Four years ago I had a little girl. I had only been dating her father for about seven weeks when I fell pregnant. He was the first man I had ever been truly attracted to and he treated me like I was the only girl in the world.

I was staying at home so whenever he stayed, which was often, my mum would be there.
When I found out I was pregnant my mum demanded to go to the scan with me and he was so hurt and angry. My mum was so delighted that I was having a baby and I was so stunned, but in the end I let my mum come and not him. He was so hurt. Things got worse and when I was three months pregnant and I txted him and told him I needed some time alone. He took it as me dumping him and seemed devastated. For afew weeks he tried all the time to get intouch, but I wasn't very nice to him, telling him I thought we were to different but I still wanted him there for the baby.

I don't know what I was doing or thinking at this time. When I was around five months I got intouch with him and told him I wanted him involved, that I always had, but he said it had to be all or nothing with him and that he couldn't trust me cause of the way I had been with him and he thought I planned to get pregnant and just used and made a fool of him.

To cut a long story short he saw the baby several times, it was mainly me going to his house with the baby and begging him to come round. I wasn't very well after having her, but he said he couldn't trust me and couldn't handle being a part time dad. Both our families got involved and so many horrible things got sayed by us all. He also demanded dna.

My daughter was only a few weeks old when he last saw her. He moved house and I never saw him again. The csa say he hasn't worked in years.

For four years I have regretted the way I was and how I treated him. Im always bursting into tears when my little girl does something which reminds me of him, she is so like him. I feel guilty all the time, because if it wasn't for me and what I done I know he would have stood by me and been a father to her. I can't forget and I've never looked at another man since, its always him I think of. I don't know how to get over this and was thinking of writing a letter but I only have his mums address, she also seen the baby but then stopped because he told her to.

I would be so grateful for any advice.. anything

First it has been four years, ( get over it) move on with your life, your crying and becoming upset is not helping your child and can make the child feel they have done something wrong or you blame them for this.

Next never even think about trying to use a child to get someone back, he hs made some choices not to visit.
( which would be visit the child not you)

So I would assume ( but bet not) you have gotten a child custody order and has ordered him to pay child support.

You have to move ahead with what is best for the child