I went out with a gentlemen from my grammar school, who I use to know. We went out last weekend and had a nice time, we seemed to get along very well. Ok, the next day I texted him and thanked him for a nice evening, he text me back immediately said he had fun too. A complete gentlemen, were both in our fifties. My question is I hadn't heard from him all week, and text him a week later, and said how are you? Well, when I got home from work, instead of texting me he called me, which I thought was sweet. We talked twice that evening for a couple of hours. Question is, if a person likes you would he want to see you again, a week later, or just like he called instead. OR do guys take it slow at the age, are different then the younger ones? I like consistency in a person, and I knows its new. I kind of don't know what to think. Any ideas or suggestions?

I think your both just getting reacquainted, so go slow. It's a little early to judge, anything at this point.

The only thing you know is the date was enjoyed by you both. Relax and see if there is another date or not.

Dating is about having fun as you get to know each other, not having high expectations or unrealistic worries. Ages, or experiences, don't count.

Thanks Tal, for the advice, I will see what happens in the next few weeks.

Some of you know, I have a friend from grammar school I dated here and there over the past five months. We haven't seen each other in two months. We are both in our fifties. We actually live like five minutes away from each other. He works long hours, like 65 hours a week, a very phsyical job, and over the years he has had 3 heart attacks, not in the past five years, though. He cares for his ederly mother just like I do for mine. Well like two weeks ago, he emails me and says I want to see you again. He calls me a couple of times during the week on the way home from work and is stressed out from his job. He texts me all the time also. Well this past week he asked me about the beach party for our old high school when it was, and I told him it was on Saturday, and that was on Wednesday. He said well that's not too bad. Well he text me on and off since then. Well Saturday passed, and nothing. I know when he gets stressed he goes with his buddy friend fishing, which doesn't bother me. But what bothers me is when he says I want to see you again, and then this. I know he hasn't dated a lot over the years and has been divorced 20, well that kind of explains things. He does his own thing. Do I have the right to say anything casually next time we talk? (when he wants to see me again) and then this.

Sully, just go for it, yes say something, anything to get his attention. From the sound of it, like you say, he does his own thing and probably pretty set in his ways. He needs a break ! I guess he doesn't know how to go forward and needs a little push !

Tick

Sully.I agree with tickle,he probably does not even realise what he's doing.

Say it in a casual way,as far as he's probably concerned he talked to you the other day and everything is fine!

I would wait until he mentions seeing you again and then just make a remark that makes him realize he is blowing you off bmaking the statement and not following through.
Something like ''Oh? When the cows come home?" Or ''Geez I feel like a have a better chance at seeing God''

Say whatever in a laughing way and not a sarcastic smart way.

He is probably just stuck in his routine and you saying something might make the lightbulb go XoffX ON

Thanks tickle, rehead and for no help4 u. I did tell him and mention to him after he emailed me that I would like to see him again, also. I know he doesn't mean anything by it, but its just frustrating when someone mentions that and then doesn't follow through. Like what you said nohelp4u, have to remember those phrases.

Also sully,men get set in their ways,as we women do,its annoying when they don't follow through,however a little patience and a gentle nudge should do the trick.

Good luck.

also sully,men get set in their ways,as we women do,its annoying when they dont follow through,however a little patience and a gentle nudge should do the trick.

good luck.

Redhead they get too set in their ways, lol.

Sully,I'm 37,I was on my own for a few years before I met my boyfriend,he is 36.
We both have our own lives and like our own time apart,plus we both had our own interests that we wanted to continue doing,its finding that balance, I do believe you can have both,a relationship,companionship and your own time... talk talk and more talk,don't be afraid to voice what you want from the relationship,he won't know if you don't tell him! And the same goes for him.

Yep finding a balance is what you have to do but he has to realize that too.

yep finding a balance is what you have to do but he has to realize that too.

See the only thing that bothers me is back in June for a couple of weeks we got caught up in our own lives.. Well lets say he did, and we had made plans for my birthday and nothing and didn't even wish me a happy birthday. A week after that he called, and I didn't say anything. So well now its his birthday tomorrow do I blow it off like he did, or casually wish him a happy birthday?

Yes,I would certainly say something.It need not be an accusation,just a casual reminder that you thought you were going to hook up on Saturday.
Suppose you had refrained from making other plans and then you just ended up doing nothing,that would be unfair.

Regarding the Birthday,I would ask him to stop over,maybe a nice home cooked meal and a much needed chat(?) would be nice.

I am 55 so I don't think his age has anything to do with his inconsideration. Maybe being out of the loop for so long does.

Sure, you have the "right" to say anything you want! I'm not sure what you're actually asking but if I'm following your thread correctly I get the impression that this guy calls/texts/e-mails you that he wants to get together but then never follows through with any concrete plans. Keep in mind that, as you yourself said, he works long hours and isn't in the best of health. In fact, working 65 hours a week sounds like way too many hours for someone with a history of 3 heart attacks in my opinion. However, if my assessment of the situation is basically right, my suggestion to you is that, rather than being confrontational, give him a little "nudge". When he says that he "wants to get together", if he doesn't take it any farther than that, invite him over for a cup of coffee or suggest meeting at a local diner or something. That shouldn't be too hard with you only living 5 minutes apart.

Just an update, haven't heard from him in over a week, well lets say he text me a week ago last Friday, saying he needs a break from working so much and is so stressed out... said nothing about meeting up. Last week went and nothing again. So finally I got my nerve to text him yesterday and said to him that every time when we try to get close to do something, always something happens, and I guess I have a better chance of seeing God, lol. I told him that half the summer is gone.. nothing till today, and saying oh I am trying to get some work done since its not raining. I didn't answer his text today, because nothing is working now, I figuered he doesn't care. Just don't understand and guess I will never understand, when just three weeks ago, he writes me an email, can I see you again. I guess I should write this one off.

It does appear that he has lost interest and you certainly do not want to grovel at his feet.

I agree,you should just write this one off.

Maybe he would be cool as a casual friend but I think anything more than that sounds unlikely.

Here is a link to a cool organization for just hooking up with like minded people.You have nothing to lose and may actually like it.
About Meetup - Meetup.com (http://www.meetup.com/about/)

It does appear that he has lost interest and you certainly do not want to grovel at his feet.

I agree,you should just write this one off.

Maybe he would be cool as a casual friend but I think anything more than that sounds unlikely.

Here is a link to a cool organization for just hooking up with like minded people.You have nothing to lose and may actually like it.
About Meetup - Meetup.com (http://www.meetup.com/about/)

Thanks Artlady for the info...

Yes, it time for you to move on because for whatever reasons he isn't making an effort to see you. He could be scare or plain playing games but your time doesn't have to be waste because of it. You venture and venture and give him chance after chance and that is all you can do.

Update, I hadn'[t heard from him for two weeks, and then all of a sudden he called me on a couple of nights ago, and we talked for about two hours. Great conversation, and at the end I got my nerve and said to him just before we hung up, well if your bored this weekend and you want to do something, give me a call. He said sure, I see what' s going on. He said how about I call you tomorrow night, which was last night, and now nothing again.. WEll I consider him a friend, but I can't understand why he calls and is as sweet as can be, and then doesn't follow through. You can get some insight on my thread if you read it through, any answers...

Ok, some of you know a little about my situation. Went out with this guy from school about three times in the spring, last date, mid May. Both have same scenario, our ederly mom's with us living. We are both in our 50's. Calls me all the time, like three times a week, sweet as can be. Been divorced for 20 yrs. Lives next town over, real close, but I never see him. He said he hates coming home to his house now. He use to work a lot of hours in overtime, not the past few weeks. He has time for fishing, he says that's his getaway from the stress of his work and his mom. I said to him last week, I can understand that, that's why maybe go for a walk or ice cream during the week. Says he has no problem, but we haven't seen each other in three months. As I said calls me all the time, and its not lilke he has another girl. Why does he call me, and then not do anything? I don't need phone buddies. I don't need phone buddies have friends.. DO I not answer the phone anymore when he calls or just tell him I don't lilke the situation?

Tell him that you don't like the situation first. Then if the situation doesn't change, resort to not answering the phone.

Some of you might be familiar with my situation. We are both in our middle fifties. I dated a guy from grammar school, since March, here and there maybe about five times since March. He worked a lot of hours at his job and takes care of his elderly mom, like me, we both have the same situation. We kept in contact quite often, only the next town over always seemed to catch up on things. Well the last time I saw him was late September, he called up until a few weeks ago. The texts were getting kind of scare, I didn't hear from him much. Thought he was just busy, and was just fine with that. Ok, yesterday he text me in the am and told me he would call me today which he did. Caught up on small talk and he proceeds to tell me that his ex-girlfriend has been calling him and wants to go back with him. In one hand he says I don't even have time for a girlfriend. He told me has thought about it, because they always got along well, but they would only fight about his mom. (the ex-girlfriend), I told him I didn'[t know what to say. I was shocked but then wasn't because it wasn't really a relationship, it was always a friendship more so, because he was always working a lot. In the next hand he told she kept on calling him and he told her he would talk to her. (ex girlfriend) . I just said from my experience you can never go back, he said well it depends what you broke off for. I said well that's just me, everyone if different. I cut the conversation kind of short after that, and said well I will let you go. He said well when I get my computer up and running I will email you. I didn't say a word, Just bye.. But what I wanted to say to him I didn't. So a few minutes after that, I text him and said to him (well it would have been nice to have seen you more, but that didn't happen... I respect him for being honest with me, but I felt I did wrong but sending that text.. was I wrong? (instead of saying it to him on the phone.. ) Can people really go back?

I need some input on what anyone thinks?

Threads merged, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread so that we can follow your story and give you appropriate advice.

Too much drama for someone your age.

If he can't figure out what he wants, then leave him alone. It doesn't matter if he goes back or not.

If he doesn't feel the same way about you, then find someone else who does.

You don't have to start each post with 'you may be familiar with my situation'. Your posts are right here and we can up date if we want to answer.

This guy is too wishy washy, doesn't know what he wants, so just leave it alone. A relationship with him will go nowhere.

Tick

I hadn't invested a lot in it tickle, because we are both going through a lot with our ederly moms taking care of them. It was just nice to have some time to spend with the opposite sex for a change instead of girlfriends. I am not extremely hurt, just dissapointed, we always had fun when we did get to see each other. It always make you second guess yourself, which I shouldn't do. Did I do something wrong?

No I don't think you did it was probably just not the right guy. Sometimes things don't work out and we have to move on.
Don't blame yourself -let it go.

Thanks Amicon, I know it wasn't me, he has to figure this one out on his own. If he does try to contact me, I don't know if I even would want to talk to him, even though he was honest with me.

I hadn't invested alot in it tickle, because we are both going through alot with our ederly moms taking care of them. It was just nice to have some time to spend with the opposite sex for a change instead of girlfriends. I am not extremely hurt, just dissapointed, we always had fun when we did get to see each other. It always make you second guess yourself, which I shouldn't do. Did I do something wrong?

You have to start trusting in your judgment, your gut feeling, and in this case that is what you were doing. No, you didn't do anything wrong and stop thinking that you did.:D

Tick

Thanks tickle for the advice!

Threads merged


Wish I could merge my threads from before but don't know how, sorry. Dating every so often with same gentlemen from grammar school, not a lot, like every couple of months I would see him. I took it as a friendship, all along, he had thought about christmas time going back to his ex girlfriend. Believe me, me seeing him once in awhile was strictly platonic. He would call like a lot in two weeks, then I wouldn't hear from him. We both are in the same situation caring for our ederley mom's. Well, last Saturday he called and told me he has had it with his ex-girlfriend, tired of the head games. I told him it was his decision what he wanted to do. He said he was too old for this. They were on again and then off. Well, we had a three hour conversation, and said since day one he has always felt bad, he never gave us a chance, because he always liked me, and enjoyed being with me. But, he said many times he wanted to call and would get burnt out with an argument with his mom and took everything out of him. I understand that, because both of our mom's are in the mid 80's. He said he might be available, would you ever want a boyfriend. I said I hadn't even thougt about it, I have a lot going on. The next day he calls and he wanted to go for a walk, and then we went back to his house and had something to eat, and he was sweet as always, this time I thought well maybe it will go somewhere. His mom loves me and hates the so called ex girlfriend of his. We text during the week small talk and I called him yesterday, and left message to see how he was doing after he went to the doctors. Right now, he is on disability with his job, the past couple of weeks. I didn't get a call back, and its Memorial Day weekend, do I assume he went back to her. I have always just maintained my dignity and never chased. Do I just let it go, and if he calls again, not answer?

You don't know for sure why he hasn't called, so don't jump to any conclusion just yet. There could be an emergency or maybe he's sick or something.

You've left him a message, so now the ball is in his court. Just try to be patient a little longer... he may call and have a perfectly legitimate explanation.

Thanks for the advice, Devorameira. I will do just that. I guess I am jumping too conlcusions, too fast.

Had to spread the rep, but Devorameira, is right, for now just be patient.

Thank you Tal, I will do just that!

Well, he did call last week, and I was patient. He explained to me he had to get away and went boating with his guy friends fishing. We chatted for quite awhile, and told me he was probably putting his boat in this weekend. Well, I called him the other night, and left message to see what's going on. He didn't return my phone call. I have been patient, but I think maybe he went back to his ex girlfriend, but don't know for sure, if he did though. I know I don't want to play seconds. It just seems to me as sweet as he is and kind when we do see each other, it's not consistent enough for me. Yes, I so much enjoy his company, but seems to me he has time for others more than me. Maybe I am just analyzing too much, don't know, but maybe I should just move on. Maybe, I am way too patient.

Time goes by and you still are unsure as to where you truly stand in his life? I say risk it and talk to him! Tell him EXACTLY how you feel. I think that enough has happened that it is OK to do so! You never know what might happen in the future... with greater risk come greater rewards!

Worse case scenario: He does like you only as a friend in which case, you will KNOW! I'm sorry if I sound too bold but that is how I do it! And even though I put myself out there for a possible heartbreak, I also put myself out there for a possible love.

And love is patient, but in my opinion, you have been patient enough ;) It doesn't have to seem like you are chasing him! It is a matter of what you want and how you feel! Stop hiding it! And by the way, I don't think age matters, certain interest change as we grow older, but we all want to love and be loved. Don't restrict yourself... don't be afraid of rejection!

Hope this was helpful... Take care

Thank you, Makimaki for your kind words. We shall see what happens in the future, if I happens, its fine, if not, then I know it's not meant to be. I didn't allow myself to get this close this time. Thanks, again!

I read through the whole thread to catch up,there is a theme running through this relationship.

It sounds very much like you are his sounding board,a kind of balance that he needs,however,not enough to make a commitment to you.

Time is passing,do you think its time to move on from a possible future romantic relationship with this man and except that you are friends.

People don't really change that much,it sounds like your stuck in a loop,time to mix it up and change the way you think about this man.

I agree totally with you Redhed, feel like his sounding board at times. He takes one step forward and then two steps back. His last conversation was wouldn't that be funny if we ever got back together. He said he might be available. But to me, actions speak louder than words. I haven't really thought about much more than friends, as I said it starts fine, but then doesn't go any further. His elderly mom told me the other day, she happen to answer the phone, and she always like me from childhood just be patient. I am too an extent, but, I am certainly not going to wait around. Actually, I am fine by myself not dating right now, because I too have to take care of my ederly mom. I guess its not fair, but I kind of putting my life on hold, to take care of her. But, its OK for now, and thanks for answering me.

Its important to make some space in your life for you,taking care of an elderly parent can take its toll,find time to enjoy other activities and to laugh.

Update everybody! Well he, has called me a lot over the past couple of weeks. I have been on vacation this week from school and we have been with each other the past four days, spent a lot of time with each other. But the so called girlfriend, sometimes ex, he told me makes him suffer for a few weeks and then texts him that she misses him. She plays a lot of head games, he said he can't do this anymore. He has been open and honest with me all along. But she text him last night again, after a couple of weeks, with the same story. I asked him what he is going to do. He said I am not answering it. I left it at that. I have left my wall up because I don't want to get hurt from anyone again. I am proceeding with caution. Do I let my wall down slowly and go with the flow and just enjoy each other's company as we are doing?

Do I let my wall down slowly and go with the flow and just enjoy each other's company as we are doing?

This is okay to do, sully, as long as it appears he doesn't have any backbone. I don't know if you want anyone like that because what does that mean for him and you if she ever drops him and he comes along with you ? Do you really want someone like that, who can't make a positive decision on anything. The ball is in your court now. Would you really be comfortable with a hanger-on, a shadow going along with your every whim because he doesn't feel right doing anything else?

Just my thoughts and in my own opinion.

Tick

I don't know Tickle, he says he isn't going back to her. He said it's been going on too long the head games over the past couple of years and he is too old for this. He told me he enjoys my company and likes me a lot. I don't bring up the so called girl unless he ever gets on the subject. But he explained to me on the weekend why we saw each other sporadically the last couple of years, and he just can't do it anymore. As I said I am not emtionally attached, for this reason, just proceeding with caution, Tickle.

Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner

Talaniman Rule- Stay away from any one that has an ex involved in their lives.

This is no joke and I don't care what he says, and being comfortable with someone and to keep doing it, IS emotionally involved. Be careful what you justify to yourself. Feelings don't replace facts. Sorry but I smell rebound, or a guy jumping to a better comfort zone, for company.

It could be that this man has short term memory problems, JMO

Oops looks like I fell off the page sorry, perhaps my short term memory is caput...

That's the exact reason why my wall is up, I keep it as a friendship. Been there, done it!

Update, well I haven't seen him since my vacation three weeks ago. We touch base and talked on the phone, But, the first part of this week I called him. He text me once Monday and I text him, twice this week and received no answer. That told me something. Whenever, I don't hear from him makes me think the so called ex-girlfriend is back in his life. I have decided to move on with my life, and actually not even answer his phone calls when he does call. I like consistency and never got that from him. To wishy washy for me. The only thing that bothers me is he said he wasn't going back to her, he had enough. Well, actions speak louder than words. He told me wouldn't that be funny, if you and I went back together after so many years. Actually, it was our both first date, very young, though. I did keep my wall up, and thank God I never gave him my heart and got that emotionally involved. Honesty, means a lot to me, but that never happened. I know in the near future he will try to call me once again. Do I just not answer the phone when he calls. Friend or no friend you don't do that to someone you known for so long...

Why is it okay for him not to text you back, but not okay for you not to text him back?? I do not understand, nor do I understand why you assume the reason he hasn't text you back is because of his g/f, or ex, or whatever.

Whatever the case is its about No Contact now as your thing and reasoning has taken on a very irrational flavor, and you assuming, and presuming, all with no facts save he hasn't been trying to contact you and that's all the facts you need.