My ex and I have been divorced for 5 years, we have an 11 yr old daughter together who lives mith me. I've been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for 4 1/2 yrs now, we also have a son together. My daughter is very close to my partner often referring to him as Dad, She usually introduces him to her teachers as her Stepdad, I have never told her to view him in any way other than as my boyfriend and her friend. My ex has been dating his girlfriend for about 2 1/2 -3 years now, apparently he has told my daughter that she must introduce his current girlfriend as her Stepmother and that whether she likes it or not his girlfriends children are her Brothers and Sister. My daughter has told me that she doesn't feel comfortable referring to them in that way, she says she feels like they are her friends and that is all. I have tried to talk with him and his reasoning is that if she views my partner that way then she should view his partner in the same way. I disagree, I feel that it should be up to her if and when she ever feels that way. Maybe it's just me... my mother has been with her husband for 18 yrs, I still don't view him as a stepfather, to me he's just my mom's husband. What do you guys think?

I should also note that as of now, there is no plan of marriage.

Could be because she calls your "friend" step, they feel it is only fair or right and to call them less is a disrespect of that person.

My ex had a big issue with our son calling my older boys, his "brothers" she always corrected him with 1/2 brothers. To some people titles are a bigger deal.

I guess part of the issue is, when she is at their home, she is living by their rules for their homes.

I understand different rules in a different house, but shouldn't it be up to her what she wants to do? She has openly told my ex that she doesn't feel like she's a priority in his life, she has stated that my partner is always there for her and that he's a better father to her. She feels like he puts the girlfriends kids first, when she goes for visits she never has one on one time with him, he has stated that he wants her to view him as a friend more than a father. My partner has told her repeatedly that she has 1 father (my ex) and that he could/would never try to take his place. I just thought I'd throw this out there and see how other parents are dealing with this type of situation or what their oppinions are in regards to this.

It is a shame that he is putting undue pressure on her to conform to something to please him. This does nothing for her, and she is uncomfortable with it.

What a spot to put her in. If she doesn't do as he says, it will cause friction. If she does as he says, it will make her relationships with his g/f's children awkward, and his g/f too.

At age 11, she should be able to decide for herself, I totally agree with you.

But, maybe to keep the peace, this is a minor issue that will hopefully pass without your daughter being too uncomfortable, and if that is what her father wants in his house, just go along with it.

Your daughter is so very fortunate to have your boyfriend in her life. I think that with that security in your home, knowing she is not going to be judged, she will be fine.

I hope this all works out for her without any trouble.

Your daughter is young, but it's probably time to start negotiating things with her father.

Perhaps she can suggest a compromise and say that she'll introduce his GF as her step mom, but that she doesn't feel comfortable calling the GF's children her brothers and sisters, because technically they aren't.

I can understand that she feels her father is less available than your partner, but he is still her father and this is the relationship that needs to be nurtured.

It may be really important for her to compromise with her father on this issue, and it could in fact shift the dynamic and ease the tension between them.