider myself desperate nor a ladies man by any means. I am kind of in the middle, and never really get too worked up over girls except for my one serious 3 1/2 year relationship. However, I am all worked up over this girl that initially I wasn't even into. At first I played it very well, but later on I started to like her and made some minor foolish mistakes. We are both in 3rd year of college and are big partyers, and I have said too much while under the influence. Anyway I have been sensing the fact that she has lost interest, and I keep telling myself there are other girls, but just when I am convinced at her loss of interest she gives me reason to think otherwise. I just don't know what to do and I can't convince myself to just get over it. Another thing is that all my friends, including one of my best girlfriends, who is always telling me I can do better says this girl is great and loves her. This is the first time I actually think that this friend has actually liked a girl I introduced her too, which really means a lot to me. Me and this girl are not really in a relationship but have told each other we like one another. Its been really weird because its been a couple months and nothing physical has happened besides kissing and cuddling, though she spent the night in my bed. This was a while ago, but she straight up told me that she didn't want to have sex, which I respected, but it through me off a lot. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can maybe fix things up? Do I need to just forget about it or do I have a chance?

Answers are very very much appreciated and thanks for your time!

Well, if I said I don't want to have sex, than I'm thinking 'I don't want to have sex' It's kind of odd that she said this 'out loud' and she is cuddling and kissing which leads to sex.:confused:

Play it slow, maybe she is looking for something different in her life right now. She sounds confused.
Sorry, I'm not much help here:(

What I read after merging your posts is that you, and a female are party buddies, and often make out while drunk. It also sounds as if you want more than to just be party buddies, but are afraid to ask her to be in an official relationship.

Stay sober for a while, and see how you get along sober, see if your more than party buddies, and if you have more things in common than just a wild roller coaster ride.

Alcohol, like sex, plays tricks on your mind, and makes feelings so much more intense, and hard to figure. I realize your at that age where girls, parties, drinking, and having a grand time, is pretty much what you look forward too, and make plans for. I get that.

But if you want a girlfriend, its got to be on a deeper, more sober level than what your doing now. Or else it will only work while things are moving fast, the music is loud, and the liquor is flowing.

Another thing is I feel your so attached to this one female, maybe through no fault of your own, but the being around each other so much, and doing so much, then of course the attraction is strong, and maybe as intoxicating as the drinking.

Hey look get sober, and talk to her, and see if she likes you enough to be your girl, and if not, don't spend so much time together, because trust me, that will never work. Then you will be stuck. There are many females out there to be party buddies with, without the emotional attachments.

If your just looking for sex, that's another thing as I doubt she wants to be a sex buddy with you.So see things thru a sober reality, unless you want to be a drunken fool!

What do you want to do?