Im due to get married in less than 3 weeks to a man I've been with for 4 years, we have 2 children together and he has also taken on my older 2, and really is a fantastic dad to them all.
The problem is, last year I found out he had been using a sex chat site, A lot, he formed one relationship in particular and even swapped numbers, he swears they never met although I'm not sure I believe him, I was heavily pregnant during this time.
I obviously went mad, threw him out etc etc but for whatever reason I took him back and said id try to forget, problem is I cant.
I don't trust him at all anymore, I love him and I want our family to stay together and I don't want anyone else but how do I get over this? Can he really stay faithfull and true now? Or is it a case of "leopard never changes its spots"?

Trust is hard to regain after it is lost but it is possible. At the same time sometimes it can never be regained. If you don't trust him, than I suggest you don't marry him. No trust means no relationship.

It's not impossible but you both have to work hard on this. Even if your partner haven't cheated on you, how could you trust he will never cheat you? You don't, so you accept this fact, you move on and you stop living in fear.

Trust is extremely hard to regain back, do you think he can do it?

Or will you let him?


My best advice: Hold off on the marriage and work on the trust issue. Communitation with each other, lots and lots of communication. If things still don't work out, maybe it's for the best if you leave, saving you time, money, divorce papers and more pain.

People change every day. I hope he has, and that you can forgive him.

First off and this will sound bad but its not really about what you want. This situation is more about what he wants. If he wants you then he will have to walk that hard mile to earn you back. The trust may never return and you may always feel cheated. I can't speak for your feelings. But as others have said this has to be settled BEFORE you walk down the aisle. Change happens by want or nessesity so nothing is impossible. You're the one who is going to have to gauge the situation on a daily basis and has to live with it regardless of the result.

Obviously put the marriage on hold first. Second, work on communication and trust, find out what exactly went wrong that made him want to seek out those sites. After you get your explanation, then you have to take some time to yourself to gather your thoughts and if it's worth continuing the relationship.

Can trust be regained, yes. It takes a long time, dedication and will power. I say that because it will cause a lot of fights, you will question EVERYTHING he says and does. Only you can know if it's worth it or not