Hi. I would just like some opinions on my situation. Just FYI... it's a long story. 1st let me say that my husband and I are both 35, have been married for 12 years and have 2 kids, 9 and 7.



Ok... it starts about 10 years ago. Our marriage wasn't good, we didn't get along and on the weekends I would go out with my friends and he would go out with his... both of us drinking of course. My best friend from high school (Andi) lived in a town about 25 minutes away---which is where we usually went to party. Her roommate was Mandi---my sister-in-law--Cary's best friend.



Let's fast forward to about two years ago... we were at a college football game---drinking all day and having a great time. Andi now lives in another state but had come in for vacation and was with us. After the game, we decided to go home to our town and go to a bar there so she (Andi) rode with another friend of mine (Leslie) and her boy friend. My husband, Cary (his sister) and I rode together. Well Andi kept calling my husband on the way home---I didn't think anything about it because she was drunk. When we got home, he dropped us off at Cary's car and we went up town to get more beer. Leslie and her boyfriend and Andi were parked in the alley behind our house so we pulled up behind them. My husband was on the deck sweeping... I didn't ask why or even think anything about it at the time. We go in and play cards for awhile then start walking to the bar. We were there for awhile when my husband tells me I should go talk to Andi 'cause she was talking about suicide... so I did, we went to the bathroom and then she was all better (I thought). Well a few minutes after we come out we can't find her... she had left so my husband takes off after her---he said later because he was afraid she would do something---I think the whole suicide talk was to get attention---but anyway, the rest of us left and when we got home we couldn't find Andi and my husband was in the kitchen and said he didn't know where she was either. (Turns out she was in bed) I don't remember exactly what brought it up but Leslie said that when Andi was calling my husband on the way home she was trying to talk him into leaving the house with the 3 of them to go out partying before his sister and I got back with more beer. She told him to come out the back door and they would be in the alley waiting for him... Then Cary tells me that at a float trip earlier that summer, someone saw him get out of Andi's tent at like 5a.m. Of course he denies that but he did admit that Andi was trying to get him to leave with them after the game that day. This whole time, she is upstairs passed out and the next morning she got up and left before anyone else was awake. I didn't talk to her for about a year then out of the blue she called and we kind of talked about what happened... that night was pretty blurry for both of us. I didn't ask her about calling him though... I should have I know! We hang out a little bit when she comes back to town but it is pretty awkward--for me anyway. Well a few weeks ago Cary told me (and evidently she told me this that one night too but I don't remember it at all) that Andi slept with my husband back when she lived in a town about 20 minutes away--which is where we both work and hang out sometimes (this is where the 2nd paragraph really comes in). Andi's roommate Mandi told Cary about it back then but Cary never said anything to me---she went to my husband and asked him. He had her convinced that he definently didn't sleep with Andi so she just figured Mandi was lying about it. Well I got Mandi's email address and asked her about it this weekend and she replied saying that Andi told her they did---she has no actual proof... she didn't see it or anything so now I don't know what to do with that information. Do I confront them about it or just let it go since it was 10 years ago and we really WEREN'T getting along at all----BUT in my book it's still considered cheating. I didn't go have sex with someone else just because we weren't getting along. IF it really did happen it was probably a 'drunken night' for both of them and it just happened but I don't think that is an excuse for it.


See... told you it was a long story and I hope it wasn't too confusing! :0) HA! Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope I get some replys back. I'm really confused about what to do...

Bac071,

This obviously bothers you. There really is no better way to start your healing till you start talking about it. So now you begin. Good for you. You will have some soul searching to do. I would want to know if this really was a "fluke"?? The drinking can be a terrible reason to cheat but at least it might be something to hang the "fluke" on. The world is full of people doing stupid things because they are drunk. But can you forgive the affair? It will be hard to forgive and let it rest. But you will need to know if it was a one time deal. Counseling is of course the standard answer but people in the "real" world very rarely get the counseling that they should. The drinking should also be curtailed. But again most people won't do that either. So you have to decide what you want?? Are you happy with your relationship or was/is the drinking a way of you to deal with your unhappiness?? Take a "pro and con" test. Write down all the reasons you want to stay in the relationship and the reasons you would want to be out of the relationship. Once you have taken that step, then you may be ready to take the next step. ---- Ace

I would definitely say something to him, but keep in mind that it was 10 years ago.