Been w boyfriend for 16mo, known him for 2yr. We both partied a lot & we drink too much.

I have a 2 yo son w my soon to be ex husband. I left him for my current boyfriend (I didn't love him. The relationship was pretty much over anyway & it was abusive & he cheated alll the time). I moved in w my parents. My mom is a control freak, extremely critical & not supportive at all. My son & I moved in w boyfriend about 2mo ago. My son loves him & my boyfriend treats him great. He's really happy

The problems me &my boyfriend. Since I moved in we quit gettingg loaded but we drink sometimes. & when he drinks he's a completely diff person. Usually he's good to me. I lvve him and trust him. Which is hard since I've had so many bad relationships

But when he starts drinking he becomes a jerk, he starts stupid fights, gets jealous, mean & violent. I also have a temper.. I am working on it & I'm doing a lot better though.

Well a lot of thee time he ddrinks, we fight, he leaves & stays out drinking. Last Mon he did it & I was very upset & he said hed quit. I'm not stupid I know that doesn't mean anything. I am also a recovering addict so I ddef know how hard it is & all

Well lately the stress. Is really getting to me. . my son is so hard to handle he won't listen at all (when we lived at my parents, they wouldn't let me discipline him! They said I was being mean if I yelled... Yeah they're very critical & enjoy pointing out how I'm doing evvrything wrong) so he's a brat & plus he's hyper & its so hard.

Plus I'm a full time college student - finals are almost here & I have a large workload this semester. Then on top ofall this our relationship... Well I broke down yesterday & cried like all day long. He said hell help me out more w my son to take some stress offme.

Well he was at work last night & I just needed a drink. I didn't want to because I knew that would hurt his progress but I was so upset & alonee. Well he got home & smelld it on me. He didn't get mad

But then he started drinking earlier today & left for a few hrs. He's a ing & I know there's nothing to do except wait till morning & hell apologize. But I can't stand it. He makes me so upset when he leaves I can't concentrate on amythimg else. I can't be a good mom because I'm a complete wreck. Its not fair to my son. I lose my patience. I'm just completely lost & I feel like my worlds falling apart & there's no hope. But the ed up thing is as long as he's here I'm a wholee lot more stable emotionally. Even if he's being mean & treating me like . I can actually concentrate on other things as long as I know he wants to be around me.

I have no one else in my life. My only friend is a . I've knwn her for years and she's a good frieed & all but def NOT someone I can talk to. She's real quick to point out everything I do wrong & blame me for all my problems & give her stupid unwanted opinion & she's a bad lsstener and makes me feel worse. Oh & its not that she doesn't like my boyfriend. She does this if I talk to her about anything.

Likk I Said my parents make me miserable & my mom will just love to rub it in my face that I failed and I can't make it without her.

I'm so ing alone. I have no one when he leaves me. I just needed. A place to vent. Sorry so long.

Idk what I want. I don't deserve this & I know what I should do but acting on it is 5000 times harder than thinking it.

I have social anxiety too so I don't make friends too well. I don't know what to do

I just need someone to talk to

So you're an alcoholic, living with an alcoholic, not really being a very good mother to a child that needs you, and you don't understand what's wrong?

Yes, I'm going to be harsh, because you need a slap in the face, a kick in the a$$ and everything else I can think of to get back on track.

Here's a question for you? Would you die for your son? I have kids, I know I'd die for them. If someone pulled a gun on us I wouldn't even hesitate to jump in front of the bullet to save my kids. Would you do the same? I bet you would.

The alcohol, the relationship you're in, all the relationships you've been in, are codependent addictive relationships. You drink, he drinks, you child suffers and acts out. Is it really a surprise?

The alcohol is the bullet, your addiction is the gun. You aren't saving your son, you aren't saving yourself.

This is hard. Alcohol is an addiction, but you won't get clean if you're living with someone else that's addicted.

It's time to leave. Your parents may be controlling, but maybe they sense that you need help and are doing what they can to save you and their grandson.

Get help. Get out of this codependent relationship, learn to live without alcohol. Be the mom you owe it to your son to be.

You need to go to AA. You're in a co-dependent relationship and you have a son that is reflecting back to you your bad parenting.

This is clearly not how you want to live your life - it's bringing you no joy and the people around you are mean, controlling and addicted.

I can see that you're trying to make an effort, but you've chosen all the wrong people to help you. So, start by going to where they can help you without judgment or criticism. Go to your local AA and ask for help. Take it one step at a time - get rid of all the alcohol - pour it into the toilet and flush it away.

Once you've been to AA get your BF to come with you. Keep going and see if that changes the relationship dynamic. If he keeps drinking - chuck him out.

You need to focus on your son - at 2 years of age he needs you to be fully present and functional. Do you want him to grow up with a dysfunctional mother? I'm sure you don't. So put some effort into improving your parenting skills and don't expose him to arguments, meanness or drinking.

You can turn your life around if you put the effort into it. Lots of people do. Change your life and you will change how people feel about you and attract different people into your life. Who knows? Even your mother may approve of you one day!

Read the 1000's of posts of all the bad things and they all start, "we were drinking"

So why is the abusive drunk not a EX

So you stop drinking, leave the boyfriend and become a good mother to your child.

Your present relationship will never work. Like Alty said you've got to start thinking about you and your son and what sort of life you two can have without the skunkdrunk.

If you are a college student full time you certainly have your hands full. Right now you are under a lot of stress and I, for one, am glad you came here to vent if nothing else. This is a good place to let it all hang out and hope that someone who comes along can give you a nugget of truth that will ring true to you.

Living with a person who drinks and becomes abusive and rude is not easy. I did that for 15 years so I know the fun that can be having the house trashed or torn up, friends alienated due to something the drunk said when drunk. Only difference with me was I don't and didn't have a temper of my own that would flare up as I don't/didn't drink.

If you are reaching for a drink when times get tough either financially or emotionally - you are definitely headed back into the nether world of alcoholism. You said you are a recovering addict as well. You have double the burden to never touch drugs or alcohol ever again as you know deep down in your heart they are irresistible to you and you can easily fall back into that life given too much stress. Don't do it. Don't fall back into that life and lose how many precious years with your son. You brought him here to this earth for a reason. He willingly came to be your son. Cherish this little guy with all your heart. Try to clean yourself up emotionally for him as well. He deserves a mommy. You need to be that mommy for him. Boyfriends come and go - but your kids are yours forever. Lots of women push their kids aside for want of male companionship only to find that just having a man around the house is not the end all answer for them. It may take you a few more boyfriends before you find some nice guy who does not drink or do drugs for you to finally settle down with. Constant fighting in front of young children can definitely traumatize them to what love is and also how mommy and daddy should act towards each other.

Try to get out of this caustic relationship as soon as you can. No one is perfect. Don't beat yourself up over this or any other guy. Do what is best for you and your son.

Hi, I haven't logged on in a while. I don't get online too much, but thanks for all your replies.

As of a few days ago, he's on probation.. he gets 3 tests a week and has to go to 3 meetings a week, and groups and stuff. He's feeling good about it, and I'm going to go to meetings too. I haven't been in a while. I think it'll help us both...

Hi, I haven't logged on in a while. I don't get online too much, but thanks for all your replies.

As of a few days ago, hes on probation.. he gets 3 tests a week and has to go to 3 meetings a week, and groups and stuff. He's feeling good about it, and I'm gonna go to meetings too. I haven't been in a while. I think it'll help us both...

Great! - time to start shiftting the unhealthy patterns. Just remember to keep trying, even though it may be 2 steps forward and one step back.

I feel like I wrote way too much info in this thread. I'm paranoid. I don't want my life all over the internet!!

I feel like I wrote way too much info in this thread. I'm paranoid. I don't want my life all over the internet!!!

Too late to think about that now.

You're anonymous here. Unless you tell someone your username and the fact that you've been on this site, no one will know it's you.

Unless of course you chose your name as your username, then you'd be easy to find.

I feel like I wrote way too much info in this thread. I'm paranoid. I don't want my life all over the internet!!

Too late. If you had read the TOS... https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.php?faq=vb_faq#faq_faq_rules

Particularly this part...


Any communication or material you post or transmit to the Site is and will be treated as non-confidential and non-proprietary. You assume full responsibility for anything you post or transmit, and you grant Ask Me Help Desk and its affiliates the right to edit, copy, publish and distribute any information or content you post or transmit for any purpose. This means you should presume that information and opinions you post on this website are public and permanent .

You would know that what you post is permanent.

I feel like I wrote way too much info in this thread. I'm paranoid. I don't want my life all over the internet!!!

What you really need to be worried about is your child. You KNOW that you can't drink and drug, yet you do.

I am an alcoholic/addict too, I am in full recovery, and am working my program. My life is great.

You have problems. You know that the drugs and alcohol aren't going to solve them.

They never do.


Go to a meeting, and get sober for your kid.