helphelphelp77
Nov 2, 2009, 10:39 PM
My boyfriend and I became involved in a relationship about two years ago. We started as technically roommates, but we were friends for about six months before moving in. We fell in love right away, he wanted me to meet his parents. He expressed his feelings to me very clearly verbally, and actions. I came home one day to find a huge amount of gorgeous white flowers everywhere. We were both so happy to finally have each other. It looked like this was going to be the ONE for me.
The relationship soon became complicated by many different seemingly temp. issues. I lost my job, a few months into moving in(this was June 2008). He also was at a very pivotal part of his life, and trying to decide if he wanted to go back to school and what for etc. He is almost 29, I am almost 32. Things became very stressful time, and during this time, he started becoming verbally/emotionally abusive. He would get angry and say he doesn't love me, that I should move out. We began to argue constantly over nothing. I knew that he'd had family problems as a child, and I thought that the stress was initiating this reation in him. That as time passed, and he saw I would not abandon him, he would feel better about himself and calm down. Time passed and things got better, then worse, in one continuous cycle. I got a job, and he went back to school.
I did not know the details of the abusive relationship with his parents at the time. I only knew that his dad cheated on his mom, and they managed to work it out. Things have continued on in the cycle of abuse. Unfortunately, I lost my job again, partly because of the economy, and partly because I let the relationship effect my work performance. He always would say he is moving out, and would have a temper tantrum (usually late at night). We wouldn't be OK for days or weeks, during this time, I would be hardly sleeping etc.
I found out recently the details of the abuse, when he opened up to me one night. It sounds like a very horrible ordeal, and I wish I could help him. Now, all of the time, he is blatently saying that he doesn't love me, and never did. He is blaming me for a lot of things, saying I should move out. I can go back to my parents, but I hate to because of my age, but there I could start over. I would cut off communication with him after this, because I believe that would be the healthiest thing. I believe the relationship wouldn't contin. After that either way, because it's been determined that we couldn't "live together", even though that obviously wasn't the issue. I have spoken to great psychologists, and counselors. I believe the truth is, as everyone says, he does love me. He is trying to push me away for many reasons. I could be that he is afraid of me leaving, and wants the process to speed up, etc. I hate to leave him. I still love this person very much.
Also, I believe he will be worse off without me, and the emotional effect will be very bad. Although, when you have someone constantly telling you that they DON'T love you, and you were never that person for them, it becomes hard to believe. He needs extreme counseling, but he is a poor student right now. There are free places to go(based on income), but I am afraid with his distrust of strangers/new situations, he wouldn't follow through on going to a place for help, simply out of fear.
I don't know what to do? This is the only person I have ever truly loved. I would have done anything to help him, or to have things work out somehow. I know you can't "fix" people. I know that I am almost 32, and running out of time to meet someone/have children. I would be willing to wait, I certainly don't have to get married now, (getting married soon is not the issue). I know that this would need a lot of work before that could happen. I also know I can't waste my life on a relationship that may never go anywhere, and is very painful. It is just breaking my heart. I feel constantly in limbo. Every time I think I've made a decision, something will pull me back in, or push me away.
Please Help!!
Thank you
The relationship soon became complicated by many different seemingly temp. issues. I lost my job, a few months into moving in(this was June 2008). He also was at a very pivotal part of his life, and trying to decide if he wanted to go back to school and what for etc. He is almost 29, I am almost 32. Things became very stressful time, and during this time, he started becoming verbally/emotionally abusive. He would get angry and say he doesn't love me, that I should move out. We began to argue constantly over nothing. I knew that he'd had family problems as a child, and I thought that the stress was initiating this reation in him. That as time passed, and he saw I would not abandon him, he would feel better about himself and calm down. Time passed and things got better, then worse, in one continuous cycle. I got a job, and he went back to school.
I did not know the details of the abusive relationship with his parents at the time. I only knew that his dad cheated on his mom, and they managed to work it out. Things have continued on in the cycle of abuse. Unfortunately, I lost my job again, partly because of the economy, and partly because I let the relationship effect my work performance. He always would say he is moving out, and would have a temper tantrum (usually late at night). We wouldn't be OK for days or weeks, during this time, I would be hardly sleeping etc.
I found out recently the details of the abuse, when he opened up to me one night. It sounds like a very horrible ordeal, and I wish I could help him. Now, all of the time, he is blatently saying that he doesn't love me, and never did. He is blaming me for a lot of things, saying I should move out. I can go back to my parents, but I hate to because of my age, but there I could start over. I would cut off communication with him after this, because I believe that would be the healthiest thing. I believe the relationship wouldn't contin. After that either way, because it's been determined that we couldn't "live together", even though that obviously wasn't the issue. I have spoken to great psychologists, and counselors. I believe the truth is, as everyone says, he does love me. He is trying to push me away for many reasons. I could be that he is afraid of me leaving, and wants the process to speed up, etc. I hate to leave him. I still love this person very much.
Also, I believe he will be worse off without me, and the emotional effect will be very bad. Although, when you have someone constantly telling you that they DON'T love you, and you were never that person for them, it becomes hard to believe. He needs extreme counseling, but he is a poor student right now. There are free places to go(based on income), but I am afraid with his distrust of strangers/new situations, he wouldn't follow through on going to a place for help, simply out of fear.
I don't know what to do? This is the only person I have ever truly loved. I would have done anything to help him, or to have things work out somehow. I know you can't "fix" people. I know that I am almost 32, and running out of time to meet someone/have children. I would be willing to wait, I certainly don't have to get married now, (getting married soon is not the issue). I know that this would need a lot of work before that could happen. I also know I can't waste my life on a relationship that may never go anywhere, and is very painful. It is just breaking my heart. I feel constantly in limbo. Every time I think I've made a decision, something will pull me back in, or push me away.
Please Help!!
Thank you