I left an abusive (emotionally, mentally, and physically) relationship in July. Upon leaving, there were many dramatic events that followed which, from what I've researched, are to be expected from the abuser.

Since then, I've been completely happy with my life. It was like my world was back into my own hands again. I haven't spoken to him in a couple of months now.

Although I've been this happy, still I have moments when I completely break down thinking and making sense of what happened. Sometimes I have flashbacks and I uncontrollably shake, hyperventilate, and cry hysterically for five minutes. When this happens, I feel as though I'm losing a battle I thought was over when I left. It's like he still has a hold over me, and I do not want that to be the case.

I thought I had a handle on everything, I thought I understood what happened and would be OK from here on out, but I still have these breakdowns and it still affects me. I don't let anyone see it, because when I left and told my loved ones what was happening they were already hurt enough. I don't know what else to do to handle this on my own, will counseling be able to get this out of my head?

Everyone is different. For some, counseling is not for them.but for many, counseling is very helpful. And being open to it is an important part of whether it's helpful. I would recommend that you at least give it a shot. If after a few sessions you feel like you're getting somewhere, keep with it. If not, either quit or maybe even just look for a different counselor to try out. I don't see any downside to trying it for yourself.

Counselling would be very beneficial for you.

Think of yourself as someone that has post traumatic stress disorder. You’ve been subjected to mental abuse and violence and the trauma of this experience is ingrained in your psyche and the cells of your body. I suspect there is also shame and a sense of horror at what happened, not to mention complete disempowerment.

How do you recover from a situation like this? Going back to a normal life obviously helps but the retained memory of the experience is still there because you lived with the stress for such a long time.

It’s really important that you speak to someone. I would also suggest that you confide in your family and friends. Many survivors of domestic violence are afraid of being judged, because at some level they blame themselves, but there is no greater comfort than talking to people that care about you and genuinely want to comfort you.

Please reach out to your family and friends, I am sure that they would want to know how badly you’re feeling and how difficult it is at the moment for you.

It takes a long time to recover from an experience like yours.

Just like a flesh wound, emotional damage takes time to heal. I recommend you going to counseling. What could it hurt?

The doctor, or counselor, will teach you a healthy way to deal with these emotions.

I am glad to see that you got away from this abuse. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to leave such circumstances . You should be proud of yourself that you made these changes.

I hope you continue to heal.

Hi, jphorner13!

Yes, if you're having those kinds of symptoms, getting counseling would be likely to help you. I've found both group and individual therapy to be helpful with issues which which I've needed to deal.

I wish and hope only the best for you!

Thanks!

Thanks everyone, I've decided to give it a shot. I was honestly iffy about it for a little while because in my mind it was like giving in, but now that I look at it I see it as fighting harder. After all I've done to get to where I am today, I can't let him win anymore.

Also, I'm not sure why, but although I was abused weekly if not daily for 2years, I can only recall one incident in detail. (This incident being the time where I realized what was going on.) I can tell you what has happened vaguely, but as for details of the day I can't remember. It's completely frustrating. Is this going to set me back?

My guess as to why was because the entire time I pushed it into the back of my mind, basically forcing myself to forget it and move on, but I'm not sure.

Sometimes without even realizing it we deliberately block memories out because they're too hurtful or traumatic. A counselor will still likely be able to help you.

sometimes without even realizing it we deliberately block memories out because they're too hurtful or traumatic. a counselor will still likely be able to help you.

In my experience, you have to remember and/or relive the past before you can heal... it's a tough road, but hang in there. Good luck to you

I agree seashell. I had blocked a lot of stuff out. Going to counseling, having a neutral person to talk to and help me work through things, was really helpful for me. I don't think I could have worked through it on my own. Although I know others can sometimes.

Thanks everyone, I've decided to give it a shot. I was honestly iffy about it for a little while because in my mind it was like giving in, but now that I look at it I see it as fighting harder. After all I've done to get to where I am today, I can't let him win anymore.

I think this is a really good idea.

Keep in mind that it can take a few tries before you find a therapist that you'll mesh with. You need to find someone who you can open up to. Don't be afraid to switch therapists until you find the one that's right for you.

Therapy is a very good thing when dealing with past abuse and emotional trauma. Been there, done that.

I wish you all the best. Know that we're here if you need any support. :)