Hey guys,

I met this amazing girl online, and we've been dating for almost a year and a half. And a year that I actually spent waiting for her to come and see me or figuring out who's going to see who. It has be amazing and so much fun, I fell for her madly and she has for me. But ever since finding out about her being a virgin and me not being one, it grew upon me. At first it didn't bother me that much, but it begun to grow and it bothered me more and more. Every time I thought about it, I talked to her and explained how I feel. We didn't get to any details and everything and she always ended it by saying that she's sorry and she doesn't care about it. Mostly these words kill me "It's not like it meant anything" when... when for me it meant everything. I know sex isn't the most important thing in the world, but I look at it as a very, very personal thing that is very special and important at the same time, but it's kind of put to the side you know? Something that is kept in a box and can be accessed when the time comes. Either way, after a couple months it got worse, we got into fights about it and so on, and I always made her feel like , though I always only intended to tell her how I feel. I wanted to know more about it, I find out who the guy was, what he looked like and so on. One night I asked how it happened, not specifically to the smallest detail but how it started. And after that night when we talked about it again later on... it seemed to me like she always changed the story. At first she was in the mood and she was at a party a little drunk, and yeah. Then the next that she didn't want to do it, and that she kept trying to push him off when he was trying to get on top of her and her friends helping her too and then I didn't know what to think anymore... it bothered me a lot. I threw up that night by the way but anyway. I hated that she still talked to the guy though I told her not to and all she understood and I guess she was saying that she regrets it and all and she's really sorry and she wishes she never did it and everything. She said that whenever we talked about it later on. Finally the time came, she came down to me. I spent 3 amazing months with her, and her living with me. We had sex 3 days after she came down. She said she was planning on waiting to do it with me, because she didn't want it to be just sex and that she wanted it to actually mean something to her... (gahh I f****** hate this) but it was just... I turned her on and she pulled me onto the bed and we did it. Afterwards we had sex every single night, sometimes twice a day. Not just because we wanted to but beause out of love. It became a daily routine. Though whenever we begun to do things, not specifically serious things I thought about her doing things with that one guy... and it killed me... but at the same time I got back on track. It kept like coming back and forth every couple minutes... I thought I was going to lose my mind. Sometimes I thought about it randomly just sitting in front of the coomputer or doing another thing. And we still talked about it though we had sex with each other. She begun saying that she wouln't care if I wasn't a virgin but the thing is that she wasn't and I was. I think that she saying that if she wasn't and I wasn't it wouldn't bother her. Though I'm thinking of it if I wasn't and she was. She said she wouldn't care if I had sex with 50girls before her and I always asked how the f*** wouldn't that bother you? Like really? So... I told my really close friend about this and how I feel and all, a great guy by the way, brother from another mother, js. =] And he said that she's saying that only because she wasn't a virgin and I saw. And that if she put herself in my shoes it would have been different. Either way I always feel like she's thinking back at it and I always assume she thinks about it when we do things together or if we talk about doing things you know? I'm always like yeah she's probaably thinking about what she used to do, and it all comes back to haunt me... and I feel like f***** stabbing a person in the throat. I love her to death and I think she loves me the same, but that thought is always haunting me. Is there anything I can do it make it go away? To just let it go... I feel so ty and so angry because of it, I sometimes blame myself for not being there for her when she needed me the most... I don't know what to do, and then I get mad and we fight and she cries and so on... and... and please don't tell me to simply get over it and that it's just sex? And it doesn't mean anything. I hate you people that do that, you are exactly the same as that guy that did it to her and I wish the worst for you, js. Though thanks to the people that are actually trying to help. <3 That's a heart for you. ^_^ How do I forgive my baby her past? And the things she's done and everything? I don't want to leave her at all either just because it bother the f**** out of me, I do not. I love her so much and yeah, I don't know what to do... I don't know what to tell her anymore. HELP! =] kthanks

Wow... this is TOTALLY your problem, and you're making it hers.

You CAN NOT change time. Period.

What she did before you made her who she is now. If you truly love her, and love her the way she is now, then you HAVE to accept that.

She can't let it go because YOU won't let her.

My advice is that YOU see a counselor and figure out why you can't let go of someone else's past.

Hi, WobTehDarkKnigh!

Why is the fact that someone with whom you're apparently partnered, has had sex with someone else previously such a big deal to you, please?

Thanks!

What she did before she met you was, and still is, none of your business. She didn't even know you.

FORGIVE HER? For what? She lived her life, just as you did. You just chose(or maybe just ended up that way) to remain a virgin.

What, did you think that she was promised to you at birth? She is not your property, so get over it.

Sorry for being so harsh, but give me a break. You love her, and it bothers you, but you must ger over this or let her go. Bottom line. You will ruin this relationship.

There is no forgiving her for her having sex with some other guy. It was HER decision.Just like it is HER body. She still kept in touch with the guy? Maybe the reason why, is because maybe it didn't go down quite like she told you. Maybe because you are making such a huge deal out of it, she had to "change the circumstances".

So, my advice to you is either get past this issue, or find you a real virgin.

Let me ask you a question, You say that you " turned her on" and then she pushed you back on the bed. Did she force you to have sex with her? Were you raped?Hell no. Did you promise to marry her before you penetrated her? No, probably not. What if it doesn't work out between you two? Where does that put you?

Will it make the next girl angry because YOU are no longer a virgin?

Someone got to her before you did, and you are treating her like used goods, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Maybe you should ask us how you can make it up to her.

This is your issue not hers, and any mention of these types of things to your partner more than once is just going to make you push them away. There is nothing for anyone to be sorry about, except you making a deal out of it.

Does not matter if she was with 100 before you, what only matters is the relationship you have with her.

I would say, stop dating anyone, get some seroius counseling

I don't mean literally forgive her? I don't mean it that way, and say I did, I want to marry her, and I will. I won't ruin this relationship... I'm starting to see this will go nowhere... finding a way out of this or not, people say the same thing, and how I'm trying to get her to understand how I feel and you guys?. it's like you marrying someone and then you finding out that... who f***** knows that your wife was into bestiality, that she had sexual relations with an animal? I know it's random but how would you feel about that like... I don't f**** know what to think anymore, or maybe this might be a point for me to move on and love her more than ever. Some of you say and but you don't even know what it feels like and yeah... and I will marry her. =]

Ohhh and how it is not my business? Like she's with me I have the right to know, why would you say I shudn't get into her things? She's mine I want to know about her...

I remarried latter in life, I had two past wives pass away, plus was very wild during the late 60's and 70's.

To be honest I did not feel any need to even discuss who or what I did before. And to be honest what she did the day before you two meet is none of your business at all.

If she told you it was merely to clear the air or because you seemed obsessed by it.

If she had been with 20 guys before, so what it does not change anything.

You have a very very serous problem on this, you won't admit it, since you feel for some reason she is "used" good and is less because of it.

Your relationship with this girl will never never work until you get professional help on this

Ohhh and how it is not my business? Like she's with me I have the right to know, why would you say I shudn't get into her things? She's mine I want to know about her ...

You may have the right to know, since she told you, but you don't have the right to hold it against her. And she's not yours, she is someone who you are dating. For now, that is, until she gets tired of hearing this subject over, and over again.

You act as though you bought a car, and the seller didn't tell you that it had been wrecked.

You need counseling before you get into a serious relationship.

And I will still say you act like you own her and should control her even before. The fact you can't understand is the first most seroius issue, if you actually understood but can't stop, that is one issue, The fact you think you have some right and this is for some reason something bad, is the thing that we can't understand.

Ohhh and how it is not my business? Like she's with me I have the right to know, why would you say I shudn't get into her things? She's mine I want to know about her ...

Excuse me? She's YOURS? You do NOT own her.

It's in her past. You HAVE to get past it, or you will make her hate you for it.

Get counseling---to deal with your ideas of ownership, if nothing else. She had a life before you, it made her what she is, and YOU need to get past that.

From what everyone's saying and everything, and how I should get over it, or not think about it, and even if you guys understand how I feel and so on and or if she does... that still won't change a thing so I'm starting to slowly think and say to myself I LOVE HER "F**** IT" kthanks later =]

You still should get some counseling . This way of thinking does not magically disappear. I think you should really read into what you wrote in your first post.

And most importantly, SHE IS NOT YOURS. She is just a girl that you are dating, for now.
You are not "entitled" to knowledge of her past. If she wants to share that with you, that's one thing. But by you expecting to "know what the guy looked like..."and every other detail of her past. That's none of your business.

You lost your virginity too. You stated that it was "something special to keep". Well, your's is gone, and the way you told us the way it happened leads us to believe that she was the aggressor. You did what you wanted to do, just like she did what she wanted to do with that other guy. That's why her story was changing. She was not raped, that's why she kept in contact with him.

You will lose this girl if you do not let this go.

And you should go get help, because you told us that you wanted to kill this other guy.