Threads merged

I met this guy about a year ago, and introduced him to my best friends. We were all friends but I was always closer to him, and our feelings for each other started to grow and become stronger. Then next thing you know, my best friends tries to get really close to him too and starts going to his house and going to church with him and blah blah blah. Everybody knows for a fact that me and him are 'together,' but it didn't take long for people starting to talk about them two having a thing as well. People would even come up to me and ask if they liked each other and all I would feel is ashamed. I would even call him while she was there and he wouldn't even tell me she's there, I just knew because I'd hear her voice in the background. What made the huge turning point was that after me and him finally made it official, we all went to the beach in a big group including my best friend. While we were there, I was off talking to one of my friends to turn around and see her asking my boyfriend to rub sunscreen on her body and back. She could have asked any of the girls or even her OWN boyfriend, but she just had to ask my man. And the worst part is, is that he agreed. I finally had the courage to talk to both of them and things started to get good again. She was more involved with her boyfriend as I was with mine... but only for a period. They started getting 'close' again, and it just bothers me because they call each other as soon as they wake up and stuff. If we both call him, he'll choose to call her back and not me. Then when were all at his house she starts to bring something up about cookies, saying that she made these awesome cookies at his house once and that he's in love with them and wants her to bake cookies just for him. Like seriously, I bake things for him all the time but he's never actually asked me to like he did with her. What finally got me writing this, was when my best friend and her boyfriend were supposed to meet us at my boyfriends house. They ended up not showing up and he seem devastated. I know he was sad because she didn't show up... And then the next day we all show up at his house after church and my best friend brings this cake for him and his family as a "thank you" gift for letting her come over. It was like she was trying to win the heart of not only my boyfriend, but the whole family as well. She even gave a small little speech and everything. I felt like it was such a ***** move because two days earlier we were talking about xmas and she was like 'oh since I don't know the family as much as you do I'm just going to bring them a cake or something on christmas' since I told her I was each getting them each a personal gift. It's like she tried to beat me or something in impressing them by bringing the cake as a nice thank you gift rather than a simple xmas gift. Idk all of this just really frustrates me thinking about it. I even found out that her boyfriend even thought my boyfriend liked her too. But if I ever try talking to her or my boyfriend about it, they get so defensive and then I feel stupid for even saying anything to begin with. Even my boyfriends sister, who I'm really close with, see's what my best friend is doing as well and doesn't even like her. So I know I'm not too crazy at least... But um what should I do? Everybody tells me he loves me and he's so crazy about me, but nobody can speak for what he really feels deep inside...

Bottom line? You are blaming your girlfriend for your 'boyfriend's' choices. Really? Why?
That's ridiculous. Do you think so poorly of your boyfriend that you seriously believe think he doesn't have a brain in his head? He obviously likes her. A LOT! That's not your girlfriend's fault. They are so imature that I venture to guess it's more titilating for them to
"hide" their little 'fling' (or whatever) from you. The second you politely and maturely say "adios" to him is when it will no longer be fun for them to 'hang out' or do whatever it is they do together. I can promise you they are 'doing' EXACTLY what you think they are doing. Trust your instincts and place the blame where it should be---how about on YOU. YOU KNOW what is going on yet choose to still call this guy your boyfriend! Why don't you think YOU deserve better??

If your boyfriend were truly so "in love" and in to you, no other girl, no matter what she did could get him to put suntan lotion on her etc. There are tons of good men out there. Go find one!

Threads merged

A couple months ago I found out my boyfriend cheated and so I dumped him. His misery seemed to help me get over it faster as he called me 24/7 crying and even stopped coming to school. All his friends and even family told me to give him a second chance saying that he learned his lesson and blah blah blah. Must I say when I did, it was like a new light had come through. We were happier than ever and he treated me like a princess! But just as things were getting good, he left to India for almost a month. When he came back it was like his old self again, just not giving me the affection that I had wanted. I was getting frustrated with our relationship. I mentioned where we were going and he claimed I had no idea what I was talking about on his behavior and so on. Eventually I got tired of his immature and reckless ways and snapped over something small and told him I was letting go and to stop calling me. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Then of course he didn't go to school and was very upset, but after like 2 days when I called him to apologize what I did out of anger, he was fine again. He stopped calling me, started going out drinking with his friends (who are girls). I got scared and I realized that I had only made things worse by breaking things off like that. So I went to his house to talk things out and he pretty much laid out that if I want him back I need to give him his freedom to do pot, drink, party, not try in school, and hang out with girls. Of course I didn't agree to it because he has a bad past with that and then he said that we should stop talking for a month. And I just sat there and cried and then left. Then the next morning he changed his mind and texted me and said I don't want to do this anymore I can't lose you I will change. Then that same day later on he changed his mind again and said I don't know what I want right now I need some time to think. Lets just be friends. Of course I didn't want to be friends and I was very upset. But then of course I hid it so I seemed OK. But then he would call me to talk, ask me to sleep on the phone with him, text me, and even ask me to come over. Then its like he tries to get my hopes up because when I try to call or text or whatever with him, it's like Im being the burden. And when I mention that he says its all in my head and that I need to stop over analyzing. And when I did come over, he doesn't even pay attention to me and when were on the phone he's actually acting like Im just some dude on the phone rather than someone he loved. I couldn't take it so I told him and he said, OK I'll stop giving you the wrong signals but also saying that I'm still very important to him and that he still loves me. His birthday was that coming weekend and so I try to make him happy and bake a cake to bring it over and surprise him at midnight only to find him having his own celebration that he didn't even invite me to. He didn't even thank me for the cake and didn't even say a word when I left like ten minutes later. The next morning he calls me because I was supposed to go to church with him like we agreed to earlier that week but told him why would I want to go if he can't even be a friend to talk to me when I'm around to begin with. He claims he was too drunk the night before but of course he could talk to everybody else except me. Then after he came home from church I came because he was having everybody over for lunch for his birthday. Of course he didn't say anything to me again and barely acknowledged me so I cried in his room to my friend. Then I go home and realized I forgot my bag with my meds at his house and I told him and he said he'd drop it off but he never called or came and so the next day I call and he claims he forgot. Way to make me feel important! Then I come to get my meds and he asks me to stay so he can put my radio in the car. He ends up flirting with me and asking me to go to his room and take a nap with him but by the end of the day I got upset and left because I knew he was only playing with my feelings and I was right. Because when I got home he said he'd call me but never did. Then I ended up calling him and telling him that I can't sit around anymore and let him play with my feelings whenever he wants while he goes and lives a happy single life at the same time. He then says that he just needs time to think about what lifestyle he wants. But if he is so unsure is it worth for me to stick around?

Are you kidding , what a selfish idiot. First he cheats on you and then plays with your feelings by trying to manipulate you and you don't receive any attention back.

This bloke won't change because he knows he has you hanging on and knows he can manipulate you.

I'd be dumping his sorry A55 and find someone who appreciates you and will treat you the way your supposed to be treated.

Are you kidding , what a selfish idiot. First he cheats on you and then plays with your feelings by trying to manipulate you and you don't recieve any attention back.

This bloke won't change because he knows he has you hanging on and knows he can manipulate you.

I'd be dumping his sorry A55 and find someone who appreciates you and will treat you the way your supposed to be treated.

Got to 'spread' M.

I couldn't have said it better my friend.

You mean he, and your BFF didn't get together, or was he cheating with someone else? Yes your threads were merged.

Ah how do I unmerge? These were two different problems!

The threads were merged because its about the same guy and with the correct background information people will be able to give you better advice.

Having said that,there is only one thing I can advice you to do,have nothing more to do with him.

He is an immature kid and you can do much better.

Just forget about him and move on with you life. He doesn't deserve you, don't wait cause you won't be healing, live your life and don't revolve it around his. Don't be stupid he knows you are his rebound, don't be a doormat you can do better. WAY BETTER.

Two different problems with the same guy is the background we need to help you best. If you want good advice, the facts are needed, such as how you went from thinking he cheated with your best female friend, to how you caught him, and dumped him.

Can you not see how important those facts are to your story, and our advice?

These are not different problems at all. They are just another chapter of the same relationship, which you have ended, and should leave it that way.

Well the girl he cheated with was a whole 'nother person. That was with his best friend, not mine.

He then says that he just needs time to think about what lifestyle he wants. But if he is so unsure is it worth for me to stick around?
He has had enough chances, and screwed them up, especially with this last encounter, he has shown he is not worth sticking around for. But you knew that.