I've been seeing my personal trainer for a few months, but he doesn't want people to know, for eg: people in the gym in case he looses his job, and he lives on my aunts road and I'm 19 he's 25 anyway somedays he can be really nice to me, then ignore me in the gym and not texting me, then come over inn the gym and be flirty and sweet and all. He said he wasn intrested in a relationship but I didn't think id be to but I'm starting to have strong feelings for him, do you think he could ever change his mind about the relationship or is it just sex?

By his words and actions, he seems pretty clear that he doesn't want anything serious.

You can't go into a relationship expecting to guy the other person. That's called fantasy land.

You either accept his wishes or find someone else.

When a man tells you he is not wanting a relationship, you can believe that is what he means and sex will not change that. You will have to make a decission for yourself on this one. If I were you I would be looking for another gym to workout at.

Its just sex, and I doubt you're the only one.

Its just sex probably or he's just playing the field.

Your falling for one of the oldest tricks in the book in my opinion.

You're his Booty call , or as Tal says one of them.

he said he wasn intrested in a relationship but i didn think id be to but im startin to have strong feelings for him, do you think he could ever change his mind bout the relationship or is it just sex?


Most weak relationships started with sex than finding the connection, rapport and understanding first.

He's telling you now that he doesn't want a relationship so it's up to you to decide if you want the ride. If you will go on there will be an extremely high possibility of frustration and disappointment.

Very rarely and I stress "rarely" does a magical, committed long term relationship come out of a "casual sex" relationship. Im not saying that it doesn't happen, but it is rare if it does. This guy has his game on with you and knowing how you feel about him he has you right where he wants you. Take the advice given to you and learn from this experience. Opt for the man who will move heaven and earth to win you. Know that you deserve more. A satisfying, fulfilling life and relationship with a man who pursues and charishes YOU.

He told you he didn't want a relationship.

Women cannot change men. Period. And vice versa.

If someone is honest with you and tells you what they don't want, you can pretty much be sure that they don't want it.

I'm sorry for your growing feelings that are not returned, but you're going to have to respect his wishes and leave him alone.

You want more. Don't settle for less.

You are the flavor of the week, once he finds another piece, he backs away from you. When she leaves, he comes around again.

Thanks everyone but I'm the only girl he is seeing aswel, he also said if I ever got you pregnant id marry you... also said he really did like me... but I'm so confused. But I no he's not really seeing anyone else.

thanks everyone but im the only girl he is seeing aswel, he also said if i ever got u pregnant id marry you... also said he realy did like me... but im so confused. but i no hes not really seeing anyone else.

They say a lot of things... don't believe them, you want to have a child with someone who is committed to you right now so you know he ll be there for them for sure

Yeah but he's saying if he ever got me pregnant acidently he would. But no he's very open he tels me who he sleeps with and the last 2 months its just been me. Its been nearly 5 months that we've been sleeping together.

I am afraid you won't find out the truth until it happens, no matter what he tells you.

I am afraid you won't find out the truth until it happens, no matter what he tells you.

Or what we tell her , she's hearing us but not listening :rolleyes:

I don't really know how to explain it more clearer than I already have but you seem to believe differently and that is OK. Tal is right, you won't know what will happen till it happens.

And don't accidently get pregnant just so he "may" marry you. I know a few girls who thought they could trap the guy into being with them forever. "it didn't work and they are all miserable for doing it that way. That was something that worked in the "Old" days. Today it is not the same. Like is not love and getting pregnant will not make him love you.

How do you fall in love with someone who is treating you like his own personal whore?

You aren't more then that to him. He told you he didn't want anything serious, he isn't going to change his mind.

I've been seeing this guy ages, and my feelings have gotten really strong for him, he just texts me when he wants to hook up, but I'm not sure how he feels. If I say to him how I feel he might get awkward and just call everything off, but if I don't I might get hurt.

You have started having feelings, he may or may not of course. But it can never be the same for you, so you have to move on your feelings or it will end anyway

And what if he does? How can I tell?

and wat if he does? how can i tell?

By asking him?

Hookups almost NEVER turn into a real relationship---why buy the cow when you're getting the milk free and all that.

I suppose, but ill be so upset if I get like a no :S and I have to see him every day

How old are you, that you can't be mature enough to TALK about sex and relationships with the person you're having sex with?

19 and he's 26

Honey... if you can't talk to him about this stuff--this really important stuff, then you don't have a relationship anyway.

If he ONLY calls you when he wants a little booty, then that's what he's using you for, and he doesn't want anything else.

But its been going on about 8 months :( could I change his feelings

You've let him use you for 8 months? Were you hoping his feelings would change that whole time?

No--you can't change HIM. You can only change YOU.

Get some self-respect, girl! Let him know that if he wants some nookie, he needs to treat you with respect outside of the bedroom--in the form of dating.

My bet is that you never hear from him again--but really, you deserve better than that anyway. Why would you want a jerk that only wants to come around for what's in your pants, not what's in your heart or mind?

Well you don't know his feelings right now do you?

This is going to be a gamble here... be careful...

He is using you. He calls you when all else fails.

Let him know how you feel, and see what he says.

If he says that he doesn't feel the same way( I'd be willing to bet that he doesn't), cut him off.

Find someone that will treat you right.

I can relate to what you are talking about. At one time I had this "bed buddy" and we would text weekly and hook up a few times a month. That went on for a little over a year and a half. I started devolping feelings for him and wasn't sure if he had any for me or not. I mean we would get into arguments on the phone and he would act jealous sometimes when I mentioned other guys or something. I was hoping he was getting feelings for me, but in all reality he was just using me to fulfill his needs. Once I told him I was in a relationship he started wanting what he couldn't have. Felt good to finally have the upper hand in that mess!

That exactly what we do, hook up a few times a month, he acts jelous sometimes, he says he has a cemistry with me though.He says he feels comfertable with me, but I've ignored him and acted like I didn't. But the only reason I done that was because he said he didn't want a relationship 8 months ago when we started seeing each other, so I was afraid to get close unless I scared him off. But now I'm afraid to get hurt if I don't act soon, but I have to see him every day because he works in my gym so if I say it to him and he doesn't feel the same it would be hard. So I want to try get hints out of him,to see if he has any feelings. I know it all sounds stupid :(

He's using you for his needs and has clearly told you so by stating he doesn't want a relationship , you've been doing the same and have now developed feelings stronger than that. So it's really pretty simple , you either continue being bed buddies if your happy to just do that or you leave him alone and find someone who's looking for more.

ASK HIM

Well, it hurts... but better to get to know sooner, than in a few years... it will be really sucks!

I feel like I know more than I should on this 'friends with benifits' issue. Here it goes...
Once you agree to a arrangement, like you have, for any duration, it is like you intered into a contract with the other party. You know the terms, you don't vest in any deep feelings, you each know your place. Any comments that resemble jelousey are 'put on' they are only meant to insure that it (the hookups) will continue. Any flirting is just part of the game.
Trying to make a go at a 'real relationship' would be hard. Hard because one, or both of you, would remember how the other was so willing to have casual sexual involvement. It would cheapen any sincere effort in either of your parts.

But if my feelings can change, could it happen for him?

You could ASK him.

But if they had, his ACTIONS would have changed.

But so would have mine? I want to text him so much but I just wait for him to text me

Look... you're acting like a 13 year old asking her friends "Does he like me?!"

Either ask him, and listen to his answer--or believe us that everything you're describing is him NOT wanting a relationship.

Either way, you need to either ASK him, or just accept that he probably does NOT want to have a relationship with you.

But obsessing about it without DOING anything is childish, and won't allow you to move forward, either way.

I just read several of your past questions in trying to decide how to answer this question and my reading left me with a few questions:

Is this the same guy that you were trying to get to fall in love you in this post from July:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/make-guy-want-you-381389.html

Is this the same guy who wanted the three-some in April with his ex-girlfriend and you?

Is this the same guy that in August, you wanted know how to talk dirty in the bedroom to?

I am sorry but I think you have a lot of self-delusion going on and have since you got into this mess. If he acts 'jealous' at any point in time it is probably because he doesn't want to have to rely on his hand instead of a hot body. You seem to be doing everything you can to keep his interest including turning yourself into what he 'might' want. It's time to find out who you are and what you like.

Stop letting him use you for a blow-up doll that moves. Get involved with someone who wants you as a person.

If you can't text him when you want sex or to ask him over, then you are an object to him.

Get rid of him and get some self-respect. I will be extremely happy to give you all the support I can to help you move-on.

Well not to get your hopes up or anything but both realtionships I have had turned into longterm relationships I had sex with them within a week of meeting them. But guys that will date you and have sex with u without waiting probably aren't the best guys to go out with in the first place, I learnt that the hard way. Relationships are all about respect and if you want him to respect you you need to give him some boundaries. Next time he texts you ask him to do something else instead like going to the movies or if its late at night tell him to call you tomorrow afternoon and then you guys can hang out etc. I think you get my drift.

Oh yeah and depending on what he does then you got your answer right there! Hope all goes well hunny.

If you are in a relationship where you can't even talk about love, then this is not a real relationship. You need to wake up. If he breaks up with you because you want a real relationship, then he is the loser. If you are afraid to communicate and continually stay in this sexual relationship, you will get hurt much more. If one day he just dumps you because he finds someone else for the sexual fun, what would you do? Before this can hurt you further, talk to him. If his intention is to use you for sex, then dump him and look for someone else.