Intro:
My fiancé of 2.5 years has asked for time off. We’ve just started our international long distance R (LDR) 2 months ago and like all LDR, we’ve had some communication issues.
He got his Ph.D and left for his home country to get a job, and we had planned to get engaged this winter and get married next summer. All our friends and families are awaiting this big event.

Body:
Everything seems perfect, right? Wrong. Since the LDR began, we’ve had issues: his inability and unwillingness to express his feelings, his lack of response and enthusiasm to communicate, my continuous nagging to get him to be more pro-active ( my mistake, I know), and his lack of faith in the LDR.
Okay, it may be a miscommunication issue but there is a lot more to it. 1)He asked for time off because of the continuous failure of miscommunication (He fears calling me now -obviously communication is not working for us at this point). 2) He believes that we have different goals and values in life and thinks that some things are left the way they are. To make this work, he thinks that one of us will have to sacrifice more- there is no choice.

Conversation:
HE SAYS: “Some things you can compromise in relationships but I think some compromises can’t be made. If one of us did sacrifice, one of us will be unhappy and resent one another. I want to start a family and move on with our relationship and want someone who wants the same. But you are thinking about yourself- pursuing your goals to get your Ph.D. I know it’s not fair to even ask you to sacrifice your education, but I don’t know if I can handle the 3-4 year of LDR with all the tension that we already have. I’m confused and need time.”

I SAY: “ You got your Ph.D and you knew from the beginning that I had a few more years to go and you were willing to take this challenge. It’s not like I don’t want a family, but I have to finish my degree- I’m right in the middle of it. What am I suppose to do? How can you deprive me of my own education? Aren’t you being a little greedy here? If it’s about a communication issue, we should work it out together- not take time off.”

Conclusion:
He sees this conversation going nowhere- so do I. He’s confused and I resent him for being confused and forcing time off. Although this time off is probably much needed for both of us, I don’t know if our issues will be resolved with taking time off. I also don’t understand why he is backing off all of a sudden and breaking the engagement. Can’t we work this out together? Supposedly, he thinks there is nothing to work on- since it is a reality issue.

Question:
His actions speak louder than his words. While his confusion is quite understandable to a certain point, I’m now having second thoughts about the relationship. Why? What if this happens again and he backs off? How can I trust him? Shouldn’t a guy step up and make the effort to make things work instead of doing the ‘invisible act?’ I think he is being weak, and how am I suppose to keep a relationship with a guy this week? I did hear that I should wait 3-4 weeks to call him back. I have nothing against giving him time- I just don't see taking time off going anywhere. Do guys come to their sense and accept reality?

Is it normal for guys to act like this before the engagement, second guessing the relationship? Are there happily married couples out there who’ve gone through something like this (what’s the percentage?). Can this work? Should I have more patience before making assumptions? Confused~
:confused::confused:

He implies as if we might be better off separated since we want different things. My Q is when do we say enough is enough?

No trust = No relationship

His reluctance to put effort into this relationship shows that he's not longer as interested as before.

Relationships are suppose to be natural. Hard work should come naturally. If you feel that you need to force him to make an effort, then this relationship is bound to end.

Your best bet right now is to give each other some time apart. Don't communicate for a while so that you don't influence each other's thought process. Allow some time for you to gain some perspective on this relationship.

Once you're calmer and feel more objective, you will be in a better position to approach this situation again.


He implies as if we might be better off separated since we want different things. My Q is when do we say enough is enough?

If that's how he feels, then it sounds like he pretty much gave up anyway. He's just letting you down gently.

Whatever happens, you definitely need a break from this relationship to gather your thoughts.

I have two ideas- it's up to you in the end:
Do you think you could benefit better by taking a break and trying to find yourselves individually and step back from the relationship to determine where to go next..
Or- you could come together and speak honestly- keep open communication, and try to rekindle the spark that used to be there. It could take some work, but honesty, open communication, and trying to set the spark off again could just save your relationship, you never know.
It's up to you, and what you think you two would benefit from. It really depends on your personality, and the details of your relationship.

Interesting choices.

I'ld prefer that we communicate and at least make things work, but I'm not sure if that attempt is intruding in his space, especially when a guy asks for time off.

Do you think it is healthy to attempt communication when he specifically wants time to think? I can only speak for women in general. I'm not sure about guys. Any thoughts?

Give him what he asks for, and leave him alone. That's what he wants, since he isn't willing to compromise.

Give him all the space he wants while you move ahead with your personal goals. He knew what you wanted, so what's the point in dealing with some one who can't handle the program, and no way should you give up your goals, and dreams. Why?

Thanks for the suggestions.
I think deep down I knew what I had to do. It was probably a dose of that self-denial stuff that was impeding my judgments.
All in all, I have decided to move on, which I already did without consciously acknowledging it.

There is sad note to my decision, but I think it will do me good in the long run. And if we are meant to be we will meet again.

Long distance relationships are hard to maintain and usually it doesn't end up too well. Its true what he says about if one sacrifice too much for the other, they won't be happy. A relationship is about 2 people sharing a happy life together not one giving theirs to the other.

You know what you have to do. Just keep going on with life. I think this relationship has come to a stop and its time to move on.

Nice few lines at the end.
Sounds like a lyric I've heard some where.

I like it.

I wrote that, didn't quote it from any song I know. Well, I am a song writer lol.

Thank you all for the suggestions and support. 'Helped me realize what I already knew. I guess I needed that extra confirmation, which was much needed.

I think people have a lot to say when to decide enough is enough in their relationship.

Right before my engagement, my boyfriend got cold feet and suddenly "realized"

A few things he was afraid he couldn't handle about certain things about me.

I'm sure everyone has had these kinds of issues and have even tried to talk to your

Significant other about them with no avail. So, the typical story goes that your boyfriend calls off the

Engagement and requests time off for both of you to REALLY think about youselves as

Individuals and the things that make yourselves happy. And, if things work out, we were

Meant to be. If not, then it's best that we knew before the marriage, and was probably for the

Best.But, listening to such similar stories... I'm beginning to believe that time off is actually B.S (excuse my language)

Many say that time off may be something that all relationships need. Don't you think even

Think this remark is simply another way to justify and ease the pain from the shock?

I simply don't understand... how is taking time off right before the engagement going to

Help, more or less strengthen, a relationship?

I feel (although I may always be wrong) that any request from a guy for time off is just a

BIG SIGN that he is probably not marriage material. What do you guys think?

Any general insights from those who have succeeded to walk:rolleyes::rolleyes: down the aisle?

So, he asked for time off right before the engagement and wants to think about the relationship.

Haven't we heard this scenario so often that now it really isn't surprising to hear all the stories

Where your boyfriend suddenly wants to think about things because there are some things about

You he's not sure he can handle in the long run? I mean, marriage is a serious thing, and we

All agree that we get cold feet. But I also think it is the way you approach it as well that

Shows a lot about the maturity of that person.

So, he suggests that you take time off to really think if this is what YOU want as well and

Evaluate if this marriage is what will make you happy (Blah--. So we say time off can

Actually be beneficial to both of you. I don't buy this at this stage of the relationship). He

Wants both of us to be happy (Haven't we heard this excuse before?)

Hmmm... to me... all this sounds like B.S. (excuse the language).

Come on, why take time off right before the engagement? Why didn't he act upon these

Issues way before the engagement? And, taking time off right before the marriage seems

Like a preview to a really bad marriage. Besides, how is he going to step up,mend the pain

And emotional distance of this aftermath? If he is stepping back now, I think it shows

A lot about a guy's personality.

What are your opinions about guys backing out before an engagement/wedding to take

"time off?" Anyone out there who has gone through this period successfully and walked

Down the aisle?

My ex said this to me six years ago. He started asking questions like, how do you know that I am the one for you? And, what is it about me that you love? Or, Sometimes I think you are too good for me. Flash forward 3 years, he dumped me after we got engaged for a month, begged me to come back, and then a year later, dumps me for good for someone else. Then he proposes to the new girl on my wedding day. So, take it for what I think it is. He is doubting the relationship, and wants you to convince him that he is wrong. Only you know the flags and if they are justifiable or not. Just don't waste your life like I did. I spent ten years with him and its been 11 months and I am still healing. UGH!

if yo uneed 'time out' from a relationship just before the wedding,your not ready,or he is not.

there are variables in every situation,but on the whole if you need to be on your own without the person you are about to spend the rest of your life with,it's a deal breaker for me.

if he is not going to work on the problems and talk it out now together! he's not going to do it when your married...

Go back a page & listen to Taliman's response.

That says it all. Does.

Coming from a long distance breakup. Yup.

I hope I'm not repeating the same old long distance relationship again and boring everyone.
Apologize in advance.

Last time I noted that our long distance relationship was not working well, since He requested time off. I've read that guys do need time off when they feel burned out, and I decided to move on. That said, he came through and said that he apologized for making this all hard on me before the engagement.

We(maybe it was me, since I suggested a new plan to make things work, which he agreed) decided to work on it again and set specific times and dates to call one another. 3 times a week. 15 minutes the 1st day and 30 minutes each for the other 2 days. Since the issue was the elongated phone calls, which he found energy consuming, I thought this would be a good plan to start new. My BF is a nice guy and has had problems in the past not to appear rude when I keep him on the phone too long. Once we are on the phone we had no time limit, and no time limit meant that sometimes the conversation became tedious and then the arguments would start. He was so drained and I felt bad- that is when he asked for time off right before the engagement. But the issue was that he never called as often before, so it was always me nagging him to call. So every time he called it made me want to stay on the phone longer, which made things worse.

That being said, I admit I was the one that strongly suggested that we start over using this
New plan, and he agreed. But deep down, I feel that he wasn't all into it- just a gut feeling. Do you think I pulled him out of his "cave" too quickly? If so, why would he agree?

I've tried to shorten the phone conversation and used emails as another way to communicate.I emailed him Saturday night and sincerely thanked him to show my appreciation for willing to put the effort, but he didn't reply or even call me about the mail. He is currently in a training program in his company and cannot use the internet during the weekdays, so if he didn't reply to my email this weekend, then that means no email contact for another 5 days. Knowing this, I would think he would have replied or called.

What is on his mind? I'm confused. Do you think he was rushed into starting the long distance phone relationship again? He agreed to work on it and I have tried to not nag him or even call him that often. I feel like I'm trying to do everything right and not pressure him, but I feel distance between us. I don't know if it is me or him. Help...

You sound needy and desperate,I don't mean to hurt your feelings,but only give you an objective point of view.

The guy is probably up to his ears with work and now he has another thing to add to the list... you...

You have made yourself a chore for him.

But how to pull it back?

This is my suggestion... let him call you.

I can see his point that this constant need for contact with him is draining...

Back off... get busy with your friends and being happy in your life,when he does ring,you will have lots of news and keep the conversation light.

Steer clear of the heavy stuff for a while.

Actually, I have to thank you for your honest opinion. It was much needed advice and I probably should have heard it from someone sooner.

After the request for time off, I was actually doing pretty well and my busy work schedule was helping me cope with the initial shock. I can't say I was fully over the shock, but I was relatively doing fine: eating well, working out, hanging out with friends and did my best not to talk about him. It wasn't until he called me recently that I found myself confused again. I thought I would be stronger, since I had made up my mind to move on. Wrong. I became vulnerable again and was really disappointed in myself for becoming this needy. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to suggest the new plan to start over and I should've known better.

But thank you again. And if you are comfortable with sharing, what have you learned from your prior relationship and how have you found the healthy balance in your new relationship? I'm hoping that you and others out there have gained a lot of wisdom from past mistakes and if anyone is comfortable, I would love to hear what you guys have learned.;)

Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

What you need to do is put some distance from him so that you can gain some perspective. Every time you talk to him, you will over-analyze all the details and prolong the misery.

Longdistance: I understand where you are coming from. I hope and wish you the best of luck. I believe you are just pushing too much and imposing too much. We must do this this day and so on. I understand that you want to spend much time with him and connect, but if he loves you than despite not communicating as much he will still love you, don't stop the communication but don't spread it all over

I am in a LDR as well so believe I know... but I hope for the best even if it drives me crazy sometimes. I tend to feel worst if she feels worst so don't make this hard on him, when you talk don't talk about why you didn't call me at this hour ans so on and so forth... just enjoy those conversations on the phone, remind him of your plans together,your love for each other...

This forum has been a lot of help.
Here's the update so far.

We've tried to call each other as planned, but I noticed that I had not recovered
From the pain he had inflicted on me from his NC suggestion. Indeed, there was a lot
Of resentment on my part and it was sabotaging whatever relationship we were trying to hold on to. Despite the fact that I suggested the phone calls (to maintain some kind of communication), I could tell he was still very distant and often didn't reply to any of my emails.

So, I simply gave up to his wishes and said I was ready for No contact. I was tired of his indifference and there is only so much I can do to maintain contact when he isn't ready for it. All in all, I noticed that he simply didn't know what he wanted out of life, his purpose of living, his dreams... all shattered the moment LDR began. I don't know what exactly triggered it (and neither does he), but I'm really sick and tired of waiting around. So, I finally settled things with myself and agreed that I would not contact him until I see him again this winter break. I have changed my number, blocked his emails, threw away all our pictures and packed away all the stuff that reminded me of him. To me, he does not exist and I never knew him.

Am I being too dramatic? Yes, I know I am. But this is the only way I can keep moving and give him the time he needs. But I have to live as well!!

Unfortunately, the tables have turned now. I am now confused and don't know if I can ever restart the relationship again if it works out well at the end. How can anyone take back someone who has deserted you right before the engagement because of his own confusion about what he wants out of life? What do you think? Do you think this is simply a phase men go through or do you see red flags?

Nope, not dramatic at all, in fact removing the drama.
Good one LD.

The reason he did this doesn't matter. Not all men are like that.
The red flags have already waved.

I would keep on NC & not see him ever, even on winter break.

And as you said "I have to live as well"
Put yourself first.

Do you think not seeing him winter break is a smart thing to do?
We decided to meet and clarify what was happening and come to some sort of
Decision as to where this relationship is going. Communication via LD was the issue and he thought it best that we talk things through and evaluate our thoughts during our break and meet up this winter to discuss them further. Either way, I was planning to go home this winter break to do research, so I thought this would be good timing.

I actually agreed to meet, since I won't be returning to the country for another year.
Whatever happens, I know I'm taking a big risk, but I feel this meeting
Will give me some sort of resolution.

What do you think?

Well, honestly..

I think it will set you back. Cause more pain & drama for you to only try & get rid later.

Like you said:
"His actions speak louder than his words. While his confusion is quite understandable to a certain point, I'm now having second thoughts about the relationship. Why? What if this happens again and he backs off? How can I trust him?"

"To me, he does not exist and I never knew him. "

What answers are you looking for? You've already deleted him.

I guess I would ask why meet?

I think I deleted him for my own sanity for the time being and later hoped that if it was meant to be we would meet up again.

I'm probably not making any sense, right?

Why does my head tell me that it's over, but my heart tells me otherwise?
My head and ego logistically tell me it's not worth it when a guy reacts that way, yet something inside keeps telling me not to close all doors- to wait and see before making a dramatic decision.

Why am I feeling this way?

He asked for time off not a break up and I think that is probably why I'm having false optimism. Do you think it is safe to take his words literally? (Even if I have moved on.. )

Because you have a heart. Hence your contradictions. You're human.

And have certain emotional expectations at this point.

No one likes this.

The reason I even wanted to post here is because I was also in a long distance relationship. Got dumped over the phone after 5 years. Crazy actually.

I thought about the last time I saw her, the conversations, ran those tapes through my head for months.

Then, I joined here & everyone's advice was to go NC.
I couldn't even comprehend what that meant at the time, but did it 4-5 days after.

No, almost 6 mo. & boy, Im I glad I did...

Once, I realized that the pain after was all caused by my thoughts & not direct actions by her. I could really start again.

Break=Breakup BTW.

I applaud your strength and endurance to get through the NC.
I am in NC right now and yes it is hard and sometimes I have to bite my nails and
Use all my mental energy to think rationally. It is draining and sometimes I wish I
Was the first one to call everything off, rather than let him have a final say in this relationship.

It is very tempting to call him and say 'it's over' since you want that sense of power and control over whatever is left

But many tell me that it will hurt me more if I ended it first. I don't know... I thought if I ended it first I would be doing it for myself... but then again, why not just let him suffer and not say anything and let it be. So, yes... NC seems to be the best route here.

I know that he will call back and attempt some sort of contact since he simply asked for time off, but I guess he lost something special and it will be his loss.

I hope that someday I will be- like you- very glad that I made this decision and look back to it with no regrets. Thanks. Your comments felt very sincere and I truly appreciate your sincerity

You will be.

And you are already the one in control. THAT is the key.
To take control. This is your life.

I know the tempting thoughts for contact, but be strong. And don't worry if he tries, he probably will. But you blocked him, right.

I know... I know... to know that he makes the attempt...
Good one.

BTW, Don't worry about who ended it. After all, that's in the past.

Have fun without him.

Blow out of dodge for winter break.

Have fun instead.

You're fired! No I quit...

I think I'm writing on this forum for my own sanity and as a means for keeping me going. So, I'll just write whatever happens.

Recently, I heard that he needed time to recuperate even if there was any chance of getting back together. I'm thinking,. okay... whatever at this point. He simply has literally no feelings at this point- whether to break up or start again in the future.

The funny thing is... I know where he is coming from, because I was the one in a similar position in my last relationship. I remember simply feeling nothing- no hatred or love. I simply existed without any emotions; however, the only thing I did different was that I was the one who ended it, because there was simply nothing to feel. And, yes, I did go back and asked to start things over but to no avail. It was too late and he had moved on. I learned my lesson then- never go back to a broken relationship because there are always more hurdles to jump over.

I look back to my last relationship and remember hurting him and remember him begging, and now the tables have definitely turned with this current (whatever is left) relationship. Except, in this one, my boyfriend simply wants time. I don't think time necessarily means break up. Why do people think break means break up? I've seen many who take breaks, realize the value of their relationship and make the extra effort to make things work. Friends say that you sometimes have to lose something to realize how important it is. I'm beginning to believe this. Am I being a stupid optimist, here?

Okay, Okay... so I have kind of moved on... since I know logically that there will be no good in contacting someone who needs space and time. So, yea, I am giving it to him and in the meanwhile, I'm thinking of meeting other people and working on tons of work. But is it bad to have false hope? BTW, vanheart, what happened with your relationship with her? Did she never come back or did you guys make the effort? Sorry if I'm intruding- just curious.

Nope, I went NC.
She tried to contact me a few times, but I didn't respond.

There was no effort to be made. She wanted out.

I wouldn't wait around with some false hope in the back of your mind.
What wait for him for a couple years after he does the same thing to other women and you happily take him back?

As if.

That will really put your life & emotional well-being on-hold.

Go NC, with no expectations other than healing yourself & moving on without him.

Okay, so I don't mean to be nosy...

But why didn't you respond when she called you back? Perhaps she made a mistake
And wanted to start things over?
She might have been confused and 5 years is a pretty long relationship.
Did you ever consider thinking of trying again? And what made you go NC? Because I know it's really hard to do unless you have lost all feelings for the other person...

I remember going back and realizing what I had lost, so I can sort of feel what she was going through- although I have no say with your relationship.

If that was the case, & it was that important.
She would have said that straight up or found a way to.

This was just selfish guilt on her part. To make herself feel better.

Why I went NC was to avoid any more pain from her, lies, BS, etc...

My ex was a selfish user & abuser, only concerned with who she can manipulate for her own benefits. Star-f$$$er. Not someone with a conscience.

LD78...

So...

While it might be extreme to some for you to want to "cut your losses" so severely... I must say I've been there and done that more than once.

My opinions are:

You must, must, MUST take care of your educational need and professional needs now. Period. If the relationship doesn't fit what your relationship "demands" of you... well... its not a good fit.

I've made that mistake more than once and you can never go back and reclaim that time. Get yourself "right"... meaning take care of your needs intellectually... and all the rest will fall into place. Doesn't mean all will be what you expect... but a person who is whole and healthy is a person who isn't afraid to tend to their own needs...

I pray that you follow your dreams... and I think we both know your educational goals will help take you to the place you need to be... and if he cannot support you in this path, then he is not the man you need him to be.

You ask is it bad to have false hope... well, there is no easy answer here. The problem with it is that you are risking your emotions and you are hoping that he will be the man you need him to be...

Yes. People can change. I know I've changed over time. Learned from my own failures and the failures of my lovers.

But in this case, I think you need him to chase you down. If he isn't willing to do the hard work it takes to be good for you... well... that's that.

All relationships take work... in time, even in the best relationships, we need to reaccess, rethink, retool... and if you are the only one doing the work to sustain the relationship... well, it isn't really a relationship...

I think you are a great person with great goals for yourself. I hope he can be the man you need him to be. But you shouldn't have to bend yourself so far to make it possible.

Some loves might be meant for all time. Most loves are meant for a time. Unless he is willing to meet your needs, I'm afraid that that time has passed.

All you can do is all you can do. You cannot do all the "heavy lifting" in this relationship.

Sorry to bring back bad memories:(

I understand. If that was the case and I was in your position I would have felt
A lot of resentment and anger.

I'm thinking about my relationship and I know I did my best and, yes, he knows it.
And he,too, did his best. But there was always a miscommunication between us- he never
Understood women in general and neither did I understand men.

The giving and taking between us was always confusing. I did things too much for him and I think he really didn't need all that attention from me. At the end, he just wanted me to be happy with what he was giving me. On the other hand, I wanted to be appreciated for the things I was doing for him. So, there was always things that never matched up with our giving to one another.

For me, rather than receiving lots of gifts, I just wanted him to say cheesy things like 'I love you' which I never heard him say to me. But he always said he loved me and never felt the need to say it all the time. Pretty much he's a typical stoic guy who doesn't know how to express his feelings. His way of expressing his feelings for me was spoiling me with whatever I wanted to do. That was his way of communicating his affection. He never actively did anything for me, but did things I wanted. Why do men do this?

I would rather be happy with a guy who went out and made the effort to buy me roses than just sit there and let me do whatever I wanted to do. Maybe I am being selfish- don't know. Guys are confusing.

Not at all, no reason to be sorry.

Yes, things should never be one-sided.

Lots of stuff to think about right now and, yes, working on research papers and acting like the sane instructor in front of my students is painful. They probably have no idea that I am hanging on to whatever is left of my sanity.

With him, I'm continuing NC as usual and I will update on whatever happens in the future, if anything does come up, that is.

Again, thanks for the advice. I will update.

Cool, stick with it.
Good luck.

Van

I'm confused. I heard from him and he has asked me to see him when I arrive at the airport, but doesn't want to see me over the winter break. Not really surprising since he wants space, but why does he want to see me at the airport? Originally, I had asked him to come and pick me up at the airport this winter before the NC occurred. Now, it's a different story, yet he was willing to come pick me up as planned since I had no place to go and no transportation (it's a long story why I have no place to go that day). I did not reply because I'm keeping my promise that I would NEVER contact him for any reason.

He said he would come anyway, but didn't want to see me during winter break.
I felt he was playing games with me. Why come out to greet me at the airport if he had no intentions of even seeing me over the winter? Aren't we at a time-off stage right now? He probably felt bad for me, and I don't need his sympathy, especially from an idiot like him. I've pretty much moved on and look forward to meeting new people this winter.

I dread the day he comes to greet me at the airport, and I'm finding ways to avoid all physical contact (Should I just run away when I see him? Duck, hide? Act like I don't know him? I think that is what I will do). Just the thought of seeing him at the airport makes me want to strangle him in public for the pain he has caused me.

Sounds weird.
Did you respond?

Honestly, I would avoid this like the plague. And seeing him would break your commitment to NC.

Sounds similar to what my ex tried. Pity, guilt, or had time to come up with more bs excuses, who knows.

Does he know what day & time?

I did not reply.
Although I was tempted to reply, I just sat there biting my nails, fighting the attempt to type anything. So, I ended up typing up my paper instead and came here.

And yes, he already knows everything about my flight because I had told him prior to the NC rule.

I don't understand. If he wants NC, then why make the effort to come pick me up? I would understand if it was me who begged him to come out, since I'm the one in the vulnerable position... but why is he doing this?

Do you think it's guilt?

I can't say.
The point is whatever reason doesn't really matter.

Change your flight if you can. And block his email.

So,
How do you block emails? I've looked into that and can't seem to find exactly how via gmail.
I've deleted him but that doesn't seem to block him.

Not sure either with gmail.
Check with them.

Someone else here may know the answer to that.

Found this on gmails Q&A:

"Select any email that comes from the address u want to block in the inbox and click Report as Spam and voila all emails from that address will be Spammed/ trashed in future."

"The only way I found helpful for this was to apply a filter that forwards the email back to the address you are trying to block with a label you create that says "This address has been blocked" - hopefully the sender will get the message!"

I see.
Thanks.

I will update if anything unexpected happens this winter.

Cool.
Stay with it LD78...