ChrissyO39
Nov 3, 2009, 05:51 PM
I recently told my husband of 8 years that I no longer want to be around his mother.
We have 2 common children and he has a 13 year old from a previous marriage. His mother pretty much had free reign of his 13 year old and the bio mom was an addict.
When we first married, it was made clear to me that I could never be as good as a mother as his was and it was made VERY clear to me where I was to play a role in his daughters life. Pretty much how and when he and his mother deemed appropritate. I didn't buck it as she was his child and that was the system that they had.
The problem came when we had our own children. My mil assumed that she could maintain control over my children. I did not and will not allow it. MIL is PISSED and often manipulated my husband into yelling, cussing and fighting with me whenever she doesn't get her way (it usually has something to do with the control of my family, home life and the children).
She would often talk to him behind my back, often making false accusations (downright lies) and smile smugly as he would scream at me. It happened over and over again until I had enough. He assured me that he would get his mother to stop it. The problem is that she has not. She has merely sucked the 13 year old into her drama. She has tried to suck my 5 year old in and I out my foot down.
Here is the real problem. The 13 year old has adopted the same control tactics. She and her grandmother arefrequently on the phone "ing" about me. Grandma encourages her to spy on me and report to her so that they can discuss whatever is going one... and approach my husband with accusations... behind my back.
This is where it all ended for me.
I recently found a letter that the 13 year gave to her father trying to manipulate him into allowing her to spend the summer with a friend that lives in a permisive single parent household. She decided to try to use me as her "reason" why she should be allowed to.
She told him that she can't stand the thought of spending the summer with me (I am a stay at home mom) because she would be bored as she would have to stay in her room all summer to avoid me because I am supposedly mean to her. WHICH IS A COMPLETE LIE. If anything she and her grandmother have controlled my family for so long and I recently got tired of it and stand up to the 13 year old and my mother in law.
It was the last straw. I have overheard the grandmother saying manipulative things to my 5 year old in an effort to undermine me and alienate me from my own daughter.
I told my husband that I was done with her. That I no longer wanted to be around her (it has been 8 years of the same behaviors) and that if our children were to be around her that they would have to be SUPERVISED!
He is trying to blame me for it all. He is saying things to me that I am not able to forgive and that by setting boundaries I am just pushing people out of my life. He accuses me of not being able to "let the past go". It isn't one incident. It is multiple incidents or behaviors that are now trickling down to the children. I am through with dealing with her.
AM I so wrong??
We have 2 common children and he has a 13 year old from a previous marriage. His mother pretty much had free reign of his 13 year old and the bio mom was an addict.
When we first married, it was made clear to me that I could never be as good as a mother as his was and it was made VERY clear to me where I was to play a role in his daughters life. Pretty much how and when he and his mother deemed appropritate. I didn't buck it as she was his child and that was the system that they had.
The problem came when we had our own children. My mil assumed that she could maintain control over my children. I did not and will not allow it. MIL is PISSED and often manipulated my husband into yelling, cussing and fighting with me whenever she doesn't get her way (it usually has something to do with the control of my family, home life and the children).
She would often talk to him behind my back, often making false accusations (downright lies) and smile smugly as he would scream at me. It happened over and over again until I had enough. He assured me that he would get his mother to stop it. The problem is that she has not. She has merely sucked the 13 year old into her drama. She has tried to suck my 5 year old in and I out my foot down.
Here is the real problem. The 13 year old has adopted the same control tactics. She and her grandmother arefrequently on the phone "ing" about me. Grandma encourages her to spy on me and report to her so that they can discuss whatever is going one... and approach my husband with accusations... behind my back.
This is where it all ended for me.
I recently found a letter that the 13 year gave to her father trying to manipulate him into allowing her to spend the summer with a friend that lives in a permisive single parent household. She decided to try to use me as her "reason" why she should be allowed to.
She told him that she can't stand the thought of spending the summer with me (I am a stay at home mom) because she would be bored as she would have to stay in her room all summer to avoid me because I am supposedly mean to her. WHICH IS A COMPLETE LIE. If anything she and her grandmother have controlled my family for so long and I recently got tired of it and stand up to the 13 year old and my mother in law.
It was the last straw. I have overheard the grandmother saying manipulative things to my 5 year old in an effort to undermine me and alienate me from my own daughter.
I told my husband that I was done with her. That I no longer wanted to be around her (it has been 8 years of the same behaviors) and that if our children were to be around her that they would have to be SUPERVISED!
He is trying to blame me for it all. He is saying things to me that I am not able to forgive and that by setting boundaries I am just pushing people out of my life. He accuses me of not being able to "let the past go". It isn't one incident. It is multiple incidents or behaviors that are now trickling down to the children. I am through with dealing with her.
AM I so wrong??