Hello everyone,
This is a complicated story so bear with me. Ok so first off, I have met this guy at work a while ago, we became good friends. After a period, I started to develop feelings for him and he was aware of that. Anyway we would hang out quite a lot. One day, he all of the sudden confessed that he was going out with my coworker but didn't want the rest of the people working there to find out. Anyway this girl is 24 years old and doesn't have the freedom she wants and needs. Her parents have total control of her life and because of her religion, she isn't able to chose her own husband. They both know that but went for it anyway. So after a while, we became friends with benefits. He had told me that they broke up. I then found out that that was a lie, and they were still together. The truth is this guy would spend much more time with me than his girlfriend. At that point we still messed around. This was the actual FIRST guy in my life. So a couple of weeks ago I decided I wanted to completely stop talking to him as my close friends tell me that he is only using me for sex, so I did. He was out of my life for good. Somehow, he pops back in and we started talking as 'friends'. I was being a good friend and was there for him when he was sick. Anyway that one day while he was sick, he said we would go eat for lunch, I was free then so I agreed. Suddenly, his girlfriend (the same girl) calls him and asks him to pick her up from work as she wasn't feeling well, and he's all like 'I have to see my friend today and I'm busy... " Ok so after hanging up the phone, I was like "Do you want to hang out with her?" He's like "But you're here... " I quickly said "But I can leave if you want, and you can take her to that place for lunch." He said "Are you sure?" I had felt like a piece of when that happened. Not only he is USING me for sex, but I also felt kicked out. I really need to get away from this all. I don't know how I got myself in a situation like this. I don't know how much more my heart can take!
PLEASE HELP ME! I REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE SO I CAN GET AWAY FROM THIS .
Tell me what you guys think about this. I greatly appreciate it.

Just stay clear of him, except for work. Any communication you have with him is strictly business, nothing more. You don't "hang out" with him, you don't sleep with him, you don't continue pining away for him,nothing. He's unavailable, so set your sights elsewhere. End of story.

Thanks! I totally agree, it's just I don't know how I ended up here. :(
But I really appreciate your advice and will definitely take it.
:)

Harshness warning

#1: HE'S A CHEATER

It's pretty obvious that he's only using you for sex. You even pointed that out to us. Imagine how his girlfriend would feel if she found out about you? Do you want to be "that" girl?

If you keep talking to him, you're just going to keep having false hope that something more might happen. But the fact remains, after all this time he's still with his girlfriend. There's a reason why they're still together.

You're completely over-analyzing all the details. Spending more time with you than his girlfriend doesn't mean anything.

Just block him out of your life. Change numbers if you have to. Find someone else who isn't a cheater.

You are being too nice!! And this guy doesn't deserve your time! You should read the book Why Men Love es... the titles a little rough but it's about respecting yourself so you can attract a good-quality man. I'm telling you.. read it

Yap, stop communication and stop getting together with this guy. I've read so many thread that I can see where it's going. If you stay the course you are in, you will become his piece of... on the side. Go out with your other friends and go find someone else to love.

Thank you so much! I greatly appreciate your advice. I don't know how I didn't see this coming. He's out of my life for good. All I get out of him is pain, he hurt me so much. Anyway thanks again for opening up my eyes to reality. :o

I will definitely read that book! Thank you all for your great advice. I should have known not to get involved in the first place. :(

"Don't ever make someone your everything, because once they're gone, you've got nothing..."

Glad to be of help.

Good glad to hear it! :)

You got into this mess because you got emotionally involved with a guy that you didn't really know (or you thought you knew, when in fact, you didn't.)

To avoid this in the future, you should become friends with a guy before you get emotionally involved. Friendship BEFORE relationship protects you both from moving forward too fast, it opens up the doors for you both to communcate, be honest, learn about each other, and have fun. You also will learn about the guy on all different levels (in group situations, in situations with his family, with your family, one-on-one, with your different friends, etc.) Friendship, instead of emotional involvement will protect your heart from being trampled on.
After you know the guy, you will know if you want to get a little more serious with him. You need to be sure that he is an honest guy, and you both have your limits, and beliefs right up front so there's no confusion. (If you're a girl who wants to save sex for engagement, or marriage, and he's not that type of guy, you need to say so.) There's my advice: friendship before relationship.
This guy was a jerk, there are other fish in the sea.

WoW! You do need to stay away from him especially since you have feelings for him. You can't be friends with some one whom you care about. It is too difficult! If he care for you, he wouldn't be in this situation between two women. It is obvious, he is dropping you for her. I would walk away from this. Remember, you deserve better than this. I know it will be painful, but you need to do it. If you stay, you will continue hurting yourself.

Good Luck & Keep me posted,
M~

I think that if you guys are only 17 and it's a very short and non serious relationship that you don't need to spend much money at all. The best gifts are the ones you don't buy but make. It means you actually spent time on them, and I have had gifts like this that meant so much, I'm sure to a girl it would mean even more. I had an ex who pretty much made a book for me with letters confessing her love and what she thinks of me. I will never get rid of it. The most meaningful material possession I own, and we've been broken up for over 3 years. With that do something creative based off what she likes. Also dates can be free too. My favorites are one's where you go on hikes... very social and different.

I think that if you guys are only 17 and its a very short and non serious relationship that you don't need to spend much money at all. The best gifts are the ones you don't buy but make. It means you actually spent time on them, and I have had gifts like this that meant so much, I'm sure to a girl it would mean even more. I had an ex who pretty much made a book for me with letters confessing her love and what she thinks of me. I will never get rid of it. The most meaningful material possesion I own, and we've been broken up for over 3 years. With that do something creative based off what she likes. Also dates can be free too. My favorites are one's where you go on hikes...very social and different.

No we aren't 17, although you're right about the non serious relationship. I'm actually 21 and he's 22. His current girlfriend is 24. I know I had wasted my time, and wish that someone had told me way before it had gotten this serious. Anyway thanks a lot for the advice.

You got into this mess because you got emotionally involved with a guy that you didn't really know (or you thought you knew, when in fact, you didn't.)

To avoid this in the future, you should become friends with a guy before you get emotionally involved. Friendship BEFORE relationship protects you both from moving forward too fast, it opens up the doors for you both to communcate, be honest, learn about each other, and have fun. You also will learn about the guy on all different levels (in group situations, in situations with his family, with your family, one-on-one, with your different friends, etc.) Friendship, instead of emotional involvement will protect your heart from being trampled on.
After you know the guy, you will know if you want to get a little more serious with him. You need to be sure that he is an honest guy, and you both have your limits, and beliefs right up front so there's no confusion. (If you're a girl who wants to save sex for engagement, or marriage, and he's not that type of guy, you need to say so.) There's my advice: friendship before relationship.
This guy was a jerk, there are other fish in the sea.


Yes I know exactly what you mean about the whole friendship before going into a relationship thing. I was actually really close to him in the beginning, as friends, but honestly; now I feel as if he was a totally different person back then. He actually seemed like he cared but after all he ended up being a jerk. I had to learn the hard way. Anyway I fell in love with the person he was pretending to be, and that was all to get in my pants. I have completely ignored his phone calls/text messages as you guy told me. He has been calling a lot the past few day. At this point on, I really don't care about him anymore. And this just CLEARLY shows how low he is. :/
Thanks so much for the advice.

WoW! You do need to stay away from him especially since you have feelings for him. You can't be friends with some one whom you care about. It is too difficult!! If he care for you, he wouldn't be in this situation between two women. It is obvious, he is dropping you for her. I would walk away from this. Remember, you deserve better than this. I know it will be painful, but you need to do it. If you stay, you will continue hurting yourself.

Good Luck & Keep me posted,
M~

You're completely right. I haven't spoken to him since that happened and have completely thrown him out my life. He is still trying to contact me after a week and a half. I ignore his calls/texts. Should I ignore it all, or confront him about it? What would you recommend?

Thanks again! :)

You are being too nice!!! And this guy doesnt deserve your time! You should read the book Why Men Love es...the titles a little rough but it's about respecting yourself so you can attract a good-quality man. I'm tellin ya..read it


I'm actually starting to read that book! It's really interesting and helps a lot. The problem here is I was way too nice to him, and he took advantage of me. He is now trying to contact me back after a little more than a week? I just don't understand him. He is still in a relationship with his girlfriend, why would he still try and talk to me?

Harshness warning

#1: HE'S A CHEATER

It's pretty obvious that he's only using you for sex. You even pointed that out to us. Imagine how his gf would feel if she found out about you? Do you want to be "that" girl?

If you keep talking to him, you're just going to keep having false hope that something more might happen. But the fact remains, after all this time he's still with his gf. There's a reason why they're still together.

You're completely over-analyzing all the details. Spending more time with you than his gf doesn't mean anything.

Just block him out of your life. Change numbers if you have to. Find someone else who isn't a cheater.

Thanks a lot for the advice. He is now trying to contact me, and has been calling/texting me for quite some time. How should I deal with it? I'm completely ignoring his calls and not responding to his text messages. Knowing that he's still in a relationship, why is he trying to contact me again if he clearly dropped me for her? I don't understand him, and I really wish I never met him.

Anyway thanks again everyone for all your help. It means a lot to me. :)

Keep ignoring him,the guy's a player but hopefully he'll take the hint when you refuse all contact.

Thanks a lot for the advice. He is now trying to contact me, and has been calling/texting me for quite some time. How should I deal with it? I'm completely ignoring his calls and not responding to his text messages. Knowing that he's still in a relationship, why is he trying to contact me again if he clearly dropped me for her? I don't understand him, and I really wish I never met him.

Anyways thanks again everyone for all your help. It means a lot to me. :)

Well I was in a very similar situation where I too fell in love with the guy he was pretending to be all to get in my pants too!! I tried the ignoring thing but he kept trying to contact me which had me still thinking about him. The last time he texted me he actually had the audacity to say to me.. "miss ya girl. you turn me on" and that was it for me. I responded with "what are you saying to me? im so disappointed about how different things are now. i think itd be best if you didnt contact me anymore." and he's stopped. And its good because I can really move on now which I need to do. He's a loser and so is your guy and they both only think about themselves and that is not what we need/deserve. And yes so glad your reading the book... I read it again every time I start a new relationship haha

Shygurl. Do you actually have something to add or are you just bored?

Go play somewhere else, this is not a chat site. If you have nothing to offer then don't answer, it really is that simple.

I've reported your posts to the mods. They'll decide if you're given another chance to smarten up.

Thanks a lot for the advice. He is now trying to contact me, and has been calling/texting me for quite some time. How should I deal with it? I'm completely ignoring his calls and not responding to his text messages. Knowing that he's still in a relationship, why is he trying to contact me again if he clearly dropped me for her? I don't understand him, and I really wish I never met him.

Quit playing along with his mind games.

Block him out of your life. You don't need so much drama in your life.

Find someone else to be happy with, who isn't a cheater.

Quit playing along with his mind games.

Block him out of your life. You don't need so much drama in your life.

Find someone else to be happy with, who isn't a cheater.

Absolutely! And if you don't know how to word it to him... say something like "This is not working for me. Please don't contact me anymore." It will be hard to say, as it was for me, but trust it's for the best. And you will feel so much better not having to think about him anymore as you've moved on! :rolleyes: