I'm in a dilemma and I think I did something to blow a potentially good thing. I have been talking with a girl for the last month or so, and everything was going so well -- chatting, chemistry and what not talking on the phone, plus chatting online, so I decided to head to up to see her.

I live in Maryland, and she's in Maine.

I drove up to see her this weekend, and things could not have gone any better. We did dinner and a movie and spent about 5 hours together that night. After the date, we ended up kissing for well over 10 minutes in the car before I decided to call it a night.

We met up the next morning, and we attended a birthday party for a friend of hers. Well, she didn't have enough time to buy a gift, so I bought a gift card and fronted the money until I got paid back. We had a good time at the party and I took pictures for her friend -- I do pro stuff part time, and that was that.

Thereafter, she invited me over her place and I met her kids. We had a lobster dinner -- she, I and the kids at her place -- and then we cuddled up and watched a movie.

After the movie -- it was late, she was tired, but she invited me to her bedroom and we cuddled and kissed again passionately until she went to sleep. There was no sex involved, but it was fairly steamy. I slept in her bed until morning and then we had breakfast, before I had to leave.

Again, we had passionate kissing for about ten minutes, and then I drove off. When I was driving home, I sent her a text message, and then I saw her Facebook profile noting a message noting, "not sure if having an open heart is or good or not".

So we talked some more, and she says she enjoyed her time went well, plus her kids and pet loved me. I will also add that she said that she's not trying to rush into anything and I told her that neither am I. She also added that she falls hard for men, and she has had to let a lot of them go. She is a nine year divorcée.

So, we chat on Facebook the day after, and then I replied to a few of her posts. Thereafter, I don't see her -- she's posting in the meantime, and decided to block me. I give her a call, and sent her text. The funny thing too is that her daughter decided to also friend me, but I told her that I should wait and get permission before anything.

I emailed her seeing this -- I didn't think there was any problem beforehand -- and said what's wrong. She unblocked me and said, "I need you to give me space -- it's weirding me out a bit. Thanks."

So, I said -- look, I am sorry, but we used talked like this and especially what happened this weekend. She then told me to chill out and take 10 steps back, again, I said sorry to her.

I wanted her to elaborate further and she added:

* I told you I needed time to process...

* I do like you, but if you can't give me space I guess that leaves me with no other option then to have no more contact.

* I need you to please give me some space!! I'm not rushing into anything.

* You need to chill out! I'll forgive you but please take 10 steps back.

Then, when I asked her about when she'd try to contact me again, she says this...

* I don't know. I don't have a "schedule". Please just chill!!

I don't know where all this came from, but it is very weird. I would not ordinarily even entertain the thought of meeting up with her; however, things went so well this weekend, that I think I'm just going to wait and see what's going on.

Any advice?

I'd listen to her and give her the space. DOn't be a stalker. Go live your life fully and enjoy it and if she wants to she will contact you. If you aren't looking for anything as you say then don't look for anything just go on.

Let me understand something, you 2 just met for the first time and she invites you over to meet her kids AND stay the night? If you ask me you're better off taking “10 steps back”. Do not cry over someone who would not cry over you! She is a single Mom meeting men on-line and allowing them to stay overnight in her bed after meeting the first time. Crazy! I hate to judge because I really don't know her but I'm trying to help you see another side.
You sound really sweet. Don't give up trying to find your perfect match.
Quote - "Don't frown, you never know who will fall in love with your smile"

Let me understand something, you 2 just met for the first time and she invites you over to meet her kids AND stay the night? If you ask me you’re better off taking “10 steps back”. Do not cry over someone who would not cry over you! She is a single Mom meeting men on-line and allowing them to stay overnight in her bed after meeting the first time. Crazy! I hate to judge because I really don’t know her but I’m trying to help you see another side.
You sound really sweet. Don’t give up trying to find your perfect match.
Quote - "Don't frown, you never know who will fall in love with your smile"

I really don't know what in the world I was thinking. I should have never, ever done that, but I got caught up in the moment...

No, she has not emailed, contacted or IM'ed me. I have no idea what happened, but I can't go pursuing someone who doesn't care for me.

Don't contact her for 2 weeks. If she doesn't call you by then move on.

Serious about this 2 weeks thing. Less is more. Anything you do can and will be held against you in the court of love.

Western P,
Hate to break this to you,something rubbed her wrong and she doesn't want you as a partner and for now not even as a friend leave it alone move on.
Don't expect any payback from any monies your out it isn't happening.
Sorry Dude better luck next time.

western P,
hate to break this to you,something rubbed her wrong and she doesnt want you as a partner and for now not even as a friend leave it alone move on.
Dont expect any payback from any monies your out it aint happening.
Sorry Dude better luck next time.

Yeah, I know I messed up -- I guess I tried too many times to contact her. I don't know what to think, but I played my cards wrong and screwed up somewhere big time. I figure there's little chance I'll hear from her.

I'm still on her Facebook contacts, and our picture together is still up on her page. I don't know what to think, however. Right now, I don't even think there's a remote chance she even wants to hear from me.

I don't think its you did anything wrong don't be so hard on yourself,she may have certain "rules,wants,ECT."that you didn't fill,better to have a girl be honest than string you along consider yourself lucky my friend.

Your human that is why you did it =-) stop beating yourself up over it. Her loss. The sooner you let it go, the sooner you can open yourself up to someone else. What doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger right? Good luck!



I really don't know what in the world I was thinking. I should have never, ever done that, but I got caught up in the moment...

No, she has not emailed, contacted or IM'ed me. I have no idea what happened, but I can't go pursuing someone who doesn't care for me.

Just read the other posts... #8 Zippit could not have said it any better!

As a woman, I think she's got some issues and I also think that you should not only give her a space, but give yourself a time to get a clear perspective on where she stands. If she really likes you then, she will call back and apologize and communicate with you on her thoughts, but if she has no interest in you what so ever than you saved yourself a future heartache.

Anyone who goes from hot to cold in a matter of a few hours is either flaky or confused and she has communication issues as well.

Sounds like you saved yourself from a ton of drama.Move on and be glad you didn't invest more time.

Anyone who goes from hot to cold in a matter of a few hours is either flaky or confused and she has communication issues as well.

Sounds like you saved yourself from a ton of drama.Move on and be glad you didn't invest more time.

Yeah, it is pretty much done. Zero future after it all. It looks like she removed me from Facebook, and didn't even contact her nor send anything of the sort.

How rude. Thanks for the support!

As a woman, I think she's got some issues and I also think that you should not only give her a space, but give yourself a time to get a clear perspective on where she stands. If she really likes you then, she will call back and apologize and communicate with you on her thoughts, but if she has no interest in you what so ever than you saved yourself a future heartache.

It's all but dead. She removed me from her Facebook list, and wondered why she was so harsh; however, maybe it's best this happened now than later.

Why she decided to change her mind, I'll never know...

It looks like everything is over and buried.

The funny thing is that I looked at it last night, and she was going to participate in a race, so I wished her, "good luck, and hope her and kids are well..."

I didn't think I was committing a crime.

That seemed to do it.

Thanks for the support. I have no idea what I did, but she really wanted to be rid of me, and future was not going to be bright anyway.

As an addition to the story:

Well, it's over and done. She emailed me and said we were not a good match and we were done.

She not only not only blocked me, but later in the day sent me an email saying it was through and said I "killed it".

I texted her sorry for whatever happened, and then her reply I kid you not, "Leave me the f**k alone. Move on for Christ's sake. What are you, a f**king moron."

Needless to say, this is something I don't deserve. You all no idea how angry I am.

Days later, I'm still trying to get a pulse as to what happened last weekend. I'm doing my best to not remember this, but I'm just still wondering what in the world I had I gotten myself into.

I've not contacted her at all, but I'm still trying to replay what I did in my mind and the huge risk I took even doing this.

I'm sure she was afraid herself, but the mean and blunt way this was done considering I'd done little to even rock the boat aside from trying to figure out what she meant by the proverbial "I need space line" not only 2 days after meeting (aside from trying to rid of me... )

If I ever got a chance, I'd be seriously interested to know what was in her head.

As I don't think you'll ever know try to chalk it up to experience-some people are just strange and there's no guessing their agendas.
See it as a lucky escape.

You don't need to know what she was thinking. Go find someone else who's ready for a real relationship.

Everyone, thanks again for the help. I've moved on from this and have actually been spending the time working on myself plus seeing where things went wrong.

I certainly have seen that things should not have been rushed. Although things may have have ultimately changed the outcome, nevertheless, this experience was one to learn from.

I'm grateful for the advice given.

It was a learning experience and its good you see it that way. I'm glad we helped.
Take care.

LOL, you ran into a fruitcake and it was fun while it lasted. Notice every time you had a comment or question she pushed you away harder and harder, even if it was an apology. You really should have paid attention when she told you about the previous guys she has had.


I will also add that she said that she's not trying to rush into anything and I told her that neither am I. She also added that she falls hard for men, and she has had to let a lot of them go. She is a nine year divorcée.


That was your clue to back away and pay attention as this fruitcake requires an awful lot of space.

The good news, she is in the past, The really good news is you don't have to look back.

Her actions sound a liitle strange. It's hard to figure her out. Maybe she's got a boyfriend already, maybe she thought you were pushy, maybe she just didn't feel any chemisry. :confused: I'd stay away from her. You may be lucky that it ended there.

I am going with what Devorameira is saying. My take is she has an on again off again boyfriend who is coming back on again.

She figured you would run up and have a little tryst and be cool and quiet about it (I mean you are about 500 miles away). You pressured her to be a girlfriend and she freaked. How is she going to explain this to the guy she really likes?

When she said she falls hard and gets rid of guys a lot, it probably means she gets down quick and then these puppy dog guys fall for her.

The only guy that turns her on is the challenge, the guy who doesn't return her calls and makes her chase him. Something you were the complete opposite of!

Look, no big deal, she's too far away anyway.

Amazingly, just out of curiosity -- everything was still ruminating in my head -- I Googled her name, and she joined some forum and noted now that she was "In a Relationship"...

Wow. I guess it all *really* makes sense now. I feel a bit relieved now, but at least I found out the truth.

I definitely feel better it was not my fault and the weird behavior has a story. She stonewalled so much that I knew in the back of my mind something beyond shady was going on, especially after helping her out.

Quite a shi**y thing to do, if you ask me.

Thanks again for the help, but I guess this is the danger of online-dating...

I am going with what Devorameira is saying. My take is she has an on again off again boyfriend who is coming back on again.

She figured you would run up and have a little tryst and be cool and quiet about it (I mean you are about 500 miles away). You pressured her to be a girlfriend and she freaked. How is she going to explain this to the guy she really likes?

When she said she falls hard and gets rid of guys alot, it probably means she gets down quick and then these puppy dog guys fall for her.

The only guy that turns her on is the challenge, the guy who doesn't return her calls and makes her chase him. Something you were the complete opposite of!

Look, no big deal, she's too far away anyway.

I never pressured her to be anything, in fact was she very much the aggressor. I only contacted her a few times after that, and she just got very weird. Seriously, I only felt a few comments on Facebook, and then it got strange. I didn't call her, and sent her one text. The M.O. of communication didn't change -- it just flipped all of a sudden.

There's no use crying over spilled milk, it's over.

LOL, you ran into a fruitcake and it was fun while it lasted. Notice every time you had a comment or question she pushed you away harder and harder, even if it was an apology. You really should have paid attention when she told you about the previous guys she has had.

That was your clue to back away and pay attention as this fruitcake requires an awful lot of space.

The good news, she is in the past, The really good news is you don't have to look back.

Yeah, I learned this the hard way. I wasn't really sure what I was apologizing for at the time, because everything seemingly went so well that I wanted to catch up with her. In fact, she'd found me on FB that morning we chatted. It's not like I texted her 5 times that day, or called umpteen times -- it was just some website that was the source of communication those past few days.

There were so many red flags I should have caught, but didn't because I was just so wrapped up into things. This really would not have worked out anyway, as the push-pull was so dramatic that it would have read like a TV-Movie of the week once it had ended.

Well you've learnt your lesson well,and the next time if any red flags flap in the wind you'll recognize them.

Her actions sound a liitle strange. It's hard to figure her out. Maybe shes got a boyfriend already, maybe she thought you were pushy, maybe she just didn't feel any chemisry. :confused: I'd stay away from her. You may be lucky that it ended there.

Oh no, I don't know if it was a matter of chemistry. She was the aggressor -- she was the one who initiated the kissing and foreplay.

I mean we kissed in her yard for nearly ten minutes before I got in my car and left. If anything, she left me compliments right and left about my looks, how easy I was to talk to all weekend.

No, now that I'm reading all this -- I think I was a fun toy for the weekend and nothing serious would (or could) ever develop. I took a leap of faith, hoped stay in touch thereafter, but I was not caught.

If I had known then what I know, it was one hell of a dangerous risk to spend the weekend with her and meet the kids.

Maybe you should avoid aggressive women next time.