xxsmileyface
Nov 18, 2009, 07:23 PM
Well, hi there. It's me again. Still troubled over my life. I'll just skip all the boring stuff and get right into it.
So, what seems to be bothering me the most at this moment in time is my hopeless, yet very large crush on a straight guy (I'm bisexual... and also a guy, clearly). I feel like the harder I try to get over him, the harder it is. Ever since that party when I told him how I felt, I feel like we've become better friends, which is a good thing, I suppose. Though I'm still horribly confused, because one second he seems flirtatious towards me (or at least really nice), and the next he completely ignores me.
The next thing, school. I'm almost always stressed over it, as I'm trying really hard to get all A's, plus I took on an AP course on saturdays, and that also has me stressed. Plus, myself image is not a good one. I always feel ugly, like I'd be better off dead. I've even given some serious thought to cutting myself, which I know is not something I should get in to. I lay awake at night thinking about my life and how it would be so much better if things were different and I feel like I dwell too much on negative thoughts that I always end up feeling worse about myself. At the same time though, I can't help but think those thoughts.
I feel like what I need is just to sit down and cry for a few hours... I don't think I've cried in a year or so... that's a lot of pent up emotions. The problem is, I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm not sure how bad this all seems to to you, but I know that this is the saddest I've felt in a long time--and I just don't know how to cope. Any help is appreciated! Thanks in advance.
So, what seems to be bothering me the most at this moment in time is my hopeless, yet very large crush on a straight guy (I'm bisexual... and also a guy, clearly). I feel like the harder I try to get over him, the harder it is. Ever since that party when I told him how I felt, I feel like we've become better friends, which is a good thing, I suppose. Though I'm still horribly confused, because one second he seems flirtatious towards me (or at least really nice), and the next he completely ignores me.
The next thing, school. I'm almost always stressed over it, as I'm trying really hard to get all A's, plus I took on an AP course on saturdays, and that also has me stressed. Plus, myself image is not a good one. I always feel ugly, like I'd be better off dead. I've even given some serious thought to cutting myself, which I know is not something I should get in to. I lay awake at night thinking about my life and how it would be so much better if things were different and I feel like I dwell too much on negative thoughts that I always end up feeling worse about myself. At the same time though, I can't help but think those thoughts.
I feel like what I need is just to sit down and cry for a few hours... I don't think I've cried in a year or so... that's a lot of pent up emotions. The problem is, I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm not sure how bad this all seems to to you, but I know that this is the saddest I've felt in a long time--and I just don't know how to cope. Any help is appreciated! Thanks in advance.