Our engagement party is a week away. My first wedding his second. We are having only family at the wedding. We would like his kids to stand up for us. I would like to ask them in private ,he wants to ask at the party. Any thoughts. His kids are happy for us so I am pretty sure they will be delighted.

I think it's bad form to put people on the spot by asking them to commit to something like this in public - even if they're "delighted," it can be over-whelming to have to respond immediately and in public. And so may not relaize what this is about. This is like asking someone to be a bridesmaid or usher - much better to talk to the person in private. And this is especially so if the kids are relatively young.

When I asked my cousin to stand up for me, I made her a funny card and asked her privately.

Perhaps you could ask in private, and assuming they say yes, announce it at the engagement party. That'll be a nice way of bringing them into focus at the party as well.

Good luck and Congrats!

The party went great. Families got along great. Kids had a good time. We asked the kids after the party in private to stand up. They both were very excited and said yes. They can not wait.