Hello... im going to try and keep this as short as possible but here it goes. So my girlfriend of almost three years decided about a month ago that we needed to take a break. At first she didn't really give me a reason for this break and I was terribly confused. Then recently we met and discussed things and it appears that she just is wanting to make sure that we are right for each other before we take the next step of getting engaged. However, I'm confused because I'm sure of the way I feel about her and not sure what to do next. She tells me that she might just need another week to a month to figure things out. But that she can't see herself without me and that she knows that no one else will love her like I do. What do you guys think I should do?

If you're sure of how you feel about her, then you've done your part. Now her let figure things out on her end.

What do you do next? You wait. Be patient.

She will contact you when she's ready to talk. Go do your own thing and don't just sit by the phone to wait for her to call.

What do you guys think I should do?

Move on with your life. After another month or a week, she will most likely need more time, and then again more time, then before you know it you have wasted so much of your own life. I am not a huge believer in breaks, especially when it is in order to "figure out if she wants to be with me."

Thanks kc I know that I need to move on but I'm just not ready to yet... ive invested so much time into this relationship and she hasn't moved on either... we still talk regularly and I just know in my heart that it isn't over

Thanks kc i know that i need to move on but im just not ready to yet...ive invested so much time into this relationship and she hasnt moved on either...we still talk regularly and i just know in my hear that it isnt over

Well I understand. Just give her some time, but in the mean time, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy your life as well. There is fun to be had, so go have it, and try not to worry about what you can't control (although I know it is hard not to worry). Good luck!

Thanks KC... im trying my best not to worry about it because I know ultimately what's going to happen is going to happen and if its suppose to work out it will. Ive just been having a hard time realizing that all the time but I'm doing my best. I'm also trying my best to keep busy and enjoy life. Just hoping that she will realize sooner rather then later that we are meant to be together or at least realize the other way so I can have some closure and begin to move on.

Anyone else have any advice?

Hello...im going to try and keep this as short as possible but here it goes. So my girlfriend of almost three years decided about a month ago that we needed to take a break. At first she didn't really give me a reason for this break and I was terribly confused. Then recently we met and discussed things and it appears that she just is wanting to make sure that we are right for each other before we take the next step of getting engaged. However, I'm confused becuase im sure of the way i feel about her and not sure what to do next. She tells me that she might just need another week to a month to figure things out. But that she can't see herself without me and that she knows that no one else will love her like I do. What do you guys think I should do?

I think you need to sit down and think about what you want in the relationship and just how much you are willing to give up including time. How long are you willing to attempt to hold a relationship together without help from the other person?

Quite frankly, I think she is being selfish and thinking only of what she wants and desires and is giving no thought to your feelings and needs. To me, it sounds like she came up with an excuse to keep you tied to her that you would find acceptable and take as a promise for the future while she does what she wants to do.

If she were thinking like a partner in a relationship, she would have discussed her needs and desires with you before deciding that you needed a break from each other for her to know what she wants.

I don't think I would wait for her to make decisions that impact your life. If she isn't willing to discuss her concerns and work on them as a couple now, then she is probably going to keep 'taking breaks' whenever something gets to her in the future.

Thanks cat that's one of the things that we talked about when we got together was about how she should have talked this through with me and all before taking this break... and she agreed that she should have handled it better and if she does decide that she wants to get better that's one of the many points I'm planning on bringing up is that when two people are committed to each other that you can't just simply take breaks that you have to work out your issues


On your point about how much time am I willing to give up.. ive already thought about this a lot and if she doesn't know anything differently in the next month then I'm going to just have to move on... I can give another month up for somthin I think has a lifetime of future ahead of it

Okay, what I am going to tell you is going to be extremely hard to do and will take extreme willpower... seriously are you man enough? You love her, but she has shown some distance. You have two choices that I see. Choice 1) which I don't think I'd be able to do is to tell her that she has a choice, to either stop pulling this "we need a break" bs, or to end the situation right then and there. Choice 2) what I would do. Take advantage of this break. If your getting engaged use it as a time to be single again. Not necessarily do anything sexual with anyone, but flirt and have fun and party like you did when you were single and free. Make sure that on this "break" (and again this takes willpower) you give her a break and try not to initiate any communication at all. Make her miss you, and wonder what your doing. Stay busy and keep your mind off her as best as possible. The worst thing to do is not give her the "break" she wants. Take her telling you that "she wants a break" as a warning sign, but also as a last moments of freedom. The warning is that she's getting control of your relationship. YOU CANNOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN

What do you mean by she's getting control of the relationship YOU CANNOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN?

Let me explain it this way. She dumped you, and put you in the friendzone, and now she has you WITHOUT any commitment. Instead of allowing her the pleasure of you being available on her terms, I think its better to disappear and stop being so available and start doing your own thing.

Needing space clear out of the blue is not a sign she still cares, and frankly, taking a break to see if she still has feelings is utter BS!

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped at least have the sense to disappear, and get your own life.

People get dumped because the romance is dead, and they don't feel the same any more. The reason doesn't matter at all, but the results are the same, you have been dumped.

Now its time to take matters into your own hands and accept it, and not wait to see if she changes her mind.


She just is wanting to make sure that we are right for each other before we take the next step of getting engaged

Translation-Her feelings have changed but she wants you to stick around, and not move on, in case she doesn't find someone better, or she is ready to spend less time with you. This makes you an option and not an obligation and she isn't cheating because your not together.

That's BS!

I agree with Tal, this sounds very suspicious to me. Who takes a break before getting engaged? Then she says she might tell you in a week or a month what her decision is?

Extreme selfishness alert! Is this really the woman you want to marry that is so insensitive and has such disregard for you feelings? Of course she can see herself without you - that's why she's having the break!

Rockursock is sight - this is warning and she's got you by the short and curlies (as we say here in Australia).

I'd give her the break but make it very very clear that you're having one too. Then I would make myself unavailable for a couple of weeks. She wants the time, give it to her. But on your terms.

I don't know if she has changed her feelings or not, but I do know that she is treating you like a car she is thinking of purchasing instead of a boyfriend and future husband.

I am curious as to just how she intends to make her decision that you are the one. That sounds to me like she is thinking about doing more than looking around at what she would be giving up as a 'married woman'. Is she test driving a few other models before deciding which one to buy?

Its always a big red flag when a couple loses honest communications, and a willingness to work together. She has foregone both.

Hello guys its been awhile but I'm back because I need some advice... we are getting ready to talk again and I need some input on what I should try to accomplish... I don't want to be a doormat this time I want to have things I want to accomplish and questions in need answers to... anyone have any input on what I should strive to accomplish I'm about done with this bs but want to give her one more chance

Anyone have any ideas I need some help!

Any conversation that's not based on honest equal communication and which aims at the two of you being willing to work to make a RELATIONSHIP work is pointless. Can you see this happening? If not I'd not bother.

I can see things working

I'm so hurt right now I've been crying for the past day

IF you are going to meet with her, do so with a clear head. Do not allow your emotions to cloud your judgment. Have your questions written down and write down (or have her write down) her answers. Don't let her play games with you any more.

Do not allow this to drag out any more. Either you are together and working as a couple to build a relationship or you are apart and starting No Contact.

Either way, you need to allow yourself to heal and release the fear, worry, confusion, etc. DO NOT rely on her to help you heal. This is something that you need to do independent of your relationship with her IF there is a relationship. That means you take time for you and hobbies, sports, whatever helps you build up your own self-esteem and feel good about yourself. It also means that you take time to spend with your friends.

Thanks for the response cat... so you don't think its possible for people to work on the relationship without being together?


I don't even know what kind of questions to ask I'm so lost!

You should always be trying to better yourself, whether your in a relationship, or not.

Since your meeting for a talk, be ready to listen, and ask her enough questions, so you know what she is telling you, and be honest when you express yourself.

No small talk or trips down memory lane, just find out where you stand, and accept whatever feelings she has, and please don't get goofy, or emotional, and insecure and needy.

Above all, don't make promises you can't keep, about changing, and being better, as no one who has there mind made up falls for that, so essentially the only question you need to ask is she willing to work with you to keep this relationship alive, and go from there.

If you aren't together then there isn't a relationship to work on. You become two individuals working on yourselves and finding out what you want and need in a relationship and to change the behaviors that can cause problems when working with someone else. For example: someone who looks for his/her mate to keep him/her happy takes time to learn how to make him/herself happy so that in the next relationship he/she isn't so needy.

I know she is willing to work with me... its just she wants more time? How much time am I suppose to give her... it doesn't seem very fair to me

Time for what?? Sorry guy, if time is what she needs, then she is NOT willing to work with you, so you leave her alone and do your own thing.

Your right its not fair for you to be in limbo while she figures it out.

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped, its time to disappear from their life, and do your own thing.

But she wants to hang out with me and its hard not to want to hang out with her because I believe things can work out but I know it isn't fair for me for her to want time and to hang out with me but not be in a relationship

She also says that we are working on us

So that's why you're here telling us how happy you are.

Look dude, she put your on your life hold, and demoted you to the friend zone.

Of course she is happy with the new arrangement,t because she has a male girlfriend to hang with while she trains you to be her emotional tampon, ready for use when she needs it, but the disgusting part is, you believe whatever she tells you, and do whatever she says the way she tells you.

All because she says your working on the relationship. Your doing the work, and suffering, she is doing the dictating, and loving every minute

Wake the freak up, guy, and disappear. No need to break up, your already broken up, so have the dignity and self respect to leave.

So I shouldn't even talk to her like we are suppose to do? I should just walk away now? Not say anything to her or ask her what the deal is?

Your catching on young guy!!

You really think that I shouldn't tell her exactly how I feel and see how she responds?

No its not fair and you re hurting. Do you want to stay in this limbo for weeks and months? Do what's right for you and refuse to be part of the gameplaying anymore. She's not working on your relationship, she's using you. Don't be her doormat-let this go.

I would be to PO'D to even talk to her. I would be PO'D at myself to even want to talk to me!!

Why would u be so po'd?

I would be PO'd with the fact I gave up my dignity and self respect for a confused female who thought she could string me along and get what she wanted while my dumba$$ fell for anything she said to me.

But I want things to work out... im going to meet her and see what she has to say. Tell her exactly how I feel and that I feel like she is just keeping on the backburner and waiting until she decides what she wants and that it isn't fair to me. That she needs to decide what she wants and that I can be there emotionally for her if she can't be there for me

Let us know how that works out for you.

How do you know that she is willing to work with you as a partner to make a stronger relationship? Keep in mind that words and verbal promises are worth the paper they are written on.

I'm guessing you don't think it will work out well?

You need to look at her actions. Her actions are saying : I'm cracking the whip and you hop,skip and jump when I say so.
You need to get yourself respect and your life back.

How do I do that amicon?


I think I'm just going to demand a detailed action plan


Thanks for the help guys but I think talking about it is actually making it harder

You don't have to demand there are some good detailed action plans in the stickies, which is recommended reading. There is a link in my signature.

I've read most of the stickies I didn't really find an action plan for getting back together? Am I looking in the wrong spot?

There is no action plan to get back together.

There are only plans that get you, and your life back together, so you can be happy with who you are and have the dignity and self respect to not fall for the dumb stuff.

Tell you what, stop contacting her for a month, and don't be available to her, and see what happens, and how you feel.

Exactly. Listen to Tal.

Give her another week, month, year, or more to figure it out.

Dude... ur dying to know what's going on so for your own sanity you are going to have to meet with her and speak. Make that day within this week. Obviously, she will say she loves you a lot and she can't be with you yet for whatever reason(s). She will come up with something clever as usual. She knows you so she knows what would work. Point is we already know how and what she will say. When you hear it, try to stay cool and walk away. She may text you and call but you already know what she is up to. You will be sad but you will know that you have to do no contact. Within 2 months you will be cool and better than ever most likely. Better yourself by working out and meeting new people. I know how much it hurts and how hard it is but believe me it is possible. Be strong. I'm rooting for you. Use this spot as a journal that writes back to you. Its pretty cool. Hang in there man. We are here for you.

Thanks emopunk I think that you actually understand what I'm trying to say and I appreciate the advice

Emo, that was a great way of telling him to feel the pain of running head first into a brick wall. But having done that myself, way back in the day, I know that's the only way some us us learn. I was hoping to save him a head busting, but you can't save everyone.

Thumbs up on a great post.

Thanks everyone for the support. Talaniman I know that you are trying to tell me what you know is best in MOST situations. But I don't believe that every situation is the same and that there is always a cut and dry way to approach each situation in life. Throughout our relationship we have been different then most couples our age and believe that we both have a maturity level above those in our same age group. I honestly believe that she thinks that we are working on our relationship even though we really haven't been. But I also don't believe that she knows that I don't think that we have been working on our relationship. I haven't been exactly honest with her about my feelings about this whole situation. I guess I have been trying to play the tough man and let her know that I was OK with taking it slow for awhile when in all reality I wasn't fine with it. So for that its my fault. I guess what I need to do now is to let her know EXACTLY how I feel and see how she responds. She might tell me that she never wants to see me again or she might tell me that she wants to get back together. Or even still she might tell me that she thinks she needs more time. But no matter what this time I need to be honest with her on EXACTLY how I am feeling and let her know that its not OK to take it slow and string me along. More then anything I just need to stand up for myself. But I also can't just walk away from a situation that I myself have let happen. I need to confront her about it and tell her how I feel and see what she has to say and from there decide on what is the best course of action for me. I refuse to give up without a fight and by just walking away from a situation without being completely honest isn't fighting. So ultimately its up to me to just be honest and see where it goes from there. But I also realize from all of your help that I need to watch out for myself first and do what is in my best interest. Sorry for all of the rambling and if this post was to long I just had a lot to get off my chest. Also, sorry if this post made absolutely no sense Ive just been typing what my heart has been thinking. Any input would be appreciated. Thanks Guys and Gals!

Howie, I respect your honesty, and even your tenacity. Keep us updated, what ever you decide to do.

Thank you TMAN!

Howie, when will you guys meet?

Emo we are going to be meeting up sometime this weekend. I will let you know how it goes.

Tal thanks a lot that means a lot coming from you. What exactly do you mean by you respect my honesty and tenacity though?

I can respect a guy who is willing to take a risk, whatever the consequences, or blessings may come from his actions.

Stubborn guys respect one another.

Yeah, hope this meeting gets you out of limbo so you can move on.

Thanks guys and wish me luck! I think ill need it

Ok-here's wishing you luck! :-)

Thanks anyone want to give me a couple of questions to ask I'm running a blank?

Just be yourself and ask what you feel you really need to know.

Please?

"are we a couple or not" anything but yes, is the wrong answer.

Anything? What do I do if she says she wants to start "seeing" me again but not make anything official?

Is that what you want?

Why would you settle for anything but yes? So she can still see other people if your not official? I rather have a girlfriend that has both feet through the door rather than one.

anything? what do i do if she says she wants to start "seeing" me again but not make anything official?
Dude, That's a NO answer, and your not a couple. Come on guy what else do you need to see that this is over.

A female that doesn't want romance is not the one for you.

Do you know how many females are out there waiting for a good man to show up?? BILLIONS, go get one. Or as many as you can date without being official. Hmmm, if she doesn't want anything official, why the heck haven't you been unofficially dating others. I sure would have been.

Exactly, Tal's right.

You are spending so much effort on trying to change her mind as opposed to let it be & work on having fun without her.

The answer has been no. Why do you think all of a sudden its going to be yes?

That's a waste of energy.

Well went about like you guys figured... so the plan starting now is to say screw it if she wants to contact me then fine if she wants to get back together ever I might consider it but I'm not waiting around anymore... so it will be her loss if she decides that she does and I'm already dating someone else

You are free to pursue your own happiness. That's a good thing.

Yes tal from now on its about me!

Her loss, oh well.

But really your gain!!

Now you know, buddy. Glad you got that.

Exactly what you were in denial about.

Now you can move on. Good one.

Have no contact from now on & save yourself any more worries.

The only thing you need to consider now is you.

I'm not planning on going complete no contact but I am moving on

Hehe.

Sounds like a contradiction in terms.

You can do whatever you want at this point, but after meeting up & telling you AGAIN that she doesn't want you, my advice is to have zero contact.

Or, you can continue this bs game that only you have an investment in & be hurt ten fold later.

Up to you man.

Don't play games.

Howie, did you read my last post on your thread? Exactly what I wrote is what happened... Now you say you will move on but you still will have contact with her. That really isn't moving on. We know its hard to just give something up because it's like an addiction. People who stay in contact with their ex and even get into another relationship while in contact with their ex almost never move on. In fact those people are the ones who are never happy and even a year or 5 years later are still stuck on their ex. We want you to have a great life! The only way for you to move on and be extremely happy within a few month to a year is by total no cantact! Believe me!

Its either stay in contact and still suffer up to a year or 5 years and possibly more... or go NC and you will be happier than ever and that will also attract loads of girls. Think of a special girl that is gorgeous and wants to be with you but is watching to see what steps you are taking. Girls notice these things... Make the right moves!

Thanks guys for your help... im going to try and stay away from this site for awhile as I come here with hope she comes back so I think I need to stay away for awhile thanks everyone for your help... and believe me ill be back if I need some help

Well I made it a couple of days without posting anything... just an update... ive been doing OK still pretty down on myself and just want her to come back... but I've been surviving and trying to move on but I believe its going to take me awhile... just wanted to keep everyon informed that's been helping through this rough patch... I think it helps my sanity to write down what I'm feeling if that makes any sense... so I might just come here to write every once in awhile just to actually write down what I'm thinking

That's a good idea-come back when you feel like it. Time and patience,and you'll be fine. Take care.

Strong Hint- You can't want someone back, and expect to move on. Once you accept they won't come back, you'll stop hoping, and can slowly move forward, because your not looking back any more.

I haven't compeltely accepted that she won't come back :( and not sure I want to accept that yet. I know you'll tell me that I need to accept it but I'm just not ready to yet

You will suffer until you do. Like holding your breath till you turn blue... sooner or later you will have to breath.

Yes, one day realization will set in.
By whatever means.

But, be sure that false hope isn't going to get you there.

It will prolong the agony.

Is that how you want to feel? Crappy all the time?

Its over. Get your life back now.

I'm all right with where I am right now... im a lot better then I was a week ago... im just moving at my own pace

Do not give her this kind of power and control of the relationship. If you are not convinced that there is commitment in the relationship, then there is nothing you can do but to move on. Girls are strange in this kind of matter. Best of luck! I'll be available to help you out if you would like.

Good. Keep it going.

Why do I put myself through this? She still calls me everyday... but doesn't know if she wants a relationship? This doesn't make sense why are woman so difficult? And I don't think I can move on without a new relationship anyone else had that feeling? Does it make sense? Confused right now if you can't tell today

Things will change for you when this one thing changes in your mind... when you wake up and realize that no matter what her opinion of anything is, now or ever, you don't want her in your life anymore.

... and mean it.

In that moment you will have your future back. The great unknown actually become bearable because the "what if" that is her won't exist anymore. There won't be a "what if", you will have decided "no what if, I don't want that in my life.".

It's tough where you are right now, but turn it over and look hard at it. Let's say she came over RIGHT NOW and stood on your doorstep and professed her undying love for you.

On what basis could you believe it? Fantasy alone, that's what. That girl is the one who is capable of dangling you along day after day completely carefree about what it does to you. That girl might choose words occasionally that say you're special, but she doesn't believe it. She's shown you that already.

The real girl who is out there ready to adore you and cherish you is being kept away by your current dilemma, so the sooner you take charge again, the sooner you get to meeting her. And she may be several girlfriends away, there may be several chapters to go for you.

So, go to sleep each night knowing you feel badly and be OK with that, because one morning you'll wake up and YOU will have decided this chapter is over. And what a new day that will be.

Til then, we're all rooting for you.

I just wish there was a fastlane to that spot cause right now all I want is her back

So play that scenario out fully in your mind. If you're going to sit there pining after her, pine after her accurately.

"Oh how I miss the girl who sort of likes me. I so miss having someone by my side looking around for someone better than me. I miss how she can take breaks whenever she wants and leave me feeling like a two-bit loser, like I love to feel. If only she were here right now hugging and kissing on me occasionally, that would totally make up for the hours and weeks of uncertainty and emptiness I feel all the time now, even when she's here, because I would hate to have anyone else but her, especially someone who might actually pine after me!? That would be awful..."

Your just plain stuck! WHY??

Because,
You still want her and she knows it.
So she can talk to you anytime because you will be there wanting her.

Because,
The catch is she doesn't want you. She knows that too, by the way. But she can always tell her girlfriends your still wanting her, and your always there when she has nothing to do.

Because,
With little contact, and no effort, she knows your there, and with just a simple word, she keeps you full of false hope that she will take you back. Any attention she gives you is better than none. RIGHT!!

Because,
None of this is her fault, or problem, because as soon as something better comes along, she won't have time for you at all, AND you could have avoided this whole mess by simply disappearing from her life, and getting your own thing to do. Its you who allow you to be her helpless, stuck, hostage.

Because,
But your stuck! And all you can see is getting her back. Your way hasn't worked very well has it? And it never will, so after almost 9 pages of people telling you to leave her alone, and move on, when is enough BS, enough?

How long will you be stuck?? That's completely up too you.

You want to get on the fast lane to happiness, and stop being stuck? Give up on her, and let her wonder where you are for a change.

Stop & listen.

Not only to us, but, what you're saying, and hehehe, everything.

I mean everything in your life. Listen.

If we don't listen, we don't learn. On a daily basis.

Doesn't seem like you know how, or want to.

How about this, listen:
She's gone, you're dumped.
She's moving on, you're not.
You want her, she doesn't want you.

Hmm. What's your question again?

Go NC, buddy. Your life is in front of you, not behind.

She's not your end.

Thanks guys I just don't want to have any regrets or what if's.

Dude I have gone through this! I hate the fact my ex has moved on but I realized that my relationship with her was dysfunctional and unhealthy and just not what we both needed!

Seize the opportunity now! I can't remember how many times I wished I was out of the relationship and I finally got my wish, hated it, but now I'm starting to love the idea!

The adventure of meeting new people, no worries about an insecure girlfriend, always arguing, etc! Life is only beginning my friend!

Also think about the negative what ifs! What if I stayed and my career never got on track? What if I kept her and I cheated on her?

See what ifs can go either way...

Thanks guys i just dont want to have any regrets or what if's.

Yes, you do. Regrets and "what-ifs" are just another word for growing. I think you just don't want to feel this pain, the natural "ouch" of this stage... and again, yes you do.

This is how we learn.

This girl was not your dream girl, she was your most recent experiment and you have learned quite a bit. One of the things I hope your learning is that your personal feelings for a girl don't actually correlate directly to how good a "match" you are.

You feel about her the way feel, you have little if any control over it. This is why "bad matches" make such good movies... it's very dramatic and entertaining to watch, and a nightmare to live it.

No, good matches aren't made solely on the heart and what it pines for, good matches are made by dedicating yourself to only settle for the person who gets you, accepts you, bolsters you in heart, mind and spirit.

That's the girl you're going to meet. I promise.

This girl was not your dream girl, she was your most recent experiment and you have learned quite a bit. .

That's a pretty bold statement don't you think?

Not really.

Dreams vs. reality. (waking up)

You just haven't learned yet. Use this.

And yes, don't ever settle, use your gut & feelings from now on. Not needs or expecations.

If this was right, then you wouldn't have an ex. For whatever the reasons.

Remember that.

It could still be right people do get back together you never know

Yup, you never know.

But what are you going to do? Wait around? Play the lottery.

If you really want to look into the future, go NC and take a look at yourself.

One that doesn't need someone to define their existence.

Thats a pretty bold statement dont you think?

The "dream girl" part or the "you learned quite a bit" part? Cause I stand by both!

Hehe, the last thing you want is advocates who answer back with platitudes and half-committed cheerleading.

Yes, absolutely, bold and confident. The best way to be.

I know she isn't your dream girl because most people use that term wrong anyway. They think it's someone in their future or their present.

No, your dream girl is the girl who has already stood by you over the years, faced the good and the ill the world has thrown at you two and never wavered. Your dream girl is the girl has done the time, fought the fight, and still brags to her girlfriends about you.

"Dream girl" is something that has to be earned, and you'll know what I mean someday. I celebrate my 25th anniversary with my dream girl this coming March.

And trust me, when we were dating and first married, we weren't "dream anything". Hehe.

Yup. You haven't found it yet. That's all right.

But you will.

With recognition, adjustments and awareness. Not fantasy.

BTW, Happy 25th JB. Nice.

Well just had another wave of depression hit me about an hour ago :( I just want someone to love even if it isn't her

Do something besides wallow in your depression. It will pass if you let it. Those feelings come from self pity, and an idle mind, so get up and get busy.

I know your right Tal just trying to get it through my thick skull

Those waves will come & go.
It's a matter of how you ride them.

The more you wallow, the more you will get in the habit of wallowing.

Everyone wants someone to love, connection & a warm body. But healing & discovering will help you find someone who is right and vis-versa.

(ie: not making the same mistakes over & over)

Never settle for just someone.

Yea the problem is I still honestly believe that she wants to work on us because this is what she tells me and I guess that is what I need to get over... but for some strange reason that I could never explain on this message board I just have a feeling that things are going to work out... and I'm sure ill be called crazy for this and what not.. and I know that since this is the path I've chosen that I just need to stay off the boards... becuase I don't deserve to get advice if I'm not willing to listen to it

What she tells you? Good one, considering she's already gone.

If she wanted to work on your relationship, then she would have had the ability to do it while you were together.

You can listen to her, listen to us, whatever.

Someday, hopefully, you will truly listen to your gut.

My advice is to have no contact, heal & move forward in your life without her.

But, if you want to live in a world of pain, hurt & indecision, that's entirely up to you.

Yeah, let her date a few other guys & figure it out. See if you are really her dream guy.

yea the problem is i still honestly believe that she wants to work on us becuase this is what she tells me and i guess that is what i need to get over...but for some strange reason that I could never explain on this message board I just have a feeling that things are going to work out...and im sure ill be called crazy for this and what not..and I know that since this is the path ive chosen that I just need to stay off the boards...becuase i dont deserve to get advice if im not willing to listen to it

Words are great. I love them. I love the way they can say anything and one letter can change the whole meaning of a sentence. Words can describe the sunset or explain how to upload a picture. They can express the deepest love, tie the strongest bond, and show the most heart-felt sympathy. However, the full strength of words lies not in them but in the actions that back them up. The sun has to set to have someone describe it. Someone has to upload the picture for the words to prove their clarity. Expressed love and sympathy are meaningless if the person expressing those emotions abuses the other person. The bond can be easily broken if it isn't written down.

All I can give you are words that are easily dismissed because only I know how much I care about helping someone who needs it. The only actions that I can give to back them up are to read, give advice, and, virtually, to hold out a hand and offer a sympathetic ear to listen.

She seems to be giving you a lot words. Has she given you any actions?

The best advice that I can give you is the same as everyone else: Live your life. Whether she is in it or not, no matter what words she gives you, regardless of what actions she takes, you need to live for you. What you do to help you heal from the break/break-up will help you make a stronger foundation for ANY relationship you are in. Healing is something that needs to be done for you and not what you wait on the other person to do for you.

Letting go and NC would be the easiest way to give yourself time and space to deal with the lingering issues of trust and doubt, however, you seem intent on holding on. Since that is your choice, don't worry about what she wants. Don't sit around waiting for her to call or text. Go out with friends, get more involved with your community, school, or work, do things that make you feel better for you. Work her into your schedule not the other way around. She is the one who wanted the break/break-up. She is the one who wants her desires and timetable adhered to and hasn't appeared to take you and your life into consideration. IF you do get back together then you can WORK TOGETHER on rebuilding what has been lost.

Cat that was a really moving and inspiring peace of advice. I appreciate the time and energy you put into writing that and I think I understand what your saying thanks again

Hey talk quick question did you make this quote yourself or is it someone else's I think its great Life throws tons of obstacles at couples, if you two are built for greatness, you conquer them together. If you two aren't meant for greatness together, you conquer them apart.

Stolen shamelessly from Romefalls, a valued member, and friend.

Any idea where they got it or did they come up with it themselves?

So when will I know when I'm ready to start dating again?

When your ready for fun, and not looking for romance.

When you want to, but don't need to just to be happy.

When you're happy with yourself, and your life, and want to share it with others.

When your really enjoying doing your own thing.

Then you'll know if your ready or not.

Isn't it odd that when I start to care less about the whole situation she decides to care more? Maybe not maybe its just her way of holding on to me

It's called playing games-dont fall into that trap.

Yea she seemed genuine though but I'm not going to take it serious and just keep doing what I've been doing

Way to go-its your life, and live it well.

I think I've survived this blip with my dignity in tact

Good, now go NC.

And rock it.

I think ive survived this blip with my dignity in tact

Keep your head up high and realize there will be 'blips'. You now know that you can survive them. Good luck working on your life. :)

That's good, you're doing well, stick to NC. :-)

Hello,

I know no one ever comes back here after the fact and tells their story so here it goes. Take their advice to heart whatever the other person says is always for their benefit not yours. Run away as fast as possible and stick with no contact because it will control your life. I personally have moved on and found a great girl that cares about me and respects me and with whom I'm going to marry. For all of you out there who are going through a similar situation my best advice is run run away and stick with no contact its not worth the pain and suffering I went through. Hope this tid bit helps someone

Glad you found better for yourself, and thanks for the update.

Great news-have a happy life!

Go nc & stop putting your life on hold for someone that's not all in.
I agree with the dons here.
Cat put it so nicely.

Sounds like you can't let go.
Its up to you. Always was, always will.
You aren't the only one.

Time for a new chapter w/o her in it.

Whattaya say?

vanheart, did you see howareutoday's update? It's great news, isn't it? :)


Hello,

I know no one ever comes back here after the fact and tells their story so here it goes. Take their advice to heart whatever the other person says is always for their benefit not yours. Run away as fast as possible and stick with no contact because it will control your life. I personally have moved on and found a great girl that cares about me and respects me and with whom im going to marry. For all of you out there who are going through a similar situation my best advice is run run away and stick with no contact its not worth the pain and suffering I went through. Hope this tid bit helps someone

howareutoday, I am glad you have moved forward with your life and found someone to share it with.

Congratulations to both of you and may you have many wonderful years together. :)

Yes it is. Sorry didn't see that.